A SONG CAN TELL US SOMETHING
Chapter 4 - By Myself
By Kiddo
Information:
I have no rights to the show SeaQuest and I'm making no money with this story.
The Song "By Myself" is written by Linkin Park.
This chapter plays 5 weeks after chapter three.
Feedback is always welcome.
A Special Thamks goes to my Beta Jackie and to sara for her review to chapter three.
***************************************************************************
*
What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride / from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I / sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I / try to catch them red- handed?
*
Lucas lay in his bed in his cabin, unable to sleep. Too many thoughts were running through his head. He had been on the SeaQuest for five weeks. He hadn't had many problems starting a new life on the SeaQuest. Life on the submarine was very different from his old life but it hadn't taken him long to get used to it.
Lucas was happy that is Vocoder worked so well. He thought he would always remember the feeling he had when he had tried the Vocoder for the first time. The crew, Captain Bridger and Dr. Westphalen had really been impressed.
What he was able to do on a computer hadn't stayed a secret for long and they knew that he was a hacker. When the SeaQuest had a virus, he had been the only one who could do something to fight it.
His parents hadn't called one time in the last five weeks. But in truth, he hadn't expected them to. Lucas wasn't sure if he should be happy or sad about this.
He was glad that he had left his parents and his old life behind and that they let him alone. But on the other hand, that showed how much he meant to his parents. Nothing!
But he couldn't let all of his old life behind, it often came back in his dreams.
*
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on / when I'm stretched so thin
*
With most of the members of the SeaQuest crew, he had formed good relationships. It was the first time that he felt that he had real friends, friends that worried about others and were always there for each other. He had the best relationships with Captain Bridger, Dr. Westphalen, Lt. Krieg and naturally with Darwin.
But he had also lied to his friends when they had asked him certain questions. It was difficult not to tell the truth and his conscience plagued him because of this.
*
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself (myself)
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can't rely on myself
*
The most difficult part was to lie to Captain Bridger and to try to give evasive answers to the man's questions. That really hurt Lucas.
When the teenager had a nightmare and couldn't sleep afterwards, he often went to the moonpool and looked in the water, or talked to Darwin. Both of those things could calm him down after a bad dream.
A few times, the captain had seen him there. Bridger had realised that something was wrong with Lucas and had asked a few times if everything was alright. But Lucas had put on his typical smile and said that he was fine.
*
I can't hold on
To what I want when I'm stretched so thin
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
* Lucas had seen the look on Bridger's face, the look saying that the captain didn't believe him. He was sure that Nathan knew something. If not, the captain was really stupid, and the teenager was sure that Bridger wasn't stupid.
Nathan knew that he had run away from home a few times, and when he had slept in Bridger's hotel room, he had heard his nightmare. The older man had seen the marks on his face and on his arms. And later on, at his parents' party, he had begged the captain not to tell his parents that they knew each other. And he was sure that Bridger had seen the argument between he and his father in the garden.
For this reason, Lucas had decided that he couldn't let the captain get too close. But this became more difficult with every passing day, if not impossible.
*
If I
Turn my back I'm defenceless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on / then they'll
Take from me 'till everything is gone
If I let them go I'll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun
If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer
(by myself)
*
The last few times Bridger had found him at the moonpool at night, the man hadn't asked if everything was alright, he had just sat down next to him and said nothing or talked about nothing important.
The teenager felt that Bridger was not far away from asking him one particular question, but until now he hadn't dared it.
Lucas knew that he couldn't ignore this. The captain would ask him in the future.
*
How do you think / I've lost so much
I'm so afraid / I'm out of touch
How do you expect / I will know what to do
When all I know / Is what you tell me to
Don't you know
I can't tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can't seem to convince myself why
I'm stuck on the outside
* The teenager was so afraid that Bridger knew exactly what he was hiding about Lawrence and would ask him about it soon. But the question wasn't the only thing he was afraid of, it also was the answer.
His parents always made it clear that he was never allowed to talk about such things, but he wasn't sure if he could lie to the captain, directly to his face, if he would ask the question. The boy felt torn between these two things.
Lucas turned over in his bed and buried his head in his pillow, tears starting to fall. Why did all of this have to happen?
END OF CHAPTER FOUR
Chapter 4 - By Myself
By Kiddo
Information:
I have no rights to the show SeaQuest and I'm making no money with this story.
The Song "By Myself" is written by Linkin Park.
This chapter plays 5 weeks after chapter three.
Feedback is always welcome.
A Special Thamks goes to my Beta Jackie and to sara for her review to chapter three.
***************************************************************************
*
What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride / from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I / sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I / try to catch them red- handed?
*
Lucas lay in his bed in his cabin, unable to sleep. Too many thoughts were running through his head. He had been on the SeaQuest for five weeks. He hadn't had many problems starting a new life on the SeaQuest. Life on the submarine was very different from his old life but it hadn't taken him long to get used to it.
Lucas was happy that is Vocoder worked so well. He thought he would always remember the feeling he had when he had tried the Vocoder for the first time. The crew, Captain Bridger and Dr. Westphalen had really been impressed.
What he was able to do on a computer hadn't stayed a secret for long and they knew that he was a hacker. When the SeaQuest had a virus, he had been the only one who could do something to fight it.
His parents hadn't called one time in the last five weeks. But in truth, he hadn't expected them to. Lucas wasn't sure if he should be happy or sad about this.
He was glad that he had left his parents and his old life behind and that they let him alone. But on the other hand, that showed how much he meant to his parents. Nothing!
But he couldn't let all of his old life behind, it often came back in his dreams.
*
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on / when I'm stretched so thin
*
With most of the members of the SeaQuest crew, he had formed good relationships. It was the first time that he felt that he had real friends, friends that worried about others and were always there for each other. He had the best relationships with Captain Bridger, Dr. Westphalen, Lt. Krieg and naturally with Darwin.
But he had also lied to his friends when they had asked him certain questions. It was difficult not to tell the truth and his conscience plagued him because of this.
*
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself (myself)
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can't rely on myself
*
The most difficult part was to lie to Captain Bridger and to try to give evasive answers to the man's questions. That really hurt Lucas.
When the teenager had a nightmare and couldn't sleep afterwards, he often went to the moonpool and looked in the water, or talked to Darwin. Both of those things could calm him down after a bad dream.
A few times, the captain had seen him there. Bridger had realised that something was wrong with Lucas and had asked a few times if everything was alright. But Lucas had put on his typical smile and said that he was fine.
*
I can't hold on
To what I want when I'm stretched so thin
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
* Lucas had seen the look on Bridger's face, the look saying that the captain didn't believe him. He was sure that Nathan knew something. If not, the captain was really stupid, and the teenager was sure that Bridger wasn't stupid.
Nathan knew that he had run away from home a few times, and when he had slept in Bridger's hotel room, he had heard his nightmare. The older man had seen the marks on his face and on his arms. And later on, at his parents' party, he had begged the captain not to tell his parents that they knew each other. And he was sure that Bridger had seen the argument between he and his father in the garden.
For this reason, Lucas had decided that he couldn't let the captain get too close. But this became more difficult with every passing day, if not impossible.
*
If I
Turn my back I'm defenceless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on / then they'll
Take from me 'till everything is gone
If I let them go I'll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun
If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer
(by myself)
*
The last few times Bridger had found him at the moonpool at night, the man hadn't asked if everything was alright, he had just sat down next to him and said nothing or talked about nothing important.
The teenager felt that Bridger was not far away from asking him one particular question, but until now he hadn't dared it.
Lucas knew that he couldn't ignore this. The captain would ask him in the future.
*
How do you think / I've lost so much
I'm so afraid / I'm out of touch
How do you expect / I will know what to do
When all I know / Is what you tell me to
Don't you know
I can't tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can't seem to convince myself why
I'm stuck on the outside
* The teenager was so afraid that Bridger knew exactly what he was hiding about Lawrence and would ask him about it soon. But the question wasn't the only thing he was afraid of, it also was the answer.
His parents always made it clear that he was never allowed to talk about such things, but he wasn't sure if he could lie to the captain, directly to his face, if he would ask the question. The boy felt torn between these two things.
Lucas turned over in his bed and buried his head in his pillow, tears starting to fall. Why did all of this have to happen?
END OF CHAPTER FOUR