Instinct

Author's jibberish: Whoa, boy, I hope you can tell that it's Syaoran and Sakura switching narrations. Chapter 1 was Syaoran, Chapter 2 was Sakura. So guess who's next? Syaoran! Boy, you're smart!

I was completely surprised when she asked me to take her racing. It was an interesting feeling; this beautiful girl wanted to know about me.

Racing is a powerful part of me. Without racing, I don't know where I'd be. It gave me something to look forward to after work. I mean, I like my job, but I sometimes I want to get away from it. It's the same feeling you get when you're on a roller coaster but the only difference is that I'm in control and I know what the car will do because I command it to do so.

So I decided that it would be good to take her to the track to watch me race. If she wanted, I would let her ride with me as I drove. You know, to share with her. But why would I want to share with a total stranger? I don't know, but love wasn't part of the plan.

We took the van and drove to Tomoeda Raceway. When we showed her the garage Eriol and I shared, she was stumped. "Hoe?!?!" she exclaimed. "These cars are yours?"

"Yeah." What is 'hoe' anyway? Regardless, I thought it was cute. "We didn't buy them like this, though. We've been working on it for a little over two years."

"They look so cool!" Kinomoto-san exclaimed.

And then the idea struck me. "Would you like a ride?"

Her eyes widened like a little girl. "Really? Can I?"

"Sure," I opened the passenger's side. "Hop in." She cheerfully sat in the seat and buckled up, ready to ride. I got in the driver's seat and inserted the key, bringing the car to life. Her eyes sparkled in anticipation as I peeled out onto the race track. We laped around one time before I heard a honking horn. I could see Hiiragizawa in my rear-view mirror. I shift from fourth to fifth gear.

Kinomoto laughed merrily. "He's gaining on us!"

It's a guy thing, you know, to impress a girl. So, I teased Hiiragizawa a bit, by letting him catch up until we were neck and neck. I had already moved to sixth gear and he was still catching up. Then, I heard her say "Find a way to beat him!"

So, I swerved the car towards his. He panicked by slowing down and I dusted him at the last turn. We crossed the line and Hiiragizawa, when he got to the finish line, was looking slightly annoyed. "Are you blazing mad?"

"I knew what I was doing!" I smiled. "You weren't scared, were you?"

Sakura shook her head. "Nope. I knew you'd do well."

We continued seeing each other for weeks after that. Almost every day in fact. Once, I was in the black room, developing some of the photos I've taken over the past few weeks. I poured some picture developing liquid in the container and waited for the photo to develop. The image that appeared was of Kinomoto, the very 'accident' shot I took that one day at the park. I placed the container on the upper shelf near my extra film as I received a phone call. I flipped my cell phone open.

"Syaoran-kun? Are you busy?"

"No." I was so focused on Kinomoto's voice.

I had agreed to pick her up after her shift at work. After our conversation, I saw Hiiragizawa standing at the door. "Well, well..." he teased. "I do believe Cupid has struck."

I frowned. "What?"

"Not only struck once, but probably 10 times right in the ass," he smiled. "Ladies and gents, the Little Wolf is in love."

He sweared that his wit is heaven-sent. "You're an idiot, Hiiragizawa. She's just a friend."

"Is she?"

"What else would she be?"

"Potential girlfriend, you twit!" Eriol growled. "There is finally a girl that likes you after the 4 years I've known you. Are you blind and stupid?"

It's true. I hadn't had a girlfriend in over 4 years. But I'll explain that later. "How would you know that? She doesn't even like me."

"Ever since she walked in on our photo shoot, she's been coming over almost everyday we're open. She loves going to the racetrack. She even let you drive her around more than once, which is a lot to say, because we drive like we could die without care."

He started getting me paranoid. I mean, she was cute, and cheerful, but why would she like me?

So, that night, it started to rain which was kinda strange for late spring. I had brought an extra umbrella for her to use, so when I handed it to her, I told her "So it's not a big struggle of getting wet."

She obviously didn't appreciate it. She kindly gave back the extra umbrella and said, "Nevermind. I'll go home."

"I'll walk with you," I offered.

"No," she snapped.

I knew something was wrong. As she walked down the sidewalk in the pouring rain, I chased after her. "Kinomoto! Tell me what's wrong!"

She spun around to face me, annoyance painted on her features. "You just don't get it, do you Syaoran-kun?"

"What, is it the umbrellas?"

"No!" she then took it back. "Well, kinda..." she pushed her fingers against her temples as she held back a sneeze. "I know it's only been a little over a month but...I like you," she told me. "I mean, really like you."

I must have stood there in the rain for a full 20 seconds, with my mouth open like an idiot.

"Please, say something," she pleaded.

And the words "I'm sorry" were the first ones that came out. Her reaction was her head hanging in defeat. "It's not that I don't like you," I explained. "It's just...I have bad experience with woman. I always followed my gut instinct in everything but whenever I do that with women, it blows up in my face. So, I want to think this whole thing out, ok? Before anything else, let's be good friends."

She took my request pretty well and smiled. Kinomoto was ok with it because we continued seeing each other.

But it would change very soon.

It had been probably a whole 2 months since we first met. She was at the studio with me, at my desk, when I was in the back room, cleaning out my lens. By now, she knew where everything was. When I needed a new bulb for my flash, she would go into the back black room and retrieve one for me. We planned to go out for dinner after I was done. When I finished cleaning the lens, I emerged from the back room and saw she was wearing my jean sweater.

"Oh, sorry, I spilled my mocha on my jacket," she said, pointing to my desk. "Is it okay if I can wear yours for now?"

"Sure," my eyes turned to my desk and saw her now 1/2 filled mocha bottle and stained jacket. I also saw a picture of her and me taped together, hanging off my corkboard. It was cute, I gotta admit.

"So, is it all clean?" she asked, smiling.

"Yeah."

"So, should we get going?"

"Wait," I stopped her from walking and held my camera up. "Can I take some shots of you wearing my jacket?" To be honest, I liked how she looked in it. My jacket was on this pretty girl.

"Oh, ok," she held the jacket tightly around her and shoved her hands in the pockets.

As I was taking shots, her bangs fell against her face. I took the liberty of brushing them aside, away from her eyes and then the strangest feeling took over me. I looked into her green eyes for the longest time and it was as if I was in a trance. She smiled at me with the sweetest sparkle in her eyes. "Are you done?" she asked.

I snapped out of my trance. "Oh yeah," I stepped back. "A few more."

I took another shot and the camera began to hum. "Ergh, ran out," he grumbled.

"It's ok, I'll get another roll. In the black room, right?" she scurried away out of sight.

"Yeah, thanks." I listened for the film to finish winding up as I sat back down in my desk. Then, a chill ran down my back as I heard a clatter and a painful scream coming from the back room.

It still hurts thinking about it. I sat there, guilt washing over me, as Hiiragizawa talked with the doctor. I couldn't really verbalize at all; it was an impossible task at the moment in time. I found her in the back room. Items were scattered all over the floor and she was curled up, whimpering in agony.

It was a few hours after we sped her to the hospital. Hiiragizawa approached me, and a dark, restless look was in his eyes. "The...the picture developer...in her eyes... the doctor said she will be blind..."

I felt all the life in me drain right out of my system. I secluded myself into the studio, just thinking of how an idiot I was. I remembered that I was the one who used that bottle and didn't recap it as I answered the phone. I was a total fool! How could I have been so absent-minded! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I sat, head in my hands, just blaming myself over and over again for my carelessness.

Days later, Hiiragizawa came up to me. "We have to pick out the final shots."

I was silent.

Then, he punched my desk, cracking it. "Dammit, would you talk! I know what happened looks really bad--"

"Looks bad?!" I jumped out of my seat. "What would you know? How would you feel if you forever maimed a girl who genuinely cared for you?"

"You made a mistake! There's nothing you can do!" he told me. But I soon realized that there had to be a way to help her.

After I fixed my clutch, I raced around the track, just thinking about Kinomoto. This girl didn't deserve any of this. She cared for me and...I pushed her away. I began to think I was a complete bonehead and maybe hoped for a second chance. But there would be no chance in hell; I blinded her. Why would she want me? I told her to wait and in the process took her sight away. She probably hated me. Knowing that I ruined this chance hurt so badly; I didn't realize such a feeling existed. It was probably about 20 minutes of driving that I realized what I could do. I screeched to a halt near the garage.

I finally followed my gut instinct...and I wasn't afraid.

Within days, I sold my car and I was packing up at the studio. The white desk was now bare with nothing on it. Nothing was on the corkborad beside that picture she taped up. Eriol walked up beside me as he watched me pull apart the cut-out figures. He winced at the sight of me closing my bags up. I flung the strap over my shoulder and turned to him, placing my hand on his shoulder. "Thanks," I told him, "for everything."

"Reconsider this," he ordered. "There has to be another way."

"No there isn't," I told him.

"Your car-! All that work--" he argued.

"Is worth the money she needs," I told him.

"You're not even sure it'll work."

"But I got to try, don't I? I already explained this to you."

I can still remember how sad his face was. His eyes were turned to the floor. He silently nodded.

"Take care of her for me?" I requested.

"Of course," he muttered.

I told him goodbye and walked out of the studio.

It has been 3 months since I've worked with him and 3 months since I have been behind a camera. I've only talked to him once since I left. He still races here at Tomoeda Raceway. I, on the other hand, have stopped. I haven't met Kinomoto since I saw her last in the hospital. Everytime I sit here at the raceway, I think about her. It hurts but it's getting easier. I know things are well with her.

I toss the soft ball that was clutched in my hands away from me...

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Author's jibberish(again): Last chapter, coming next...

Preview of next Chapter

He wasn't there when I needed him the most...