A/n: Okay, well, this took me quite a while to update. Before I finished it, I had to go back to school and I've had a few friendship conflicts. Anyway, I really got into a different feel for this chapter so it's not gonna have the R/Hr stuff I wanted it to have. I will try to post the next chapter as soon as possible, and it WILL have a lot of fluff and a conflict I've wanted to put in since I started this fic. It emphasizes something I think is important. Anyway, I hope you guys like this!
Disclaimer: If I owned the Harry Potter franchise, I would only need to have Adam Brody to make my life complete...
Chapter 7: Don't Know Her
It had been a week since Harry had left the Burrow. Ron had noticed that Ginny had been rather quiet the whole time and he knew she must miss him very much. Hey, he and Hermione hadn't stopped talking about what he might be doing, stuck in a house, alone with the Muggles. Hermione bit her lip every time he mentioned Harry, and it was obvious to him that she was extremely worried about him.
He was beginning to dread talking about Harry. One morning at breakfast, he finally let it out. He and Hermione were sitting across from each other eating another huge breakfast Mrs. Weasley had prepared when she mentioned their best friend.
"It's really not fair," Hermione blurted out all of a sudden, letting her fork fall with a loud clank. Ron bit back a rude reply and instead raised an eyebrow. Hermione sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. "It must feel like he's in some sort of cage or something. Those people hate him, Ron! They're horrible to him. And he has no choice but to spend his free time surrounded by them. The way they treat him, honestly...not to mention that they're starving him!"
Ron mentally drowned her out, without meaning to. He was just tired of having endless conversations about Harry. It seemed like it was the only thing they ever talked about anymore was Harry. "Poor Harry" and "I wish Harry was here with us" and "I wonder what Harry's doing...all alone at Privet Drive..." Conversations like this were starting to drive him mad. It's not that he didn't care about his best friend. Of course he did. Harry was one of the most important people in his life. It was just that he was feeling like Hermione only put up with him because Harry did. With talks like this, there was no time to talk about their own lives.
There was no time to discuss their relationship.
"Ron!" He looked up to see Hermione glaring at him. She sighed disgustedly. "You weren't listening to me, were you? And you still ask why I get so upset with you..."
"Look, Hermione, will you stop assuming the worst? Damn..."
Hermione was still scowling. "So you're going to deny that you weren't listening to me?"
Ron ground his teeth together. "I was just thinking that...well, all you ever talk about is Harry!"
Hermione looked taken aback. "Ron, he's my best friend! I'm worried about him! Don't you understand? It's inevitable for me to worry about him! People want him dead! He's in danger."
Ron looked away. "You're in danger," he murmured. He met her gaze. "I'm in danger, too. But the only person you worry about is Harry. It's like you don't realize that your life is also on the line. You're blaming me for not caring when I care more than you! I have to worry about Harry being killed by this crazy evil bloke and you...you're Muggle-born! Don't you understand this war? It's not just about Harry. It's about people like you being persecuted because of what's in their blood. Voldemort is getting Death Eaters to go after Muggle-borns. You're so close to Harry, so you're really high up on they're list, and I don't want anything to happen to you. But you don't seem to know that you're in about as much danger as him!" He realized Hermione was staring at him with her mouth slightly open and what looked like guilt in her eyes. He shook his head. "I just hate it that whenever only the two of us are around we only talk about Harry. To me it seems like you wouldn't even put up with me if it wasn't for Harry."
Hermione was biting her lip and wringing her hands together. "Oh, Ron...I'm so sorry. I—you're right. You're right about everything." Then she shook her head and caught his eye. "Except for one thing. I do not 'put up' with you. See, you and Harry are two different people, and therefore you mean two different things to me." For some reason, her cheeks turned pink and she bit her lip again. Looking flustered, she tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "I do care about you. So don't ever think that if it weren't for Harry, we wouldn't be friends, because that's not true. It's just that you're right here. I can see that you're in one piece, that you're not hurt. But Harry is miles away and I have no way of knowing if anything is happening to him. I want you to know that I would go mad if anything happened to either of you. I just want to make sure that nothing will happen..." Her voice trailed off.
Ron nodded. "All right. I'm not going to promise that we won't get hurt but I—I'll promise to do everything to protect you and Harry."
"And yourself," Hermione added, never taking her eyes off him.
Ron hesitated before saying, "Yeah. And myself." He grinned at her and she smiled back. Just when he was feeling his ears growing hot, he heard a noise behind him. He whipped around to see Ginny bounding down the stairs with a smile on her face, something he hadn't seen since before Harry left.
"What are you so happy about?" he asked.
Ginny's grin widened as she said, "I'm going to Privet Drive."
"What?!" chorused Ron and Hermione.
Ginny giggled. "You two are cute when you do that. I said I'm going to Privet Drive. Harry told me the Dursleys are going out for a couple of hours today and he said I could come over."
"Oh, that's nice. I'm his best friend and he doesn't invite me over! What the hell are you two gonna go for a couple of hours?" Ron grumbled. Hermione cleared her throat and he looked over at her. "What?!" he asked impatiently. She gave him a pointed look. Ron rolled his eyes. "Half the time I don't understand you." He turned back to Ginny and saw that her cheeks were pink.
"Harry has ideas for some, er, activities we can do before I have to come back here," she said quietly. Ron's jaw dropped and he distinctly heard Hermione suppressing giggles behind him.
"Ugh...you two are sick...have fun," he said, smiling a little despite himself.
"Oh, I will," said Ginny, grinning at the two of them. "We will." She sniggered and said, "I'm just wondering whatever you two will do all alone. Maybe Harry has some suggestions for possible things to do to pass the time."
Ron was aware that his ears must be bright red. "We'll save you some lunch, Gin. I'm sure you'll be too busy to eat anything." Ginny sniggered. Ron's eyes widened. "Oh, eww...I wanted the rest of my breakfast, dammit! Thanks a lot...ugh..."
Ginny and Hermione were both laughing now. "All right, you two, I'll see you later...I hope you don't get too bored." She winked at Hermione and walked out the door.
Ron shook his head. "I'm gonna have to wash that girl's mouth with soap...if she could get it off Harry's mouth." He shuddered.
Hermione laughed. "Leave them alone already. Okay, well, what are we going to do today?" Ron's mind went blank. What exactly was she suggesting? She shook her head and said, "I'll just promise not to talk about Harry. Ginny's taking care of him today. Deal?"
Ron grinned. This was going to be one fun day. "Deal."
END POV
Harry gazed out the window with a rare smile playing on his lips. Ginny would be coming over today. He had managed to find out ahead of time when the Dursleys would be going out of town for a few hours and he had been able to tell Ginny. So she was due any minute. He felt somewhat bad that he hadn't insisted Hermione and Ron come too but...well, he and Ginny had things to do. He sniggered at the thought. He had become quite an expert in the art of snogging Ginny. Of course, he hadn't breathed a word about this to Ron; half the time his best friend looked slightly green, so he thought he'd spare him from the thought of his sisters having his best friend's tongue down her throat. So he had decided that he'd like to spend some time alone with Ginny.
The truth was, ever since Lupin and Moody escorted him back to Privet Drive, he had worried about the safety of his friends. He was almost sure he couldn't look them in the eye as of now. He didn't think they were quite aware of how much danger they were in. But he knew. How could he not know? Slowly, he was losing those closest to him, and he had a feeling that gradually, he might have nobody.
That is, if he made it through this alive.
He shuddered. Thoughts like that had invaded his mind ever since he found out about the prophecy. He had tried to push them out but they were always there, as a constant reminder that he would either have to perform murder or be murdered. Half the time, he couldn't help thinking that maybe it would be better if he was killed. After all, he couldn't find any other purpose in his life. He had always been "Famous Harry Potter," "The Boy Who Lived," and now he knew he was "The Boy Everyone Is Counting On To Save The World." So what if he did save the world? If he actually got it done...what then? He had no real dreams of doing anything as a profession. But maybe that was just because he didn't believe he would live to see the day of his graduation.
The doorbell ringing interrupted his thoughts. A grin crossed his face as he jumped up and bounded down the stairs. As soon as he opened the door, he caught a glimpse of Ginny's flushed face before she threw herself onto him. He had come to realize that he did not mind having Ginny attached to his mouth. He let her kiss him for a minute or so before pulling away. Ginny was slightly breathless. He grinned at her and said, "Come in." She returned the smile and stepped inside, shutting the door behind her.
"So," she said, with a mischievous glint in her eye. "Where's your room?"
Harry laughed. "I always wondered which Weasley child was most like Fred and George. Guess I found the naughty one at last." Ginny hit him on the arm playfully. He grabbed her hand and said, "Come on, I'll show you." He led her up the stairs to his room, the room that used to be Dudley's second bedroom. Harry thought of something. "I didn't ever tell you about his, huh? Wow..."
"What?" Ginny asked.
Harry shrugged. "Before I turned eleven, I used to sleep in a cupboard under the stairs."
Ginny gasped. "Oh, Harry, that's so cruel!"
"That's the Dursleys for you," he said with a shaky laugh. They reached his room. He waved a hand to the door. "Anyway, this is Dudley's second bedroom. They gave it to me 'cause they thought it would stop the letters from coming."
"Letters from Hogwarts?" Harry nodded. "Wow...I thought Muggles were a little dim but...not full out stupid! No offense, Harry."
Harry laughed. "None taken. Trust me." He opened the door. "Okay, make yourself at home." Ginny stepped inside and grinned when she saw Hedwig. She went to the owl's cage and poked her fingers through the bars to stroke Hedwig's feathers. "I haven't done much to this room...I just stuffed all of Dudley's crap in a closet." He pointed to a door at the far left corner of the room. "Don't open it," he warned with a smile. He crossed over to his bed and sat on the corner. "So what have you guys been up to since I left?"
Ginny shrugged and turned to look at him. "Ron and Hermione have been doing homework mostly, just 'cause Hermione forced my brother to do it and, well, you know he'll do anything for that girl." She smiled. "But they finished all their homework yesterday so today they have free time...and they're allll alooone."
Harry furrowed his eyebrows. He wasn't sure he liked the idea of Ron and Hermione together. He knew it was bound to happen sometime or another, but it was sort of sickening. They were his best friends. It was wrong to think of them doing anything more than hanging out. There was part of him that didn't want them together because he was afraid they would neglect him. Well, you're sort of leaving them out right now. But that was just because he didn't want to think about how it was all his fault that they were in so much danger...
"Harry, are you there?" He looked up to see Ginny standing in front of him, looking concerned.
"Sorry, I sorta spaced out for a second." He smiled. "But I'm back."
"Good...I missed you." Ginny's statement had been serious. Before he could say anything, she leaned down and kissed him deeply. He couldn't help thinking how much he missed this, even though he'd only had it for such a short amount of time. He loved being around Ginny. She just gave off this great aura. Not to mention that she was a great kisser. He let her slowly push him down until he was lying down with her on top of him. She pulled back and said, "You have no idea how much I've missed you. I can't get Ron and Hermione away from each other." She ran a hand through his hair. "It sucks being alone."
"You're not alone now," Harry whispered as he leaned up to catch her mouth with his. He marveled at how nice it felt to kiss Ginny. He actually liked it and he felt warmth seeping through him. With Cho it had just been weird. When he had told Ron that the kiss was wet, he was being honest, because he had felt nothing else when he kissed Cho. But with Ginny it was different. And he certainly liked it. Especially when she sort of nibbled on his bottom lip like she was doing now. She let her lips trail from his mouth to his chin and he felt a warm electricity flow through him as she slowly sucked on the skin of his chin. He brought her closer to him and kissed her neck. This was the only bliss he could find during such troubling times. She brought his face up to hers and kissed him deeply on the lips. He felt her pull back again and he opened his eyes. She was grinning at him in a way that was uncanny of Fred and George. He couldn't help but mentally snigger.
"Let's explore," she said.
Harry almost choked on his tongue. "W-what?!"
Ginny giggled. "Don't be sick-minded. I meant let's explore this house. I get the feeling you don't see much of it, besides your room, the living room, and the kitchen. Am I right?" Harry nodded. "Well...maybe there's something interesting in, say, your aunt's room."
Harry raised an eyebrow. That was certainly a thought. He had never actually seen the inside of his aunt and uncle's room the fourteen years he had lived in the house. But what interesting thing could he find in a room inhabited by people who didn't tolerate anything that was slightly out of the ordinary? And suddenly it hit him. What if Aunt Petunia had pictures or old possessions of his mother?
Ginny nodded. "I knew you'd think it was interesting." She jumped off him and took his hand. "C'mon...to your aunt and uncle's room!" She walked out the door and glanced down the hallway. "Okay, which one is it?" Harry pointed to the large door at the end of the corridor. Ginny led him forward and when they were in front of the door, she put her hand on the doorknob. She glanced at Harry and said, "What interesting things do you think they might have?" Harry shrugged. He didn't want to have high hopes of finding memories of his mother that he didn't have. Ginny opened the door and let go of his hand as they went to different sides of the room to rummage through the closets at either side.
Harry was glad to see that he was searching through Aunt Petunia's closet. There were tons of dull, pale colored dresses and ugly, pointy shoes, but nothing that caught his attention. He was about to close the door when he caught a glimpse of a small shelf at the top. He shoved a couple of unattractive crocodile skin purses out of the way and saw a thick, dust covered book towards the very back of the shelf. He stretched his hand and tired to reach it. His fingers could graze the spine but couldn't bring the book down. Strangely, he was reminded of reaching frantically for the Snitch.
"Gin," he called. "I found something." He pointed to the shelf. "It's a book. I think it might be a photo album."
Ginny tilted her head to the right. "Hmm...definitely sounds interesting." She grinned at Harry. "I'm a tiny bit taller than you, so if I stand on tip-toe, I'm pretty sure I'll reach it." She looked up at the shelf, raised herself onto the tips of her feet, and reached for the book. She struggled for a few seconds, and then came down holding the dusty book and sneezing. She rubbed her nose for a minute. Then she held out the book to Harry and said, "You were right. A photo album. Must be your aunt's."
Harry nodded and reached out to take it. For some reason, he noticed his hands were shaking. He realized this album might have pictures of his mother. And although he had seen some before, they were the only ones he had seen, and if there were some in this book, he was definitely looking forward to getting to know his mother in the only way he could.
He opened the album and found one thing written on the cover, in pretty, cursive handwriting much like Hermione's:
Lily.
On the tail of the 'y,' Harry noticed she had drawn a small flower. He smiled. Seeing this made him think about how young his mum really was when she was killed. She had her whole life ahead of her with the man she loved (well, that's what Harry hoped) and a new child. But it was ripped from her in one night.
Forcing these melancholy thoughts out of his head, he turned the page. It was full of pictures of a pink baby with a huge toothless grin. She had two strands of bright red hair on top of her otherwise bald head. Harry smiled as he touched every picture, feeling tears welling up in eyes. He blinked them away forcefully. "I like this one the best," he said, pointing to a picture where baby Lily had her arms stretched out and was wearing the biggest grin of all. He touched her hands. "They're so tiny," he whispered.
Ginny put an arm around him. "She was a beautiful baby," she said. "Just look at those eyes." She looked into Harry's own eyes. "They're just like yours." She was right. Harry found himself being stared back at by his eyes; large and emerald green. He noticed her eyes were slightly almond shaped and decided he agreed with Ginny. She was gorgeous.
The pictures on the next few pages were of when she was a toddler and a little girl. Harry noticed she was always smiling and that her freckled cheeks were always slightly pink. In one, she was be hugging a teddy bear to her cheek. In another, she was lying in a field of white daisies and lilies. In some, she was pursing her lips in a kissing way towards the camera. In one of his favorites, she was sitting on a broom and laughing. He suspected she was pretending to be a witch, since this was long before she would find out that she really was one. He saw Halloween pictures where she dressed up as a bunch of grapes, a bunny, and a princess. He and Ginny laughed when they saw one where she was dressed in black robes and had a huge black witch's hat perched on her head. He liked one where she was sitting on a white chair in a grassy yard, having a tea party with her bears and a disgruntled looking young Petunia. She wasn't looking at the camera, but at Lily with a scowl on her face. He loved one where Lily was wearing a long white dress and she had her back to the camera, her hands in the air. There were so many, he couldn't choose which he liked best.
Then he came to one page where she had glued a piece of aging parchment; her Hogwarts letter. Ginny breathed a "Wow" when she saw it; the parchment, despite the age, was still intact. What caught Harry's attention, though, was a loose letter folded into the edge of the page. He took it out and unfolded it. He almost dropped it in shock. It was a letter from Lily to Petunia. It was dated October 18, 1981.
13 days before she was killed.
With shaking hands he started to read the letter:
Dear Petunia,
I know we haven't always been on the best of terms, but I really wanted you to know a couple of things that have been on my mind. We've never really been civil to each other, and I've never been quite able to understand that. I hope you'll at least take the time to read this short letter, even if it is from me.
I must admit I was disappointed that you decided not to come to my wedding last year. Despite the fact that you never did anything to contact me, it was still disappointing. Petunia, it was my wedding! But I suppose you didn't want to let go of any old bitterness. I wish you would visit me one of these days; you could meet Harry and I could meet Dudley. Don't you want our kids to know their aunts? After all, we're their family.
I wasn't going to write this letter because I had a feeling you would just throw it away the minute you realized it was from me. I just wanted you to know that the Dark Lord of the wizarding world is persecuting my husband James and me. Right now, we are in hiding and I have no idea what will happen. All I know is that we are definitely in danger. I wanted you to keep my photo album because, if something might happen to me, I want you to have it. There are moving pictures in there; they were taken with a magical camera, so don't freak out.
What I wanted to say most of all to you, Petunia, is that I still think about you sometimes. I know we haven't always gotten along well, we've had our rows, and we've been ready to pull each other's hair out at times. I wish things would have worked out differently and we could have been closer. I'm sorry about all the trouble we've had in the past. Maybe you'll consider changing that in the future.
I hope Vernon and Dudley are well.
Love from your sister,
Lily
Harry couldn't help feeling shocked. His mother had tried to make amends with her sister...thirteen days before she was killed. He blinked to stop the burning feeling on the sides of his eyelids. He felt Ginny's hand on his back. "This is unbelievable...she apologized for all the trouble they had had through the years...and then he killed her." The last part of the statement came out choked and angry. He felt Ginny's arms embracing him. He buried his face in her shoulder and let her hold him. All he could do was think about everything he had just found. And he found that it hurt.
Because he didn't know his own mother.
END POV
That evening Harry lay facedown on his bed, his head buried in his pillow. Conflict after conflict. That's all his life was made up of. Just endless conflict. He could feel adrenaline coursing through him but he didn't notice it too much. Not compared to the empty feeling he had.
She was truly a stranger. That hurt. His mother was a complete stranger. He didn't know if she had had any pets, if she had ever worn braces, if she had ever been sick and had flowers brought to her bed. He didn't know if she had ever had any imaginary friends, if she had ever broken a bone, or if she had ever thrown a tantrum. He had no idea how she and his father had met or how they had come to have so many problems with each other at school. For that matter, he didn't know how they had reconciled and ended up getting married.
He just didn't know her.
And it hurt.
He felt a tear trickling down his face and didn't wipe it. He realized that he would give anything for a day with Lily, just to get to know her and have some memory of her. Because the only memory he did have was of pleading screams and cries of horror. He felt worse about not knowing his mother than his father because he actually knew some things about him. He had the Marauder's Map, James' invisibility cloak, he had even gotten to know two of his father's best friends. Even though one of them was gone, he had spent some time with him and they'd talked about James.
But what did he have of Lily's?
Only her eyes. He didn't know anyone who was close to her. He had no mementos of her besides this old photo album. He wasn't about to ask Aunt Petunia for some childhood stories of her sister.
Harry sat up and glanced at the album lying on the end of his bed. It was open to the page with Lily's Hogwarts letter and the letter she had written to Aunt Petunia. He suddenly remembered that she had mentioned wizarding photos in there. After reading the letter to Aunt Petunia, Harry had closed the book and busied himself (made extremely easy with Ginny there). But now he remembered that he might be able to see some more moving pictures of his mother and, maybe, his father.
He grabbed the book and dropped it open on his lap. He flipped through it until he saw a figure moving in one of the pictures. He saw Lily sitting by the lake with an open book in her lap. She was braiding part of her long red hair. Sitting in front of her was none other than Remus Lupin. Harry grinned as Lupin picked up a book that sat at his side and started moving his mouth, obviously talking to her, and Harry wished he could hear what he had been saying. His mother and Lupin must have been friends. Maybe that's how she and James set aside their differences.
He turned the page and saw a picture of Lily at the Astronomy tower with a telescope to her eye. He watched as she turned from it and diligently took down notes on a small notebook sitting on the windowsill. She was so beautiful. "Mum..." he whispered, knowing fully well that the picture couldn't respond. However, he could have sworn that the Lily in the picture looked up at him briefly when he addressed her.
On the next few pages there were more pictures of Lily at work; in the library, in the Charms classroom, speaking to Professor McGonagall. Harry gave a small laugh. Evidently, she had much in common with Hermione. And she looked just like Ginny. Ironic.
One page finally caught his eye. It was a large picture, taken late at night in the Gryffindor common room. It looked exactly as it looked now, with a merry fire crackling and casting shadows around the room. There were three people in the picture. The most noticeable ones were his mum asleep in his dad's arms. James had his glasses off and was winking at the camera. The hand that wasn't around Lily's waist was holding up a thumbs-up sign. In the back of the picture there was a young man with longish black hair and a handsome face, who looked like he was sniggering. Sirius. Harry felt tugging at the sides of his eyes again and quickly turned the page.
There were some more pictures of Lily and James. At Hogsmeade with an arm around each other's backs. Laughing as they walked through the halls of Hogwarts. Hand in hand as they walked around the lake. There were a couple that amused him. One of them was Lily looking very red in the face as she glared at James, who was smirking smugly. There were many like that; sometimes James also looked livid. Harry laughed when he saw these. They looked just like Ron and Hermione.
He realized that he wouldn't have these pictures if it wasn't for the rest of the Marauders trailing after his parents for a good laugh. Probably lead by Sirius, they had taken all these pictures.
He was glad they had been there.
A knock at his door made him jump. He heard someone rasping urgently on his door so he mumbled, "Come in." It surprised him that anyone was bothering to knock in the first place. What surprised him more, though, was that Aunt Petunia came in, wearing a look on her face that he had never seen her use with him before. He couldn't recognize what it was.
She was quiet for a moment and then mumbled, "I thought you might have found that thing."
Oh, shit, you're getting it now, Potter. You went snooping around a nosy person's house. "Yeah...sorry, I accidentally, er, stumbled across it."
Petunia nodded. "Well. I really have no use for it so..." She paused and looked down at the album with an odd look on her face. "Keep it."
Harry raised his eyebrows. He wasn't being chewed out. This was weirder than he expected. His aunt wasn't looking at him and she was shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Finally, she made up her mind and sat down at his desk.
Still not looking at him, she said, "Found the letter she wrote, did you?"
Harry nodded. When he realized she didn't see him, he said, "Y-yeah...it fell out of the album when I was looking through it."
She nodded again and didn't say anything. This was definitely something out of the ordinary. He was about to speak but she beat him to it. "Harry..." She paused again, and he held his breath. This had to be big—she didn't like to use his name. She finally looked up at him and said, "Give it here, for a moment."
Harry stared, somewhat dumbstruck. Her eyes turned slightly cold again and she said, "Hurry up, boy, I have other things to do." Without hesitating anymore, he handed it to her. She took it swiftly and started flipping through the pages, only pausing briefly at the page with Lily's letter on it. Finally, she found what she was looking for and handed it back to Harry, who took it silently. "I took that picture," she said, nodding towards it. "We were teenagers and I had just yelled at her. My mother was angry and made me take a picture of her. Lily gave me this look that she'd always reserved for me and it was the only thing she would do for the picture. So I just took it like that."
There was a ringing silence. Harry looked down at the picture and saw a Lily of about his own age looking at the camera. Her eyes were solemn and her expression was something between boredom and irritation. It was impossible to look away from her eyes; it was a very close up picture, and so her eyes were her most prominent feature.
When Petunia spoke again, it startled Harry. "I always thought that picture shows that you really have her eyes." She stood up and looked down at the album for a long moment. Harry kept his head down so he wouldn't have to look at his aunt, because he wasn't sure what he would see. He finally heard her footsteps, then the open and close of a door.
He sat, still looking at the picture of his mother, stunned.
A/n: Well, the next chapter will talk about what Ron and Hermione did while Ginny was at Privet Drive with Harry. Also, you'll find out about this "conflict" Harry mentioned briefly. I'll start working on the chapter right away. Anyway...REVIEW PLEASE!