**Disclaimer: Don't own stuff, unless it is obviously not from the movie or something. I do own a leprechaun but he's only a stuffed one I got in a jar at the Dublin airport, and the climate and pollution in North America was just too much for the little chap- his beard fell off when I opened the jar. Anyway... horrible leprechaun de-beardings aside, I will be keeping the bizarre anachronisms (weird modern stuff references) to a minimum as you will see from this chapter. There's an attempt to fit this parody in the 1700s although I'm not going to stick too rigidly to that either. I'll play it by ear and hope to hit a tasteful balance.
By the way, I feel really bad about neglecting the 'dwarf' of the Black Pearl by not giving him a name. If anyone knows what it actually is, I would appreciate knowing this. If he isn't named in the film, I'm taking suggestions. I'm afraid that I'm too tempted to name him after Alexander Pope- famous poet from "Pirates" time: wrote a wonderful mock epic (like this!) although he was afflicted with a strange ailment that made him tiny and monkey-like (apparently). Ahem. Professor talk ends- NOW**
"Shouldn't that be 'Furbys they be'?" said Anna Maria. Mr. Gibbs thought for a moment.
"No, no I think it's 'Furbys they is'..."
"This is all very fascinating, but what, for the love of all things rum, are Furbys?" said Captain Jack.
"I've heard tales," began Mr. Gibbs. Captain Jack sat down, preparing for yet another one of Mr. Gibbs' long 'tales'. "They say there be an island, somewhere... the Isle of the Furbys. It's their natural habitat. Little they are, and fluffy. A foolish man it would be to call them cute, but I tell ye they are pure evil!"
"Fluffy, cute and evil?" asked Captain Jack. "Please, more info- less spin."
"If one of them tried to be evil to me, I'd eat their brain!" cried the dwarf-like pirate.
"Nay, lad. Furbys don't have brains! They're like wee naked, furry leprechauns with no shoes...or something," said Mr. Gibbs as he trailed off, his eloquence fading after his bizarre reference. " And no brains!" After a moment, he regained his composure. "Besides, I've only heard of one person who has ever seen the Isle of the Furbys."
"Ah, now here's something useful," said Will who was kind of looking forward to some more adventuring.
"Aye, I served on a ship once, with the British- after I'd thought me pirating days were done. Name of Louis Spirit Bear. A good kid, been all over the Caribbean and he was but young then," said Mr. Gibbs.
"Where can we find this Mr. Spirit Bear?" asked Will.
"Last I heard, the young lad had gone places with the governor up in Acadia. Let me see..." said Mr. Gibbs.
"Wait, Louis Spirt Bear, you said?" said Anna Maria, suddenly.
"Aye, tall sort with piercing blue eyes and black hair- hard to miss." said Mr. Gibbs.
"I know him!" said Anna Maria, smiling broadly for a change. "Louis' great! We'll get the wig, go to Port Royal and be hunting booty in no time!"
"Ah, " Said Captain Jack, eager now to get on with the adventuring. "Do you know where we can find him?"
"Aye. He's a privateer captain now. His home harbour is near Lunenburg, in Acadia." Some of the other pirates looked at each other.
"Hmm.." said Jack as he walked around the wheel of The Black Pearl. "He's a privateer, eh?"
"What is a privateer?" asked Will.
"They're a tricky sort," indulged Captain Jack. " 'Good Pirates' depending on who's paying them. A king or what-not hires some poor souls to," he sighed, and produced his fingers from his side, and proceeded to count on them. "Plunder... loot... engage in sea battles."
"Pirate stuff!" observed Will, brilliantly.
"Yes, 'pirate stuff' as you say. I did underestimate your mental powers my friend. The British, in this case, do indeed, " and here he looked over at Ms. Swann, "Include 'pirating' or, rather, 'privateering' as the right course of action, " he said as he wagged four of his fingers, two on each hand, in the air for emphasis. "The one and only difference between a pirate and a privateer is state sponsorship, and that the privateers only pirate enemy ships."
Captain Jack stood in the midst of his crew, serious for a moment. "Fetch me the maps of Acadia- Anna Maria, take the helm. We're for Acadia!"
"Well? Go on!" he said, after a moment. Everyone looked around. Finally Anna Maria came clean.
"We don't have any maps of Acadia. We don't have any maps for British North America," she said, mentioning that wonderful, mysterious, northern land we all love so well and know as 'Canada'.
"Ah, well... we'll play it by ear." said Captain Jack, and he sheepishly nudged the wheel northwards. "Gotta be up there somewhere."
Within a few days, and with Anna Maria's help, The Black Pearl bumped into New Brunswick.
"There! Acadia!" said Anna Maria, proudly.
"Marvellous! Where's this cove then?"
"Near Lunenburg."
"Is that Lunenburg?"
"No."
"So, where is it, exactly?" asked Elizabeth, just for the heck of it and since she hasn't said anything this chapter.
"I recognize the river on the shore. I think it is just east of here, if we follow the cost."
They followed the coastline right into the Bay of Fundy. They looped around the bay for a bit until one day...
"Anna Maria... I can't take this anymore! We need to get out of this ruddy bay!" said Captain Jack.
"Captain, we have a problem!" Captain Jack walked over to where Mr. Gibbs was looking overboard. "The water level is dropping- incredibly fast!"
"I wouldn't worry about it," said Captain Jack.
A few hours went by, and they still had not found the way out of the bay, but now they had a new problem.
"We're aground!" cried Mr. Gibbs.
"No!!!!!" cried Captain Jack, hysterically. But aground they were. He stared in amazement at the dry sea bed, and the 'cliffs' where the shoreline had been. Maps are a good thing, and so is knowing places in the world that have freaky tides... if you're a pirate especially. The crisis was soon over, but not before Captain Jack had to have a good round or two or three or four or five of rum to calm his nerves. The tides brought all the lovely water back and the Black Pearl finally found its way out to the open sea.
By the way, I feel really bad about neglecting the 'dwarf' of the Black Pearl by not giving him a name. If anyone knows what it actually is, I would appreciate knowing this. If he isn't named in the film, I'm taking suggestions. I'm afraid that I'm too tempted to name him after Alexander Pope- famous poet from "Pirates" time: wrote a wonderful mock epic (like this!) although he was afflicted with a strange ailment that made him tiny and monkey-like (apparently). Ahem. Professor talk ends- NOW**
"Shouldn't that be 'Furbys they be'?" said Anna Maria. Mr. Gibbs thought for a moment.
"No, no I think it's 'Furbys they is'..."
"This is all very fascinating, but what, for the love of all things rum, are Furbys?" said Captain Jack.
"I've heard tales," began Mr. Gibbs. Captain Jack sat down, preparing for yet another one of Mr. Gibbs' long 'tales'. "They say there be an island, somewhere... the Isle of the Furbys. It's their natural habitat. Little they are, and fluffy. A foolish man it would be to call them cute, but I tell ye they are pure evil!"
"Fluffy, cute and evil?" asked Captain Jack. "Please, more info- less spin."
"If one of them tried to be evil to me, I'd eat their brain!" cried the dwarf-like pirate.
"Nay, lad. Furbys don't have brains! They're like wee naked, furry leprechauns with no shoes...or something," said Mr. Gibbs as he trailed off, his eloquence fading after his bizarre reference. " And no brains!" After a moment, he regained his composure. "Besides, I've only heard of one person who has ever seen the Isle of the Furbys."
"Ah, now here's something useful," said Will who was kind of looking forward to some more adventuring.
"Aye, I served on a ship once, with the British- after I'd thought me pirating days were done. Name of Louis Spirit Bear. A good kid, been all over the Caribbean and he was but young then," said Mr. Gibbs.
"Where can we find this Mr. Spirit Bear?" asked Will.
"Last I heard, the young lad had gone places with the governor up in Acadia. Let me see..." said Mr. Gibbs.
"Wait, Louis Spirt Bear, you said?" said Anna Maria, suddenly.
"Aye, tall sort with piercing blue eyes and black hair- hard to miss." said Mr. Gibbs.
"I know him!" said Anna Maria, smiling broadly for a change. "Louis' great! We'll get the wig, go to Port Royal and be hunting booty in no time!"
"Ah, " Said Captain Jack, eager now to get on with the adventuring. "Do you know where we can find him?"
"Aye. He's a privateer captain now. His home harbour is near Lunenburg, in Acadia." Some of the other pirates looked at each other.
"Hmm.." said Jack as he walked around the wheel of The Black Pearl. "He's a privateer, eh?"
"What is a privateer?" asked Will.
"They're a tricky sort," indulged Captain Jack. " 'Good Pirates' depending on who's paying them. A king or what-not hires some poor souls to," he sighed, and produced his fingers from his side, and proceeded to count on them. "Plunder... loot... engage in sea battles."
"Pirate stuff!" observed Will, brilliantly.
"Yes, 'pirate stuff' as you say. I did underestimate your mental powers my friend. The British, in this case, do indeed, " and here he looked over at Ms. Swann, "Include 'pirating' or, rather, 'privateering' as the right course of action, " he said as he wagged four of his fingers, two on each hand, in the air for emphasis. "The one and only difference between a pirate and a privateer is state sponsorship, and that the privateers only pirate enemy ships."
Captain Jack stood in the midst of his crew, serious for a moment. "Fetch me the maps of Acadia- Anna Maria, take the helm. We're for Acadia!"
"Well? Go on!" he said, after a moment. Everyone looked around. Finally Anna Maria came clean.
"We don't have any maps of Acadia. We don't have any maps for British North America," she said, mentioning that wonderful, mysterious, northern land we all love so well and know as 'Canada'.
"Ah, well... we'll play it by ear." said Captain Jack, and he sheepishly nudged the wheel northwards. "Gotta be up there somewhere."
Within a few days, and with Anna Maria's help, The Black Pearl bumped into New Brunswick.
"There! Acadia!" said Anna Maria, proudly.
"Marvellous! Where's this cove then?"
"Near Lunenburg."
"Is that Lunenburg?"
"No."
"So, where is it, exactly?" asked Elizabeth, just for the heck of it and since she hasn't said anything this chapter.
"I recognize the river on the shore. I think it is just east of here, if we follow the cost."
They followed the coastline right into the Bay of Fundy. They looped around the bay for a bit until one day...
"Anna Maria... I can't take this anymore! We need to get out of this ruddy bay!" said Captain Jack.
"Captain, we have a problem!" Captain Jack walked over to where Mr. Gibbs was looking overboard. "The water level is dropping- incredibly fast!"
"I wouldn't worry about it," said Captain Jack.
A few hours went by, and they still had not found the way out of the bay, but now they had a new problem.
"We're aground!" cried Mr. Gibbs.
"No!!!!!" cried Captain Jack, hysterically. But aground they were. He stared in amazement at the dry sea bed, and the 'cliffs' where the shoreline had been. Maps are a good thing, and so is knowing places in the world that have freaky tides... if you're a pirate especially. The crisis was soon over, but not before Captain Jack had to have a good round or two or three or four or five of rum to calm his nerves. The tides brought all the lovely water back and the Black Pearl finally found its way out to the open sea.