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Seeing is believing.
"Were my eyes deceiving me?" I thought to myself as I almost stared at her. She could not be here. I left her in Chicago, and if I remembered Abby right she was not the kind of person to chase some one, not after what I had said in that letter that I sent back to Chicago with Luka. I had to send it though.
'Did she not get it?' I once again found myself wondering in my head as I looked at her. As my eyes feel upon her small frame, the impression that was in my mind knew that had to be her. The way she held herself however gave me this feeling that the woman standing there was not the Abby I had left in Chicago. The time had passed by faster than I thought it would and I had been here nearly a year and a half. I had sent presents at Christmas time to the ER, but the only person I had contact with over the past year from Chicago had been Luka.
There had been nothing calling me back to Chicago. My grandmother was gone and Abby and I had seen to be drifting in different directions. When I came back from my first trip from Africa, I had tried to tell her how much I had loved her. It had opened my eyes to how much she meant to me. She shut me out completely from that moment on.
I could still hear her harsh words ringing in my ears telling me that she would not be there when I came back, if I came back. Hearing that from her had hurt. I wanted to put the past behind us and work towards a future together, but it did not seem that was what she wanted at the time. She seemed so furious with me. I just hoped that she would have understood that I had to go back and get him. Luka was my friend, he would always be my friend and I could not just walk away from him after what we had been thru together here.
Maybe it was that hurt and rejection that I felt from her that pushed my decision to stay in Africa deeper into my head. Either way until seeing here standing there, I had not thought about Chicago in a long time. At least not since, I had received the letter about Dr. Romano's passing. I thought about hopping the first flight back to Chicago then to be there with everyone, but against my better judgment, I stayed in Africa and let him or her deal with their problems myself. I did not see anything wrong with that.
Dad had stepped in and filled my absence while I was overseas. I think that had made him happy to be back in charge of the Carter family fortune. I could care less about that. I had never been one to be thrilled to have the money. The donations that I had promised Kerry when I left had come thru and I knew she was making County a great teaching hospital.
I had written her a couple of time since I had been here, but that was more for business reasons that for anything else. I had severed all the connections that I had back home. I do not know why I felt the need not to burn bridges per se but not keep connected with friends that at the time I left, I did not feel connected too anymore. When I left, I surely did not feel connected with Abby anymore and if she loved me, she had an odd way of showing it. I was sure that it was over when I had left, but that was her standing there staring back at me.
Shock, confusion, concern flew through my brain. It was not safe for her here. I would admit to myself that I still had deep feelings for her and I thought that time apart would stop those feelings, getting away from her was the only way that I would be able to move on with my life and to let her move on with hers. Was I wrong to think that? Did our time apart do more to bring us together than to separate us? Had something happened back home and she had come to tell me about it in person because it was so awful? I had more questions than answers right now. My main concern was that here she was in the Congo right now.
I could not bring myself to walk over to where she was standing though, and she did not seem to be moving any closer to me. She knew I was here and had flown here for some reason that I did not know about. If she had come here to see me, then why was she standing all the way over there? Could it be that this was as painful for her as it was for me? I could feel my heart begin to break all over again.
Standing there, did she realize that it was a mistake for her to come here? Was she regretting coming all this way? I could have kicked myself for thinking all of this with out having spoken to her. I did not know if I could speak to her. I had lost the ability to move. My feet were firmly planted in that one spot and I did not think that I could move them. I could feel the mist of the start of tears welling up in my eyes.
I was happy to see her, yet terrified at the same time. I could not deny that seeing her was drudging up all the feelings that I had for her, the feelings that I thought that I had managed to leave back in Chicago. I had not left them behind they were here with me here and now. I knew what I needed to do, but time seemed to be standing still. I looked at her, seeing her beauty, all that I had missed over time. I needed to talk to her but I did not know if I could find the strength to will myself to talk to her. My eyes focused on her and she seemed to be moving over towards me. Fear started to creep inside me, I did not know if I was ready to do this after all this time.