Author: Dany
Rated: PG-13 (for now)
Spoilers: So far none.
Summary: Some things can only be seen from a distance. Some people can only be loved, when they were hated first. D/H SLASH
Disclaimer: I do not claim or own the characters. I'm just borrowing them :)
Feedback: Sure, mail me/review and tell me what you think :)

Author's Note: Thanks a bunch for your reviews! Sorry it took me so long to put up another chapter but I'm having finals/exams at the moment and I find myself less and less inspired :( Anyway, have fun reading this chapter and please REVIEW =)

Thanks to Leonie for beta-reading and to Glory for inspiring me whenever we talk. =)


Part Three: Ashes Of The Future


Sometimes I think that fate plays tricks on us. But then again, I don't even believe in something like fate. To be honest, I'm not even sure what I believe in.

I know I believe in power. I believe in strength. I believe in myself. But shouldn't there be more to it? If this is all that life has to offer then it's not much. In fact, it's far from enough. I often wonder if I'm the only one feeling this way. If I'm the only one of us Slytherins, whose ambitions go much further than pleasing the Dark Lord. Am I the only one craving more than there is to crave, the only one who will not stop till he gets himself killed because of his need for knowledge? His need for feelings?

Yes, it seems so. But that is what makes me different from them, what makes me better than them. The ability to see people for real, to notice things no one else does, has been with me all my life and I'm using it for my advantage all the time. Which is not wrong, considering if I did not have this ability, I would've been killed a long time ago. That's also part of the reason why I trust no one other than myself.

So, people think I'm cold and heartless. They think I'm detached from everything that's going on around me, they believe I don't need, don't want anything. They believe that everytime they look into my eyes, they will be cold. And hard, yes, even controlled.

But beneath the surface, I'm human. I'm passionate. And I'm out of control like everyone else. No one knows of course, like it should be, but it's the truth. If you'd touch my skin you'd find it warm just like yours, and if you'd cut me I'd bleed like everyone else. That's the truth despite what people might say.

It's almost funny, but as I stare into these green flames in the Slytherin Common Room, I'm once again reminded that I'm indeed human.

I blink, because my vision has gotten blurry from all the staring, and slowly shift my gaze back to the book in my hands. It's leather bound, heavy and cold in my hands. My eyes narrow as I stare at the title of it.

Dark Potions and what they do to drive you mad is written on it in gold letters. I scowl at it. The title itself sounds promising and seems to be the right thing for me but just the thought from where – or better whom it came from gives me the creeps.

It may sound bizarre but the smell of Malfoy Manor – the smell of my father – is all over it and I can't do anything but deteste this book from the very beginning before I've even opened it. Ironic, isn't it? The letter that came with the book didn't do much to lift my spirits either. In fact, I'm still angry about it.

I sigh, trying to calm down because I know there's no use in getting upset. Lifting up my gaze, I stand up and drop the book with a thud, getting some wide-eyed looks from a few First Years'. I scowl at them because they are innocent and stupid. They're not strong enough to survive. Not yet anyway.

The person in the armchair next to me, Blaise Zabini, looks up abruptly. He raises his eyebrows slightly but I ignore him, bending to pick up the book. I'm in front of the fire now, so close, and stare at it before I open the book in the middle. I read the first two lines of the page before letting my hand glide over it.

In one swift moment I rip at least fifty pages out of the book and then throw them into the fire, watching as the green flames eat away on it, wrinkling the pages and turning them black, leaving nothing but ashes behind.

I throw the rest of the book into the fire and watch it burn and fade away from me. I watch as the smooth cover of it gets wrinkled and the gold letters slowly fade to an ugly brown. The book seems to be burning away for a very long time but in reality it only takes a minute for the fire to destroy it completely.

I notice the stares that I'm getting from everyone, but I pay no attention to it. Let them stare and wonder, I think, let them talk about my strange behaviour when I'm gone. I don't care anymore.

The smell of burnt paper reaches my nose and I inhale it deeply, closing my eyes, imagining it'd be someone else burning away right in front of me. But as I open my eyes again, I know that the time for my 'wish' to happen is still quite far away.

Finally, after watching the flames for a while, I turn to Blaise. Our eyes meet but our minds do not. Blaise does not understand, he does not need to. I turn away from him without a word ready to walk out of the Common Room and to wander the Dungeon corridors for yet another night.

Don't follow me is the only thing I tell him before leaving. Because that's the only thing he needs to know.