A/N: Thank you to everyone that took the time to read and review! Mucho
apreciado.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. I'd like to emphasize that, because the legal battles I had over the first two chapters has really hit me financially and are just downright embarrassing. No, Diane Sawyer, I will not be interviewed about it!
Cybil stood outside the airport, furiously smoking cigarette after cigarette. She had received a phone call just minutes earlier that her mother Monica had committed suicide by jumping off a trapeze. She was too severely in shock to have any genuine reaction to the news. She had flown to New York to try and make amends with her mother but now realized that it was too late. After finishing her cigarette, she took a cab up to the circus where both her parents had been killed. The taxi driver winked at Cybil through the car mirror, but Cybil was too removed from reality to reciprocate the gesture.
"Whoa" Cybil thought, "I can't even flirt anymore? This must have really gotten to me".
Finally arriving at the circus, she wandered around the isolated grounds trying to comprehend the situation. Finally she reached for her cell phone, having decided that she needed to call CoCo and resolve this matter entirely. She wanted to kick some serious clown ass, and was determined to do whatever was necessary to make amends for her mother's death.
"CoCo, it's me, Cybil. Your former step-daughter" shouted Cybil into the phone.
"Gah, Cybil; what the hell do you want? Leave me alone. I'm drinking here and watching TV. I'm just so traumatized by Monica's death" CoCo's tone was damaged by years of cigar smoking, giving his voice a sinister edge.
"CoCo, you get your no good clown ass over here right now. I need to talk with you about my mom." Cybil realized that shouting at CoCo would not work, if she wanted to get him over here, she would have to adopt a new strategy. "CoCo, my mother left you a lot of money. I dropped by the lawyer's earlier and picked up the will. I think you'll want to see this".
"Money? Money? Well, not as though the money matters to me. Clearly I'm still in shock over Money-ca's death" CoCo said attempting sincerity.
"Whatever, CoCo. Just get over here soon, I'm not going to stay here for long". Cybil put her phone back into her purse and waited around for approximately half an hour until CoCo turned up in his shiny pink VW van.
"CoCo, so we meet again" said Cybil, her skirt now indecently high after an encounter with a contortionist.
"Yes, darling Cybil. I'm so sorry."
"Cut the crap CoCo. There's no will. My mom apparently hadn't lost total sense of reality and didn't leave you a cent".
"What? Why you little.!"
Cybil jumped on CoCo's back. Normally she enjoyed this position, but all she could think about this time was how much she wanted to kill him. Pounding his head with her shoe, CoCo lay on the ground unconscious.
"And that, dear CoCo, is for my mother" Cybil proudly exclaimed.
Suddenly, CoCo jumped up from the ground, pulling a gun from underneath his curly orange wig. He shot Cybil instantly three times, and then again and again. No harm in making sure that she was completely dead. CoCo looked around, making sure that there were no witnesses. He ran to the orange CoCoMobile and sped off, a cloud of dust forming in his tracks.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
3 months later since Cybil's tragic death.
Rachel wandered the streets still feeling depressed. Her career as an international singing sensation was over. Even though it had been some time since Monica and Chandler's deaths it was also still hard for her to come to terms with it all. She decided to stop by Monica's former workplace, the Monndance Diner, to bring back some fond memories. Upon entering, she noticed a familiar woman working there as a waitress. Blonde wig. Fake boobs. Glasses.
"Mon?! Mon?! Is that you?" Rachel squealed.
"Oh, crap" muttered the waitress. She knew it hadn't been a good idea for her to come back here, but nowhere else was hiring alcoholic 50 year olds. She wondered why.
"Rachel, yeah it's me. Monica. How about we sit down". Monica knew that she'd been discovered and would now have to explain everything.
"Yeah, see, I didn't actually commit suicide. I faked my own death".
"Oh my God" said Rachel, mesmerized by Monica's revelation.
"Yeah. Well. I was miserable with CoCo. Cybil had run off to Nevada and was pregnant. Lily was about to enter college and was better off without me. I missed Chandler so much Rachel, you have no idea. I just hated being away from him. I just wanted to get away from CoCo, to start fresh. So I became Regina Philangi. What happened was.someone had already died at the circus. One of the acrobats had landed badly after a stunt. So I went up there and jumped, but only onto a mattress. Yeah, even that distance would kill most people, but this mattress was made by the Mattress King. He's like the best at them I guess. Anyway, I swapped my body with the acrobat, dressed her up in my clothes and hid the mattress. CoCo is such a drunk, I knew that he'd identify my body as being me, even though the acrobat whose body I used was a young black man. He's that stupid" said Monica, finally pausing for breath.
"Wow. That's a lot of information. Sweetie, did you hear about Cybil" asked Rachel, trying to remain calm.
"No, I haven't heard anything from her in years. Why?"
"Mon, Cybil's dead. CoCo shot her" Rachel sipped her coffee and before she looked back up, Monica had left the diner. Still in her 50s costume, she ran for a taxi because now it was her time to get revenge on CoCo.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Monica paced frantically around the circus, trying to find CoCo. She called their old house, but there was no answer. She went up to IT the bearded poet lady to see if she had any advice:
CoCo is dead, He hit his head, He is no more, Now close the door.
"What CoCo is dead?! Are you sure?!" Bearded IT poet responded:
Yes, he is in the big top, He's really just now slop.
Monica raced to the big top, wondering why she hadn't been there already. Upon entering, she saw CoCo's dead body and a mysterious man wearing a white apron standing over him.
"Oh my. Is he dead?" asked Monica.
"Ma'am, he couldn't BE more dead if he tried". That voice. It seemed so familiar. Suddenly the man turned around.
"Chandler? Oh my God is that you?!" screamed Monica, running into his arms. "Monica, it feels so good to be holding you again".
"But Chandler, I thought you were dead".
"Well I kinda was. What happened was I faked my own death".
"Oh my God, I did too!" yelled Monica, finally happy.
"Really? What happened was I was in the hospital in a really bad way. But they did some plastic surgery, a few transplants and before you can say WENUS, it's the old Chandler Bing back".
"But Chandler, I don't get it. Why didn't you come back to me?" asked Monica, looking straight into his eyes, trying to make up for lost time.
"You were married to CoCo. I'd assumed you were happy now with him, and didn't want to be bothered with some weak man who'd been squashed by an elephant".
"No, sweetie. Not at all. CoCo told me you were dead. I had no idea he would lie to me over something like that" Monica exclaimed, still in ecstasy at being reunited.
"That damn clown. Could I BE more angry" Chandler shouted.
"Sweetie, can you tone down the catchphrases. It's like there's some lazy writer scripting this and all he can come up with is this stuff".
"Oh, Mon, I'm so sorry, I'm just so happy to be back with you".
"I know!" yelled Monica.
"Hey, more catchprases. Is the same writer doing your lines too or something?" Chandler and Monica both laughed and held hands.
"So Chandler, I'm still confuzzled. Why were you here?"
"I've been working with a touring circus. When I was recovering, a few of the acrobats stopped by to see how I was and I eventually signed up with them. I don't really do any of the circus tricks or anything. See, these places are all totally self-sufficient, they have their own vegetable gardens, animals, etc. I'm in charge of the cows" Chandler said warmly as they walked outside.
"Cows?" asked Monica
"Yeah. I mean, sure it doesn't pay as well as the advertising job did, but it makes me happy and that's the main thing, right?"
"Chandler, are you trying to tell me that you're a circus milk maid?"
"I guess I am" Chandler chuckled, pointing out his pet cow to Monica.
"There she is. Her original name here was Dan, but then I changed it to Cybil. I got a little bored of that name so I changed it again to Mon, after you."
Monica smiled fondly. She was remembering why she had fallen in love with this man in the first place and why she could never let go of his memory.
"Oh, Mon. I'm so happy. Now you, me, Cybil and Lily can be a family again" said Chandler, not wanting to ever stop holding Monica's hand.
"Oh Chandler, Cybil's dead." Monica uttered solemnly.
"Oh, man, that sucks. Although, she was kinda slutty" Chandler shrugged.
"You're right, she was a lost cause" shrugged Monica, matching Chandler's gesture.
"We still have Lily though right?"
"Yes, Chandler. As far as I know, Lily is still alive. We may need to check though" Monica giggled. "One other thing Chandler, I found a cancerous lump and was twice raped while I was working as a waitress. I'm undergoing treatment though."
"Oh you did. But together we can get through all that! By the way Mon, I'm also a filthy alcoholic. It was working with all of Mon's milk, I just started mixing. Milk and vodka. Milk and martini. Milk and rum. But I'm going to AA!" Chandler proudly said.
"You're an alcoholic! Me too! What a co-incidence. But we'll be there for each other and will get through anything Chandler, I promise" Monica gripped Chandler's hand tightly. "In fact we can start going to AA meetings together".
"OK! We'll get onto that when we get back".
"Oh, Chandler it feels so good to be together with you again" Monica gushed.
"Y'know what Mon, you and me, we're not just 'together' we're, we're."Chandler couldn't think of the most suitable word.
Monica joined in the thinking process. "Chandler you and me, we're..united!"
"Oh, Monica that's the perfect description. Now let's leave this circus and never come back" said Chandler, eager to begin his new life with her.
Together hand in hand, they finally said goodbye to the circus. That place that had donated nothing but misery to their relationship. But through all the misery and suffering, they were together. United.
A/N: And that, dear readers, is a happy ending.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. I'd like to emphasize that, because the legal battles I had over the first two chapters has really hit me financially and are just downright embarrassing. No, Diane Sawyer, I will not be interviewed about it!
Cybil stood outside the airport, furiously smoking cigarette after cigarette. She had received a phone call just minutes earlier that her mother Monica had committed suicide by jumping off a trapeze. She was too severely in shock to have any genuine reaction to the news. She had flown to New York to try and make amends with her mother but now realized that it was too late. After finishing her cigarette, she took a cab up to the circus where both her parents had been killed. The taxi driver winked at Cybil through the car mirror, but Cybil was too removed from reality to reciprocate the gesture.
"Whoa" Cybil thought, "I can't even flirt anymore? This must have really gotten to me".
Finally arriving at the circus, she wandered around the isolated grounds trying to comprehend the situation. Finally she reached for her cell phone, having decided that she needed to call CoCo and resolve this matter entirely. She wanted to kick some serious clown ass, and was determined to do whatever was necessary to make amends for her mother's death.
"CoCo, it's me, Cybil. Your former step-daughter" shouted Cybil into the phone.
"Gah, Cybil; what the hell do you want? Leave me alone. I'm drinking here and watching TV. I'm just so traumatized by Monica's death" CoCo's tone was damaged by years of cigar smoking, giving his voice a sinister edge.
"CoCo, you get your no good clown ass over here right now. I need to talk with you about my mom." Cybil realized that shouting at CoCo would not work, if she wanted to get him over here, she would have to adopt a new strategy. "CoCo, my mother left you a lot of money. I dropped by the lawyer's earlier and picked up the will. I think you'll want to see this".
"Money? Money? Well, not as though the money matters to me. Clearly I'm still in shock over Money-ca's death" CoCo said attempting sincerity.
"Whatever, CoCo. Just get over here soon, I'm not going to stay here for long". Cybil put her phone back into her purse and waited around for approximately half an hour until CoCo turned up in his shiny pink VW van.
"CoCo, so we meet again" said Cybil, her skirt now indecently high after an encounter with a contortionist.
"Yes, darling Cybil. I'm so sorry."
"Cut the crap CoCo. There's no will. My mom apparently hadn't lost total sense of reality and didn't leave you a cent".
"What? Why you little.!"
Cybil jumped on CoCo's back. Normally she enjoyed this position, but all she could think about this time was how much she wanted to kill him. Pounding his head with her shoe, CoCo lay on the ground unconscious.
"And that, dear CoCo, is for my mother" Cybil proudly exclaimed.
Suddenly, CoCo jumped up from the ground, pulling a gun from underneath his curly orange wig. He shot Cybil instantly three times, and then again and again. No harm in making sure that she was completely dead. CoCo looked around, making sure that there were no witnesses. He ran to the orange CoCoMobile and sped off, a cloud of dust forming in his tracks.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
3 months later since Cybil's tragic death.
Rachel wandered the streets still feeling depressed. Her career as an international singing sensation was over. Even though it had been some time since Monica and Chandler's deaths it was also still hard for her to come to terms with it all. She decided to stop by Monica's former workplace, the Monndance Diner, to bring back some fond memories. Upon entering, she noticed a familiar woman working there as a waitress. Blonde wig. Fake boobs. Glasses.
"Mon?! Mon?! Is that you?" Rachel squealed.
"Oh, crap" muttered the waitress. She knew it hadn't been a good idea for her to come back here, but nowhere else was hiring alcoholic 50 year olds. She wondered why.
"Rachel, yeah it's me. Monica. How about we sit down". Monica knew that she'd been discovered and would now have to explain everything.
"Yeah, see, I didn't actually commit suicide. I faked my own death".
"Oh my God" said Rachel, mesmerized by Monica's revelation.
"Yeah. Well. I was miserable with CoCo. Cybil had run off to Nevada and was pregnant. Lily was about to enter college and was better off without me. I missed Chandler so much Rachel, you have no idea. I just hated being away from him. I just wanted to get away from CoCo, to start fresh. So I became Regina Philangi. What happened was.someone had already died at the circus. One of the acrobats had landed badly after a stunt. So I went up there and jumped, but only onto a mattress. Yeah, even that distance would kill most people, but this mattress was made by the Mattress King. He's like the best at them I guess. Anyway, I swapped my body with the acrobat, dressed her up in my clothes and hid the mattress. CoCo is such a drunk, I knew that he'd identify my body as being me, even though the acrobat whose body I used was a young black man. He's that stupid" said Monica, finally pausing for breath.
"Wow. That's a lot of information. Sweetie, did you hear about Cybil" asked Rachel, trying to remain calm.
"No, I haven't heard anything from her in years. Why?"
"Mon, Cybil's dead. CoCo shot her" Rachel sipped her coffee and before she looked back up, Monica had left the diner. Still in her 50s costume, she ran for a taxi because now it was her time to get revenge on CoCo.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Monica paced frantically around the circus, trying to find CoCo. She called their old house, but there was no answer. She went up to IT the bearded poet lady to see if she had any advice:
CoCo is dead, He hit his head, He is no more, Now close the door.
"What CoCo is dead?! Are you sure?!" Bearded IT poet responded:
Yes, he is in the big top, He's really just now slop.
Monica raced to the big top, wondering why she hadn't been there already. Upon entering, she saw CoCo's dead body and a mysterious man wearing a white apron standing over him.
"Oh my. Is he dead?" asked Monica.
"Ma'am, he couldn't BE more dead if he tried". That voice. It seemed so familiar. Suddenly the man turned around.
"Chandler? Oh my God is that you?!" screamed Monica, running into his arms. "Monica, it feels so good to be holding you again".
"But Chandler, I thought you were dead".
"Well I kinda was. What happened was I faked my own death".
"Oh my God, I did too!" yelled Monica, finally happy.
"Really? What happened was I was in the hospital in a really bad way. But they did some plastic surgery, a few transplants and before you can say WENUS, it's the old Chandler Bing back".
"But Chandler, I don't get it. Why didn't you come back to me?" asked Monica, looking straight into his eyes, trying to make up for lost time.
"You were married to CoCo. I'd assumed you were happy now with him, and didn't want to be bothered with some weak man who'd been squashed by an elephant".
"No, sweetie. Not at all. CoCo told me you were dead. I had no idea he would lie to me over something like that" Monica exclaimed, still in ecstasy at being reunited.
"That damn clown. Could I BE more angry" Chandler shouted.
"Sweetie, can you tone down the catchphrases. It's like there's some lazy writer scripting this and all he can come up with is this stuff".
"Oh, Mon, I'm so sorry, I'm just so happy to be back with you".
"I know!" yelled Monica.
"Hey, more catchprases. Is the same writer doing your lines too or something?" Chandler and Monica both laughed and held hands.
"So Chandler, I'm still confuzzled. Why were you here?"
"I've been working with a touring circus. When I was recovering, a few of the acrobats stopped by to see how I was and I eventually signed up with them. I don't really do any of the circus tricks or anything. See, these places are all totally self-sufficient, they have their own vegetable gardens, animals, etc. I'm in charge of the cows" Chandler said warmly as they walked outside.
"Cows?" asked Monica
"Yeah. I mean, sure it doesn't pay as well as the advertising job did, but it makes me happy and that's the main thing, right?"
"Chandler, are you trying to tell me that you're a circus milk maid?"
"I guess I am" Chandler chuckled, pointing out his pet cow to Monica.
"There she is. Her original name here was Dan, but then I changed it to Cybil. I got a little bored of that name so I changed it again to Mon, after you."
Monica smiled fondly. She was remembering why she had fallen in love with this man in the first place and why she could never let go of his memory.
"Oh, Mon. I'm so happy. Now you, me, Cybil and Lily can be a family again" said Chandler, not wanting to ever stop holding Monica's hand.
"Oh Chandler, Cybil's dead." Monica uttered solemnly.
"Oh, man, that sucks. Although, she was kinda slutty" Chandler shrugged.
"You're right, she was a lost cause" shrugged Monica, matching Chandler's gesture.
"We still have Lily though right?"
"Yes, Chandler. As far as I know, Lily is still alive. We may need to check though" Monica giggled. "One other thing Chandler, I found a cancerous lump and was twice raped while I was working as a waitress. I'm undergoing treatment though."
"Oh you did. But together we can get through all that! By the way Mon, I'm also a filthy alcoholic. It was working with all of Mon's milk, I just started mixing. Milk and vodka. Milk and martini. Milk and rum. But I'm going to AA!" Chandler proudly said.
"You're an alcoholic! Me too! What a co-incidence. But we'll be there for each other and will get through anything Chandler, I promise" Monica gripped Chandler's hand tightly. "In fact we can start going to AA meetings together".
"OK! We'll get onto that when we get back".
"Oh, Chandler it feels so good to be together with you again" Monica gushed.
"Y'know what Mon, you and me, we're not just 'together' we're, we're."Chandler couldn't think of the most suitable word.
Monica joined in the thinking process. "Chandler you and me, we're..united!"
"Oh, Monica that's the perfect description. Now let's leave this circus and never come back" said Chandler, eager to begin his new life with her.
Together hand in hand, they finally said goodbye to the circus. That place that had donated nothing but misery to their relationship. But through all the misery and suffering, they were together. United.
A/N: And that, dear readers, is a happy ending.