THE WAR OF
THE GEEKS
By
Cosmo Toledo
Name an obsession of yours. Any obsession. I'm sure you have some sort of obsession, don't you? Mine's Movie Making, how 'bout yours? Video Games, TV Shows, Pornography? Or let be a little more specific- Video Games where you kill people, such as Halo or Max Payne or Goldeneye, your favorite TV shows like the Simpson's or Friends or any of those reality shows, like Joe Millionaire, the Bachelor, or American Idol. The Paris Hilton sex tape. No matter how you splice it or dice it, you are obsessed with something or another. And that is exactly what this short tale is about- Geeks who are overly obsessed with something that their lives complete revolve around- and in the end, well... I don't know yet, I haven't quite figured it out.
Meet the Geeks:
The Star Wars Geek The Star Trek Geek The Harry Potter Geek The Lord of the Rings Geek
All of these Geeks live in the same street in the same neighborhood. Now, ever since these Geeks met each other and spoke of their obsessions, a constant disagreement as to what is better has been brought up. One says that their obsession is better than all the rest, and that "it blows 'so and so' away" and that "it's way cooler than that".
Well friends, this dispute has been going on for a long time now, and has forced each of the Geeks to hate the opposite of the other. The Star Wars Geek always said that Star Trek was just plain retarded and that Star Wars always had cooler weapons and characters. Of course, the Star Trek Geek says that Star Trek has cooler ships than Star Wars and that Star Trek had better weapons than Star Wars did. On the fantasy book world front, the Harry Potter Geek always said that Harry Potter had a really interesting and unique storyline to it, making it original, unlike Lord of the Rings, who, the Harry Potter Geek claimed, was practically the same as any other Dungeons and Dragons type of story. A band of wizards and warriors along with midgets to go and fight an army of Orks or Skeletons, whatever the case may be, and that they've got to destroy an evil wizard or cloaked skeleton that plans on taking over the world they inhabit. He claims that they're all the same thing as one another. And that Harry Potter had cool and funny characters, unlike the Lord of the Rings, whose characters were too serious and too much drama that it made it stupid and boring. Ah, but of course, the Lord of the Rings Geek did fight back, saying this: Harry Potter is for little kids, and that its storyline was plain and stupid. No action, unlike the Lord of the Rings. He also said that the characters in the Lord of the Rings could kill any of the characters from Harry Potter, or Harry "Pothead" as he liked to say.
But the Geeks' obsessions never intertwined- the Star Wars Geek always argued with the Star Trek Geek, and ditto to the Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings Geeks. Never had all four of them actually argued all at once and together as to what was the coolest thing ever. Never had they ever done this.
Never.
Until now.
And that's when it all began, on that fateful day of June 15th. That was the day when the War of the Geeks broke out.
JUNE 15, 2004
The weather for today, as it was claimed in the newspaper, was supposed to be "bright and sunny, with a high of 89, little clouds". What a perfect day to go outside with your friends and play baseball at the park or go swimming or running around playing Laser Tag, all those outdoor activities that are available to a youngster in the summer.
But the Geeks weren't friends.
No- they were enemies! Each and every single one of them, enemies to each other. Hatred. Hatred in its purest form. To them, arguing is to only solution to defending their obsessions. But it's never the same each argument- new points are brought up, and you can either defend those points or fight to bring them down. And that's exactly what the four Geeks did.
The Star Wars Geek was walking down the sidewalk on this day, listening to the "Empire Strikes Back" soundtrack on his CD player. He particularly liked the "Battle of Hoth" song, and was listening to that as he walked by the front yard that belonged to the Lord of the Rings Geek. He knew of him- although they did not converse very much, he knew he very much so loved the Lord of the Rings. Even the Star Wars Geek found the movies themselves to be "okay", but it still did not meet his overall satisfactory. "Too long" is what he always said.
Also in the front yard of the Lord of the Rings Geek was the Harry Potter Geek. As usual, the two were arguing as to which one of their obsessions is better. The Star Wars Geek also knew of the Harry Potter Geek and his obsession with that. Now, the Star Wars Geek disliked Harry Potter very much, simply because he felt it ruined the entire Wizard and Witches and Dungeons and Dragons genre, and he felt that it was stupid and that he was sick and tired of always seeing kids defeating the bad guys. (Where he came up with this thought I have no idea) And he didn't even bother with seeing the movies; his reason being was that they're all "too long".
But overall, the Star Wars Geek was never a "true" fan or obsessed with either of the two, and he planned on keeping it that way. He would always remain a true fanatic of the Star Wars saga.
As he walked by the front yard, the two other Geeks were arguing with true anger and determination. The Star Wars Geek couldn't help himself but to stop and watch- to him, this was amusing.
"Why do they have to speak 'elven' or in any other of those different languages? That's dumb!"
"Why not? Harry talks to snakes in a language no one can understand! Now that is dumb!"
"Oh yeah? Well why is it that..."
The Star Wars Geek just stood his ground and chuckled; how stupid they looked! Arguing about some stupid story about wizards and kings and such! And so, from out of nowhere, he began to walk up to the two arguing Geeks and watch the argument up close and personal.
He got in pretty far; maybe a foot or so from the arguing Geeks. He was trying his best to not break out laughing. It took the two arguing Geeks thirty seconds to realize that he was standing there before them.
"Yeah, what is it?" inquired the Lord of the Rings Geek, with a rude tone in his voice.
"Yes, what do you want?" asked the Harry Potter Geek.
"I don't know... I saw you two standing here and arguing with each other that I couldn't help myself but just to come over here and see what all the shoutin' was about."
"You know what the shouting was about!"
"Yeah, so why don't you just bug off?"
"Bug off?" the Star Wars Geek asked. "But why would I do that?"
"'Cause if you can see here, we're having a little discussion here on..."
"I know, I know... Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. Whoop-de- crap."
"Oh, insulting us, are you?" said the angered Harry Potter Geek.
"Insulting you?" replied the Star Wars Geek, with a tone of laughter mixed within. "How am I insulting you? I believe that you are insulting yourselves!"
"Oh really?" the Lord of the Rings Geek said.
"Yes, I think you are!"
"Well then, if you can insult me, I can surely insult you!" the Lord of the Rings Geek dared.
"Go 'head!" responded the Star Wars Geek.
"Fine... Star Wars sucks!"
No movement at all from any of the three Geeks. Dead silence. The Star Wars Geek was slowly taking in what he had just heard. Anger went souring through his body.
"What did you just say?"
"You heard me! Star Wars SUCKS!"
"Oh, okay! Now I know where you're coming from! Well, I'll have you know that Star Wars can easily kill the entire Lord of the Rings characters in one big blast!"
"Oh really?"
"Yes really!"
"Using what?"
"The Death Star, of course!"
The Lord of the Rings Geek stopped for a moment. He's got a point, he thought. But how about hand to hand combat?
"Lord of the Rings could kick Star Wars' rear end in hand-to-hand combat!" said the Lord of the Rings Geek.
"How can you possibly figure? Star Wars has a huge variety of lasers and blasters to choose from!"
"But can those 'huge variety of lasers and blasters' stop waves after waves of humans and elves, all carrying swords and shields? I don't think so!"
"Let's just say it'd be a good fight!" responded the Star Wars Geek.
"Yes... let's just say it'd be a good fight..." said the Lord of the Rings Geek, thus bringing that part of the argument to an end.
"Well, now that you've mentioned the use of fighting with swords, ha, they'd stand no chance in front of a Jedi holding a lightsaber!"
"I don't think so!"
The Lord of the Rings Geek was now five inches away from the face of the Star Wars Geek. Anger and hatred was running through the veins of both Geeks.
"Yeah well, Harry Potter has spells and curses he can shoot at all you guys!" the Harry Potter Geek said, breaking the shortened angered silence between the other two Geeks. But it didn't improve the situation one bit. No- it made it worse.
The other two Geeks slowly looked over to the other one. He stood there, lonely, no Allies at his side. He didn't stand a chance against the other two. At least, that's what the other two Geeks thought.
And so, with the Harry Potter Geek opening up his mouth, a new argument began. One saying this, the other saying that, and so on and so fourth. It would have been only a matter of time before the fourth Geek would step in.
He came in, walking in the same direction and on the same sidewalk as the Star Wars Geek did. Wearing a Star Fleet Insignia pin on his shirt, right over his left breast, he felt as if he did belong to be a crew on the starship Enterprise. Ah, but of course, sometimes fiction can't always meet reality. But fiction can always meet imagination. And that's exactly what the Star Trek Geek thought.
He did the same approach as did the Star Wars Geek. He stood his ground on the sidewalk and took in pleasure at staring at the arguing trio. He wasted no time in entering in on the fun.
He walked up the grass of the front yard of the Lord of the Rings Geek, and was soon up close with the arguing threesome. His mind quickly conjured up an attack phrase, and out it came:
"You know, Star Trek can blow all of your guys any ol' day," he said in a somewhat calm voice.
And thus, the fourth Geek has entered into this battle. But a battle it shall no longer be called. No- this, my friends, is just the beginning of the War of the Geeks.
To Be Continued...
By
Cosmo Toledo
Name an obsession of yours. Any obsession. I'm sure you have some sort of obsession, don't you? Mine's Movie Making, how 'bout yours? Video Games, TV Shows, Pornography? Or let be a little more specific- Video Games where you kill people, such as Halo or Max Payne or Goldeneye, your favorite TV shows like the Simpson's or Friends or any of those reality shows, like Joe Millionaire, the Bachelor, or American Idol. The Paris Hilton sex tape. No matter how you splice it or dice it, you are obsessed with something or another. And that is exactly what this short tale is about- Geeks who are overly obsessed with something that their lives complete revolve around- and in the end, well... I don't know yet, I haven't quite figured it out.
Meet the Geeks:
The Star Wars Geek The Star Trek Geek The Harry Potter Geek The Lord of the Rings Geek
All of these Geeks live in the same street in the same neighborhood. Now, ever since these Geeks met each other and spoke of their obsessions, a constant disagreement as to what is better has been brought up. One says that their obsession is better than all the rest, and that "it blows 'so and so' away" and that "it's way cooler than that".
Well friends, this dispute has been going on for a long time now, and has forced each of the Geeks to hate the opposite of the other. The Star Wars Geek always said that Star Trek was just plain retarded and that Star Wars always had cooler weapons and characters. Of course, the Star Trek Geek says that Star Trek has cooler ships than Star Wars and that Star Trek had better weapons than Star Wars did. On the fantasy book world front, the Harry Potter Geek always said that Harry Potter had a really interesting and unique storyline to it, making it original, unlike Lord of the Rings, who, the Harry Potter Geek claimed, was practically the same as any other Dungeons and Dragons type of story. A band of wizards and warriors along with midgets to go and fight an army of Orks or Skeletons, whatever the case may be, and that they've got to destroy an evil wizard or cloaked skeleton that plans on taking over the world they inhabit. He claims that they're all the same thing as one another. And that Harry Potter had cool and funny characters, unlike the Lord of the Rings, whose characters were too serious and too much drama that it made it stupid and boring. Ah, but of course, the Lord of the Rings Geek did fight back, saying this: Harry Potter is for little kids, and that its storyline was plain and stupid. No action, unlike the Lord of the Rings. He also said that the characters in the Lord of the Rings could kill any of the characters from Harry Potter, or Harry "Pothead" as he liked to say.
But the Geeks' obsessions never intertwined- the Star Wars Geek always argued with the Star Trek Geek, and ditto to the Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings Geeks. Never had all four of them actually argued all at once and together as to what was the coolest thing ever. Never had they ever done this.
Never.
Until now.
And that's when it all began, on that fateful day of June 15th. That was the day when the War of the Geeks broke out.
JUNE 15, 2004
The weather for today, as it was claimed in the newspaper, was supposed to be "bright and sunny, with a high of 89, little clouds". What a perfect day to go outside with your friends and play baseball at the park or go swimming or running around playing Laser Tag, all those outdoor activities that are available to a youngster in the summer.
But the Geeks weren't friends.
No- they were enemies! Each and every single one of them, enemies to each other. Hatred. Hatred in its purest form. To them, arguing is to only solution to defending their obsessions. But it's never the same each argument- new points are brought up, and you can either defend those points or fight to bring them down. And that's exactly what the four Geeks did.
The Star Wars Geek was walking down the sidewalk on this day, listening to the "Empire Strikes Back" soundtrack on his CD player. He particularly liked the "Battle of Hoth" song, and was listening to that as he walked by the front yard that belonged to the Lord of the Rings Geek. He knew of him- although they did not converse very much, he knew he very much so loved the Lord of the Rings. Even the Star Wars Geek found the movies themselves to be "okay", but it still did not meet his overall satisfactory. "Too long" is what he always said.
Also in the front yard of the Lord of the Rings Geek was the Harry Potter Geek. As usual, the two were arguing as to which one of their obsessions is better. The Star Wars Geek also knew of the Harry Potter Geek and his obsession with that. Now, the Star Wars Geek disliked Harry Potter very much, simply because he felt it ruined the entire Wizard and Witches and Dungeons and Dragons genre, and he felt that it was stupid and that he was sick and tired of always seeing kids defeating the bad guys. (Where he came up with this thought I have no idea) And he didn't even bother with seeing the movies; his reason being was that they're all "too long".
But overall, the Star Wars Geek was never a "true" fan or obsessed with either of the two, and he planned on keeping it that way. He would always remain a true fanatic of the Star Wars saga.
As he walked by the front yard, the two other Geeks were arguing with true anger and determination. The Star Wars Geek couldn't help himself but to stop and watch- to him, this was amusing.
"Why do they have to speak 'elven' or in any other of those different languages? That's dumb!"
"Why not? Harry talks to snakes in a language no one can understand! Now that is dumb!"
"Oh yeah? Well why is it that..."
The Star Wars Geek just stood his ground and chuckled; how stupid they looked! Arguing about some stupid story about wizards and kings and such! And so, from out of nowhere, he began to walk up to the two arguing Geeks and watch the argument up close and personal.
He got in pretty far; maybe a foot or so from the arguing Geeks. He was trying his best to not break out laughing. It took the two arguing Geeks thirty seconds to realize that he was standing there before them.
"Yeah, what is it?" inquired the Lord of the Rings Geek, with a rude tone in his voice.
"Yes, what do you want?" asked the Harry Potter Geek.
"I don't know... I saw you two standing here and arguing with each other that I couldn't help myself but just to come over here and see what all the shoutin' was about."
"You know what the shouting was about!"
"Yeah, so why don't you just bug off?"
"Bug off?" the Star Wars Geek asked. "But why would I do that?"
"'Cause if you can see here, we're having a little discussion here on..."
"I know, I know... Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. Whoop-de- crap."
"Oh, insulting us, are you?" said the angered Harry Potter Geek.
"Insulting you?" replied the Star Wars Geek, with a tone of laughter mixed within. "How am I insulting you? I believe that you are insulting yourselves!"
"Oh really?" the Lord of the Rings Geek said.
"Yes, I think you are!"
"Well then, if you can insult me, I can surely insult you!" the Lord of the Rings Geek dared.
"Go 'head!" responded the Star Wars Geek.
"Fine... Star Wars sucks!"
No movement at all from any of the three Geeks. Dead silence. The Star Wars Geek was slowly taking in what he had just heard. Anger went souring through his body.
"What did you just say?"
"You heard me! Star Wars SUCKS!"
"Oh, okay! Now I know where you're coming from! Well, I'll have you know that Star Wars can easily kill the entire Lord of the Rings characters in one big blast!"
"Oh really?"
"Yes really!"
"Using what?"
"The Death Star, of course!"
The Lord of the Rings Geek stopped for a moment. He's got a point, he thought. But how about hand to hand combat?
"Lord of the Rings could kick Star Wars' rear end in hand-to-hand combat!" said the Lord of the Rings Geek.
"How can you possibly figure? Star Wars has a huge variety of lasers and blasters to choose from!"
"But can those 'huge variety of lasers and blasters' stop waves after waves of humans and elves, all carrying swords and shields? I don't think so!"
"Let's just say it'd be a good fight!" responded the Star Wars Geek.
"Yes... let's just say it'd be a good fight..." said the Lord of the Rings Geek, thus bringing that part of the argument to an end.
"Well, now that you've mentioned the use of fighting with swords, ha, they'd stand no chance in front of a Jedi holding a lightsaber!"
"I don't think so!"
The Lord of the Rings Geek was now five inches away from the face of the Star Wars Geek. Anger and hatred was running through the veins of both Geeks.
"Yeah well, Harry Potter has spells and curses he can shoot at all you guys!" the Harry Potter Geek said, breaking the shortened angered silence between the other two Geeks. But it didn't improve the situation one bit. No- it made it worse.
The other two Geeks slowly looked over to the other one. He stood there, lonely, no Allies at his side. He didn't stand a chance against the other two. At least, that's what the other two Geeks thought.
And so, with the Harry Potter Geek opening up his mouth, a new argument began. One saying this, the other saying that, and so on and so fourth. It would have been only a matter of time before the fourth Geek would step in.
He came in, walking in the same direction and on the same sidewalk as the Star Wars Geek did. Wearing a Star Fleet Insignia pin on his shirt, right over his left breast, he felt as if he did belong to be a crew on the starship Enterprise. Ah, but of course, sometimes fiction can't always meet reality. But fiction can always meet imagination. And that's exactly what the Star Trek Geek thought.
He did the same approach as did the Star Wars Geek. He stood his ground on the sidewalk and took in pleasure at staring at the arguing trio. He wasted no time in entering in on the fun.
He walked up the grass of the front yard of the Lord of the Rings Geek, and was soon up close with the arguing threesome. His mind quickly conjured up an attack phrase, and out it came:
"You know, Star Trek can blow all of your guys any ol' day," he said in a somewhat calm voice.
And thus, the fourth Geek has entered into this battle. But a battle it shall no longer be called. No- this, my friends, is just the beginning of the War of the Geeks.
To Be Continued...