Author: Ankara Stark
Title: Reoccurring Nightmares
Rating: R for some violent content/language and some possible adult content
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any of its affiliates.
Chapter Two
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"… Because I love you."
"Kaoru!" he gasped, Kenshin's eyes snapping open instantly. His head shot straight up in surprise, a hand resting up on the hilt of the sakabatou out of habit. His keen eyes took in his surroundings instantly; he was seated on the floor of his room at the Kamiya dojo, a place that had become his home. He was trying to catch his breath, panting harshly, upset by his own actions in the nightmare that he had dreamt. The ex-hitokiri's trusty sakabatou was resting up against his shoulder as it always did when he slept sitting against the wall. The dojo, he realized with relief after a moment, it… It hadn't burned down! Drawing in a shaky breath, he allowed himself a moment's peace to collect himself, lowering his forehead to touch his upraised knee. His violet eyes were clenched tightly together in concentration. It was just a dream. It was just a dream, he repeated to himself like a mantra, just a dream. Which means that none of it really happened. I didn't hold my sword to Kaoru's throat, he thought. I haven't again become the Battousai that I once was. I have not gone back to killing… His heart swelled with relief and he sank back to lean against the wall behind him, closing his eyes… Kaoru was safe. I wasn't hurting her or making her cry- he stopped and shook his head, mentally berating himself for not showing Kaoru enough respect. Even in his private thoughts, she at least deserved that. Kaoru-dono, he silently corrected himself, his lips forming a thin line. Kenshin then let out a wistful sigh. Kaoru-dono… How could something so simple as an honorific title build such a wall between two people? How could he let such a thing as simple as that keep him from admitting his true feelings for her? But more importantly, why did he harbor such feelings for the young woman? He had been married once and bore the scar his fateful love had left behind on his cheek… Why did his heart want to jump headfirst back into the dangerous water of the romance pool? Hadn't he given up such foolish inclinations when his Tomoe had died by his own hand? How could he betray her memory by falling in love with another?
She's dead, Kenshin, something told him in the back of his mind. She's no longer here for you. You've gone ten years without so much as touching another woman's cheek… Isn't it time for you to stop your heart from wandering? You've found yourself a place to live… Why not find yourself the woman who will be your true home.
Because I can't, he then thought irritably. I cannot put such high expectations on Kaoru-dono, that I cannot… And I cannot expect her to feel for me the things that I feel for her.
But maybe she does love you.
I only dreamed of her telling me that she loved me, he argued with himself. It was only a dream… she didn't say it. It was only a dream… But then again, why would someone as sinful as me expect someone as good and kind-hearted as her to say such a thing? He pushed himself away from the wall and leaned forward, wrapping his arms around his upraised knees, feeling nothing but self-hatred and disgust with himself. And even if she does believe that she's in love with me, the reasonable side of his mind argued, it is more-than-likely just a case of a childhood crush. She is far too young to fully understand the true meaning of love.
So when did you become such a professional when it comes to such things? His other half asked sarcastically. Why don't you just give her a chance?
Why should I? Kaoru-dono is just a child. She doesn't know what she's doing, his more reserved side argued.
Yeah, a child who was old enough to know what she was doing by taking an ex-hitokiri into her own home, came the snide reply.
Kenshin frowned and pushed both warring halves from his mind before placing his hands on the floor and pushing himself to his feet. He looped his sheathed sword through his pant belt and let out a wistful sigh; he needed some fresh air. Otherwise, he was going to go insane. But oh, how he longed to call he by her name alone… Kaoru. How easily the name slid off the tip of his tongue… And speaking of tongue, imagine what she might taste like-- No, he thought with an inward groan. Let's not go even think about anything related to that again. She is far too young and pure for someone like me.
Kenshin silently padded across the room and slid the door open before stepping out into the hall, closing the door behind him. He slowly found himself wandering the small hall on his way outside, passing by a room where loud snoring noises were emitting. Yahiko… If anyone could rival the thunder of a storm with the sound of their snoring, it would most certainly be that young man. Without a doubt, he could wake the neighboring households from their slumber without even giving an effort.
Kenshin paused for a moment outside the young swordsman's door before he slid the thin door open, leaning against the doorway as he watched over the sleeping boy. His jet-black hair defied gravity even while he was laying down, the spikes sticking out at peculiar angles from all over his head. His deep brown eyes were closed in sleep, his mouth, on the other hand, left wide open for the world to see as well as hear, the volume of his snoring only seeming to increase with each passing moment. While Myojin Yahiko was not very large in size, much like Kenshin, he wasn't afraid to fight for what he believed in and refused to back down to any enemy that threatens him or someone he loved… He was especially protective of Sanzou Tsubame, a shy and very petite young girl who had earned herself a special place in the young man's heart. The two of them worked together at the Akabeko, a popular restaurant in Tokyo, which was owned by a friend named Tae, who also just happened to be Tsubame's aunt. Both Tsubame and Tae had brown hair, dark eyes, and heart-shaped faces, the sharing of genetics very apparent in their appearances. Yahiko was extremely protective of Tsubame, and, just like Kenshin had sworn himself to protect Kaoru and her happiness, Yahiko had sworn himself to protect Tsubame and her happiness. It was very easy for the ex-hitokiri to imagine the two youngsters getting married when they were older.
Kenshin smiled gently at the thought and watched the young boy sleep for several more moments before quietly stepping of the doorway. He slid the screen shut behind him, then he turned and continued his trek down the hall, lost in his thoughts about the disturbing dream he'd had only minutes before. The sound of his sandals scuffing along the wood floor was the noise, aside from Yahiko's obnoxious snoring, that could be heard throughout the dojo. He needed air. Kenshin passed by Kaoru's room and walked outside, standing out on the porch. Leaning against one of the polls, the redhead let his forehead rest against it so that it would support his weight for him, closing his eyes and drawing in a deep breath of relief. The cold winter air bit at his skin through his thin clothing and he exhaled, watching the vapor of his breath in the dark night air. The swordsman stayed that way for several minutes, just enjoying the feel of the icy air upon his skin before turning and walking back into the dojo. Suddenly, he snapped out of his reverie, only to find himself standing before Kaoru's bedroom door. How many nights had he spent sleeping outside this very door after he fought to get Kaoru back after Jin'e had abducted and held her hostage? Closing his eyes, he leaned his head forward and rested it against the wood surrounding the thin paper door before him. He needed to get his thoughts and emotions under control soon or else he was afraid he was going to lose it. Whenever it came to Kaoru being in danger or just a thought of her being in danger, Kenshin could immediately feel himself losing his control. And that was something he greatly feared. She meant everything to him and he was willing to give everything he had, including his own life, in order to ensure her safety… and had almost become the broken his promise not to kill again in order to do so when Jin'e came. But he had to remain focused and in control of his emotions- he couldn't risk losing control of his emotions in fear of its repercussions. The truth was that he was in love her, but he would never actually admit it to anyone, even though his best friend, Sano, would constantly tease him about her. He knew about Kenshin's feelings for Kaoru, but Sano also knew that the ex-hitokiri could never make his love known to her in fear of tainting her with the blood from his wretched past. The blood on his hands could never be washed away; Kenshin carried that emotional baggage of his past with him wherever he went for the past ten years; he could not risk tainting her purity with his gruesome past. But that is exactly what he would be doing if he let himself become romantically involved with her; if he touched her in the way he had longed to since she first charged him in the street during their first meeting, he knew that he wouldn't be able to resist and would only give in to the temptation of lust and romance. He couldn't bring himself to do that to her. She was too young, too innocent… but most importantly, she was not ready.
Pushing away from the bedroom doorway, he began to turn away, only to stop when he heard a sobbing sound come from the other side of the closed door. He paused, furrowing his eyebrows as he tilted his head as he turned back to the door. After waiting a few moments, only silence greeted him and he figured that he had imagined the sound. Just before he could turn away again, though, he heard another sound come from inside the room. He narrowed his eyes and flicked out his sakabatou from its sheath, concerned about her safety. What if someone was in there with her, if someone was hurting her? He placed his hand on the door, "Kaoru-dono?" He paused before sliding it open a little. "Kaoru-dono, are you alright?"
Lying in the middle of the room on her futon was Kaoru.
She was lying on her side, facing him where he stood in the doorway. Her midnight black hair fanned out around her on her neck pillow, contrasting sharply with the creamy pale complexion of her skin. The sheet that had once been lying upon her was now twisted about her long, beautiful legs. Beside her on the bed, both of her small hands clenched the bedding beneath her tightly with her fists, holding on to it as if her very life depended on it. When Kenshin's eyes roamed upward, they met an even more enticing sight. The young woman's sleeping yukata had dipped dangerously low and open around her chest and neck, affording the swordsman standing before her a generous view of her cleavage.
Kenshin forced his eyes away from the tempting sight to look at the moonlight that filtered in through the window, accentuating her curves with the light and shadows it afforded. And though he had always thought her beautiful, even when hot and sweaty from her vigorous training sessions with Yahiko, seeing her like this made his heart skip a beat and breathing become more of a chore than an instinct. He had to force himself to take a deep, shuddering breath to get himself in check. Why did she have to be so beautiful, so incredibly enticing and utterly breathtaking? Seeing her like this- beautiful and sensual while also in need of protection in her current state of helplessness- sent his mind reeling. It made his body want to instinctively react; his mind have thoughts that he wasn't sure he wanted to have, not trusting how his body many want to react to such ideas and longings.
"Kenshin," Kaoru suddenly murmured, breaking him out of his train of thought. Though she still slept, her eyebrows tightly knitted together, as if she was worried about something. Suddenly she appeared almost fearful and she let out a whimper. "K-Kenshin… P-please… don't…" Her voice trailed off and she rolled onto her back, tossing her head back and forth on the pillow, fitfully. She murmured incomprehensively, continuing to struggle against some unknown enemy... or perhaps she was fighting against him in her dream. But why would she be doing that? She knew that he would never raise a finger in any way that could possibly harm her. It was obvious that she was having a bad dream, but why was she calling out his name? … But more importantly, what did she imagine that he was doing to her in that dream that she wanted him to not do or stop doing? He would never do anything that she didn't want him to do, so why was she dreaming that he would?
With that questioning thought, his eyes suddenly widened with surprise. Could it be that she is having the same dream… the same hellish nightmare that I had just awakened from a few minutes ago? Kenshin wondered to himself, but then immediately dismissed the thought as an absurd and impossible one before glancing around the room to make sure that she was, in fact, alone. When he was confident that they were, the ex-hitokiri proceeded to relinquish the hold he had on the handle of his weapon. Stealthily crossing the room, he knelt down on one knee by her side. He lifted a hand to touch her face in an attempt to comfort her during her nightmare but then suddenly stilled, the hand hovering just millimeters away from her cheek. He realized that the reason he wanted to touch her wasn't to comfort her, but rather because his ached to caress her smooth skin. Closing his eyes, he turned his face away, ignoring his own longing and pulled his hand away. How could I be so selfish at a time like this? Kenshin wondered, feeling completely and utterly disgusted with himself and immediately withdrew from her side, slowly rising to his feet. His sandaled feel shuffled forward a few steps toward the door, but no sooner had he done that did she let out another heart-wrenching whimper. Kenshin stopped walking altogether and turned slightly toward her, glancing over his shoulder at her through his thick red bangs. Why did she only whimper when he started to leave? It was almost as if she knew he was leaving or that his presence had somehow calmed her. But how could that possibly be, though? She wasn't even conscious, how could she know that he was even there? Kenshin waited for a few moments before turning to leave again, only to stop when she whimpered more, only this time a little more frantically, tossing and turning on her futon restlessly, becoming more tangled in the ensnaring sheets. Letting out a sigh and hanging his head forward in resignation, he stepped closer to where she slept and leaned against the wall. After pulling his sheathed sword from his belt, Kenshin slid down against the wall with his back until he was sitting on the ground beside her unconscious form. He stood his sword so that it was leaning upright against his shoulder and he raised one knee, tilting his head forward, hoping that he might be able to go back to sleep. This was probably going to be one of the longest nights of his life, from the looks of things. Her dreams were the only place that he could not reach in order to protect her… he felt helpless.
Kenshin glanced up once more at the beautiful woman sleeping before him, his slightly darkened violet eyes tracing her curves once more before flickering over to stare outside the window at the pitch-black sky outside. The grown man sighed and pulled his arms further up into the sleeves of his long gi in an attempt to keep his hands warm in the cold winter weather. Yes… It was definitely going to be a long night.
With that last thought, Kenshin leaned his head back against the wall and stared up at the ceiling above them through his long, thick bangs. The ex-rurouni, ex-hitokiri remained awake, ignoring his fatigue from not sleeping well. He had the very same nightmare every night for the last few weeks. He wasn't able to allow himself to go back to sleep afterward, though, almost fearful of what dreams may await him. He had been battling his inner demon for the last 10 years; why was the Battousai making another appearance in his dreams now? Something was wrong, he could feel it, but he didn't know for certain what it was. And because of that, every night had become a routine: he would wake up from his nightmare, get up and walk around the dojo for hours on end, but he would usually end up sleeping on the floor just outside her bedroom door while she slept. Then he would leave to go make breakfast hours later before she would awaken and know that he had even been there. Tonight, however, things would be different; he would be staying right by her bedside to ensure her safety while she slept, that thought a comforting one for him to use in aid of battling his nightmares. Just as her presence involuntarily comforted him, tonight, he would provide her comfort she obviously needed while she battled with her own dark dreams.
Cracking on eye open, Kenshin glanced over her sleeping form one last time, watching her chest rise and fall with each breath she would take, noting how her breathing had become regular and even since he'd sat down by her side. Letting the one eye close once more, he surrendered to what he assumed would be the darkness of his dreams, only to find his dreams to be filled with light when sleeping in Kaoru's presence; she took his nightmares away.
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Author's notes: Hopefully I've met all your expectations thus far. I'll continue writing and will post the next chapter when I get the opportunity, but my job also keeps me busy, so bear with me here. ;)
FireKitsune: Yes, it was a dream, which is why it was written in bold italics. Bold italics signify a dream, whereas regular italics symbolize what someone is thinking.
Yuna-chan: I plan to. :) I just need to find the time to do so!
MysticGohan3: Thank you!
Ren-Okye: Thank you kindly!
Kyia Star: Yeah, hehe. I figured that I might as well give it a try. I haven't written a fan fic in about two years, so I figured it was time to try another one!
Neko: The Cat That's Everywhere: First, I'd like to say that I love your pen name, hehe. Next, thank you for your kind words. I'll try and update it as soon as possible and am glad that you enjoyed it so much and felt like you were part of the story!
Brooke: Suspense is the key to any good piece of writing. ;) Always have to leave your audience hanging onto the edge of their seat.
8462: For a second, I thought this was the Star Trek species 8472… close, but no cookie! ^_^ And as for your question, you'll just have to keep on reading to find out!
Nanakilover/Brukaoru: Sorry, I'm not very good at writing descriptions ^_^;; And I was desperately trying to write a quick one, so I apologize if you found it inadequate!
Sephira jo: Hehe… Your threat alone is enough motivation for me to keep writing. ;)
Unearthly Emperor: Thank you very much! I'll try to do so ASAP!
Disturbed-demon-gurl: Thank you as well. This is the first fiction for Rurouni Kenshin that I've written (if you don't count a poem), so it was a new experience and I wasn't sure if I'd properly captured the Battousai's personality in my writing.
Linggoddess: Thanks, hehe. Yes, it was very evil for me to leave you all with a cliffhanger, but you'll just have to hang around and wait to find out what happens in the next few chapters!
ShilvigrlAmyjenc1: Thank you kindly, Sofa-chan.
Kard of Dark: I hope that you'll also find the next few chapters as emotional for you.
Thank you all again for your kind reviews! I'll keep writing if you all keep reviewing! ;)