Ack. I know, it took ages for me to get this chapter out. But on the bright
side, I'm going to try and update it more regularly. I love writing it!
Anyway, I'd like to thank the following people for reviewing!
~ Crimson Flame
~ EclipseKlutz
~ giggy gal
~ Naomi SilverWolf
~ KrystaLuck
~ Andrea
~ ShellyMoon
~ chochang913
~ riyna*riddle
~ Freakish Guardian
~ Katani Petitedra
~ wingnut
~ LoonyLoopyLisa
~ Myuu/Kyuu
~ Kiori
~ Raine
~ Jess
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Ron, What ARE You Doing?
By Silver Wolf
Chapter Five
ARBRON: Hermione, Fred, George, Seamus, Dean and Neville (who had woken up after fainting) finally came to their senses and stepped away from the doorway to Dumbledore's office. They headed in the direction of the DADA teacher's office, hoping to find SOMEONE there.
FRED: Whoa. That was way to freaky, man.
GEORGE: Yeah, I know. Who knew?
SEAMUS: It was damn scary!
NEVILLE: (twitches) McGonagall. (Twitches) Dumbledore. (Twitches) TWISTER!!! (Twitches violently, falls to ground still twitching madly, unconscious)
HERMIONE: I CANT BELIEVE THAT MCGONAGALL AND DUMBLEDORE WERE PLAYING TWISTER WITH FAWKES AND MRS NORRIS!!!
DEAN: (winces) Quit it with the screaming, 'Mione.
SEAMUS: What's Quidditch got to do with Hermione screaming?
DEAN: We don't talk about it.
SEAMUS: Riiight.
ARBRON: So they picked the twitching Neville up and continued on to the DADA office, hoping they wouldn't find any PREVIOUS or FUTURE teachers. They wanted someone they could TRUST.
Ginny and Percy were still eating in the Great Hall.
Ron and Lavender were planning ways to kill Fido the Evil Flea of DOOOOOM - as they were referring to him, if he even existed.
Sirius and Remus were doing something about Hawaii's Dementor problem, one would assume. Or hope.
Meanwhile, Harry and Draco, still in their Special Superhero Costumes, were following Wormtail and Lucius to Voldie's Lair. But because they were too young to Apparate, Wormtail was allergic to PortKeys, and Voldemort wasn't hooked up to the Floo network, they had to walk. Only because Avery had crashed Lucius's car, of course.
WORMTAIL: But I don't wanna walk....
DRACO: (twitches)
HARRY & LUCIUS: (Send Wormtail an Evil Glare of Death)
WORMTAIL: (Too dumb to take a hint) Why do I have to be here? I don't like it. I don't like Harry, or Draco, and I especially don't like Lucius!
LUCIUS & DRACO: (Growl impatiently)
HARRY: (Looses patience) Dammit rat, shut the hell up!!!
WORMTAIL: You're so meeeeaaaan...
HARRY: (Mutters spell under breath)
WORMTAIL: (Turns into a bowl of mashed potatoes)
HARRY: Drat. I was trying for peas and carrots...
DRACO & LUCIUS: (Laugh hysterically)
LUCIUS: Voldemort is going to LOVE this story when we tell him! He'll probably keep you alive for AGES if you keep doing really cool and evil stuff like this!
HARRY: You really think so?
LUCIUS: Sure! Oh, Harry? Are you any good at chess?
HARRY: Not really.
LUCIUS: Hm. Maybe, considering Voldemort's skills, that's actually a good thing.
DRACO: Voldemort wants to play CHESS with HARRY??? What happened to the whole 'killing him' thing?
LUCIUS: Voldie's Lair is very boring these days. Even torturing Wormtail with the Tickling Charm is no fun any more.
HARRY: Speaking of which, do you have a plastic bag? Or an airtight container?
LUCIUS: (Digs in pockets) Don't tell anyone about this. (Pulls out an airtight container)
DRACO: Do I even want to know?
LUCIUS: No.
HARRY: (Finishes putting Wormy the Mashed Potato into airtight container, hands it back to Lucius) Here, you take him. I don't have any pockets, and neither does Draco.
LUCIUS: Yeah, about that. What's up with the outfits?
DRACO: They're our Special Superhero Costumes, of course!
LUCIUS: You do things like this on a regular basis?
HARRY: Sorta. We're the only ACTUAL Superheros in Hogwarts. The rest are all wannabes like Colin Creevey.
DRACO: You mean Colin Creepy. Man, he freaks me out!
HARRY: (Shudders) You have no idea....
**Flashback**
COLIN: Harry, can I take a picture of your hand?
HARRY: No. Freak.
COLIN: Can I take a picture of your finger, then?
HARRY: No. Now leave.
COLIN: What about your foot? Toe? Toenail? A single hair from your head?
HARRY: NO! Shut up Colin; go away, no one likes you.
COLIN: Aw, but -
HARRY: I'll scream.
COLIN: Now really -
HARRY: (Screams) RAPE!!!
HERMIONE & RON: Harry???
NEVILLE: What's going on?
GINNY: Colin! Get away from Harry! Go on, shoo! Scat!
COLIN: (Leaves, glaring at them all)
**End Flashback**
ARBRON: So they continued on to Voldie's Lair. Back in Hawaii....
SIRIUS: Hm. That was fun.
REMUS: (Laughing hysterically)
SIRIUS: Er, Moony?
REMUS: (Laughter turns Evil)
SIRIUS: Uh oh. What are you planning?
REMUS: I can't believe that the Dementors are scared of fluffy kittens and puppies!!!
SIRIUS: (Beginning to grin) I think I see some blackmail material in that sentence, my dear Moony.
REMUS: Why yes Padfoot, I daresay that IS what I had planned.
SIRIUS: That was a brilliant move though, locking them in a room with a Boggart.
REMUS: I know. I thought of it, remember?
SIRIUS: Yep. Now, let's get back to the beach.
REMUS: All right then. And later, we can infest Azkaban with fluffy animals.
SIRIUS: I think we have a plan, my friend.
ARBRON: And yes, the two of them went back to their sunbaking, oblivious to the world around them, and the problems at Hogwarts - and beyond.
And back in the Great Hall....
GINNY: Perce, we need something to do.
PERCY: I know. But what CAN we do?
GINNY: I don't know. Maybe we should go and find Sirius and Remus again, and ask for help.
PERCY: Nah, I don't think they'd be any help. What if we went and searched the library?
GINNY: I don't think we'd find anything.
ARBRON: They fell silent until two COMPLETELY unexpected people stepped into the Great Hall.
GINNY & PERCY: RON??? LAVENDER???
RON: Ooooh, shiiiny flower. Is it a rose or a lily or a petunia?
LAVENDER: More important, will it kill Fido the Evil Flea of DOOOOOM?
GINNY & PERCY: (Slowly backing away towards the door)
RON: With any luck. Or we'll have to kill Fido the Evil Flea of DOOOOOM with the mop after all.
LAVENDER: No! Not ... The Mop!!!
RON: No, just the mop.
LAVENDER: All right, that's okay then.
ARBRON: Ginny and Percy raced out of the Great Hall, and straight to the Common Room. They thought that Harry and Draco would be there, but it was not to be.
GINNY: Aw man, where are the Superheroes when you need 'em?
PERCY: Not here, that's to be sure.
GINNY: Hey, look over there. Is that a note?
PERCY: (Picks it up and reads it aloud to Ginny) Dear Whoever Picks This Up And Is Looking For Us, We have been kidnapped by Lucius and Wormtail to entertain Voldie. We'll be back soon, either dead or alive. Love Harry and Draco.
GINNY: (Takes note) Hey, there's a PS. Don't worry, we are wearing our Special Superhero Costumes.
PERCY: Oh. That explains the empty Common Room then.
GINNY: Yeah. Well, at least we have the place to ourselves now.
PERCY: (Darkly) Best enjoy it while we still can.
ARBRON: So Ginny and Percy relaxed in the Common Room.
Hermione, Fred, George, Dean, Seamus, and the again recently revived Neville were outside the DADA professor's office, gathering their courage.
HERMIONE: (Goes to knock on the door)
SNAPE: Hold it! Just WHAT do you brats think you're doing?
FRED: (Places hand over Hermione's mouth to stop her screaming - er, speaking)
GEORGE: We need help. And we can't ask Dumbledore or McGonagall.
SEAMUS: And we couldn't ask you, for two reasons.
DEAN: One, we thought you were still unconscious somewhere.
NEVILLE: And two, we don't like you. Now go away.
SNAPE: Do you realise how DANGEROUS it is to open that damned door? You don't know WHO could come popping out!
HERMIONE: (Shoves Fred away, having calmed down a bit, and smirks) Well then Professor Snape, you'll have to stay here and protect us, wont you?
SNAPE: No bloody way! I'm getting outta here! You kids are as mad as the Headmaster! (Turns to go)
NEVILLE: Chickening out, Snape? When even I'M going to stay?
SNAPE: Being that I don't have a death wish, Longbottom, I think I'll be heading back to my rooms before someone opens that door. (Leaves)
DEAN: Hey, he didn't faint!
ARBRON: A loud crash is heard down the hall, where Snape had fainted and knocked down a suit of armour.
HERMIONE: (Takes deep breath) Brace yourselves. (Opens door)
SEAMUS & DEAN: Oh no, not you!!!
FRED & GEORGE: Not. Good.
NEVILLE: (Twitches) Damn this subject!!!
SNAPE: (From up hallway) I have a BAAAAD feeling about this....
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
So, who do you think was in the DADA professor's office? Go on, don't be shy, tell me who you think it is!
Please review!
~SW
Anyway, I'd like to thank the following people for reviewing!
~ Crimson Flame
~ EclipseKlutz
~ giggy gal
~ Naomi SilverWolf
~ KrystaLuck
~ Andrea
~ ShellyMoon
~ chochang913
~ riyna*riddle
~ Freakish Guardian
~ Katani Petitedra
~ wingnut
~ LoonyLoopyLisa
~ Myuu/Kyuu
~ Kiori
~ Raine
~ Jess
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Ron, What ARE You Doing?
By Silver Wolf
Chapter Five
ARBRON: Hermione, Fred, George, Seamus, Dean and Neville (who had woken up after fainting) finally came to their senses and stepped away from the doorway to Dumbledore's office. They headed in the direction of the DADA teacher's office, hoping to find SOMEONE there.
FRED: Whoa. That was way to freaky, man.
GEORGE: Yeah, I know. Who knew?
SEAMUS: It was damn scary!
NEVILLE: (twitches) McGonagall. (Twitches) Dumbledore. (Twitches) TWISTER!!! (Twitches violently, falls to ground still twitching madly, unconscious)
HERMIONE: I CANT BELIEVE THAT MCGONAGALL AND DUMBLEDORE WERE PLAYING TWISTER WITH FAWKES AND MRS NORRIS!!!
DEAN: (winces) Quit it with the screaming, 'Mione.
SEAMUS: What's Quidditch got to do with Hermione screaming?
DEAN: We don't talk about it.
SEAMUS: Riiight.
ARBRON: So they picked the twitching Neville up and continued on to the DADA office, hoping they wouldn't find any PREVIOUS or FUTURE teachers. They wanted someone they could TRUST.
Ginny and Percy were still eating in the Great Hall.
Ron and Lavender were planning ways to kill Fido the Evil Flea of DOOOOOM - as they were referring to him, if he even existed.
Sirius and Remus were doing something about Hawaii's Dementor problem, one would assume. Or hope.
Meanwhile, Harry and Draco, still in their Special Superhero Costumes, were following Wormtail and Lucius to Voldie's Lair. But because they were too young to Apparate, Wormtail was allergic to PortKeys, and Voldemort wasn't hooked up to the Floo network, they had to walk. Only because Avery had crashed Lucius's car, of course.
WORMTAIL: But I don't wanna walk....
DRACO: (twitches)
HARRY & LUCIUS: (Send Wormtail an Evil Glare of Death)
WORMTAIL: (Too dumb to take a hint) Why do I have to be here? I don't like it. I don't like Harry, or Draco, and I especially don't like Lucius!
LUCIUS & DRACO: (Growl impatiently)
HARRY: (Looses patience) Dammit rat, shut the hell up!!!
WORMTAIL: You're so meeeeaaaan...
HARRY: (Mutters spell under breath)
WORMTAIL: (Turns into a bowl of mashed potatoes)
HARRY: Drat. I was trying for peas and carrots...
DRACO & LUCIUS: (Laugh hysterically)
LUCIUS: Voldemort is going to LOVE this story when we tell him! He'll probably keep you alive for AGES if you keep doing really cool and evil stuff like this!
HARRY: You really think so?
LUCIUS: Sure! Oh, Harry? Are you any good at chess?
HARRY: Not really.
LUCIUS: Hm. Maybe, considering Voldemort's skills, that's actually a good thing.
DRACO: Voldemort wants to play CHESS with HARRY??? What happened to the whole 'killing him' thing?
LUCIUS: Voldie's Lair is very boring these days. Even torturing Wormtail with the Tickling Charm is no fun any more.
HARRY: Speaking of which, do you have a plastic bag? Or an airtight container?
LUCIUS: (Digs in pockets) Don't tell anyone about this. (Pulls out an airtight container)
DRACO: Do I even want to know?
LUCIUS: No.
HARRY: (Finishes putting Wormy the Mashed Potato into airtight container, hands it back to Lucius) Here, you take him. I don't have any pockets, and neither does Draco.
LUCIUS: Yeah, about that. What's up with the outfits?
DRACO: They're our Special Superhero Costumes, of course!
LUCIUS: You do things like this on a regular basis?
HARRY: Sorta. We're the only ACTUAL Superheros in Hogwarts. The rest are all wannabes like Colin Creevey.
DRACO: You mean Colin Creepy. Man, he freaks me out!
HARRY: (Shudders) You have no idea....
**Flashback**
COLIN: Harry, can I take a picture of your hand?
HARRY: No. Freak.
COLIN: Can I take a picture of your finger, then?
HARRY: No. Now leave.
COLIN: What about your foot? Toe? Toenail? A single hair from your head?
HARRY: NO! Shut up Colin; go away, no one likes you.
COLIN: Aw, but -
HARRY: I'll scream.
COLIN: Now really -
HARRY: (Screams) RAPE!!!
HERMIONE & RON: Harry???
NEVILLE: What's going on?
GINNY: Colin! Get away from Harry! Go on, shoo! Scat!
COLIN: (Leaves, glaring at them all)
**End Flashback**
ARBRON: So they continued on to Voldie's Lair. Back in Hawaii....
SIRIUS: Hm. That was fun.
REMUS: (Laughing hysterically)
SIRIUS: Er, Moony?
REMUS: (Laughter turns Evil)
SIRIUS: Uh oh. What are you planning?
REMUS: I can't believe that the Dementors are scared of fluffy kittens and puppies!!!
SIRIUS: (Beginning to grin) I think I see some blackmail material in that sentence, my dear Moony.
REMUS: Why yes Padfoot, I daresay that IS what I had planned.
SIRIUS: That was a brilliant move though, locking them in a room with a Boggart.
REMUS: I know. I thought of it, remember?
SIRIUS: Yep. Now, let's get back to the beach.
REMUS: All right then. And later, we can infest Azkaban with fluffy animals.
SIRIUS: I think we have a plan, my friend.
ARBRON: And yes, the two of them went back to their sunbaking, oblivious to the world around them, and the problems at Hogwarts - and beyond.
And back in the Great Hall....
GINNY: Perce, we need something to do.
PERCY: I know. But what CAN we do?
GINNY: I don't know. Maybe we should go and find Sirius and Remus again, and ask for help.
PERCY: Nah, I don't think they'd be any help. What if we went and searched the library?
GINNY: I don't think we'd find anything.
ARBRON: They fell silent until two COMPLETELY unexpected people stepped into the Great Hall.
GINNY & PERCY: RON??? LAVENDER???
RON: Ooooh, shiiiny flower. Is it a rose or a lily or a petunia?
LAVENDER: More important, will it kill Fido the Evil Flea of DOOOOOM?
GINNY & PERCY: (Slowly backing away towards the door)
RON: With any luck. Or we'll have to kill Fido the Evil Flea of DOOOOOM with the mop after all.
LAVENDER: No! Not ... The Mop!!!
RON: No, just the mop.
LAVENDER: All right, that's okay then.
ARBRON: Ginny and Percy raced out of the Great Hall, and straight to the Common Room. They thought that Harry and Draco would be there, but it was not to be.
GINNY: Aw man, where are the Superheroes when you need 'em?
PERCY: Not here, that's to be sure.
GINNY: Hey, look over there. Is that a note?
PERCY: (Picks it up and reads it aloud to Ginny) Dear Whoever Picks This Up And Is Looking For Us, We have been kidnapped by Lucius and Wormtail to entertain Voldie. We'll be back soon, either dead or alive. Love Harry and Draco.
GINNY: (Takes note) Hey, there's a PS. Don't worry, we are wearing our Special Superhero Costumes.
PERCY: Oh. That explains the empty Common Room then.
GINNY: Yeah. Well, at least we have the place to ourselves now.
PERCY: (Darkly) Best enjoy it while we still can.
ARBRON: So Ginny and Percy relaxed in the Common Room.
Hermione, Fred, George, Dean, Seamus, and the again recently revived Neville were outside the DADA professor's office, gathering their courage.
HERMIONE: (Goes to knock on the door)
SNAPE: Hold it! Just WHAT do you brats think you're doing?
FRED: (Places hand over Hermione's mouth to stop her screaming - er, speaking)
GEORGE: We need help. And we can't ask Dumbledore or McGonagall.
SEAMUS: And we couldn't ask you, for two reasons.
DEAN: One, we thought you were still unconscious somewhere.
NEVILLE: And two, we don't like you. Now go away.
SNAPE: Do you realise how DANGEROUS it is to open that damned door? You don't know WHO could come popping out!
HERMIONE: (Shoves Fred away, having calmed down a bit, and smirks) Well then Professor Snape, you'll have to stay here and protect us, wont you?
SNAPE: No bloody way! I'm getting outta here! You kids are as mad as the Headmaster! (Turns to go)
NEVILLE: Chickening out, Snape? When even I'M going to stay?
SNAPE: Being that I don't have a death wish, Longbottom, I think I'll be heading back to my rooms before someone opens that door. (Leaves)
DEAN: Hey, he didn't faint!
ARBRON: A loud crash is heard down the hall, where Snape had fainted and knocked down a suit of armour.
HERMIONE: (Takes deep breath) Brace yourselves. (Opens door)
SEAMUS & DEAN: Oh no, not you!!!
FRED & GEORGE: Not. Good.
NEVILLE: (Twitches) Damn this subject!!!
SNAPE: (From up hallway) I have a BAAAAD feeling about this....
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
So, who do you think was in the DADA professor's office? Go on, don't be shy, tell me who you think it is!
Please review!
~SW