I'm sorry I made some of you tear up! It was a necessary evil but don't
put the Kleenex away just yet. We're getting down to the wire (I think
five more chapters and we're done!) and there's still one major turn in
events that none of you see coming (or at least I think none of you see
coming)
He kept his eyes closed and wished he could turn the clock back. Yes, turning the clock back at this particular moment would most definitely be a good thing. This had to be the worst hang over in his life. This was one of those 'please-oh-G-d-make-this-end-now-and-I-promise-promise-promise-to- be-good' hangover. He was back together with Alice. But he thought adamantly on how he didn't have THAT much to drink. Wait, no...*Okay, I admit it. I was plastered* he thought and he sighed under the mask of closed eyes. This would not be a good thing. They had broken up for good reason and now they were almost back to square one. Why had they broken up? you may find yourself asking. Well, Alice hated his lifestyle. She wanted a real boyfriend and he wanted a real life. He had gone out with her and they had become serious until he broke it off. And now, they were back together. They got to talking at a party the other night and as much as he hate to admit it, he was a little on the drunk side and they ended up getting back together and getting back into their old routines.
Alice was Alice. She was safe and sweet and..okay, she was a little boring. She was not stunning but her touch was comfortable with the exception of her nails. Vaughn felt his body cringe at the remembrance of Alice's long, acrylic nails tracing the outline of his tattoo on his left shoulder. It was worse than nails on a chalkboard, pardon the pun. He shuddered and his mind back to how much his body hurt. It hurt to take a breath.
Something about this whole situation didn't feel right. His eyes fluttered open and he immediately recognized his surroundings.
Oh crap.
He knew he had felt like this before but this wasn't the same reason. He wasn't hung over. He was coming out the anesthesia in a disgusting hospital. He groaned as he vividly remembered what happened the last time he really felt this way. As you can probably guess, it was when he got back together with Alice. But now, he couldn't figure out why he was here.
The lights in the ICU were dim, almost black and the only thing blinking was a little clocked that proudly glowed 4:59. He was attached to all sorts of machines. His heart was being monitored, he had three or four IV's, and he had a tube running above his lip, delivering pure oxygen through his nose. He had to admit, he didn't exactly look attractive. "Please don't let Sydney see me like this." He closed his eyes and prayed quickly. If he knew her and he did, she would be there with that horrified look at her face. He saw her in his mind's eye and hated what he saw. He had seen that look of horror and sympathy a multitude of times. Once, it was the Joint Task Force medical ward. It was her sitting on the bed across from him. It was when the doctor had told her that she was fine...she hadn't been directly exposed but he, something was wrong with his blood- work. This horrified look came over her face as the doctor told her to go......told her to leave him. Then there was a look when she confronted him about the cancer...and she learned the truth.
With the exception of the familiar beeping of the machine, there was absolute silence. And part of him, wished that the machine would stop beeping. Sure, that would mean that he would die but it would be easier to die a quick, painless death rather than a horrifying death that he had read about.
Breathe in and out.
He opened his eyes fully and felt the sleepiness drain from his eyes. There was Sydney sitting on a chair, with her head rested on his bed and her hands wrapped around his. He smiled softly and gripped his hand, clasped in hers, tighter. "Hey you." He managed to speak. He watched her eyes open slowly and her come to terms with her surroundings. She looked so beautiful with her hair astray and no make-up on.
"You yourself." She pulled herself closer to him. "How are you feeling?" Her hand flew up to his face and caressed it softly.
He shivered slightly and leaned into her warm hand. This hospital gown did not leave much fabric for warmth and her touch was the only source of heat. "It's five o'clock in the morning. You should be home sleeping." The tone of his voice scolded her and not answering his question.
"Couldn't sleep." She felt like she was a five year old that got her hand caught in the cookie jar. "I'm worried about you, whether you like it or not. The doctors said you came out of surgery well. You went through with flying colors. How did you sleep?" She crept up towards him and pulled the blanket around his shoulders. A small smile started to appear on her face as she realized how peaceful he looked. She felt her heart breaking at the realization that she would have to tell him that the treatment that brought him through hell was not working and he was racing against the clock.
He wanted to be honest with her. He wanted to tell her how he loved her and how afraid he was that he would die and never wake and see their children. He wanted to tell her that everything was going to be okay and that he was going to outlive everyone else on the planet. But a partial truth escaped his lips. "I've had better nights."
"Yeah." She sighed and rested her head on her hands that were propped up on her knees.
"You didn't sleep?"
"I didn't sleep."
Even in his groggy state, he could still lecture her. "You shouldn't be worried abut me, Syd. This is the way it goes. I think it will be all over soon, though. This treatment will work." He tried to sound convincing but knew it was falling on deaf ears. She was going to worry about him regardless and if anything had happened, she would know about the treatment not working.
"I know but still. It doesn't stop me from worrying about you."
"And it never stops me from worrying about you." Vaughn tilted his head to the side. He managed to smile but soon a small laugh gave way to a fit of coughing. "You make me nervous sometimes when you're out on those missions. I worry."
"I'm always safe." Sydney responded and watched his tired green eyes flicker with every breath. She straightened up and starred at him for a moment. She opened her mouth to speak but quickly decided against it.
"What?" he asked drowsily.
Sydney forced herself to laugh. It filled the space between them. She was exhausted and tried not to let it show. She had to assume it was the drugs talking. He was on very high doses of morphine to numb is failing body. "You spent all that time worrying about me and now, the tables have turned."
"Yeah, I guess that's true."
They sank into silence for a little bit. She had grown used to be silent. Sometimes it was better not to say anything and let her own breath and beating heart make enough conversation. She started to wish that her heart would correspond with his and they could pulsate together.
"What happened? Why am I here?" He managed to ask after a while.
She cleared her throat and inched closer to him, "Well, the tumor in your lung caused some fluid build up and some hemorrhaging. You stopped breathing and your heart stopped but they rushed you into emergency surgery and they managed to remove some of it." She finished and watched his reaction carefully. She was sure to mention every detail and was satisfied with her response.
He felt like he was suckered punch, "Is the treatment working?" All those nights were wasted. He had been a slaved through the depths of his spirit and forced to stay there.
"I'm so sorry, Vaughn." She managed to whisper. She let her hands fly to his face and held his head in her hands for a moment. "We're going to get through this, okay? We're going to get through this."He could only think about how the treatment hadn't worked and he was dying. Vaughn started to cry. "Don't be afraid. You're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine." She moved from her chair to the corner of the bed and ran her hands over this forehead, attempting to reassure him the same way that Weiss and Will had tried to reassure him.
He felt her nails but didn't cringe at her nails. Her touch was sweet and simple. He loved her more than anything and felt like he didn't tell her that enough. They lost over ten months together and now they were fighting the clock. He was dying and he didn't know how to tell her that. "Please don't leave."
She fought the tears coming rapidly to her eyes. "I'm not going anywhere."
"I just need you to stay for a few minutes. I'm..I'm....I'm scared. I don't want to die." He admitted this to her and felt her kiss his forehead, her lips lingering there for a moment.
"You're gonna be fine." Her voice started to shake as she sat back up and looked at him, her fingers continually combing through his hair.
"If I...if I die...I want you to know-" He attempted to keep his voice steady.
"Vaughn, please don't talk like that."
It wouldn't be so bad to get into an argument with her. She was fun to argue with. She was that girl in high school that did so much and was so outspoken, every guy had a crush on her but would never ask her out because they were scare that she would scream or threaten a debate on women's rights issues. No, he had to keep his voice strong as he said this. "If I die, I want you to know that I wouldn't change anything. I would never change joining the CIA or becoming your handler. I wouldn't change a thing." Tears started to glaze over his eyes and one threatened to roll down his cheek. "I love you more than anything else in this world. I would throw myself in front of a moving train to keep you safe. I love you, Sydney Bristow."
Her face was already moist with tears..tears he wanted so desperately to wipe them away. She wanted to say something....anything. "I love you too, Michael Vaughn."
"You called me Michael." He grinned his lopsided grin as his eyes started to flutter close. He didn't realize how tired he was. He held onto her again. His body shook from the pain he was admit. Each breath hurt in its wake. "Stay for just a few minutes...I don't need sleep that badly. I was asleep for.....I don't need sleep." Vaughn repeated again, his eyelashes were fluttering.
She slithered down and lay beside him, his head resting on her shoulder. She pulled the blanket up further to cover up his neck after she untangled her hands from his. "I'll stay until you fall asleep, how's that?"
"Quoi s'agit-il?" He murmured quietly as his eyes started to close. *What's it all about?"
"Il s'agit d'amour." Sydney responded, resting her head on the uncomfortable pillow.
"Yeah," he sighed contently. "It's all about love." He took one last look at her and his eyes fluttered shut. He was out cold.
She lay there for a moment, listening to his breath and watching his chest rise and fall. He was so peaceful when he slept. She sat in the hospital almost alone but she had Vaughn right in her owns hands and all she could do was sit there and hold onto him tightly. As she watched him drift off into the quiet, drug induced sleep, she thought of the conversation she had had before she had the courage to venture into the room.
"Sydney." A steel voice broke out through the noise of the hospital as Sydney stood motionless in front of the large glass window.
She turned around and saw her father, perfectly pressed black suit, standing there. "Dad?" She rushed to his side and into his arms. "I thought you were tied up with work."
"I was. Now I'm not." He replied simply, wrapping his arms around his daughter. "What is Vaughn's condition?"
She stepped back slightly and looked up at her father, "It'll be fine. It'll be fine" she lied and shook her hand dismissing any idea that everything was less than peaches and cream.
Jack looked at her hard and then nodded coldly. "Yes, I'm sure that's true." He recognized this more than he recognized anything else in his world. This was the first stage of grieving. His daughter was in absolute denial of what was going on. He watched her turn back to the window, saying something about going in to see him soon and he was left to wonder when she was going to accept what was going on. And he wasn't sure if he wanted to be there when she did. If she was anything like him, she would crash hard, just like he did.
Back in the present, Sydney moved away from the bed to find an uncomfortable chair to curl up in and without much thought, drifted into an uncomfortable sleep.
He kept his eyes closed and wished he could turn the clock back. Yes, turning the clock back at this particular moment would most definitely be a good thing. This had to be the worst hang over in his life. This was one of those 'please-oh-G-d-make-this-end-now-and-I-promise-promise-promise-to- be-good' hangover. He was back together with Alice. But he thought adamantly on how he didn't have THAT much to drink. Wait, no...*Okay, I admit it. I was plastered* he thought and he sighed under the mask of closed eyes. This would not be a good thing. They had broken up for good reason and now they were almost back to square one. Why had they broken up? you may find yourself asking. Well, Alice hated his lifestyle. She wanted a real boyfriend and he wanted a real life. He had gone out with her and they had become serious until he broke it off. And now, they were back together. They got to talking at a party the other night and as much as he hate to admit it, he was a little on the drunk side and they ended up getting back together and getting back into their old routines.
Alice was Alice. She was safe and sweet and..okay, she was a little boring. She was not stunning but her touch was comfortable with the exception of her nails. Vaughn felt his body cringe at the remembrance of Alice's long, acrylic nails tracing the outline of his tattoo on his left shoulder. It was worse than nails on a chalkboard, pardon the pun. He shuddered and his mind back to how much his body hurt. It hurt to take a breath.
Something about this whole situation didn't feel right. His eyes fluttered open and he immediately recognized his surroundings.
Oh crap.
He knew he had felt like this before but this wasn't the same reason. He wasn't hung over. He was coming out the anesthesia in a disgusting hospital. He groaned as he vividly remembered what happened the last time he really felt this way. As you can probably guess, it was when he got back together with Alice. But now, he couldn't figure out why he was here.
The lights in the ICU were dim, almost black and the only thing blinking was a little clocked that proudly glowed 4:59. He was attached to all sorts of machines. His heart was being monitored, he had three or four IV's, and he had a tube running above his lip, delivering pure oxygen through his nose. He had to admit, he didn't exactly look attractive. "Please don't let Sydney see me like this." He closed his eyes and prayed quickly. If he knew her and he did, she would be there with that horrified look at her face. He saw her in his mind's eye and hated what he saw. He had seen that look of horror and sympathy a multitude of times. Once, it was the Joint Task Force medical ward. It was her sitting on the bed across from him. It was when the doctor had told her that she was fine...she hadn't been directly exposed but he, something was wrong with his blood- work. This horrified look came over her face as the doctor told her to go......told her to leave him. Then there was a look when she confronted him about the cancer...and she learned the truth.
With the exception of the familiar beeping of the machine, there was absolute silence. And part of him, wished that the machine would stop beeping. Sure, that would mean that he would die but it would be easier to die a quick, painless death rather than a horrifying death that he had read about.
Breathe in and out.
He opened his eyes fully and felt the sleepiness drain from his eyes. There was Sydney sitting on a chair, with her head rested on his bed and her hands wrapped around his. He smiled softly and gripped his hand, clasped in hers, tighter. "Hey you." He managed to speak. He watched her eyes open slowly and her come to terms with her surroundings. She looked so beautiful with her hair astray and no make-up on.
"You yourself." She pulled herself closer to him. "How are you feeling?" Her hand flew up to his face and caressed it softly.
He shivered slightly and leaned into her warm hand. This hospital gown did not leave much fabric for warmth and her touch was the only source of heat. "It's five o'clock in the morning. You should be home sleeping." The tone of his voice scolded her and not answering his question.
"Couldn't sleep." She felt like she was a five year old that got her hand caught in the cookie jar. "I'm worried about you, whether you like it or not. The doctors said you came out of surgery well. You went through with flying colors. How did you sleep?" She crept up towards him and pulled the blanket around his shoulders. A small smile started to appear on her face as she realized how peaceful he looked. She felt her heart breaking at the realization that she would have to tell him that the treatment that brought him through hell was not working and he was racing against the clock.
He wanted to be honest with her. He wanted to tell her how he loved her and how afraid he was that he would die and never wake and see their children. He wanted to tell her that everything was going to be okay and that he was going to outlive everyone else on the planet. But a partial truth escaped his lips. "I've had better nights."
"Yeah." She sighed and rested her head on her hands that were propped up on her knees.
"You didn't sleep?"
"I didn't sleep."
Even in his groggy state, he could still lecture her. "You shouldn't be worried abut me, Syd. This is the way it goes. I think it will be all over soon, though. This treatment will work." He tried to sound convincing but knew it was falling on deaf ears. She was going to worry about him regardless and if anything had happened, she would know about the treatment not working.
"I know but still. It doesn't stop me from worrying about you."
"And it never stops me from worrying about you." Vaughn tilted his head to the side. He managed to smile but soon a small laugh gave way to a fit of coughing. "You make me nervous sometimes when you're out on those missions. I worry."
"I'm always safe." Sydney responded and watched his tired green eyes flicker with every breath. She straightened up and starred at him for a moment. She opened her mouth to speak but quickly decided against it.
"What?" he asked drowsily.
Sydney forced herself to laugh. It filled the space between them. She was exhausted and tried not to let it show. She had to assume it was the drugs talking. He was on very high doses of morphine to numb is failing body. "You spent all that time worrying about me and now, the tables have turned."
"Yeah, I guess that's true."
They sank into silence for a little bit. She had grown used to be silent. Sometimes it was better not to say anything and let her own breath and beating heart make enough conversation. She started to wish that her heart would correspond with his and they could pulsate together.
"What happened? Why am I here?" He managed to ask after a while.
She cleared her throat and inched closer to him, "Well, the tumor in your lung caused some fluid build up and some hemorrhaging. You stopped breathing and your heart stopped but they rushed you into emergency surgery and they managed to remove some of it." She finished and watched his reaction carefully. She was sure to mention every detail and was satisfied with her response.
He felt like he was suckered punch, "Is the treatment working?" All those nights were wasted. He had been a slaved through the depths of his spirit and forced to stay there.
"I'm so sorry, Vaughn." She managed to whisper. She let her hands fly to his face and held his head in her hands for a moment. "We're going to get through this, okay? We're going to get through this."He could only think about how the treatment hadn't worked and he was dying. Vaughn started to cry. "Don't be afraid. You're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine." She moved from her chair to the corner of the bed and ran her hands over this forehead, attempting to reassure him the same way that Weiss and Will had tried to reassure him.
He felt her nails but didn't cringe at her nails. Her touch was sweet and simple. He loved her more than anything and felt like he didn't tell her that enough. They lost over ten months together and now they were fighting the clock. He was dying and he didn't know how to tell her that. "Please don't leave."
She fought the tears coming rapidly to her eyes. "I'm not going anywhere."
"I just need you to stay for a few minutes. I'm..I'm....I'm scared. I don't want to die." He admitted this to her and felt her kiss his forehead, her lips lingering there for a moment.
"You're gonna be fine." Her voice started to shake as she sat back up and looked at him, her fingers continually combing through his hair.
"If I...if I die...I want you to know-" He attempted to keep his voice steady.
"Vaughn, please don't talk like that."
It wouldn't be so bad to get into an argument with her. She was fun to argue with. She was that girl in high school that did so much and was so outspoken, every guy had a crush on her but would never ask her out because they were scare that she would scream or threaten a debate on women's rights issues. No, he had to keep his voice strong as he said this. "If I die, I want you to know that I wouldn't change anything. I would never change joining the CIA or becoming your handler. I wouldn't change a thing." Tears started to glaze over his eyes and one threatened to roll down his cheek. "I love you more than anything else in this world. I would throw myself in front of a moving train to keep you safe. I love you, Sydney Bristow."
Her face was already moist with tears..tears he wanted so desperately to wipe them away. She wanted to say something....anything. "I love you too, Michael Vaughn."
"You called me Michael." He grinned his lopsided grin as his eyes started to flutter close. He didn't realize how tired he was. He held onto her again. His body shook from the pain he was admit. Each breath hurt in its wake. "Stay for just a few minutes...I don't need sleep that badly. I was asleep for.....I don't need sleep." Vaughn repeated again, his eyelashes were fluttering.
She slithered down and lay beside him, his head resting on her shoulder. She pulled the blanket up further to cover up his neck after she untangled her hands from his. "I'll stay until you fall asleep, how's that?"
"Quoi s'agit-il?" He murmured quietly as his eyes started to close. *What's it all about?"
"Il s'agit d'amour." Sydney responded, resting her head on the uncomfortable pillow.
"Yeah," he sighed contently. "It's all about love." He took one last look at her and his eyes fluttered shut. He was out cold.
She lay there for a moment, listening to his breath and watching his chest rise and fall. He was so peaceful when he slept. She sat in the hospital almost alone but she had Vaughn right in her owns hands and all she could do was sit there and hold onto him tightly. As she watched him drift off into the quiet, drug induced sleep, she thought of the conversation she had had before she had the courage to venture into the room.
"Sydney." A steel voice broke out through the noise of the hospital as Sydney stood motionless in front of the large glass window.
She turned around and saw her father, perfectly pressed black suit, standing there. "Dad?" She rushed to his side and into his arms. "I thought you were tied up with work."
"I was. Now I'm not." He replied simply, wrapping his arms around his daughter. "What is Vaughn's condition?"
She stepped back slightly and looked up at her father, "It'll be fine. It'll be fine" she lied and shook her hand dismissing any idea that everything was less than peaches and cream.
Jack looked at her hard and then nodded coldly. "Yes, I'm sure that's true." He recognized this more than he recognized anything else in his world. This was the first stage of grieving. His daughter was in absolute denial of what was going on. He watched her turn back to the window, saying something about going in to see him soon and he was left to wonder when she was going to accept what was going on. And he wasn't sure if he wanted to be there when she did. If she was anything like him, she would crash hard, just like he did.
Back in the present, Sydney moved away from the bed to find an uncomfortable chair to curl up in and without much thought, drifted into an uncomfortable sleep.