Chapter 11: Famous last words
Yikes, those definitely would be his famous last words. Nothing I could say would change the way that he felt about me. This little thing that was now eating at me was that I had slept with his best friend. Wasn't there some guy code about that? I always thought that the guys had some unspoken code between them that was attached to guys honor code.
I could see the mist on his eyes. There was pain buried deep inside those dark brown eyes. I thought long a hard about what I was going to say to him. There was no easy way to say this to him. I had better just come out with the truth before he thought that something terrible had happened, that I had a new found love interest brewing at home.
Luka was nothing more than just a good friend. We both new that there was nothing more that would ever be between us and after that night we had both told each other that we couldn't do that again. We would be the best of friends, but Carter was a common link between the two of us and it was a line that couldn't be crossed for any reason ever again.
"Carter look there's something that I need to tell you and I don't know exactly what the best way to go about this is." I said being honest with him.
"It's okay Abby." Carter said reaching out. I could feel his hand now resting upon mine. I almost lost it right there and then. It was almost too much to have his touch when I was about to tell him that I had been with someone else while he was away. But then Carter was the one who told me that I should move on with my life while he was gone. This was just one indiscretion that had happened in eighteen months.
"You might say that now, but really I know that it's not okay." I said as I got ready to drop what I felt was a giant bombshell on him.
"No really Abby." I heard him reply, "Go on."
At his urging I swallowed hard and hoped that my words would not fail me now. "It happened shortly after Luka got out of the hospital when you sent him back to Chicago with malaria," I started to speak and found the words rolling rapidly off my tongue, as if the faster they came out the less that they would cut him. "I was at a loss after you sent me the letter, I had a bad day at work, and I needed a friend, someone to talk to. I went over to his apartment and we went for a walk. We talked about Gillian and her boyfriend back in Montreal, you being in the Congo for god only knew how long, and how much we missed you and how at that minute in time our lives basically sucked. I didn't mean for it to happen John, you have to believe me when I say that."
He pulled his hand back away from mine as if he had just been burned. I could see what looked like shock and disbelieve upon his face. I watched him attempting to hold the tears back from falling.
"I didn't do it to hurt you. It wasn't my intention to hurt you with this." I said trying to pick up the pieces of what had to be his shattered heart. "I thought that we were over that there was no hope for us at that point in time. You ran off to Africa with out a second thought. You send me a little telling me not to wait for you that you might not be coming back home at all. Carter what was I supposed to think? What did you expect me to do?" I said realizing now that it sounded like I was blaming him for all of this.
I looked back inward on my thoughts wondering if all along I had been that bitter at him for what I thought that he had put me through. There was silence between us now once again. I could tell that he was thinking of what to say to me. I decided to speak again before he had said anything.
"Look Carter, I was hurt that you told me all that in a letter. And that you had sent Luka of all people back with that letter. Yes I was bitter and hurt, but I don't blame you."