Jack woke Saturday morning to an intense blaze of sunlight that was filtering through his window.
It felt like it was shooting straight through his aching head. Holding a hand up to shelter his eyes from the bright onslaught he squinted to look at his alarm clock. It was well after noon.
After a few moments of contemplation Jack was sure that he had not been drinking the night before. He had not even stayed up very late. Apparently he just had one hell of a headache.
Groaning he dragged himself to his feet and padded downstairs towards the kitchen where he switched on the coffee pot. Then, after helping himself to a few Tylenol and a glass of water he headed off for the bathroom in hopes that a nice hot shower would help ease his weary head.
A long shower, a couple cups of coffee and a fresh shave later he felt nearly human again, despite the mild headache still throbbing behind his eyes. As he set to getting dressed he repressed the thoughts of pain as far back into his mind as he could; then started thinking of Sam and just how things might work out with her that day.
*******
Jack could hear the sound of upbeat music wafting through the windows of Sam's house as he walked up her front steps.
After ringing the doorbell a couple of times he heard a clatter, a bump and a distant voice yelling "I'm coming".
Sam arrived at the door looking slightly disheveled, wearing lounge pants, a tank top and her hair tied back in a scarf. She was also still wearing a dusting mitten on the hand that rested against the doorframe.
"Carter," Jack greeted her as an amused expression spread across his face.
"Colonel," she smiled in surprise, "come on in," she added and, standing to one side, gestured for him to enter. She then followed him into the cluttered room and discarded the dusting mitt that had been on her hand.
"What are you up to today?"
"Oh, just a bit of house cleaning. I was dusting my ceiling fans when you rang."
"I see," Jack replied as he took in the state of the room.
Cleaning products were scattered everywhere. The vacuum cleaner stood in the corner. There was an upturned step stool lying on the floor underneath the motionless ceiling fan.
"So, what brings you by today Sir?"
"Well actually," he nervously ran his hand through his hair, "I was hoping we could… talk."
"Talk?" She asked with an air of curiosity.
"Yeah… You think you might wanna take a walk with me? We could head down to that little park around the corner."
Sam was intrigued. Very rarely did her CO ever want to 'talk', really talk, about anything. She definitely wanted to see where this was going.
"Sure. Um, just give me a minute to change… I'll be right back," she called over her shoulder as she headed back towards her bedroom.
She returned just a couple minutes later, having run a brush through her no longer covered hair and now wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Walking over to her stereo she turned the music off and then turned to Jack.
"Ok, ready to go."
They walked the distance to the park in silence, both lost in their own thoughts. Sam wondering what exactly was going on. Jack still trying to figure out how he wanted to approach the subject.
Once there they mutually decided on a bench at the far corner of the park. It was a beautiful day and the sun just barely streamed through the shade trees that hovered over their destination.
After seating themselves Sam studied Jack's features for a moment. He did not look well.
"Are you feeling ok?"
"Huh?"
She rested the back of her hand on his forehead for a short moment checking for fever, "You don't look so well today."
He shrugged it off. "I'm fine. Just a bit of a headache today. Nothing a little fresh air won't help."
"So, we're here to get rid of your headache then?" Sam inquired.
"Um, well… I suppose if you want to put it that way." He turned in his seat so he was facing her more directly. "Sam, we really need to talk."
"Okay…" she said curiously, waiting for him to continue.
Sighing, shifting nervously and then looking down to stare at the ground Jack spoke up quietly, "I can't go on like this anymore".
Not looking at her he waited for a response. When none came he continued.
"This thing between us, whatever it is, is it still there?" He looked hopefully into her softening features.
"Jack," she said softly, full of affection; then rested her hand on his arm.
With a bit more courage in his tone he asked again, "Is it still there?"
Sam closed her eyes and took a moment to compose herself before replying.
"Yes. It's still here… but there's not a lot we can do about it at the moment. You know that."
Sighing he replied, "I know that, and that is why something has got to change."
"What do you mean? What are you talking about here?"
"I can't go on like this anymore. It's become painfully clear to me. The regs have got to change, or I'll retire, or whatever it takes, but I need you in my life." He shifted his eyes back towards the ground again. "If you'll have me, that is."
After a moment of fear and gut wrenching hesitation Sam's hand came under his chin and lifted his head until his eyes met her watery blue ones. She was trembling slightly.
"It's not going to be easy."
Jack grasped her hand and responded with a wry smile, "It couldn't possibly get any worse."
"Oh god," Sam breathed out and looked out across the park. When she returned her gaze to Jack she asked, "Is this really happening?"
"Please Sam. Let it happen. At least give us a chance to try."
Holding hands moved into hesitant caresses up each other's arms and then slowly turned into a firm embrace. Sam buried her head in the hollow of Jack's neck, and he began to run his fingers through her golden hair.
Just as peace was beginning to settle on his soul Sam sniffed and looked up at him, pulling slightly out of their embrace.
"What was it?"
"What was what?"
"What brought you to this now? What happened?"
Jack pulled the rest of the way out of their embrace and grasped her hand once again. He also returned his once again nervous attention to the ground beneath them.
"I'd really rather not go into it," he said with a gruff and shaky voice.
"Jack," Sam begged his attention in an almost scolding tone.
He looked back up at her.
"If we're going to do this Jack… If we're going to give this a try, we need to start out on the right foot. I want an honest relationship. No secrets."
He continued to listen to her while trying to tamp down on the thoughts and emotions currently whirling through his head.
"I know it's hard for you to open up, but if you want this to work you're going to have to try. For all we know the whole world, hell the whole universe could be against us. If we can't be honest with each other we don't stand a chance."
Jack sighed in resignation. He knew it was unavoidable, so he looked back into her azure depths and began to speak.
"It was someone else."
Sam looked at him with barely concealed indignation.
He winced but continued.
"It took someone else, and a huge, massive, royal mistake… and," he watched her face becoming even more stern as he went on, "please Sam, don't look at me like that. You wanted honesty and here it is. I know it's no excuse, but I was very drunk, and very depressed, and… oh hell, I'm only human for crying out loud."
"So you went and slept with someone else and then decided you couldn't live without me?" she nearly spat.
"Sam," he said more firmly, "It was a mistake. A very bad mistake. It was like a kick in the head, and apparently a good kick in the head was what I needed to knock some sense into me."
"I could have kicked you in the head," she said with a heavy amount of sarcasm.
"I'm sorry Sam. I never intended to… but I'm here now, and I'm begging for forgiveness and for a chance. Please Sam."
Hurt, shock and confusion all measured on her face and she sat utterly still for what seemed like an eternity.
"I need some time to think."
"Okay. Time is good."
Sam abruptly stood up then and exclaimed, "I'm going for a walk."
"Would you like –"
"No!" Sam cut him off. "I need to walk alone and clear my head a bit." At the look of fear in Jack's face she softened a bit, "I just need to clear my head… think things through. I'll be back."
And with that said she headed off towards the nature trail.
Jack hung his head and could only hope that she would forgive him.
Then he waited… and waited.
********
An hour later Jack was still sitting on the bench in the park. That's when it hit him.
Indigestion?
Well that's odd. Jack thought, being that he had not even eaten yet.
Come to think of it, Jack really hadn't been feeling well at all today. His head was throbbing intensely yet again and the ache in his chest was growing.
Maybe I'm coming down with something.
Whatever it was, Jack decided he had sat on that bench for long enough. He wanted to give Sam the time she needed, but he really felt that he should just be getting back home and to bed at that point.
As he rose from the bench he also noticed how shaky he felt.
Odd. Must be one hell of a flu bug. I hope it's nothing that one of the SG teams brought back to share with all of us.
After a slow walk back to Sam's house he went up to her door and knocked. When there was no answer he tried the doorknob. It was still locked. Apparently she still needed more time to clear her head, figure things out, or whatever. He could understand that. He had dropped quite a load on her today. He was willing to give her all the time and space she needed. He just hoped that she would come around soon.
With that thought Jack headed back to his truck.
He unlocked the door and began to climb into the drivers seat when the pain in his chest swelled and completely overtook him.
******
Just a few minutes later Sam rounded the corner of her street feeling much more at peace with herself and ready to finish that conversation with Jack.
That's when she saw it.
Jack, his truck door still ajar, slumped in his seat with his legs hanging out at an awkward angle.
She broke into a panicked run. What the hell could have happened!?!
Assessing the situation quickly she decided that it would be best to go in from the passengers side.
Sam quickly flung the door open and climbed in leaning over Jack to look into his face.
Jack had heard the door and opened his bleary eyes to see a fuzzy rimmed Samantha Carter looking down at him quite worriedly.
"Sam," it came out nearly a whisper.
"Jack, what the hell happened?" she asked, already fearing she knew what it was. She saw the way he was grasping his chest with his right hand.
"Sam," he began with a bit more strength in his voice, "get me out of the truck."
"Ok… ok.. just hang in there a sec, ok." Her nerves were beginning to show through, but she knew she needed to be strong for Jack's sake.
Within seconds she was back around the drivers side of the truck and pulling him up with his good arm. She knew he was holding the pain in. She could see it in his eyes and feel it in the heavy panting he was doing while trying to remain compliant.
Once she had him lying on the grass she began to pat him down in search of his cell phone. After locating it she reached her hand into his pocket to retrieve it, but Jack's voice brought her to a halt.
"Oh Sam… bad timing. Any other day…," he attempted to joke with a weary grin.
"Leave it to you to joke at a time like this Jack."
She finished retrieving the phone, flipped it open and dialed 911.
While giving all the necessary information to the emergency worker on the other end she began to stroke the side of Jack's face with soothing motions.
He leaned into her ministrations and closed his eyes in contentment; even under the current circumstances he could feel the love radiating from her.
Once Sam hung the phone up she noticed Jack's eyes were closed and pressed her other hand to the opposite side of his head. "Come on Jack, open your eyes for me…. Jack…. Jack! Open your eyes!", she demanded.
Slowly he did, and she could see even further confusion setting in on their murky depths.
The last thing he uttered came out just barely audible, "Love you Sam."
Then his eyes rolled back in his head and he stopped breathing.
Panic and anger gripped Sam's heart at the same time, tears pricked the corners of her eyes, and she shouted, "OH HELL NO YOU DON'T!"
Checking for a pulse and beginning to administer CPR Sam began a chant of "Come on Jack, stay with me… Come on…. Jack, don't you dare leave me now… Oh god Jack…. Come back to me, please…. Jack."
This chant continued on between breaths of life giving-oxygen, and didn't stop even after the EMT's arrived and removed her from Jack's still body. They then proceeded to load him on a stretcher and continue the resuscitation.
Before Sam could completely break down and collapse into her front lawn one of the EMT's caught her. He handed her Jack's cell phone that was still lying in the grass, and helped her climb into the back of the ambulance along with the stretcher.