8/8/21 Edit: Added more to 1, 6, 9, 10, 11, 14, 21, 35
Disclaimer: I own nothing. There are a lot of fandoms here, and I do not own any of them. Nor do I own any of the referenced memes or vines.
. . .
1
Garp grinned down at his three grandsons. "Listen up brats. Today we're going to commence your intense training under me."
Sabo looked up at him and frowned adorably. "But wait. Wouldn't that cause horrible muscle degeneration for kids our age? Crippling us for years to come?"
Garp stared at him. Ace and Luffy took full advantage of his distraction to run away. "You're a wordy little bastard aren't you?"
Sabo looked confused.
"Nerd!" Garp screamed as he picked Sabo up and threw him into a tree.
Training went down hill from there.
. . .
2
Luffy giggle to himself. He was in the perfect spot to jump out and scare the next person who came along. Oo, it was Usopp!
"Boo!"
"AH!" Usopp yelled. He flailed but was able to keep his grip on his plate and more importantly keep the delicious pastry on it. "Stooop! I coulda dropped my croissant!"
Luffy immediately apologized. Then he stole the croissant.
. . .
3.0
"There's a head in the pantry."
Penguin looked up from his mixing bowl to see Jean Bart in front of him. "Damnit Law," he muttered. He went over to the pantry. "Is it alive or dead?"
"Alive," Jean Bart replied as he followed Penguin. He had seen many strange things in his life, but after three days as a Heart Pirate he'd found there was a lot more to see.
Penguin opened the door and stared at the head, which glared back at him. Someone had stuffed a rag in the poor man's mouth. "I don't even know who this this." He scratched his head. "Do you know where the rest of you is?"
Muffled screaming.
Penguin shut the door. "Let's find Bepo. Maybe he'll know."
. . .
4.0
"Ace! Ace! ACE!" Luffy pounded on Ace's bedroom door and after five seconds was able to open the door. Ace was totally naked, which did not faze Luffy at all. He'd seen his brother naked plenty of times. But. "Ace, why are you naked? We gotta go!"
Ace stared at his brother for a moment. "I don't have any clothes."
"Yes you do!" Luffy went over to Ace's closest. "You have shirts, pants, boots, hello Marco, undershirts." Luffy pulled out a shirt and threw it at his brother. "Let's go! And if Marco's coming he should put on clothes too!" With that Luffy ran out the door leaving the two naked men behind.
. . .
5
Doflamingo grinned down at the child in front of him. "And what has brought you to our sanctuary of love and brotherhood my boy?"
Law scowled. "I have a terrible guilt and rage inside me that can only be quelled by the blood and subjugation of the unclean."
Doflamingo laughed. "You'll fit right in!"
. . .
6
It was a beautiful island. Landing was easy, the shore looked gorgeous. No one was attacked or eaten in the first ten minutes. It seemed too good to be true.
Usopp looked around the island in distrust. "But why did you bring us here?"
Nami rolled her eyes. "It was supposed to be for restocking supplies. This is one of the safest islands on record. There's never anything dangerous here."
At that moment the ground started to shake and Luffy could be heard yelling in the distance.
Nami sighed and started heading back to Sunny. "There are sentences I should just keep away from."
. . .
7
Franky stood in front of his crew. "Okay, we are going into a cup de burst. Do you have your devil fruit burst buddy?"
Zoro immediately grabbed Luffy and Chopper while Usopp grabbed Brook. Sanji tried to convince Robin that he should hold her, but she declined, saying she could use her fruit to hold herself in place. Franky initiated the burst while Sanji was still begging, thus he went flying across the deck. Zoro snickered.
. . .
8
Koby and Helmeppo sat down at a table in the mess hall. Koby had been away for a month on assignment and was eager to hear the latest gossip. "Anything happen while I was away?"
Helmeppo laughed. "You know how Garp refuses to carry a denden?"
"Yeah, something about how they keep dying, and someone around him always has one." Koby thought it was pretty responsible of the Vice Admiral to refuse to carry a snail. The little guys were not exactly fragile, but very few things were hardy enough to stand up to Garp's lifestyle.
"Well, apparently a few Commodores and Rear Admirals decided to poke fun at him, so they gave him a kid's denden. It plays the ABC song when a certain button is pushed. Garp started carrying it around. When he didn't want to talk to someone he'd push the button and say 'excuse me, I need to take this' and leave! Once he was in a meeting with Fleet Admiral Sakazuki and he got so annoyed he pushed the button and left!"
Both of them laughed at that. Neither were surprised by Garp's actions.
"I asked one of them why they did it, and he said they wanted to embarrass him enough so he'd get a real denden," Helmeppo added.
Koby snorted. "Bold of them to assume Garp gets embarrassed."
. . .
4.1
"I refuse to believe that even Luffy would be that dense," Sabo said. Ace had just finished telling him about how Luffy had burst in on him and Marco naked and not put two and two together.
"Sabo, I'm telling you it happened. He didn't even question why Marco was naked in my closet." Ace shook his head. "Just wait, it'll happen to you!"
Sabo punched him.
. . .
9
Franky burst into Iceburg's office, completely ignoring everything else.
"Have you seen my new desk! Its made of MAHOGANY!"
"That's gre-" Iceburg tried to speak.
"And not just any mahogany, but mahogany from the planet of Malkior 7. Where the trees are 500 feet tall and breath FIRE! From these trees my desk was forged, using ancient blood-rituals of the Malkior people. Not only does this make my desk nigh indestructible, but it can bend the fabric of reality itself!"
Iceburg stared at him. "Are you done?"
"Also it's a very fine desk. Very productive."
"Please leave."
"Mahogony," Franky muttered as he walked out of the room.
Iceburg took a few calming beaths. When that didn't work, he banged his head on his own desk. The pain helped dull headache from Franky's nonsense.
. . .
10
Luffy bounded up to Zoro, jumping on the sleeping man.
"Zoro, I made this friendship bracelet for you!" Luffy said.
Zoro stared at the proffered bracelet. "You know I'm not really a jewelry person."
Luffy started to pull it back. "You don't have to wear it..."
Zoro snatched it. "No, I'm going to wear it forever. Back off."
He shoved Luffy off him and went back to sleep.
. . .
11
Shore leave was a wonderful thing in Thatch's opinion. He loved cooking, but he also enjoyed trying different restaurants. Currently he was eating with the other commanders sampling the local cuisine. It was very well seasoned.
Marco was staring at some very spicy food. "I'm going to do something stupid."
Ace started jumping up and down, waving his arms around. "I'm something stupid, do me!"
Thatch shoved Ace off the bench.
. . .
12
Robin watched Zoro walk across the Sunny. "What are you doing out of the infirmary?"
"I wasn't hurt that badly. Chopper said all my bleeding was internal. That's where all the blood is supposed to be."
Robin raised an eyebrow but went back to reading her book. He'd pass out eventually and Chopper would drag him back.
. . .
13
Usopp looked up from his writing. "Hey, Luffy, what rhythms with orange?"
Luffy cocked his head to the side. "No it doesn't."
Usopp opened his mouth then closed it. It was his own fault for asking Luffy in the first place.
. . .
4.3
"Sabo! Sabo! SABO!" Luffy pounded on Sabo's bedroom door and after five seconds was able to open the door. Sabo was totally naked and staring at him in disbelief. "Sabo! I can't find my hat! I need help! Why are you naked! Come on!"
Sabo's couldn't believe this was happening and his mind froze. He said the first thing that came to mind. "I don't have any clothes."
"Yes you do," Luffy went over to Sabo's closest. "You have shirts, pants, boots, hello Koala, undershirts." Luffy pulled out a shirt and threw it at his brother. "Let's go! Koala, can you put on some clothes and help us look? Thanks!" With that Luffy ran out the door.
"I can't believe I didn't believe Ace," Sabo muttered.
. . .
14
Nami stared at Luffy, unreasonable angry. Luffy had just turned down a suicide mission to go get a stone statue from the edge of a cliff over a volcano. Why did they have to land on such weird islands?
Nami hit Luffy on the head. "Oh, so suddenly you don't have a death wish!"
"Nami, I've never had a death wish. It's just that I don't believe that I, personally, even can die." Luffy pouted while rubbing his head.
She shouldn't be angry, Luffy was doing the smart thing, but damnit. He never does what she expects!
. . .
15
Law dodged a punch from Doflamingo. He was not doing well in this fight. Suddenly a third person entered the fight.
"Hey Law!" Luffy grinned.
Law and Doflamingo stared at him.
"Hey, are you that Mingo guy?"
"I am Warlord Doflamingo, yes," Doflamingo said straight faced.
"Awesome! I'mma deck you in the schnoz!"
"... I'm sorry, that's a new one. Who are you exactly?"
"I'm Monkey D. Luffy, I'm going to be King of the Pirates! I'm insane!"
"... he means captain," Law clarified.
. . .
16
Usopp grabbed Luffy to try and stop the rubber man from running. "Wait a minute! You don't go towards the weird scary sound!"
"Yeah we do! We always do!" Luffy broke free and kept running.
"I hate that about us." Usopp muttered as he followed his captain.
. . .
17
Ace started at Thatch. "You spent 68 beli on hair conditioner?"
"Its a small price to pay for self-esteem Ace."
. . .
18
Robin looked at the landscape of the island they were about to go on. "Look at the mountains over there. Look at how beautiful that is. But we're not here for beauty. We're here for darkness."
"I... I thought we-we were here f-for adventure?" Usopp stuttered.
"Don't be silly," Luffy said. "Darkness is Robin's adventure!"
. . .
19
Zoro and Luffy stared in horror as some of the treasure they had collected fell into quicksand.
"Nami is going to kill us when she finds out!" Luffy wailed.
"You mean... if she finds out."
"If... if is good."
. . .
20
Law stared at Kid. "You can trust me, because I don't care enough about you to lie."
Behind Law Shachi face palmed. "Damnit Law."
. . .
21
When Chopper first joined the crew, he made sure to do checkups on all the crew. Zoro was his last one. Mostly because he didn't want to wake the swordsman up. But since Zoro was always either sleeping or training, Chopper had finally just woken him up and dragged him to the infirmary.
Maybe Zoro had some sort of illness that made him sleep all the time? Chopper decided to start with the basics.
"Allergies?"
"Cowardice and weak-willed men. And hazelnuts."
. . .
22
Luffy grinned widely. "What could be better than serving up smiles?"
Law stared deadpan. "Being dead. Or anything else."
. . .
23
Ace crossed his arms, glaring at a marine. "If you hurt my brother there is a 100% chance I will come to your ship and kill you."
. . .
24
Nami smiled sweetly. "I have done nothing wrong in my life, ever."
Sanji put a hand over his heart. "I know this and I love you."
. . .
25
Zoro and Usopp were currently trapped. Zoro was trying to brainstorm.
"How long can you hold your breath under water?"
Usopp thought for a moment. "I don't know."
"Are you familiar with the term slam and cram?"
"No, and I don't think I want to be."
"How attached are you to your pinky?"
"Very, very attached!" Usopp yelled. "And before you ask another terrifyingly vague question,
let me be clear. Any plan that involves even one of those scenarios isn't going to work for me."
. . .
26
Zoro had just fallen into a dark pit and the rest of the crew couldn't see him.
"Zoro, are you okay?" Chopper yelled down.
"I'm sitting in a pool of blood," Zoro yelled back.
"... is it... your blood?" Nami called down.
"Yes, I think so."
"Do you know where its coming from?" Usopp asked curiously
"Probably from the stab wound."
"Have you been stabbed?" Brook inquired, sipping some tea.
"Oh, yeah, definitely."
Everyone started talking at once.
. . .
27
Kid walked up to Law. "Trafalar-"
"Eustass, if the next two words out of your mouth aren't 'see ya' then the third word will be 'oh my god. My crotch. You've punched me in my crotch.'"
"See ya." Kid turned around and walked away.
. . .
28
Marco stormed up to Whitebeard dragging Ace by his ear. "Do you know how many times your son has accidentally started fires?
"I don't know... how many?" Whitebeard asked, fairly amused.
"Eighteen!" Marco bellowed.
"Seventeen!" Ace yelled indignantly.
Marco pointed behind them. "What about this one?"
"Oh, yeah," Ace said sheepishly. "Eighteen if you count this one.
. . .
29
Zoro looked around. "Luffy? Chopper? Brook? ANYONE!"
Nothing happened.
"Everyone's lost but me," Zoro muttered.
. . .
30
Law glared at the playing kids in the park he and Cora-san were passing by. "I hate children."
Corazon rolled his eyes. "You are a children."
. . .
31
One of the harmless activities Robin enjoyed was listening to conversations around her. When her crew docked she enjoyed going to a cafe and listening to the chatter. One such sunny afternoon a lovely young woman walked past Robin saying "and they were roommates."
"They were roommates," Robin repeated to herself, highly amused.
. . .
32
Sanji was getting the food on the table. Luffy was patiently (after several kicks to the head) waiting. "Luffy, would you like some salad?"
Luffy's response was instant. "Since I am not a rabbit, no I do not."
. . .
33
Luffy pouted as he slumped next to Zoro. "Sometimes Nami asks me 'Luffy, what do you think you're doing?' But that just means stop. She doesn't want to actually know my thought process."
Zoro nodded in agreement.
. . .
34
"My moral alignment chat is chaotic lawful!" Luffy proudly told Law.
Law stared at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"
Nami signed. "It means he has a strict moral code but nobody can figure out what the hell it is."
. . .
35
The Straw Hats were recovering from another mess their Captain had gotten them in. There was the usual injures, explosions and shenanigans. Usopp came to a realization and he had to tell Nami. "Based on statistical evidence I am immortal."
"How so?" Nami asked.
"Haven't died yet."
She really couldn't argue with that.
. . .
1 Dragonball Z Abridged by TeamFourStar, like episode four or five. 2 the croissant vine. 3 Wasn't there a scene in BBC's Sherlock where John finds a severed head in the Fridge? If that wasn't cannon and just some fannon thing I apologize, but that's where the idea came from. 5 Hellsing Ultimate Abridge by TeamFourStar episode eight. 6 pretty sure this one is Doctor Who. 7 based off that one scene in Finding Nemo. 8 based on a tumblr post where this guy was talking about his professor who refused to get a cell phone and some students got him a child's phone and the professor used it like Garp did, and even used it to get out of a department meeting. It was a hilarious read. 9 Dragonball Z Abridged by TeamFourStar, like episode three. 10 from Incorrect Digimon quotes on tumblr. 11 I don't remember where this came from. 12 I think Brooklyn 99. 13 I overheard a 4th grader tell this joke to a class of 1st graders and they didn't get it. I thought it was hilarious. 14 I'm pretty sure this is from Archer. 15 Dragonball Z Abridged by TeamFourStar, like episode twenty-seven. 16 I don't remember. 17 Arrested Development. 18 What Robin said is from Ghost Adventures. 19 Hercules. 20 I'm pretty sure Parks and Rec. 21 Totally Parks and Rec. 22 Spongebob Squarepants. 23 Tumblr post. 24 Parks and Rec. 25 Pretty sure Agents of shield. 26 Tumblr post about 911 operators. 27 Scrubs. 28 Icarly. 29 Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. 30 This was totally taken from Incorrect Digimon quotes on tumblr. 31 the Roommates vine. 32 Parks and Rec. 33 John Mulaney. 34 Incorrect Trek-Quotes. 35 Ranma 1/2.
4.0 - 4.3 Okay, this was taken from Incorrect Trek-Quotes from Tumblr and went as follows:
Spock: Why are you naked, Captain?
Jim: I don't have any clothes
Spock: (opens closet) you have shirts, pants, boots, hello Doctor, undershirts
The whole thing was just so, so funny to me that I had to put it here. And add more. Because I can totally see Luffy doing this to both his brothers.