Chapter Four: Reunions and Revelations.
Peter: Okay, August only owns Captain Calidori and Tim. Calidori owns El Lobo Fuerte, Smike and Thom own themselves and are used with permission. So please don't sue her for use of POTC and its characters.
Dickie: There's some slash in this chapter, but no hot sex. …and I was so looking forward to it. *leers*
Peter: No means no, Dickie.
Dickie: But we're both so pretty!!
August: *pops in* Luca Brasi sleeps with the- I mean, uh, I took care of that..thing..I had to take care..of..yeah.
Dickie: so Leon took care of it, you mean.
August: well, I had to buy him a shitload of milk, so it's not like I did nothing. Eh. onwards, slashy muses! Onwards to the previouslys!!
Previously on AFTHOTWTB:
Bootstrap got new boots, Will and Elizabeth wanted to get married, Norrington got drunk again and then held hostage, Giselle got offended for no good reason, Wilkins got a bit trigger-happy and subsequently Norrington's hat got killed, leading Gillette to get crazy and grieving, Tim got freakishly strong, Jack Sparrow did not get mentioned, Calidori got shot, the plot got ER-ified, Smike got to slap the Commodore (…good lord, that sounds dirty) and all the Canonicals got thrown in the brig.
…ON WITH THE SHOW!!!
It was a decidedly awkward moment. The five of them stood staring at each other in a small cramped cell. Norrington, trained in etiquette and reader of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Aristocrats, initiated a conversation.
"You look well, Elizabeth," he said, inclining his head a bit.
"Thank you, Commodore," Elizabeth replied genially. Her boy toy glared.
"Hey, don't go getting any ideas, she's mine now!" said Will in a threatening voice.
"Will, don't be silly. He didn't mean anything by it."
"A threat, eh? I'm sure you're much more imposing without your absurd hat, Turner." Norrington sneered.
"I was about to say the same to you!" Will yelled. At this point, the argument stopped as Bootstrap hugged Will violently.
"William? My boy, it is you!!" he cried joyfully. And while everyone else stood about in confusion, father and son were reunited in an extremely sappy display. You know what? Just imagine that one scene from A Knight's Tale; you'll get the gist of it.
Having explained his situation to his son, Bootstrap turned to leer at Elizabeth.
"Bill Turner at your service, lass," ha said, kissing her hand. Norrington and Giselle rolled their eyes.
"Daaad! She's my fiancée!!" Will yelled. He does that a lot.
"Sorry, son. It's just been a while since I've had the pleasure of a woman's company."
"What about me?" Giselle demanded.
"I refuse to listen to this. Hey!" Norrington shouted at the nearest guard. He was a rather pudgy individual. "You there! I wish to speak with the captain."
"She's left orders, she's not to be disturbed," replied the guard.
"I know, I know. I need to check the wound for infection, you fool."
"Oh, well in that case," the guard complied. He unlocked the cell and led Norrington to the captain's quarters, humming a dramatic tune all the while. The guard, not Norrington. He'd never be caught humming anything of the sort.
Once inside the Commodore was greeted by an angry Lievtenant Thom.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"Good lord, is every officer on this ship an Amazon pirate?" said Norrington, pointing out the clichéd plot hole.
"Idiot," sneered Thom. "I'm not an Amazon; I've got both my breasts. Should have thought that was obvious." Which was true, since Lievtenant Thom was rather on the busty side. To put it nicely.
"You are without a doubt the crassest woman I have ever met, with the possible exception of your insane captain."
"Why thank you," said Thom.
"Who, by the way, I need to check up on. Her wound could be infected."
"Nooo." Her voice dripped with sarcasm.
"Do you have any leeches? That would help."
"No leeches, you bastard," said the captain, sitting up. "The Arabs may be damned infidels, but you English could stand to learn from their skills with medicine." She glared at nothing in particular.
"Yes, like when they-" Thom paused. "…when you lost your hand, they cauterized it so you wouldn't bleed to death."
"Lot of good that did me," Calidori muttered.
"Excuse me, might I just-" said Norrington, checking the bandage. Calidori shrieked and jerked away from his touch. "For God's sake woman, I am trying to help you!"
"Get away from me," said the captain in a quiet and dangerous voice. Before anyone came to blows, an angsty baritone voice drifted through the door.
"From the table…iiin the corner…they could see a world Rebo~orn! And They Rose, With VOI-"
"MR. PONTMERCY!" Calidori yelled, all medical paranoia forgotten. The pudgy guard peeked around the door. "If I ever hear you singing on while on duty again, I shall have you castrated!"
"She'll do it, too. Make no mistake." Thom said gravely. The guard vanished, making a squeaking noise.
Meanwhile in Port Royal, the mood was one of somber dignity as Lievtenant John Wilkins was court-martialed and dishonourably discharged for the accidental manslaughter of Commodore Norrington. Wilkins cursed himself under his breath, and his commanding officers did nothing to make him look less of a prat. Gillette had wanted Wilkins to be summarily shot, but Governor Swann thought that maybe that was a bit too excessive, and he understands you're upset, Lievtenant, but Norrington would want his first officer to buck up and carry on with dignity, and perhaps stop crying so loudly, Gillette. Wilkins was of course grateful that he wasn't marked for death, but in true Office Space tradition he stole something. And not in the 'I think we all stole a little something' way. No, Wilkins stole something else. As our ostracized friend left for Kingston on the next ferry, Gillette was having a meeting in his new office. It wasn't Norrington's old office, because Gillette wasn't able to be in the room without bawling like an infant. However, his promotion to captain was helping him cope.
"Alexandre-"
"You'll address me as Captain now, Lievtenant Pearce," Gillette said numbly.
"Sorry, sir," replied Pearce, glowering at the desk in an apparent attempt to set it on fire with laser death vision. "I was just going to ask if you were certain about this plan."
"Lievtenant, I am perfectly certain. The Alecto is arriving from the shipyard in Antigua in two days time, and I shall use her to hunt down the pirates we met earlier. Is that clear?"
"Perfectly, sir." Pearce was still glowering, but Gillette didn't notice at all. "I merely wondered if you'd prefer to stay in Port Royal; I'd be honored to take Alecto out looking for the pirates."
"No, Lievtenant. You'll be my first officer aboard the Alecto, and Captain Boone will temporarily take over my duties on the Dauntless and command the fort."
"As you wish, sir," said Pearce. And not like in The Princess Bride. Gillette waved his hand in dismissal and had the fortitude to wait until he heard the door close before he started crying again.
Gillette did not weep noisily; he was adept at masking his emotions, which caused some of the younger officers to view him as snide and ill-tempered. He would have loved to handle the occasion with decorum, or at the very least take it out on his underlings. But no; this loss, this pain was too much. And so he wept, silent and staring wide-eyed into space as his body shook with sobs. A knock at the door brought this display to an abrupt end. Gillette composed himself and though he looked perhaps more pale than usual, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.
"Sir, I've a message from Captain Boone. He's just been down to the stables, and it seems there's been a disturbance." The young officer looked terrified, perhaps more an instinctive reaction to intruding.
"Fletcher, you may go back to the stables and tell Captain Boone that another shipment of grain will be arriving in two day's time, and there is no need for him to panic." Gillette sighed. His voice carried none of its usual snark.
"No sir, the Captain thinks one of the horses has been stolen. None of the stable hands can find Achilles, or any of his tack, sir. Captain Boone just thought you ought to be alterted, sir," young Fletcher flinched at the tic Gillette was developing by his left eye.
The new captain set his belongings in order and headed for the stables straightaway, the rage inside him threatening to spill over.
Meanwhile, El Lobo Fuerte was awash with anxiety. Her captain stared intently at the impromptu physician.
"Well," said Norrington, frowning.
"Madre de Dios," muttered Calidori, going pale.
"Oh, don't worry, there's no infection," the Commodore clarified. Calidori glared at him. "But I'll have you know that once we get back to Port Royal I shall have you and your crew hanged for piracy, so it wouldn't matter if the would were infected anyway."
"I'm afraid we're not going back to Port Royal, señor. I am not about to be hanged for crimes I did not commit. I, sir, am a privateer." She opened a drawer on her desk and produced an appropriate Letter of Marque.
"The hell you are!" Norrington yelled, losing his composure. "You've kidnapped not only myself, but the daughter of the governor of Jamaica!"
"And all in the glorious name of Spain," said Calidori, her eyes going all misty with patriotism. Lievtenant Thom snickered at Norrington, who looked as if he had just swallowed a live tuna.
"Listen, could you just take me back to Port Royal? I have urgent business to attend to!"
"And does this business pertain to having us hanged?" asked Thom, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, that too, but…" he adopted his usual authoritative tone. "Madam, I am currently hunting down the pirate Jack Sparrow, captain of the Black Pearl. The nature of this mission necessitates my command of the HMS Dauntless, which, as you know, is in Port Royal. Ergo-"
"Actually you're not currently doing anything of the sort," Calidori laughed, then paused and her eyes went wide. "Wait, did you say Jack Sparrow?"
"Yes, he escaped military custody not three days ago, and is now, I must assume, gaining ever more headway. The Pearl may be worse for wear, but it is still quite fast."
At this point the captain had developed what is known in contemporary circles at the Psychotic Eye Twitch™, the signature look of people who suddenly and unpleasantly realize they've just been royally screwed.
"And where-where do you suppose Jack Sparrow is headed, señor?" said Calidori through gritted teeth.
"Oh I daresay the young couple you have down in the brig would know more about it than I. They're his steadfast allies." Norrington said, his voice full of venom and sadness.
"Lievtenant," the captain began. "Tell Smike to prepare for a change of course. Make sure our guns are in top condition, and that we have plenty of ammunition. Once we set a course, we are not putting in to port at any cost, you hear me?"
"Aye, captain," Thom replied, grinning like a madwoman.
"PONTMERCY!" Calidori bellowed.
"Yes?" the guard squeaked, frightened out of his wits.
"Bring up the Miss Swann and young Mister Turner," she said in a silky voice. Her eyes glinted in anger. "I would like to have a chat with them about their choice of friends."
"What about the Commodore, Captain?" Mr. Pontmercy asked.
"Oh, let's keelhaul him, eh?" she said jovially. Norrington went white as a sheet. "Just kidding, amigo. No worries, eh? Just take him back to the brig, Pontmercy. And perhaps fetch another pitcher of water." She turned to address Norrington. "Impending slaughter always makes me terribly thirsty, you know."
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Author's note: haha, it is done! And for all you history buffs, I am indeed aware that HMS Alecto was a 19th century steam-powered warship. I just really liked the name. Regarding characterization: Lt. Pearce is the surly, power-hungry bitch, Captain Boone has yet to be seen but is essentially a good guy, Wilkins is loveable and crafty and self-abusive. And I'm hoping my Gillette isn't too OOC. (his name is Alexandre!) Mr. Pontmercy is here solely to be verbally abused, since I loff doing that to characters. I don't own him, either. ^_^. And Gillette has been made captain of the Dauntless, but he's taking command of the Alecto, which is mucho faster, in order to expedite the revenge pirate-killing. Just so you know.
And now for the review commentary! Yaaay! So please review, I'll say funny things to you and give you cookies and/or sexy boys.
Jehan's Muse: yes, Jailbait Jai. It is the spiffiest nickname. And he is adorable. Dude, you never elaborated on the Snuggly-Poo thing. (that is a great name, btw. You know, since Javert owns the rights to the use of Snookums.) Explain! Now!! …and no, I bludgeoned him to death in another fanfic, but here we can assume I had him gunned down in a tollbooth by Jean Reno.
Elske: No Dr. Gray, I had a teacher named Fels, and she looked just like Reese Witherspoon. Heh. Just wait until I bust out with the Lost Generation or the English Romantics. As you requested, here's more Gillette. He's angsty, go give him a hug.
Gambit Gurl Isis: yesh, the rants are some of my favorite parts. ..well, there wasn't much ranting in this chapter, sorry. But yeah, Giselle is totally Fleur, I thought that the first time I saw the movie. Ooh, HP pirates! Awesome! Crossover-tastic!! *imagines pirate Draco* ooohhh….nummy.
The Phantom Parisienne: Glad you like it! ..some of the plot just spontaneously jumps out of my head, some of it requires crazy amounts of research and pondering. Sorry I didn't finish this chapter sooner.
Daroga's Rainy Daae: ooh, you like the shooting! Awesome! Because that was really my first big attempt at writing action sequences, and I was worried about how the pacing and stuff would turn out. Thank you so much! I love you!!
Smike: suuup, girl? How are ya? (stupid question, I know you in RL.) Ronin rocks in the most rockikng awesome way. Car chases! DeNiro! Jean Reno! Sean freaking Bean! Car chases!
Kumagorou: see, I only took a year of Japanese in high school and I have no idea what 'porkbellies' is in that language. Yeah, not much of the slash in this chapter, either. The keyword for this fic is "Eventually." Wow, I'm your new best friend? Amazing. And Elizabeth…well, that's a secret. Let's just say it involves an Indiana Jones reference. ^_^.