Esperanza: I do not own Inuyasha. I do not have the right to claim it. You do not have the right to sue me. You do not have the right to................................................Forget the bloody disclaimer! INUYASHA'A MINE FOR THE TAKING!!!!!MUAHAHAHA* starts choking from loss of breath

Inuyasha: Read and reivew

Esperanza: And get Luvs^-^ Charmin Joke. Charmin ultra is blue. And i''m dancing the charmin cha cha cha.

Inuyasha: So much randomness its stupid.

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Dear Journal Cais,

I don't know where to start really. Uncle Souta gave you to me for adventures. He said it would lighten spirits and bring me peace. But I honestly don't care. Its as if I'm some random person lost and some one gives me a map. How will I know where I am if I don't know where home is. I guess its where the heart is, but then again, can you rely on your heart when you don't use it.

It all started with my mother. I never met her. She died giving birth to my. Wasted her life giving me breath. A useless thing to do. After all, its not like I worship the ground I live on. Its not like I care of the injustices that I suffer. Do I? Well honestly, Yes. Growing up with out a mother is hard. I only had old G-san, Grandma, and Uncle Souta. When I was younger I constantly started crying for no reason all of a sudden. As it became more severe, the family I had left hoped I would get better. That's why they called me Esperanza. My G-san had been coming back from a vacation to Spain. And since Esperanza means hope in Spanish, I got stuck with the name.

I kept on crying till I became 3. Young and idiotic. Uncle Souta decided to do something about it. More or less. I was playing in the shrine on the rim of the well when he came rushing to my side. My voice faltered greatly from fear. He put me in a hug, but fell down the fell. And I, being in his grip, was sent hurdling down. At least I didn't land on the floor, I landed on him. Which definitely made my day. Or would have if I were more like me now. I don't remember much of it. Nothing except of how a strange man came out thinking he smelled Kagome. Who died when I was born. Then he saw me. At first I was frightened. I kept asking myself, Why do I have the same silver hair he does? Why do I have dog ears like he does. I remember freezing up and clutching to Uncle Souta's leg in fear of this shock. The man walked over to me. And that's when he took me in his arms and said the first thing I had heard him say, "Don't cry pup. I'm here to protect you." Stupid? Yes, but then again I was only 3 and had grown a close bound to him. Even if he was only there a day. It wasn't till a week later when my family noticed I had stopped crying. That's when I found out he was my father.

That wasn't the only time I encountered him. Every time something bad happens I can feel his eyes watching me, comforting me in a hidden way. I was 12 and had just awoken from a nightmare. The window suddenly opened and I could feel his fatherly care as he hugged me and talked to me. I told him everything. About my dream that is. In it stood my mother. I don't know how I knew what she looked like. The only pictures of her are school pictures. But she didn't look like that. She was as pale as ice and she was cold. I was hugging her when all of a sudden she changed. There was a woman with baggy white pants and a red kimono top. I didn't know who she was, but then she put her hand on my heart and light came. But it wasn't one of those comforting lights. It was dark an eerie.

But all that happened 5 years ago. Now I'm your average 16 year old who's well protected from the world. Ever since I had gotten my dog ears, I have been home schooled. The plan was to make me the perfect little angel. So grandma taught me my education, Uncle Souta made me learn perfection and balance by getting me privet ballet, figure skating, and gymnastics classes, G-san taught me how to protect myself with what ever magic spell he had. With the way life is, I never had any true friends. And everything was expected from me. It was as if being an angel would make up for the loss of my mother. I know that the family would love me either way, but I feel I owe it to them. That is the only reason I work so hard in perfecting my life.

It's hard on me. Not having friends left me to do stuff such as study more. The more I studied, the less talkative and brave I become. Its as if I put my whole life into some thing and not get anything in return. Some time's I wish this feeling of woe-is-me would just go away but it doesn't. It never has, and it never will. I know it, and now you know it. Thank you for listening Cais. Now I know why my mother called you that. Seeing as how you were her old diary, its obvious you bring everyone joy. That's what your name means…….Rejoicer.

By heavens sent

And god's will

Farewell

-Esperanza Higurashi