Caring Instinct

He wasn't there when I needed him the most...

I was blinded. I thought after leaving the studio that I would never be able to see again. I would never be able to see the sun rise, or people walk down the street. How would I go on? I know there are people out there who are blind but...I never had to experience that before. I thought I would be helpless; I didn't think I could adjust. But before I knew it, I did see light.

The doctor told me that it is possible to have my eyes surgically worked on. He said there is a possible donor who could be used. I was scared; that type of surgery isn't cheap and the money I earned at Beautiful could never cover it. However, the doctor insisted that there had been anonymous charity funding recently and it could pay for it. I took my chances and I did have the surgery performed on me.

I felt the nurse pull off the gauze around my head. Then, the doctor pulled off the patches on my eyes. "Kinomoto-san?"

I blinked a couple of times. Everything was fuzzy.

"Kinomoto-san? I'm your doctor, Genjhi."

"Sensei," I muttered, "I...I can..."

"Now, things will be blurry for a few hours but it's just because your eyes have to readjust. You should be fine by tonight," he said proudly. "You'll be just fine."

I started rolling my eyes to the left, then the right. I started moving them in different angles. Then, Eriol-kun walked in, handing me a bouquet of roses. "Sakura-san, I'm glad you're well!"

I just smiled back and smelled the flowers. "Thank you." My eyes trailed behind him; no one was with him. "Um...where's Syaoran-kun?"

His face fell. He explained to me that he left without a trace. No sign of new address, nothing. He even stopped showing up at the weekly races at the track. At least, that's what Eriol-kun told me. I was crushed. I was feeling completely numb all over. My eyes suddenly started producing tears. I worried whether that was okay or not; maybe the salt would irritate them. But at that moment in time, I didn't care.

Why did he leave so abruptly? Well, why did it really matter? I was, after all, just a friend. Maybe he ran because he thought I would be too attached to him; I was blinded in his black room after all. Or maybe...he didn't like me period. But that's impossible! He didn't completely reject me when I told him that I liked him. He told me he wanted to take things slow. And I felt something in his eyes as he looked at me that evening at the studio, before that unfortunate incident. Maybe I'm just hopeful, or a complete fool. If anything, he saw me as a friend.

If he was my friend, then why didn't he visit me? Or sent me a card? A post-it note? Anything! I can't accept the fact that he didn't care!

I visited the raceway, only to find Eriol's Supra. The Skyline was nowhere in sight. I went to the studio a few weeks after I left the hospital. Eriol-kun let me in and I immediately headed to his desk. I saw, on Syaoran-kun's desk, the cut-out photos of him and me completely separated. In fact, only mine was left. My shaking fingers touched the glossy sheet of paper. I bit my lip, holding back my tears.

Just then, a magazine with the model Daidouji Tomoyo was handed to me. I looked up at Eriol-kun, who weakly smiled. "Page 23," he told me. I flipped to it and saw a picture of me at the Tomoeda Raceway. "Li-kun wanted you to be added to the teen hot-spot photo section." Then, he looked at me from under his glasses with the most serious stare. "Sakura-san, racing is important. It's all about following your instinct, no matter what it says."

"What are you trying to say?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Nothing. Tomorrow is Friday and at 4 o'clock is when the weekly races start. Will you be there?"

I cringed. There were so many fond memories of him on that racetrack. "I...don't know."

"I won't force you to go," he told me. Then, a glint appeared in his eyes as he said, "but I suggest you do."

And I followed my instinct, which told me to go. That is why I'm standing here at the top bleacher of Tomoeda Raceway. It is now 3:00. I know I'm early. I didn't do it on purpose. I just got off my shift and thought I would head straight here. I start walking down the steps when I see a figure sitting at the very first bench on the ground floor. He has a good seat, maybe I'll sit near him. He's even playing with his dog. He tosses a ball into the air for his dog to catch.

Then a strong wind picks up as I'm standing about two rows away from him. A piece of paper lands at my feet. I pick it up and take a closer look at it. Then, a gasp escapes my throat. It's a picture of me, my head turned to the camera and I can see the King Penguin slide in the background.

The man's hand slams on the bench and then starts groping around the surface. "Where the..." he turns, revealing who he is. My insides make a violent twist. It is Syaoran-kun, wearing a dark green t-shirt and blue jeans. His eyes are shaded by the sunglasses perched on his nose. He holds his head high as he shifts his hands around the bench looking for something.

This photo...his haphazard, random, unorganized searching...the dog...his sunglasses...

I feel like collapsing.

It all adds up. I understand now why it is possible for me to see. I understand why there was a donor who could give me my sight back. I understand why there was enough money for my surgery to go through. I know why he hasn't been working at the studio with Eriol-kun or why he isn't at his garage, fixing up his car.

I gasp. I can't find any words to say. "Oh my gosh," I whisper as I slowly approach him.

His head arches in my direction. "Is anyone there?"

I can't speak. I just drop the photo near the edge of the bench, near his hand. His fingers feel the graze of the photo paper. He picks it up and gently places it in his pocket.  "Kero!" he calls out. The yellow Labrador retriever comes up to him and rests his head on his knee. Syaoran-kun attaches the leash onto the dog's collar and then stands. "Come on, boy. Let's get something to eat."

They walk right past me. The tears fall freely from my face as my sight blurs from all sanity.

He gave me sight.

I can't chase after him. The shock makes my legs bend and I collapse on the bench, wrenching my heart in tears.

He gave it all up for me.

I can still hear an engine roar as it zooms across the track.

* *

End

Author's jibberish: For those of you who already figured it out, yes, it's inspired by that Korean song "Because I'm a Girl" by Kiss. I changed a couple of things but all the important stuff stayed. Lack of originality, yeah I know. Sorry about that. I just thought it would be an interesting twist if this song was put into a story. I also thought it'd be cool if I switched the POVs.

So, in case you didn't understand it...

Syaoran felt so guilty of what happened, he felt he didn't deserve her. However, he wanted to do one last thing for her. He sold his car to pay for the surgery and he had a transplant with Sakura so she could see (his blood type is O, so he could be a donor to her). He gave up his way of life so hers wouldn't change.

The whole concept makes me wanna cry...