Chapter 19 into the Fire
I climbed into bed, a warm body curled up next to me now. Yet somehow, it did not feel right. I still felt empty inside. Regret, fear, pain all filled my heart now. I was not sure why I had felt the need to do this. I knew better and I knew she was near now. When I closed my eyes, I could see the disappointment and hurt in hers. It seemed that as long as we were apart that this was fate and I was going to suffer. It didn't sit well that I knew I was the one that pushed her away, so far away that we would never find our way back to each other.
I turned onto my side and looked at the woman that was lying there next to me. It was not her face that I saw staring back at me. It was Abby. I shook my head trying to get the image to leave, but it seemed to be burned into my memory for good. I was not going to be able to escape this feeling unless I did something to make it right and with Kem tucked into bed next to me I didn't think that was going to happen anytime soon, all that this would accomplish would be to push Abby further away from me. However, deep down inside of me was not that what I had intentionally set out to do.
When Gamma died a part of me died too. I could not deny that. What did Abby do, she ran off to go get Eric because he had suddenly resurfaced. That cut me to the bone. I know that Eric needed her, but what I did not understand was why she had to go now in time. I needed her almost as much as he did. My world at that moment in time had come crumbling down, and it would never be the same for me. I tried to forgive her after the funeral, really I did. I ran after her, I was sucked in at Country trying to find her to talk to her. What I got for that was nothing. Nothing changed, the pain was still there, the embarrassment, the hurt, and all still ripped at me like it happened yesterday. The only escape that I had at the time was to come here, knowing that she would never understand. I left things between us a mess and just upped and ran away. I thought that I was protecting myself.
I reached over and shook the sleeping body that was lying there next to me. "Kem wake up."
Two groggy eyes looked at me as if I was insane. "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here, I can't do this anymore."
Her eyes could have spit fire at me. Her glare was so cold I could feel the icy filling the room. She did not seem to be moving.
"I mean it Kem." I said, "This is wrong. I am using you plain and simple. I thought that I could escape but I can't."
"Carter you are one cold hearted son-of-a-bitch." I heard her say as she reached for her clothes. I opened the door for her ushering her out of my life and as she walked out the door, I could hear her mumble under her breath, "I hope you burn in hell."
Whatever, I thought to myself. Then I saw Abby standing there in the doorway. Her stare was almost as cold. I did not know what to say or what to do.