Newbie - Part 5
Disclaimer: Hasbro owns G.I. Joe. I don't. Please don't sue. I do own Cricket, however.
I want to thank everyone for their feedback. It really helps.
As I write this, Cartoon Network is taking G.I. Joe off its schedule next week. Write 'em a letter and see if we can't keep it on the air.
*****
Courtney looked up and counted the acoustic tiles in the ceiling for the thirty-second time that day. It mildly annoyed her that in those thirty-two times, she had come up with at least four different numbers.
Mmmmmm, Demerol.
She assumed that she kept fading in and out of consciousness. What seemed to actually happen, though was that she'd blink and suddenly it'd be dark out, or a nurse would be fixing her IV. That would have disconcerted the hell out of her if she'd been in a more legal state of mind.
Doc walked in and looked at her chart. "You awake?"
"Mmm hmm."
"How are you feeling? Any pain today?"
"Um..." She checked. "Yeah. Some. I'm pretty itchy, too."
"You must be having an allergic reaction to the Demerol. We'll fix it." He made a note on the chart. "Have you eaten anything today?"
"Not really. Oh, except the juice. That seemed okay."
"I need you to try to eat something more substantial than that. Okay?"
"Could you open the blinds?" Courtney asked. "It's awfully dark in here."
Doc went to the window and did as she asked. "Do you feel up to a visitor?" he asked.
"Is it my mother?"
"No."
"Is it someone trying to take my Demerol away?"
"No."
"Then by all means, bid them enter." She gave as theatric a flourish as she was capable.
"Keep talking like that and I'll lower your dosage." He went to the door, tapping her on the foot with his clipboard as he passed. "Feel better." He left. Courtney could hear him talking to someone on the other side.
Shana entered the room with a huge card signed by everyone at the base. Her arm was still in a sling. "Hey you!" she said. "How are you feeling?"
"Like a plane fell on me." She noticed Shana's arm. "What happened to you?"
"My plane fell on someone." She grinned.
"So YOU'RE the reason I know what my spleen tastes like."
"what DOES spleen taste like?"
"Gardenburger."
"Really?"
"No."
The kill switch on Courtney's IV gave a little beep. "Woo hoo!" she said, feebly, as she pushed the button that pumped pain medication into her bloodstream. "You have to get one of these," she told Shana. "This, right here, is my new favorite button."
"What's the beep for?"
"This thing's set so I can only medicate myself every fifteen minutes. Apparently Doc has this hangup about people dying of Demerol overdoses. Prig." She shifted in her bed, trying to make herself more comfortable. "So how'd we do?"
"We did fine. The Core's on its way to the desert to be dismantled. We got a lot of arrests. Destro took his ball and went home. Mae did real good, too."
"I taught her everything she knows."
"You've known her for less than a week. You were unconscious for most of it."
"I teach by example. Allow me to demonstrate." She pushed the call button.
A voice came over the speaker. "Yes?"
"Hi. This is Cover Girl."
"I know who this is. I'm at the desk outside your room."
"What do you want?"
"... you called me."
"Did I? Ah. I want you to pretend that you're a man I like."
"Um... okay."
"I like you."
"Er... thank you?"
"That's it." She thought for a minute, then pushed the call button again.
The speaker sighed. "Yes?"
"I'm also out of juice." She put the call button down and looked at Shana. "See what I just did? I TALKED to him. I told him how I felt. And did you see what happened?"
"He thanked you out of sheer confusion."
"And he offered to bring me juice."
"He didn't offer. You demanded juice."
"You have to read between the lines. Next, you can explain to me why a highly trained counter-intelligence expert who's rapidly hurtling towards thirty years old has a huge, purple stuffed bear on her bed named Mr. Growlingtons."
Just then, there was a tentative knock on the opened door. Mae was standing there, dressed in casual clothes except for the hospital scrub she was wearing in place of a shirt. "Hello?"
Shana looked up. "Hi!"
"Hi yourself. How are you feeling?"
"Oh, I'm fine. Doc says this'll heal in a few weeks."
Mae turned to Courtney. "You finally decided to wake up, I see. How are you doing?"
"Not so hot," she replied. "Every time I breathe my lungs feel like they're trying to have a baby."
"Maybe you should stop breathing, then," Mae said, smiling.
"I tried. Doc wouldn't let me."
"I swear to God, the lengths you go to attract attention to yourself astound me sometimes," said Shana. "'Oh, look at me. I'm all trapped under an F-14 and stuff.' Showoff."
Courtney affected an innocent look. "You wound me deeply." She smiled sleepily. "Oh, wait. You already did."
Mae shuffled painfully to a chair and gingerly sat down on the edge, taking care not to let her back touch it.
"So I'm in the motor pool this morning... First of all, how do you spend time in there day in and day out without losing your mind?" Mae asked.
"I'm not sure I haven't," replied Courtney. "The day you start feeling pride for being able to belch the alphabet the loudest is the day you start to doubt your sanity."
"So, I'm passing by, and Gung Ho runs out and tells me there's a race on. He asks if I can help out. They were short one. I figured, why not?"
"See, that was your first mistake."
"I realize that now. Because apparently I had volunteered for something called the UXPC."
"And that stands for..."
"The Ultimate Extreme Piggyback Challenge."
"Oh, they're good," said Courtney. "Why do they always come up with this shit when I'm not around?"
Shana started giggling. "What exactly makes it extreme piggyback?"
"Well, for starters, I was carrying Roadblock."
"Well, that's not..."
"With a skateboard strapped to each foot."
"Okay, I can..."
"And a fire extinguisher on my back."
Shana laughed. Loudly. "You lost, then?"
"Oh, yeah. Big time. As soon as Steeler shouted 'Go,' Roadblock heaved backward and sent me spinning into a bunch of RAMs."
"Sorry I missed it," said Shana.
Mae handed her a disc. "Breaker's been busy. This was within mike range, so apparently you can actually hear me screaming like Sport Goofy while I'm careening into the motorcycles." She rolled her eyes. "Then Doc was pissed at me for breaking my stitches. Threatened to make them twice as big this time."
"Hello? Horribly wounded person over here! Almost died! Pay attention to me!" Courtney was a notoriously bad patient.
They both turned to Courtney. "Didn't I just hear your beepy thing go off?" asked Shana.
"Did it?" Courtney pushed the button. "Oooooooooh, yeah."
She fell asleep shortly after.
*****
Shana went to look for a table while Mae got in the chow line. Shana needn't have gone ahead; Roadblock wasn't cooking that day, and the mess was relatively empty. Grabbing a tray, Mae went up to the counter. "So," she said to the man pulling lunchlady duty that day, "what do you have today?"
"Um, something brown."
"You can't be any more specific than that?"
"Look at it. You tell me." She did. It might have been meat. It might have been cake.
"All right, gimme some of that. What's the green thing?"
"Peas." He scooped some up and dumped it on her tray.
"Can I get two? I have someone waiting for me at a table."
He looked at the untouched piles of what could generously be described as food sitting behind the counter. "Yeah, I think I can spare some." He doubled up on brown stuff, as well.
"Thanks."
She walked out to the seating area, and looked around for Shana. She saw that she had sat down with Duke. For a moment, Mae thought about slipping out the door. This was partly because she thought maybe they'd like to eat alone, but mostly because despite the fact that Duke had never been anything other than friendly to her, she was absolutely terrified of being around him.
Although she was usually able to keep a lid on it during high-pressure situations, Mae had an almost pathological need to act like an idiot in front of her COs by saing something superhumanly stupid out of sheer anxiety, then escalating the matter until she was completely incapable of stopping herself from speaking; she was really trying not to indulge this so much recently. She always half suspected that her transfer to the Joes was not so much a result of her service record as an attempt by Col. Mendoza to get the goober who once knocked herself out saluting and who turned a morning report into a very stuttery a capella version of "We're an American Band" the hell off his base. She had yet to really shine in this respect at Joe headquarters (the whole "Star Blazers" thing notwithstanding), because she was new enough that she wasn't really talking to anyone yet. However, people were now starting to recognize her, and she realized that her borderline psychotic behavior was going to present itself anew as soon as Flint stopped in to look in on her when Doc was checking out her back after the battle. The pressure from the battle off, she began to babble about how tall he was, which soon gave way to a barely coherent dissertation on how many clones of herself would fit into his clothes before Doc had to excuse himself.
Too late. Shana had seen her and waved her over. She and Duke were talking about Courtney when Mae reached them.
"- telling me that her tongue tasted like wet dog. When she asked me if I wanted to see for myself, I realized the medicine was starting to kick in and I should let her sleep," Duke was saying. "Besides, she's even more ornery than usual. Giving me all kinds of shit over stuff."
"What stuff?" Mae asked, sitting down.
"Um, just stuff." He looked at Shana, who was too concerned with identifying the brown stuff to notice. "You know. Things."
"Ah."
"Actually, Cricket, I needed to run something by you," he said, changing the subject. "Hawk's let me know he's bringing in a new computer guy."
"What? Why?" Mae asked.
"Well, a lot of it has to do with the fact that he wants you reassigned to a permanent infantry position. Some of it has to do with the fact that you somehow managed to wipe out a lot of the personnel files while you were in the mainframe. Think he said the new kid's name was Parker." He got what looked like a small PDA out of his pocket as Mae groaned. "We can get the Pentagon to send over the originals, but we need new voice recognition files. Actually, Scarlett, while I have you, can I get you to re-record that?" He put a mike to her face.
"Sure." She took the mike. "The usual?" she asked.
"That's right. Look in the scanner." He held up the PDA-thing to her eye.
As a light flashed from the scanner into her pupil, she said, slowly and clearly, "O'Hara, Sergeant Shana Marie, clearance Alpha-Four-One-Zed-Bravo." It gave a whistle.
Duke clicked something on the scanner and wrote something down with a light pen. "Marie?"
Shana shrugged. "I'm Irish Catholic. I think it's actually a law."
He handed the mike to Mae as she was taking a huge swig of her soda. "Your turn."
The light flashed in her eyes. Fighting the urge to blink, she said, "MacDougal, Corporal Mary Catherine, Clearance Foxtrot-Niner-Three-Bravo-Delt-BRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAP." She flushed, and mumbled "Sorry." Duke's thingee whistled again.
"Geez," said Shana. "Let's hope you never have to access anything."
"So, to recap," said Duke, "In the occasion that you need to initiate a security override, you'll need to state your name, most of your clearance, then belch very, very loudly and apologize under your breath. Got all that?"
"... Yes."
"Stop tormenting her, Duke. Re-record that."
"I can't until my own VR file goes in, which won't happen until the Pentagon sends what we need. One shot. This is already on its way to Washington." He half-smiled at Mae sypathetically. "Sorry, kid."
"That's okay." She glared at the can of YoJoe Cola that she now realized was the personification of purest evil. Or would have been, had the can actually been a person. She began to indulge in one of her favorite pastimes, mentally coming up with a diatribe against that which had wronged her.
Stalin would have liked this soda.
Duke stabbed at his green stuff. "So how long does Doc have you sidelined for?"
Shana replied, "Ten days, then light duty for another couple of weeks after that. I was thinking of heading down to Atlanta for a few days."
YoJoe cola, the official carbonated beverage of the American Nazi Party since 1983.
"When would you be coming back?"
"Probably Sunday."
Duke was surprised. "You're not gonna miss Roadblock's throwdown, are you?"
YoJoe cola, never conclusively proven to cause total renal shutdown.
"When is it?" Shana asked.
"Saturday. Not tonight, but next Saturday."
"Sorry. I promised my dad I'd try to be home for my birthday. I hate to miss it, though."
The conversation halted abruptly when Mae said, "YoJoe cola, for all your acid reflux needs." She looked at them, and said, "I'm sorry, I don't know why I keep doing that."
"Oh, for God's sake," said Duke, rolling his eyes. "Here." He took her soda can, shook it vigorously with his thumb over the opening, drank what was left in one gulp and let fly with a decent belch of his own. "There. Really. No need to be so embarrassed all the time. I promise you, no -" he stopped short as his tongue finally relayed to his brain what the soda tasted like. "Jesus. Did this go bad?"
"No," said Shana, "it always tastes like that."
"Ugh. I think I'm sterile now."
Mae started to steer the conversation back to where Duke had left it. "When are you leaving?"
"I was thinking about heading out Wednesday." She looked at Duke. "If that's okay with you, of course."
It was patently obvious to anyone who cared to look that it was far from okay with Duke. It took about a half-second too long for him to answer. "No, of course. That's fine. Have a good trip."
If Shana noticed his reluctance, she didn't show it.
Mae decided, since Courtney was laid up and Allie was on duty, that it fell to her to send thought waves to Duke commanding him to tell Shana to stay. Duke, obstinately, ate his brown thing as if she was doing nothing.
Shana braved some of the brown stuff. "I think this might be pork."
"Like a pulled pork kind of thing?" asked Duke.
"Something like that. Only far less edible." She pushed he tray away. "I think I have Corn Pops in my fridge. I just can't bring myself to finish this. DUke, what are you up to today?"
"I'm meeting with Hawk in twenty, then I'm on until about 2300 hours. Do you wanna -" He noticed, in the corner of his eye, Mae giving him the hairy eyeball. "Do you know, and please don't take this the wrong way, that you might actually be the oddest person I've ever had under my command?"
Mae blushed. He was the CO, sure, but he had a way about him that put her at ease, and he probably had no idea how grateful that made her. "I'm cute, though. I fit in your pocket, and my nose has just the right number of freckles. I'm also working on my ability to send thought waves to command people to do my bidding."
"And how's that working out for you?"
"Apparently, not so well."
Duke chuckled. "Mendoza warned me about you."
Mae was surprised. She didn't think that Duke would have contacted her old CO directly. "What, um, what did he say, exactly?"
He grinned at her. "Nothing I haven't seen for myself firsthand. He liked you a lot."
"No, he didn't."
"No, really, he did."
"You know," said Mae, "there was another girl who looked a lot like me. Only she didn't hurt herself as often or break as much stuff. He might have been thinking of her."
"Was she the one who drew a mustache on her face in that prototype adhesive paint that didn't wash off for six days?"
"Uh, no. That was me."
"Then you're the one he was talking about." He ate some peas and made a face. "He was tough on you, but he said you had a good heart and you loved your country and if nothing else, you were entertaining as hell."
Shana said, "See Steeler over there?" Mae looked. "Before he got here, he accidentally drove a tank into the Pacific Ocean. Flash got busted on three separate occasions for using his laser rifle to make grilled cheese sandwiches. Hell, one time Duke took a jeep and -"
"Okay, she gets the idea."
Mae leaned in towards Shana. "You'll tell me later, right?"
"Oh, yeah."
Duke rolled his eyes. "ANYWAY," he said loudly, "There's barely a person here who had an unblemished record before joining the Joes. Stop waiting for someone to tell you there was a mistake and you shouldn't be here."
Mae gave Duke a half-grin. That was exactly what she'd been waiting for.
Shana got up. "I'm gonna head up. Duke, if I don't see you later, wanna do breakfast tomorrow morning?"
"If I'm up when you go. Sure."
Shana smiled. "Mae, I'll see you later?"
Mae nodded. "Four o'clock?"
"That's right. See you then." She left.
"What's at four?" Duke asked.
"We're heading into town. She wants to show me around. Maybe shop. Probably eat something." She played with her food. "So, um, speaking of going into town and shopping for things -"
Duke put his head in his hands. "Christ."
"Courtney was telling me -"
"Courtney talks way too much."
"- that you were going in the night before Cobra attacked. Did you ever get to go?"
He grunted. "No. I haven't had a night off all week."
"What were you gonna get her?"
"I'm - I wasn't sure." He took another bite of the peas. "Why the hell did I do that?"
"It's good for you. Makes you big and strong."
"I already am big and strong." He pushed the tray away, then absently pulled it back towards him.
Mae took a deep breath. "Duke, I realize I'm new here, and I also realize that there are implications with this sort of thing -"
"Then you realize why I have to let things lie."
"Have you ever talked to Hawk?"
"I don't need to."
"It couldn't hurt. It might help. And you could -"
Duke turned and looked Mae in the eye. Using his full-tilt CO voice, he said, "Cricket, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but you need to drop this. Now."
Mae swallowed. "Yes, sir."
He looked at his watch. "I have that meeting with Hawk." He got up and turned to leave.
Mae called after him. "Duke?"
He turned around. "Yeah?"
"Could you ask him something for me while you're there?"
"What?"
"Could you let him know there's this sergeant who's got it really bad for you and is it okay if you take her out sometime?"
Duke smiled despite himself. "You never give up, do you?"
She smiled back. "Not until I get the answer I want."
Duke shook his head and left.
Mae got down to plotting. She only had four days before Shana left, and a week until her birthday, which fell on Roadlock's salute to barbequed meat products. She had to get busy.
Disclaimer: Hasbro owns G.I. Joe. I don't. Please don't sue. I do own Cricket, however.
I want to thank everyone for their feedback. It really helps.
As I write this, Cartoon Network is taking G.I. Joe off its schedule next week. Write 'em a letter and see if we can't keep it on the air.
*****
Courtney looked up and counted the acoustic tiles in the ceiling for the thirty-second time that day. It mildly annoyed her that in those thirty-two times, she had come up with at least four different numbers.
Mmmmmm, Demerol.
She assumed that she kept fading in and out of consciousness. What seemed to actually happen, though was that she'd blink and suddenly it'd be dark out, or a nurse would be fixing her IV. That would have disconcerted the hell out of her if she'd been in a more legal state of mind.
Doc walked in and looked at her chart. "You awake?"
"Mmm hmm."
"How are you feeling? Any pain today?"
"Um..." She checked. "Yeah. Some. I'm pretty itchy, too."
"You must be having an allergic reaction to the Demerol. We'll fix it." He made a note on the chart. "Have you eaten anything today?"
"Not really. Oh, except the juice. That seemed okay."
"I need you to try to eat something more substantial than that. Okay?"
"Could you open the blinds?" Courtney asked. "It's awfully dark in here."
Doc went to the window and did as she asked. "Do you feel up to a visitor?" he asked.
"Is it my mother?"
"No."
"Is it someone trying to take my Demerol away?"
"No."
"Then by all means, bid them enter." She gave as theatric a flourish as she was capable.
"Keep talking like that and I'll lower your dosage." He went to the door, tapping her on the foot with his clipboard as he passed. "Feel better." He left. Courtney could hear him talking to someone on the other side.
Shana entered the room with a huge card signed by everyone at the base. Her arm was still in a sling. "Hey you!" she said. "How are you feeling?"
"Like a plane fell on me." She noticed Shana's arm. "What happened to you?"
"My plane fell on someone." She grinned.
"So YOU'RE the reason I know what my spleen tastes like."
"what DOES spleen taste like?"
"Gardenburger."
"Really?"
"No."
The kill switch on Courtney's IV gave a little beep. "Woo hoo!" she said, feebly, as she pushed the button that pumped pain medication into her bloodstream. "You have to get one of these," she told Shana. "This, right here, is my new favorite button."
"What's the beep for?"
"This thing's set so I can only medicate myself every fifteen minutes. Apparently Doc has this hangup about people dying of Demerol overdoses. Prig." She shifted in her bed, trying to make herself more comfortable. "So how'd we do?"
"We did fine. The Core's on its way to the desert to be dismantled. We got a lot of arrests. Destro took his ball and went home. Mae did real good, too."
"I taught her everything she knows."
"You've known her for less than a week. You were unconscious for most of it."
"I teach by example. Allow me to demonstrate." She pushed the call button.
A voice came over the speaker. "Yes?"
"Hi. This is Cover Girl."
"I know who this is. I'm at the desk outside your room."
"What do you want?"
"... you called me."
"Did I? Ah. I want you to pretend that you're a man I like."
"Um... okay."
"I like you."
"Er... thank you?"
"That's it." She thought for a minute, then pushed the call button again.
The speaker sighed. "Yes?"
"I'm also out of juice." She put the call button down and looked at Shana. "See what I just did? I TALKED to him. I told him how I felt. And did you see what happened?"
"He thanked you out of sheer confusion."
"And he offered to bring me juice."
"He didn't offer. You demanded juice."
"You have to read between the lines. Next, you can explain to me why a highly trained counter-intelligence expert who's rapidly hurtling towards thirty years old has a huge, purple stuffed bear on her bed named Mr. Growlingtons."
Just then, there was a tentative knock on the opened door. Mae was standing there, dressed in casual clothes except for the hospital scrub she was wearing in place of a shirt. "Hello?"
Shana looked up. "Hi!"
"Hi yourself. How are you feeling?"
"Oh, I'm fine. Doc says this'll heal in a few weeks."
Mae turned to Courtney. "You finally decided to wake up, I see. How are you doing?"
"Not so hot," she replied. "Every time I breathe my lungs feel like they're trying to have a baby."
"Maybe you should stop breathing, then," Mae said, smiling.
"I tried. Doc wouldn't let me."
"I swear to God, the lengths you go to attract attention to yourself astound me sometimes," said Shana. "'Oh, look at me. I'm all trapped under an F-14 and stuff.' Showoff."
Courtney affected an innocent look. "You wound me deeply." She smiled sleepily. "Oh, wait. You already did."
Mae shuffled painfully to a chair and gingerly sat down on the edge, taking care not to let her back touch it.
"So I'm in the motor pool this morning... First of all, how do you spend time in there day in and day out without losing your mind?" Mae asked.
"I'm not sure I haven't," replied Courtney. "The day you start feeling pride for being able to belch the alphabet the loudest is the day you start to doubt your sanity."
"So, I'm passing by, and Gung Ho runs out and tells me there's a race on. He asks if I can help out. They were short one. I figured, why not?"
"See, that was your first mistake."
"I realize that now. Because apparently I had volunteered for something called the UXPC."
"And that stands for..."
"The Ultimate Extreme Piggyback Challenge."
"Oh, they're good," said Courtney. "Why do they always come up with this shit when I'm not around?"
Shana started giggling. "What exactly makes it extreme piggyback?"
"Well, for starters, I was carrying Roadblock."
"Well, that's not..."
"With a skateboard strapped to each foot."
"Okay, I can..."
"And a fire extinguisher on my back."
Shana laughed. Loudly. "You lost, then?"
"Oh, yeah. Big time. As soon as Steeler shouted 'Go,' Roadblock heaved backward and sent me spinning into a bunch of RAMs."
"Sorry I missed it," said Shana.
Mae handed her a disc. "Breaker's been busy. This was within mike range, so apparently you can actually hear me screaming like Sport Goofy while I'm careening into the motorcycles." She rolled her eyes. "Then Doc was pissed at me for breaking my stitches. Threatened to make them twice as big this time."
"Hello? Horribly wounded person over here! Almost died! Pay attention to me!" Courtney was a notoriously bad patient.
They both turned to Courtney. "Didn't I just hear your beepy thing go off?" asked Shana.
"Did it?" Courtney pushed the button. "Oooooooooh, yeah."
She fell asleep shortly after.
*****
Shana went to look for a table while Mae got in the chow line. Shana needn't have gone ahead; Roadblock wasn't cooking that day, and the mess was relatively empty. Grabbing a tray, Mae went up to the counter. "So," she said to the man pulling lunchlady duty that day, "what do you have today?"
"Um, something brown."
"You can't be any more specific than that?"
"Look at it. You tell me." She did. It might have been meat. It might have been cake.
"All right, gimme some of that. What's the green thing?"
"Peas." He scooped some up and dumped it on her tray.
"Can I get two? I have someone waiting for me at a table."
He looked at the untouched piles of what could generously be described as food sitting behind the counter. "Yeah, I think I can spare some." He doubled up on brown stuff, as well.
"Thanks."
She walked out to the seating area, and looked around for Shana. She saw that she had sat down with Duke. For a moment, Mae thought about slipping out the door. This was partly because she thought maybe they'd like to eat alone, but mostly because despite the fact that Duke had never been anything other than friendly to her, she was absolutely terrified of being around him.
Although she was usually able to keep a lid on it during high-pressure situations, Mae had an almost pathological need to act like an idiot in front of her COs by saing something superhumanly stupid out of sheer anxiety, then escalating the matter until she was completely incapable of stopping herself from speaking; she was really trying not to indulge this so much recently. She always half suspected that her transfer to the Joes was not so much a result of her service record as an attempt by Col. Mendoza to get the goober who once knocked herself out saluting and who turned a morning report into a very stuttery a capella version of "We're an American Band" the hell off his base. She had yet to really shine in this respect at Joe headquarters (the whole "Star Blazers" thing notwithstanding), because she was new enough that she wasn't really talking to anyone yet. However, people were now starting to recognize her, and she realized that her borderline psychotic behavior was going to present itself anew as soon as Flint stopped in to look in on her when Doc was checking out her back after the battle. The pressure from the battle off, she began to babble about how tall he was, which soon gave way to a barely coherent dissertation on how many clones of herself would fit into his clothes before Doc had to excuse himself.
Too late. Shana had seen her and waved her over. She and Duke were talking about Courtney when Mae reached them.
"- telling me that her tongue tasted like wet dog. When she asked me if I wanted to see for myself, I realized the medicine was starting to kick in and I should let her sleep," Duke was saying. "Besides, she's even more ornery than usual. Giving me all kinds of shit over stuff."
"What stuff?" Mae asked, sitting down.
"Um, just stuff." He looked at Shana, who was too concerned with identifying the brown stuff to notice. "You know. Things."
"Ah."
"Actually, Cricket, I needed to run something by you," he said, changing the subject. "Hawk's let me know he's bringing in a new computer guy."
"What? Why?" Mae asked.
"Well, a lot of it has to do with the fact that he wants you reassigned to a permanent infantry position. Some of it has to do with the fact that you somehow managed to wipe out a lot of the personnel files while you were in the mainframe. Think he said the new kid's name was Parker." He got what looked like a small PDA out of his pocket as Mae groaned. "We can get the Pentagon to send over the originals, but we need new voice recognition files. Actually, Scarlett, while I have you, can I get you to re-record that?" He put a mike to her face.
"Sure." She took the mike. "The usual?" she asked.
"That's right. Look in the scanner." He held up the PDA-thing to her eye.
As a light flashed from the scanner into her pupil, she said, slowly and clearly, "O'Hara, Sergeant Shana Marie, clearance Alpha-Four-One-Zed-Bravo." It gave a whistle.
Duke clicked something on the scanner and wrote something down with a light pen. "Marie?"
Shana shrugged. "I'm Irish Catholic. I think it's actually a law."
He handed the mike to Mae as she was taking a huge swig of her soda. "Your turn."
The light flashed in her eyes. Fighting the urge to blink, she said, "MacDougal, Corporal Mary Catherine, Clearance Foxtrot-Niner-Three-Bravo-Delt-BRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAP." She flushed, and mumbled "Sorry." Duke's thingee whistled again.
"Geez," said Shana. "Let's hope you never have to access anything."
"So, to recap," said Duke, "In the occasion that you need to initiate a security override, you'll need to state your name, most of your clearance, then belch very, very loudly and apologize under your breath. Got all that?"
"... Yes."
"Stop tormenting her, Duke. Re-record that."
"I can't until my own VR file goes in, which won't happen until the Pentagon sends what we need. One shot. This is already on its way to Washington." He half-smiled at Mae sypathetically. "Sorry, kid."
"That's okay." She glared at the can of YoJoe Cola that she now realized was the personification of purest evil. Or would have been, had the can actually been a person. She began to indulge in one of her favorite pastimes, mentally coming up with a diatribe against that which had wronged her.
Stalin would have liked this soda.
Duke stabbed at his green stuff. "So how long does Doc have you sidelined for?"
Shana replied, "Ten days, then light duty for another couple of weeks after that. I was thinking of heading down to Atlanta for a few days."
YoJoe cola, the official carbonated beverage of the American Nazi Party since 1983.
"When would you be coming back?"
"Probably Sunday."
Duke was surprised. "You're not gonna miss Roadblock's throwdown, are you?"
YoJoe cola, never conclusively proven to cause total renal shutdown.
"When is it?" Shana asked.
"Saturday. Not tonight, but next Saturday."
"Sorry. I promised my dad I'd try to be home for my birthday. I hate to miss it, though."
The conversation halted abruptly when Mae said, "YoJoe cola, for all your acid reflux needs." She looked at them, and said, "I'm sorry, I don't know why I keep doing that."
"Oh, for God's sake," said Duke, rolling his eyes. "Here." He took her soda can, shook it vigorously with his thumb over the opening, drank what was left in one gulp and let fly with a decent belch of his own. "There. Really. No need to be so embarrassed all the time. I promise you, no -" he stopped short as his tongue finally relayed to his brain what the soda tasted like. "Jesus. Did this go bad?"
"No," said Shana, "it always tastes like that."
"Ugh. I think I'm sterile now."
Mae started to steer the conversation back to where Duke had left it. "When are you leaving?"
"I was thinking about heading out Wednesday." She looked at Duke. "If that's okay with you, of course."
It was patently obvious to anyone who cared to look that it was far from okay with Duke. It took about a half-second too long for him to answer. "No, of course. That's fine. Have a good trip."
If Shana noticed his reluctance, she didn't show it.
Mae decided, since Courtney was laid up and Allie was on duty, that it fell to her to send thought waves to Duke commanding him to tell Shana to stay. Duke, obstinately, ate his brown thing as if she was doing nothing.
Shana braved some of the brown stuff. "I think this might be pork."
"Like a pulled pork kind of thing?" asked Duke.
"Something like that. Only far less edible." She pushed he tray away. "I think I have Corn Pops in my fridge. I just can't bring myself to finish this. DUke, what are you up to today?"
"I'm meeting with Hawk in twenty, then I'm on until about 2300 hours. Do you wanna -" He noticed, in the corner of his eye, Mae giving him the hairy eyeball. "Do you know, and please don't take this the wrong way, that you might actually be the oddest person I've ever had under my command?"
Mae blushed. He was the CO, sure, but he had a way about him that put her at ease, and he probably had no idea how grateful that made her. "I'm cute, though. I fit in your pocket, and my nose has just the right number of freckles. I'm also working on my ability to send thought waves to command people to do my bidding."
"And how's that working out for you?"
"Apparently, not so well."
Duke chuckled. "Mendoza warned me about you."
Mae was surprised. She didn't think that Duke would have contacted her old CO directly. "What, um, what did he say, exactly?"
He grinned at her. "Nothing I haven't seen for myself firsthand. He liked you a lot."
"No, he didn't."
"No, really, he did."
"You know," said Mae, "there was another girl who looked a lot like me. Only she didn't hurt herself as often or break as much stuff. He might have been thinking of her."
"Was she the one who drew a mustache on her face in that prototype adhesive paint that didn't wash off for six days?"
"Uh, no. That was me."
"Then you're the one he was talking about." He ate some peas and made a face. "He was tough on you, but he said you had a good heart and you loved your country and if nothing else, you were entertaining as hell."
Shana said, "See Steeler over there?" Mae looked. "Before he got here, he accidentally drove a tank into the Pacific Ocean. Flash got busted on three separate occasions for using his laser rifle to make grilled cheese sandwiches. Hell, one time Duke took a jeep and -"
"Okay, she gets the idea."
Mae leaned in towards Shana. "You'll tell me later, right?"
"Oh, yeah."
Duke rolled his eyes. "ANYWAY," he said loudly, "There's barely a person here who had an unblemished record before joining the Joes. Stop waiting for someone to tell you there was a mistake and you shouldn't be here."
Mae gave Duke a half-grin. That was exactly what she'd been waiting for.
Shana got up. "I'm gonna head up. Duke, if I don't see you later, wanna do breakfast tomorrow morning?"
"If I'm up when you go. Sure."
Shana smiled. "Mae, I'll see you later?"
Mae nodded. "Four o'clock?"
"That's right. See you then." She left.
"What's at four?" Duke asked.
"We're heading into town. She wants to show me around. Maybe shop. Probably eat something." She played with her food. "So, um, speaking of going into town and shopping for things -"
Duke put his head in his hands. "Christ."
"Courtney was telling me -"
"Courtney talks way too much."
"- that you were going in the night before Cobra attacked. Did you ever get to go?"
He grunted. "No. I haven't had a night off all week."
"What were you gonna get her?"
"I'm - I wasn't sure." He took another bite of the peas. "Why the hell did I do that?"
"It's good for you. Makes you big and strong."
"I already am big and strong." He pushed the tray away, then absently pulled it back towards him.
Mae took a deep breath. "Duke, I realize I'm new here, and I also realize that there are implications with this sort of thing -"
"Then you realize why I have to let things lie."
"Have you ever talked to Hawk?"
"I don't need to."
"It couldn't hurt. It might help. And you could -"
Duke turned and looked Mae in the eye. Using his full-tilt CO voice, he said, "Cricket, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but you need to drop this. Now."
Mae swallowed. "Yes, sir."
He looked at his watch. "I have that meeting with Hawk." He got up and turned to leave.
Mae called after him. "Duke?"
He turned around. "Yeah?"
"Could you ask him something for me while you're there?"
"What?"
"Could you let him know there's this sergeant who's got it really bad for you and is it okay if you take her out sometime?"
Duke smiled despite himself. "You never give up, do you?"
She smiled back. "Not until I get the answer I want."
Duke shook his head and left.
Mae got down to plotting. She only had four days before Shana left, and a week until her birthday, which fell on Roadlock's salute to barbequed meat products. She had to get busy.