BELIEVING THE LIE
TV Show: Roswell
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell. In fact I don't own anything of value to anyone. I have no car. I live with my parents and about too many credit card bills. So there!
Author's Note: First-time fanfic writer so please be kind.
Rating: R for language
Summary: M/M. Maria confronts issues in her life when she was forced to face them right after graduation and before Liz's wedding.
Genre: Angst
Chapter 2: Running Away
Of course what am I supposed to expect?! Michael is technically a guy. Well a guy from outer space but nevertheless a guy's guy. He would've moved on and I can't just expect that he would pine away for me. That jerk! After all his "I'm a soldier and a soldier has got to be alone" speech, I finally house train him for someone else and it only took 2 months of me being away after graduation too! That jackass!?! Technically, guys are not big on waiting. It's just I can't help but think that Max would probably wait for however long it would take for Liz to take him back in. Then again may be not but they've been through a lot and he has never given up on her. Even when Liz had. He was right though. I broke up with him and though my pillow was wet for many nights thereafter, I had to act like this was not bothering me. I need to talk to someone but there was no one around. So I drive to Liz's and Max's place while they were fixing it up. It was just technically a week and a day from their wedding but what the heck, if she was busy, I'd probably go and just drive around instead. I find Max hammering in a picture into the wall and I wonder why he doesn't just use his powers to fix the place up. Well, I guess he didn't want to miss a thing so he's trying to be human. Lucky me, the only time Michael shows his human side is when he's being a jerk or when I'm being a bitch or professing undying love for someone else.
I look at Max and Liz from afar and I just couldn't help it, I barged in there and said the first thing that came to my mind, "Hey Liz! Why don't we run away and tag along as groupies for Dave Matthews Band like we've always dreamed of?"
They laugh. I'm not making a joke. I wonder why they think that. When I didn't respond to their show of jocularity, they figured that I was suffering from some kind of schizophrenic reaction to the wedding and Liz sat me down on the sofa, "Maria, where's all this coming from? What happened? Is it Michael?"
For some reason I can't seem to stop my hands from shaking and Max decides to leave. Apparently to get away from witnessing my embarrassment or to give us a little privacy for a little girl talk. I really don't care which and I really don't know what to say so I just shake my head. "Ria, what's wrong? You go to New York without telling any of us. Then you come back and practically avoid being around. Now you want to become a groupie for Dave Matthews Band. Why?"
"They have sad songs."
"Huh? I don't get it." Liz sits down beside me and peers into my face.
"Never mind." I squeeze my eyes shut so that the tears wouldn't fall but my voice betrays me. "He is seeing someone. Michael. But you probably knew that. He's gotten over me so quickly. I'm not even sure if he loved me at all and I love him. More than I can ever articulate or explain and all I'm thinking is that why this always happen to me?! I mean what should I expect, my own father never even liked me well enough to stay. Why would he be different? But you know what? I wished that whoever it was, he was going to be different. Michael is and I guess I never specified how different 'coz he is in an otherworldly way but very much an Adam cut from the same cloth. The problem is I've always told everyone and myself that our being transient doesn't bother me but it does and I just wish." and at this point, I couldn't go on. I was too choked with so much pent up frustration and anger and whatever that all I wanted to do was run and run. Maybe if I could run as fast as I can I'd be able to outstrip everything and leave it all behind me. But I was tired.
"Oh sweetie! I'm sorry for being too caught up with the wedding and all, I never noticed. He was pretty much cut up when you left. Started every time he saw a girl like you thinking it was you Maria. It's not as if he didn't love you, it's just that he figured that you've moved on then so should he. We all thought that you'd want that for him as well. Can I ask you this though, if you did love him, why did you break up with him and leave him just like that?" Max reappears with a glass of water. He hands it to me and sits on the table before he speaks, "Maria, I'm really sorry about Michael." Dear sweet Max. Now why can't Michael be more like that? Because then he wouldn't be Michael. Liz had a point though but it doesn't make things easier.
"Oh Max! It's not - you don't have to apologize. It's me. It's always been me. I'm sorry for barging on you like that. I just - " before I could finish the sentence, Michael walks in from the kitchen. Geez! Can't I at least have a breakdown without the superfluous embarrassment of having the object of my breakdown around?! The minute that our eyes locked, I knew he heard everything and I just couldn't take the ridiculousness of the situation anymore, I did the only thing I knew. I bolted out of their house and drove.
I don't care where I'm going and I didn't even care to look back and see whether he chased after me. There's no point in finding out is there? My cellphone rings and I have to pick it up because my Mom might be asking after the Jetta. It was Liz and some perverse form of self-flagellation probably forced me to press the talk button but I did.
"Hello Maria? Are you okay?"
My voice is thick but I managed to answer her anyway, "Yeah."
"You want to come back and talk about it? The boys are gone. I didn't know he was there and I was absolutely furious with Max for not telling me that he was in the kitchen."
"Nope. I'll be fine. I'm fine. I'll figure this out. Thanks." So I hang up on Liz and turned the phone off. Where I want to be right now is far from everything that will remotely remind me of Roswell. So I head off into the desert. I often go to this place where there's a bunch of big rocks sticking out from the ground for two reasons. One because no one knows about it or at least I think no one knows about it and two because it reminds me so much of Michael when he had spiky hair. I don't think he'd be too happy knowing that though. He's always prided himself for his hair although I'm sure he doesn't want me to know. So I look at the stars and pick out the brightest one there but I don't know what to wish for so I wish for the one thing that would solve all these - I wish I couldn't feel anything.
You know the saying "be careful what you wish for"? Well, it's not true. An hour of sitting on top of that rock didn't help me any. I pull my knees to my chest and rested my head on them when I was startled by a hand on my shoulder. Kyle's. "Maria DeLucca! Where you've been off to? Liz called the house and said that you left their place so distraught? Of course that got Mom thinking that you drove the Jetta off a cliff or something? Maria?"
Having his Dad date my Mom allowed me to know him better and frankly Kyle wasn't all that bad. It's just that at this point I could use without another person asking me if I'm all right. Without bringing my head up, "Go away Kyle! I'm trying to wish myself away from this place and I've been having a lot of success convincing myself that I am somewhere else until you showed up. Somehow the concept of somewhere else doesn't include well anything Roswellian at all. Human or otherwise."
"So DeLucca, bring out the lavender oil, take a long good sniff and let's head home? Liz is hysterical. Last I heard she wanted to get an APB out on you to all the county police if it weren't for Max knocking some sense into her. Michael is pacing at your house like a caged animal and growling at everyone asking him to sit down. I think he's worn a spot on the floor the size of an average crop circle and your Mom is threatening to turn him out if he won't stop since she put her best rug out. Now that you've gotten the most power beings in Roswell population agitated, why don't I drive you back and let me finish the season finale of Buffy the Vampire Slayer will you?"
"I'd like to stay here, if it's all the same to you. Go ahead and tell them I'm fine. Whatever. I'd rather not go back home until Spaceboy is there." It was quiet for awhile and I thought Kyle had left when I heard him muttering under his breath trying to settle down in the ridiculously tight jeans that he is wearing right now.
"Having problems with Michael again eh? Why you put up with that guy if it's too much trouble is beyond me. You are an amazing girl Maria and half the football team is asking for your number. I've been having problems decking them out. I mean, they can't talk like that about my stepsister - or at least soon-to-be stepsister. So what gives?"
"Kyle, can I ask you a question?" My voice muffled and distant from not bringing my head up. I'm not too sure I'm ready to face anyone just yet.
"Shoot. Ask me for I've been enlightened by the light of Buddha." At this point he manages to cross his legs in an awkward Eastern Asian posture, which probably looks good on Buddha but not on some guy with no sense of flexibility at all. But that's beside the point.
So I look up and I had to laugh at him. Sometimes, it's so hard to reconcile the jock from the sensitive guy that he manages to switch back and forth but I'm glad for the humor to leaven the gravity of my feelings. "Kyle, am I the kind of girl guys would leave?"
"What?! Who or what gave you that insane idea? You Maria DeLucca, are the kind of girl I'd be proud to bring home to my Dad. A girl for keeps. The guy who gives you up for any other girl aside from Buffy or that hot blonde chick in Smallville is probably daft or isn't of this planet. Ow!"
I hit him on the shoulder quite hard unintentionally but I'm glad to have him around. He's like the brother I never had and with Alex gone, he sort of moved into position effortlessly. Not without a lot of reservation and gagging on my part at first. For the record, Kyle is a really nice boy. I'm not too sure he'd want that to get around though because he has to play this tough jock act at school but he is and the fact that he sat beside me and miss Buffy proves my point. He didn't have to stay but he did and I know how much he has the hots for Sarah Michelle Gellar. Not even Buddha or any form of enlightenment could induce him to miss an episode. He says it is edifying and intelligent entertainment against a counterpoint of female heroism. My guess is that it's all that ass-busting chick action in tight women's clothes that gets him glued like all the other blue-blooded guys around. Where was I? Oh yeah, Kyle is a really a nice boy. Look at how he has stood by Liz even when he had every right to be angry. There must be something about Liz that makes guys forget any atrocious act that she has committed. Much like Spike can forgive Buffy anything because Buffy is Buffy. It's something fundamental about these people. Everyone loves Sarah Michelle Gellar. Everyone loves Liz Parker. I'm thinking how if it were anyone but me in my shoes, my Dad wouldn't leave or that Michael would probably wait however long it took for me to grow some sense. But then again that's me and I can't be anybody else. The thought of that is too heavy for me to mull over without dinner nor lunch and so I bring my head back down to my knees. Kyle, bless his soul, put his arms around my shoulder and sat there in silence, patting my back as the occasional sob that I try to stifle becomes too hard to master. Then he goes, "Maria, I think it's time we head home." Which is why I let him lead me to the car and drive us both back.
TV Show: Roswell
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell. In fact I don't own anything of value to anyone. I have no car. I live with my parents and about too many credit card bills. So there!
Author's Note: First-time fanfic writer so please be kind.
Rating: R for language
Summary: M/M. Maria confronts issues in her life when she was forced to face them right after graduation and before Liz's wedding.
Genre: Angst
Chapter 2: Running Away
Of course what am I supposed to expect?! Michael is technically a guy. Well a guy from outer space but nevertheless a guy's guy. He would've moved on and I can't just expect that he would pine away for me. That jerk! After all his "I'm a soldier and a soldier has got to be alone" speech, I finally house train him for someone else and it only took 2 months of me being away after graduation too! That jackass!?! Technically, guys are not big on waiting. It's just I can't help but think that Max would probably wait for however long it would take for Liz to take him back in. Then again may be not but they've been through a lot and he has never given up on her. Even when Liz had. He was right though. I broke up with him and though my pillow was wet for many nights thereafter, I had to act like this was not bothering me. I need to talk to someone but there was no one around. So I drive to Liz's and Max's place while they were fixing it up. It was just technically a week and a day from their wedding but what the heck, if she was busy, I'd probably go and just drive around instead. I find Max hammering in a picture into the wall and I wonder why he doesn't just use his powers to fix the place up. Well, I guess he didn't want to miss a thing so he's trying to be human. Lucky me, the only time Michael shows his human side is when he's being a jerk or when I'm being a bitch or professing undying love for someone else.
I look at Max and Liz from afar and I just couldn't help it, I barged in there and said the first thing that came to my mind, "Hey Liz! Why don't we run away and tag along as groupies for Dave Matthews Band like we've always dreamed of?"
They laugh. I'm not making a joke. I wonder why they think that. When I didn't respond to their show of jocularity, they figured that I was suffering from some kind of schizophrenic reaction to the wedding and Liz sat me down on the sofa, "Maria, where's all this coming from? What happened? Is it Michael?"
For some reason I can't seem to stop my hands from shaking and Max decides to leave. Apparently to get away from witnessing my embarrassment or to give us a little privacy for a little girl talk. I really don't care which and I really don't know what to say so I just shake my head. "Ria, what's wrong? You go to New York without telling any of us. Then you come back and practically avoid being around. Now you want to become a groupie for Dave Matthews Band. Why?"
"They have sad songs."
"Huh? I don't get it." Liz sits down beside me and peers into my face.
"Never mind." I squeeze my eyes shut so that the tears wouldn't fall but my voice betrays me. "He is seeing someone. Michael. But you probably knew that. He's gotten over me so quickly. I'm not even sure if he loved me at all and I love him. More than I can ever articulate or explain and all I'm thinking is that why this always happen to me?! I mean what should I expect, my own father never even liked me well enough to stay. Why would he be different? But you know what? I wished that whoever it was, he was going to be different. Michael is and I guess I never specified how different 'coz he is in an otherworldly way but very much an Adam cut from the same cloth. The problem is I've always told everyone and myself that our being transient doesn't bother me but it does and I just wish." and at this point, I couldn't go on. I was too choked with so much pent up frustration and anger and whatever that all I wanted to do was run and run. Maybe if I could run as fast as I can I'd be able to outstrip everything and leave it all behind me. But I was tired.
"Oh sweetie! I'm sorry for being too caught up with the wedding and all, I never noticed. He was pretty much cut up when you left. Started every time he saw a girl like you thinking it was you Maria. It's not as if he didn't love you, it's just that he figured that you've moved on then so should he. We all thought that you'd want that for him as well. Can I ask you this though, if you did love him, why did you break up with him and leave him just like that?" Max reappears with a glass of water. He hands it to me and sits on the table before he speaks, "Maria, I'm really sorry about Michael." Dear sweet Max. Now why can't Michael be more like that? Because then he wouldn't be Michael. Liz had a point though but it doesn't make things easier.
"Oh Max! It's not - you don't have to apologize. It's me. It's always been me. I'm sorry for barging on you like that. I just - " before I could finish the sentence, Michael walks in from the kitchen. Geez! Can't I at least have a breakdown without the superfluous embarrassment of having the object of my breakdown around?! The minute that our eyes locked, I knew he heard everything and I just couldn't take the ridiculousness of the situation anymore, I did the only thing I knew. I bolted out of their house and drove.
I don't care where I'm going and I didn't even care to look back and see whether he chased after me. There's no point in finding out is there? My cellphone rings and I have to pick it up because my Mom might be asking after the Jetta. It was Liz and some perverse form of self-flagellation probably forced me to press the talk button but I did.
"Hello Maria? Are you okay?"
My voice is thick but I managed to answer her anyway, "Yeah."
"You want to come back and talk about it? The boys are gone. I didn't know he was there and I was absolutely furious with Max for not telling me that he was in the kitchen."
"Nope. I'll be fine. I'm fine. I'll figure this out. Thanks." So I hang up on Liz and turned the phone off. Where I want to be right now is far from everything that will remotely remind me of Roswell. So I head off into the desert. I often go to this place where there's a bunch of big rocks sticking out from the ground for two reasons. One because no one knows about it or at least I think no one knows about it and two because it reminds me so much of Michael when he had spiky hair. I don't think he'd be too happy knowing that though. He's always prided himself for his hair although I'm sure he doesn't want me to know. So I look at the stars and pick out the brightest one there but I don't know what to wish for so I wish for the one thing that would solve all these - I wish I couldn't feel anything.
You know the saying "be careful what you wish for"? Well, it's not true. An hour of sitting on top of that rock didn't help me any. I pull my knees to my chest and rested my head on them when I was startled by a hand on my shoulder. Kyle's. "Maria DeLucca! Where you've been off to? Liz called the house and said that you left their place so distraught? Of course that got Mom thinking that you drove the Jetta off a cliff or something? Maria?"
Having his Dad date my Mom allowed me to know him better and frankly Kyle wasn't all that bad. It's just that at this point I could use without another person asking me if I'm all right. Without bringing my head up, "Go away Kyle! I'm trying to wish myself away from this place and I've been having a lot of success convincing myself that I am somewhere else until you showed up. Somehow the concept of somewhere else doesn't include well anything Roswellian at all. Human or otherwise."
"So DeLucca, bring out the lavender oil, take a long good sniff and let's head home? Liz is hysterical. Last I heard she wanted to get an APB out on you to all the county police if it weren't for Max knocking some sense into her. Michael is pacing at your house like a caged animal and growling at everyone asking him to sit down. I think he's worn a spot on the floor the size of an average crop circle and your Mom is threatening to turn him out if he won't stop since she put her best rug out. Now that you've gotten the most power beings in Roswell population agitated, why don't I drive you back and let me finish the season finale of Buffy the Vampire Slayer will you?"
"I'd like to stay here, if it's all the same to you. Go ahead and tell them I'm fine. Whatever. I'd rather not go back home until Spaceboy is there." It was quiet for awhile and I thought Kyle had left when I heard him muttering under his breath trying to settle down in the ridiculously tight jeans that he is wearing right now.
"Having problems with Michael again eh? Why you put up with that guy if it's too much trouble is beyond me. You are an amazing girl Maria and half the football team is asking for your number. I've been having problems decking them out. I mean, they can't talk like that about my stepsister - or at least soon-to-be stepsister. So what gives?"
"Kyle, can I ask you a question?" My voice muffled and distant from not bringing my head up. I'm not too sure I'm ready to face anyone just yet.
"Shoot. Ask me for I've been enlightened by the light of Buddha." At this point he manages to cross his legs in an awkward Eastern Asian posture, which probably looks good on Buddha but not on some guy with no sense of flexibility at all. But that's beside the point.
So I look up and I had to laugh at him. Sometimes, it's so hard to reconcile the jock from the sensitive guy that he manages to switch back and forth but I'm glad for the humor to leaven the gravity of my feelings. "Kyle, am I the kind of girl guys would leave?"
"What?! Who or what gave you that insane idea? You Maria DeLucca, are the kind of girl I'd be proud to bring home to my Dad. A girl for keeps. The guy who gives you up for any other girl aside from Buffy or that hot blonde chick in Smallville is probably daft or isn't of this planet. Ow!"
I hit him on the shoulder quite hard unintentionally but I'm glad to have him around. He's like the brother I never had and with Alex gone, he sort of moved into position effortlessly. Not without a lot of reservation and gagging on my part at first. For the record, Kyle is a really nice boy. I'm not too sure he'd want that to get around though because he has to play this tough jock act at school but he is and the fact that he sat beside me and miss Buffy proves my point. He didn't have to stay but he did and I know how much he has the hots for Sarah Michelle Gellar. Not even Buddha or any form of enlightenment could induce him to miss an episode. He says it is edifying and intelligent entertainment against a counterpoint of female heroism. My guess is that it's all that ass-busting chick action in tight women's clothes that gets him glued like all the other blue-blooded guys around. Where was I? Oh yeah, Kyle is a really a nice boy. Look at how he has stood by Liz even when he had every right to be angry. There must be something about Liz that makes guys forget any atrocious act that she has committed. Much like Spike can forgive Buffy anything because Buffy is Buffy. It's something fundamental about these people. Everyone loves Sarah Michelle Gellar. Everyone loves Liz Parker. I'm thinking how if it were anyone but me in my shoes, my Dad wouldn't leave or that Michael would probably wait however long it took for me to grow some sense. But then again that's me and I can't be anybody else. The thought of that is too heavy for me to mull over without dinner nor lunch and so I bring my head back down to my knees. Kyle, bless his soul, put his arms around my shoulder and sat there in silence, patting my back as the occasional sob that I try to stifle becomes too hard to master. Then he goes, "Maria, I think it's time we head home." Which is why I let him lead me to the car and drive us both back.