I feel,
Alone.
It's easy to misconceive that word.
Just because your selfish mother sends you away, and your bastard of a father doesn't give a damn.it doesn't mean that you're alone.
Really alone.
Cause when you're alone everything's cold.
There are cobwebs in places that are supposed to be clean.
You can try to sweep them away, but they are always there, abandoned of love, abandoned of trust, abandoned of hope.
Like the spider web covering my heart.
I thought that maybe if I coloured my hair, and wore a revealing dress, I'd fit Capeside like a puzzle piece.
Cause in the city it works to be different.
Not just a replica of the next girl in line.
But I didn't fit, I didn't blend, I just stood out, the girl that they all knew had problems.
Dammit! I told myself I wouldn't pity my situation.
But it's kinda hard.
It's god damn impossible.
Know why?
Cause I didn't get to live life.
Really live.
Not the oxford dictionary meaning.
I guess I lived my own way, parties, sex.
Not REALLY living.
Except maybe, when I was with Jack.
Pretty damn sexy,
And pretty damn gay.
Perhaps you could say that Jack's my savior.
But soon even that will be past tense.
Best friend and soul mate don't have past tenses.
They are what they are, true blue.
If they're in the past then they're lies.
But me loving him isn't a lie.
I wish I could stab a knife into his sweet flesh and drag him along with me.
But I'm not that selfish.
I'm only selfish enough to wonder if they'll miss me.
The little, innocent baby who will never know her mother,
Just like I never knew mine.
Grams was the mother I never had, but she's sick, and it's depressing really.
As much as I love her it's sad to know that I'm gonna die before she does.
And I don't know how to die.
I never went to church.
I don't really believe in god because I don't know which god to believe in.
Aren't they all the same?
I donno,
Maybe it's better not to know,
Just to say goodbye,
I'm gonna rest for a while,
Please don't forget me,
Me, Jen Lindley, nothing special.
Alone.
It's easy to misconceive that word.
Just because your selfish mother sends you away, and your bastard of a father doesn't give a damn.it doesn't mean that you're alone.
Really alone.
Cause when you're alone everything's cold.
There are cobwebs in places that are supposed to be clean.
You can try to sweep them away, but they are always there, abandoned of love, abandoned of trust, abandoned of hope.
Like the spider web covering my heart.
I thought that maybe if I coloured my hair, and wore a revealing dress, I'd fit Capeside like a puzzle piece.
Cause in the city it works to be different.
Not just a replica of the next girl in line.
But I didn't fit, I didn't blend, I just stood out, the girl that they all knew had problems.
Dammit! I told myself I wouldn't pity my situation.
But it's kinda hard.
It's god damn impossible.
Know why?
Cause I didn't get to live life.
Really live.
Not the oxford dictionary meaning.
I guess I lived my own way, parties, sex.
Not REALLY living.
Except maybe, when I was with Jack.
Pretty damn sexy,
And pretty damn gay.
Perhaps you could say that Jack's my savior.
But soon even that will be past tense.
Best friend and soul mate don't have past tenses.
They are what they are, true blue.
If they're in the past then they're lies.
But me loving him isn't a lie.
I wish I could stab a knife into his sweet flesh and drag him along with me.
But I'm not that selfish.
I'm only selfish enough to wonder if they'll miss me.
The little, innocent baby who will never know her mother,
Just like I never knew mine.
Grams was the mother I never had, but she's sick, and it's depressing really.
As much as I love her it's sad to know that I'm gonna die before she does.
And I don't know how to die.
I never went to church.
I don't really believe in god because I don't know which god to believe in.
Aren't they all the same?
I donno,
Maybe it's better not to know,
Just to say goodbye,
I'm gonna rest for a while,
Please don't forget me,
Me, Jen Lindley, nothing special.