Avoidance

I turned my back away from Abby and started to walk inside the clinic. Dr. Lockhart, the words echoed in my ears repeatedly. She was a doctor now; things must have changed a great deal since I had left Chicago. I did not really expect them to stay the same with out me there. I knew that time had not stood still while I was in the Congo. I had not stood still while I was there either.

I had been living and working while I was overseas, I could not say if that was for the better or not, but I knew that over the past 18 months I had changed. Some of it was for the better, and some it not. I cannot say if I had changed so that a relationship with Abby would work or not.

The space that being in Africa had given me had given me a chance to work on things and think things through better. I knew that I loved her, even the time here was not able to put out that flame completely, but I did not know if she still loved me. As much as I wished for it, which did not mean that she had come all this way just to tell me that.

I had no idea what I was going to do. I had told her that we would get together later and catch up. I did not think that I was ready to confess to her that I still loved her, but I did not think that I could lie to her either if it came up in conversation. I was sure now that she had gotten my letter by the coolness that was in her voice as she talked with me earlier.

I silently said a prayer that she had not moved on with her life as I had asked her too. One would think that after the time that had passed, I would be more comfortable with her presence but here in Africa it was nerve-racking. There was so much that could happen, but at least here at the clinic I knew that she would be safe. So far, nothing had happened near the city, which was not to say that something could not happen at any time. After all, we were in a warring nation right now. I knew that from first hand.

In my time here, I had seen my fair share of casualties from the warring factions. Luka and I had been trapped in the middle of it, and I had almost lost my best friend to them. That was the main reason I had come back. There were many reasons that I had decided to stay and not go back on that plane when I sent Luka home to recuperate.

I could have gone with him, but that would have left them short handed with out any help until more could be brought in. Not that they had help while Luka was missing, but at least I was some comfort to Angelique as well as a second pair of hands for her. Even though I was, an ER physician that did not seem to matter here all that mattered to them was that I was a well-trained physician willing to help them. I did a little of everything from the day-to-day care of patients to the occasional helping in the OR. I might not have been a surgeon but beside her, I was able to use all the skills that I had attained while training and retraining at County.

I did not think that my presence at County was missed that much. Yeah I will admit that I missed Susan and could not help but wonder what she was up to, how she had changed in the time I had been gone. The last time that Luka was here, it was shortly after I had gotten the message about Dr. Romano, he said that Susan was now happily married to Chuck. I will have to admit that I did not see that one coming, but I did not see Abby as a doctor either. That caught me totally by surprise.

The more I thought about what I was going to do about Abby being here the more my head hurt. I honestly thought that I would have more time to work this entirely out. The question was how much more time did I need to work this all out. I had been avoiding it for a year and a half would another month, six month, be enough to figure it out or was avoiding the pain that might come if I was forced to make a decision.

No, the time was now, there had been enough living in the past and I needed to figure out today what I was going to do. I knew all I needed to know. As I worked with the patients and watched Abby tirelessly work with the patients, she never once complained about how primitive our surrounds were or that we did not have the resources available that she was used to. She dug in and dealt with everything with a smile on her face. Even the language barrier did not slow her down. Her new demeanor impressed me. It was obvious to me that even though she said that people did not change, she surely had.