Fiveya makes me happy. Dual-POV, and I might have chapters that are scenes from Ben and Klaus or an update with Allison.
So, I'm giving new aspects to Vanya's powers, somewhat less powerful. It's an extension of the bursts of power from Stave Off the Storm that are negative or positive depending on the mood causing them.
To be clear, no pedophilia happening. There are awkward incidents because Five is in a teenager's body, but he holds no sexual appeal until he grows up, which is frustrating for him. (And I find the awkward kind of adorable, poor thing.)
(-)
Riding in a cab with Five was nice, but limiting. There was so much Vanya wanted to say, so many things she wanted to talk about, but not when others could hear. Since they were young, there was a lot that they would only share with each other.
And when Five quickly nodded off against her, she knew this was one of those things. He hadn't told her all the details of his life after the apocalypse, but she was pretty sure falling asleep in public with anyone else present was unacceptable. Except if she was with him, apparently.
Five had been chasing the apocalypse for almost a week only to find he had the cause within his reach the whole time. She doubted he'd slept much, especially given his constant lust for coffee. He deserved a nap.
Having (almost) all of her family support her, even after finding out that she was supposed to end the world, was unreal. When she was trapped in that bunker, listening to younger versions of herself telling her they'd never let her out, that they were afraid of her power…she'd started to believe them.
Then she saw the light moving and caught Klaus making a puppet show with one of his hands trying to angrily devour the other. The desperate need to be let out had consumed her, knowing she might never have another chance to convince them to release her. But Klaus already planned to let her out, just wanted her to calm down. He did breathing exercises with her to help her relax, was patient while she got ahold of herself.
He'd brought Ben, the sweetest of their siblings that she'd missed so much. Almost more surprising than his sudden appearance and use of his tentacles to open the door was the fact that he didn't look like he did when he died. He looked the same age as the rest of them.
She had a lot to think about. Too much. The concert was in a few hours, and she needed to focus on that. There would be time to worry about the apocalypse and her murderous impulses later. If she could just focus on good things, she was pretty sure her power wouldn't hurt anyone.
Putting an arm around the slim little know-it-all she had missed so dearly, she knew she had plenty of good to focus on. More than she ever had in her life, really. For the first time, she felt like she actually had a family, a real family. The way Klaus saved her, the way Diego promised no one would lock her up again…the way Allison forgave her. This was what family felt like.
The way Five had unhesitatingly taken her side, even after he realized that she was what he'd wanted to destroy since he first time-jumped. She knew that this was a different Five than the one she'd lost, that no matter what he looked like, he'd lived so many years without her, had changed so much. But when he looked at her and smiled, when he was confident she understood that he was theorizing aloud, not accusing her, she knew that Five was still Five.
Apparently, she must have hugged him closer or something when she thought about him, because he jerked awake, sitting up straight and his eyes darting around. When he looked over at her, he remembered where he was and looked away, looking embarrassed if she wasn't misreading him, which she almost never did.
"After the concert tonight, I'm going to make sure you get some proper sleep," she said. "When did you last get any rest?"
"When I passed out from my shrapnel wound," Five said matter-of-factly.
She saw the cab driver give them a funny look in the mirror. But the cab stopped in front of her apartment building, so she paid the guy and they got out. "And how do you think you'll make sure I sleep?" Five asked as they climbed the stairs.
There it was, that defiant "you can't make me" attitude that she had always envied and that drove their father insane. But even as children, she knew she had more wiggle room than others when it came to convincing him of anything.
"I'll sleep in the same bed. That way you can sleep soundly knowing you have the cause of the apocalypse in easy reach," she said. And she knew that he wanted to rest. He had to be so tired after everything he'd gone through, how exhausting his life must have been.
They reached the landing, and he teleported when he got to her door. He unlocked and opened it for her, then locked it behind her. "You realize I could shift away, and you'd never be able to stop me."
A wave of panic and anger rose in her at his words, and her power hit him and pinned him to the floor. She had knelt down and was leaning over him in seconds, taking in his wide eyes that he quickly closed. Realizing he was about to shift, she pressed a hand to his chest making him gasp. Now his eyes opened, but his pupils were large, mouth open in shock. She had held him. He'd tried to shift away, but she'd stopped him.
"You aren't leaving me again. I won't let you. And if you try, I'll find you." The words were venomous, and she felt like she was hyperventilating. It was hard to see, but it was only after a drop hit his cheek that she realized it was because she was starting to cry.
And looking down at him, eyes wide as he took shallow breaths since her hand was still pressing on his chest, she was surprised to find a hint of panic in his expression. It was all it took to break her spell, and she scrambled backwards, crying and trying to calm down before the building started shaking. Klaus was right: she was fucked up and erratic. Five had just upset her by reminding her how easily he could abandon her again, and she attacked and managed to scare even him.
But then those skinny arms wrapped around her, that familiar weight and warmth and smell washing away all the bad feelings. She pulled him closer on instinct, needing him to keep from falling apart again.
"I'm not leaving, Vanya. I was just being an asshole." And his hand was moving up and down her spine, a soothing comfort he'd never given her before.
It had been comforting and grounding when Klaus was hugging her or holding her hand, but he wasn't Five. Everything Five did to her was magnified by the simple fact that he was the one doing it. It had always been that way.
With him holding her, calming was a simple task. She could sense vibrations in the air, key into the sounds around her, and it was like his heartbeat called out to her. It's simple existence, his presence near her, was like a balm to her nerves.
"I'm sorry," she said when she forced herself to pull away and look at him. "Did I hurt you?"
That got her a smirk. "It takes more than that to stop me."
But she heard what he didn't say. "So I hurt you."
Sighing, smirk falling away, he said, "It's okay, Vanya. Maybe a bump on my head and a stab to my pride." His eyes looked her up and down, marveling, and it made her blush a little. "You've always been incredible, but keeping me from shifting?"
"I didn't want you to leave," she said softly. The genuine amazement when he said she'd always been incredible…it was hard to believe. He'd always been the incredible one, the one with confidence and assuredness, the one with powers that didn't seem to hold the limitations that their siblings' powers did.
"I don't want to leave, Vanya. This is my home, with my family. This is what I've worked for decades to achieve." It was hard to meet those intelligent eyes, because they were so full of hope. Five never looked like that. Especially since he got back, he was troubled and haunted.
But, again, she could read between the lines. "You didn't say you won't leave," she said, trying unsuccessfully to keep the accusation from her voice even as her chest tightened.
Five sat back with a sigh, and she felt cold. "This still isn't over, Vanya. The Commission wants the world to end tonight, and they need you to do it. There's only one thing I won't do to stop the apocalypse, and I'll do anything I have to to keep it from coming to that."
She tried to think of what could possibly be his hard limit on saving all life on the planet. But then it clicked. "You refuse to kill me?"
The smile he gave her was a little sad as he shook his head. "I can't." He let out a bitter chuckle. "I've sacrificed a lot to get here, and it was hard because I'm naturally selfish. But some things I'll never let go of. No one is taking you from me. No one is taking any of our family from me again." It was almost a snarl by the end, and Vanya's heart skipped a beat until he added their family to the list of things he'd do anything to keep.
It was stupid, just a stupid little crush that never had the chance to burn out. And when he'd shown up looking exactly the way he did the day he left, it brought those feelings back to the surface. Of course, she was an adult now, so his appearance didn't hold the appeal, the titillating intrigue that it had for her thirteen-year-old self.
But he was so much older than her that she must seem like a little girl to him. He'd always been smarter than her, but this was a new divide between them. When he'd tried to leave because she didn't believe him about the end of the world, he'd said it: "This was a mistake. You're too young." It had hurt when she was numbed by her pills; it felt like a stab now.
That didn't matter, she told herself. Her confused feelings about her older younger brother could wait. She needed to keep calm and stable so she could perform her concert.
"The Commission is going to be looking for the trigger they need to set you off, make you lose control. And I know what I'd do in this situation if I was them." His face was grave.
"What?" she asked.
He sighed deeply, eyes closed. When he opened them, he looked at her and said, "Kill your family."
Before the room could do more than tremble, she was in his arms again, his heartbeat faster as he stroked her hair. "It's okay, Vanya. We don't have much to thank the old man for, but he made us a team, and made sure we aren't easy to kill. I'm just telling you this because we need to have a plan, and I need you to be ready in case they try something."
"But what do I do if they attack you and hurt your or…" Her breathing was speeding up, but her power hadn't surfaced again.
Probably because he had moved to sit behind her, legs to the side, and pulled her back into his arms, that small body sheltering hers, keeping her safe. "The only thing I need you to do, Vanya, is to stay calm and keep playing. And even if you aren't calm, I need you to stay positive." He paused for a moment and asked, "What's your happiest memory?"
"That night with you on the roof," she said without hesitation.
Five had found an old telescope and wanted to look out at the stars. She'd just wanted to practice. So they waited until after midnight to sneak onto the roof to do both. There hadn't been a lot of talking. The occasional exchange about what he was seeing or when he would compliment her playing, but for the most part the sound of her violin was the only thing in the air.
There had just been something right, fitting, about spending that time together. Like they didn't need words to belong together. They'd stayed on the roof for three hours, only going downstairs because she knew he had training early in the morning.
And the most memorable thing about it was how she tripped on the stairs on their way down. She might have cracked her head, but Five shifted and was suddenly in front of her instead of behind her, catching her and holding her close. With her ear to his chest, she could hear how fast his heart was beating, kicked into gear by fear and adrenaline.
It was the first time she realized how safe she felt with him. Physically, emotionally…he was her safe haven in a house full of misery. And three days later, he disappeared. It had crushed her.
She was lying back far enough that he could put his chin on top of her head. "What a coincidence." His casual tone made her smile. If she had treasured that memory and used it to survive her loneliness in that house, he would have been using it to stave off the isolation of being the last person on Earth.
"Think about that memory," he said. "If we get attacked, if anything happens to interrupt your concert, I want you to hold onto that memory, live it if you have to, and play. Your power might be destructive, but what I felt in the lounge…you can help people, Vanya. If your raw power reacts to your momentary happiness like that, a sustained pleasure channeled by your music could do a lot of good."
Her heart sped up a little. She hadn't realized that not all of those pulses she sent out were unpleasant or forceful. But it made sense, something Five's brain had picked up on instantly: her emotions, good or bad, affected what her power did. "What did you feel in the lounge?"
Five sat her up. "You need to get ready; your concert is in an hour."
Looking over her shoulder, she frowned at him. "You didn't answer my question."
"It felt good, okay?" he said, impatience in his tone.
"Fine," she said, feeling let down. She wanted to know how she made him feel.
(-)
This was so dangerous. He'd once dropped into a meeting of assassins to kill them, and he'd felt safer then than he did now. She'd gone to change, and he was sitting on her couch trying to stay calm. When he'd imagined returning, seeing her, it had always been as the old man he had become. Worn-out and fully-matured, he didn't think hiding his feelings for her would be difficult.
He wouldn't hide forever, but he'd waited a lifetime to get back to her; he could wait until he would be sure that he wouldn't ruin things by telling her. Because no matter what her answer was, he needed her. But showing up in this body was entirely unplanned, and it was making everything unpredictable.
A few days ago, he hadn't been old enough to be impotent, but he had a firm handle on his desires. Now he was thrust into a body filled with hormones, going through puberty again. And unlike the first time, he wasn't limited by only memories of Vanya. She was right there, living, breathing, and warm. So he was touching her way too much. Luckily she seemed to need his touch to calm down, so he had reason, but reigning himself in from less appropriate touching when she was pressed against him like that was getting harder.
It made him feel like a dirty old man even as he inhabited his body from when he was a horny thirteen-year-old boy. He'd been prepared for Vanya to see him as being too old to be attractive, not the opposite.
Focus. The apocalypse wasn't over yet, and he had to make sure to protect Vanya so she didn't lose control. It wouldn't end even if they made it through the night; the Commission was nothing if not tenacious. But they'd figure out a way to send the message that the world was going to keep on moving, so they should leave it and the Umbrella Academy alone, or they'd regret it.
He had to read the rest of their siblings into his plan. He'd need them to help protect Vanya if the Commission crashed the concert. Granted, he got the impression that not much could hurt her if she went pale like that and lost control, but the whole point was to avoid that. If she was safe, she didn't need to defend herself.
When she emerged from her bedroom in a smart suit, hair carefully brushed and arranged, his first thought was that she was lovely. "You clean up pretty nice," was the asinine thing that came out of his mouth. Could he blame that on hormones? God, he hoped so, because he didn't want to think she could make him stupid.
But she just smiled and let out a giggle. "Thanks." Then her expression grew sad. "I think I have enough time to clean my bow before the next bus comes."
He didn't understand until he saw the blood on it when she opened her case and took it out. It had been bothering him that he didn't know how she'd cut Allison's throat with enough precision to damage her vocal cords but not kill her if her power was so erratic. And, yes, especially to musicians, that blood would stand out.
While she worked on that, he said, "The others probably won't show up as early as you have to, so I'll hang out backstage, okay?"
"In case someone comes for me?" she asked.
"Yes. Nobody is going to hurt you if I'm around." He said the words firmly, because it was just a fact.
The soft pleased smile she gave him made his stomach squirm, familiar warmth pooling down low, setting off alarms in his head that he needed to act like the old man he really was, not the hormonal boy he currently inhabited.
"I know," she said. It was almost like she had a secret in those two words. And he wanted to know, but also knew it wasn't fair to ask since he had refused to give her a full answer to her question.
How was he supposed to tell her that her smile coupled with those waves had made him feel alive, like he could breathe for the first time since he'd time-jumped into that post-apocalyptic nightmare? How could he say that she'd long ago made herself into the most important person in his life and that her power was just giving him a physical reminder of that?
If that brief surge was just her happiness at him accepting her…he wanted to hear her play, needed to feel her play. So it was good they were heading to the theater.
(-)
"So, Vanya, are you nervous?" a man about her age asked her. They were backstage, and Five was sticking to her like glue, surprised how few people asked questions about him. Maybe they thought Vanya was good enough to acquire a tiny groupie.
The man rubbed him the wrong way, though. He looked so polished and slick, good-looking and well-aware of it. Five was sure he'd used it to his advantage before. Seduced women and played with them until he got bored, tossing them aside. Well, not Vanya. He wasn't touching Vanya.
"A little," she said, and he hated the way she smiled at him. "After being stuck at third chair for so long…all that attention is kinda intimidating."
"You'll do great," the man said. "The way you played at auditions…I've never heard anything like it."
"Vanya is amazing," Five said, tired of being ignored like a stick of furniture. He put challenge in his gaze as they both looked at him and the man met his eyes and flinched. It was satisfying.
"Uh, who's your friend?" the man asked, keeping his eyes on Vanya.
"Oh, this is my little brother. I didn't want to make him wait and take the bus by himself, so I just brought him with me." She sounded casual enough to impress Five. He didn't think she had it in her to deceive people.
And even if he knew it was a necessary cover, it annoyed him. Being treated like a child when he was a man. More of a man than this guy would ever be. But he needed to keep his cool. It wouldn't do to draw attention to himself. "You don't look very impressive to me." Well, that was hardly keeping his cool.
"Five!" Vanya hissed in an outraged undertone.
The man's eyebrows went up, and his eyes darted between Five and Vanya. "You must get the attention of a lot of girls at your school, acting like that." It wasn't quite sarcastic, but it obviously wasn't sincere either.
"My family home-schools," Vanya said, sounding embarrassed.
Epiphany seemed to strike the man, who nodded. "That explains a lot. Well, don't worry, Vanya, you'll do great." And he walked away.
It pissed Five off that the first statement wasn't just a comment on his personality. Clearly he'd noticed how possessive Five was, and assumed that he'd become infatuated with his sister due to lack of exposure to other options. And, well, that wasn't entirely inaccurate, but Five had seen lots of other options and didn't need them. Once he knew Vanya, he was done. There would never be anyone better than her. And "infatuation" didn't come close to what he felt for her.
But Vanya was dragging him to an isolated corner backstage. "Five, what was that?!"
"He was suspicious," Five said, hating how flimsy and somewhat petulant that sounded. And he hated how out-of-control he was. Even when he was actually thirteen, he had better self-control than that. It had to be the hormones coupled with actual competitors as opposed to just his brothers, who were the only other males besides their father and Pogo that Vanya knew growing up.
Vanya shook her head, exasperated. "He's been with the orchestra longer than I have. I'm pretty sure the Commission didn't send him years ago on the off-chance that I'd join and he'd eventually be needed."
That actually sounded a lot like the advance planning the Handler would do to ensure nothing got in her way. Or buying the guy off once Vanya arrived. "He was hitting on you," Five said, and wanted to smack himself. Hormones could not be kicking his ass like this. He couldn't afford it.
His sister's mouth dropped open slightly. "He was being nice. Five, Sebastian is gay," she said. And her cheeks looked pink as she asked, "Why do you care who hits on me?"
He'd faced facts that he had much longer to wait than originally planned. He had to grow up, physically mature, before Vanya would even look at him. So he couldn't be pulling this shit now. "You're my sister; no shady person is getting near you." Some world-class assassin he was; he couldn't even look her in the eye when he lied.
A sigh escaped her, and she glanced at her watch. "You should go to the lobby and tell the others your plan. They should be there by now, and the house opens in five minutes."
It hurt to be dismissed, even if he knew she was right. But he was also paranoid that someone would come after he left. "Fine, but keep your head on a swivel." At her confused look, he said, "Constantly watch for danger everywhere around you."
"Okay, but, according to you, they'll probably be coming for you and the others," Vanya said, and it was the first time since they'd arrived that she looked truly nervous.
Taking her hands in his, he said, "If things get bad, just remember that night on the rooftop and keep playing. And if you look up and don't see me, don't panic; I'll just be taking care of things."
After a quick look to be sure no one was watching, he shifted to the lobby, praying he was right about them being the targets, not her.
(-)
When she got on stage and started tuning, she looked at the front row seats she'd reserved for her family. Klaus was softly clapping in excitement. When she looked at Diego, he gave her a thumbs up. Allison's notepad said, Love you, sis! Luther looked curious and a little hopeful, although his gaze dropped when it met hers.
And Five? Five was on the edge of his seat, hands braced on his knees as he leaned towards the stage, eyes riveted and eager when they met hers. She had to look away before she started blushing or thinking about that incident earlier.
She looked at the floor near her feet, then to Klaus. He grinned and nodded, which drew an answering grin from her. Ben. She had them all here. All of her siblings were here to watch her be extraordinary, to show all the ways she had never been average.
They began playing, and it was such a relief. She'd never realized how dull her music sounded when those pills were holding her back. Now, she felt it all, the vibrations of the instruments around her, the way her violin played in concert with her heart. How could music be wrong or dangerous? It was what the world was made of.
Her eyes were closed, lest her family distract her. But she heard the audience making noise, which was unusual for their normal crowd. They were contented noises, sighs and happy hums. This was what Five had meant. Her power wasn't all bad. She was sharing her feelings in a more direct way than even words could express.
When they moved on to a more energetic piece, her heart beat faster. She wasn't thinking of the rooftop now, she was remembering all the afternoons and evenings spent with Five, listening to his theories and enjoying his enthusiasm and frenetic energy. It was hard to describe the kind of noises that drew, except that she swore she heard Five gasp. Could he feel it was about him?
The last piece before intermission was a slow sad one, and all she could think about was the ghost at her feet: Ben. What they'd lost when he died, and how they lost it. It was the first time she was ever happy to be excluded from a mission, given the looks on their faces when they returned and how Klaus and Diego in particular were almost falling apart. The house felt so much emptier after that. Ben wasn't particularly loud, but there was an energy when he was with them that filled the dark spaces of the prison they called home.
He had been the center, the magnet that drew them in and kept them together. Ben had cared about them all, and he'd always shown it. After Five had disappeared, Ben was the last thing that made her life at the Umbrella Academy have any hint of joy, of light. But he'd been taken by darkness.
As the final note died away, Vanya heard the crying. She opened her eyes to find the whole audience in tears, some more enthusiastically than others. Luther was bawling, and Diego was losing his battle not to do the same. Klaus had curled up and pressed his face into his knees, red eyes poking out to look at the floor next to her. Allison's face was soaked, as if she hadn't bothered to wipe any tears away.
It was startling, but she didn't remember ever seeing Five cry. He was sobbing now, face hidden as he looked down and occasionally wiped his eyes with his sleeve. She knew he hated to be seen as weak, and right now he looked like a weeping child. He might not have liked that piece as much as the others.
(-)
During intermission, Five collected himself and shifted backstage. It had been ages since anything had made him cry. The last time was years ago when he joined the Commission and killed someone for the first time. And the time before that was after his first time-jump. That first night alone in a broken world, he'd allowed himself to cry himself to sleep. After that, he couldn't waste the energy. And as the years went on, he couldn't waste the moisture; it was so hard to stay hydrated enough to stay alive.
He felt his temper flare when the first thing he saw was that Sebastian guy smiling and patting Vanya's shoulder. But she spotted him and excused herself, making her way to him. She looked like she might burst from excitement and happiness as she stopped in front of him. "Well? What did you think?"
It was hard to find words. It started off relaxing, the kind of relief he expected if he could ever get this apocalypse business permanently settled. But that second piece…the emotions in that resonated so powerfully inside him that they conjured images. All the times Vanya would sit and listen to him theorize and ramble. Patiently paying attention to things they both knew she didn't understand, but nodding at appropriate times and smiling encouragingly when he got frustrated. So many things he would never have solved without her. Hell, if he'd had her, he probably could have figured out how to jump back within the first year or two. Delores was nice and had a greater understanding of what he was talking about, but it wasn't as good as Vanya.
And that last piece…he thought there had to be a reason that, like Vanya, he couldn't find Ben's body. When he read her book and found out…it was like a new wave of mourning. But it was nothing compared to what she had felt. An emptiness where he used to be, a darkness growing where he had shed light. How their lives came apart without him.
"You make the most magnificent music I've ever heard," was what he finally settled on saying. And was enveloped in a hug that warmed him all the way through. Nothing was as good as her affection, her touch.
When she let him go, she said, "I can't believe I did that! All those people reacting to my music…my power."
He had to ask. "That second piece…what was that about?"
She grinned and said, "All that time I spent listening to you thinking aloud, brainstorming and theorizing. The energy you gave off, the way your passion consumed you."
It would have been helpful if she hadn't phrased it like that. If they were talking about a consuming passion, that no longer made him think of equations and theories. Well, not his first thought, at least. Time to move on from that thought. "That's what I heard, felt, saw. What you made me feel made me see exactly what you described: you being a patient sounding board for my rambling, you solving my problems just by being there."
"Really?" she asked, surprised.
"I think it's because it's something we shared. Something so deeply rooted in both of us that it resonates. I'd bet the audience didn't get the full picture on Ben, since they didn't know him." It was why she had absolutely wrecked the Umbrella Academy. It was a loss they all shared, although Klaus had surprisingly cried the least. "Klaus said to tell you that Ben is loving your performance. Especially that last piece."
Her smile grew sad, but she said, "So he told you?"
"That our brother has been haunting him since he died, and he's recently developed the ability to conjure him into reality? Yeah, that came up during our strategizing in the lobby." It was still hard to grasp. Klaus's powers had always seemed like a bust, combat-wise, although he remembered Klaus saying that while he was dead, their dad had said he'd barely scratched his potential. But bringing Ben and his powers to the table meant Klaus indeed had more potential than they'd ever suspected.
"Well, hopefully you won't need the strategy," Vanya said, a small hopeful smile on her face.
"Hopefully, but we still need to be ready," Five said. The fact that nothing had happened so far made him more certain that it was all going to come crashing down during the second half.
(-)
Not long after they started back up, a gunshot rang out. Panic ensued as the orchestra and audience fled, but she just stood up and kept playing. The rooftop.
"You've gotten really good at that, Vanya," he said, looking away from the telescope to her. His smirks were sometimes becoming real smiles, and she liked that it only happened for her. It made her feel special.
"Thanks," she said, focusing on her instrument.
"You're going to knock people over when you get older." It didn't need a response, and they fell back into that incredibly comfortable silence.
She was aware of Diego's knives flying while Allison went hand to hand with some gas-masked freak with an automatic weapon. Luther charged the guy and flung him into a pillar. Some worry slipped in, so she closed her eyes.
It was dark, and she was tired, so it wasn't surprising when her foot missed a step. There was a lurch as she fell forward, thinking that she was probably going to need a real hospital, not just Mom's care, when that familiar noise was in her ears, and she was pressed to Five's chest.
The first thing she noticed besides the heat that shot through her was how loud his heart sounded under her ear, pounding rapidly with what she recognized was alarm. But it was also so comforting that she wanted to memorize it, hold it inside her. Because she realized one of the reasons why spending time with Five felt right: he protected her. In a house where she was a victim, he was the one who stood up for her, who listened to her grievances with the others. That one time where she actually broke down and cried, and he heard her and came looking, holding her protectively until she calmed. And then he started a fight with Luther, the one who had made her cry, that ended with them both going to bed without dinner (but Five said he won, and she believed him).
"You need to be careful, Vanya. Can't afford to damage your arms. We'd be lost without your music." It was meant to be teasing, she knew, but it also sounded like he meant it. And she'd never felt as valued or special than she did in that moment.
Chancing a peek at the battle, she saw that Ben was ripping men apart with his tentacles. She knew he came home covered in blood (a lot), but never knew how, exactly, it happened. Five teleported onto one of the freak's backs and jammed a knife in his neck. And she was swept up in a new memory.
She still hadn't stopped thinking about the roof. She was trying to figure out how to invite Five to go up there again. Maybe if she brought a blanket and food they could have a picnic too. And maybe he would hug her again, make her feel safe and special-
A knife stabbed into the table next to her. "I have a question," he said, and the look on his face was dangerous.
"Knowledge is an admirable pursuit, but you know the rules: no talking at mealtimes. You are interrupting Herr Carlson." Their father spoke with that air of finality he always had.
Five shoved his plate away, and Vanya flinched. She had a bad feeling she knew what came next. "I want to time-travel!" It gave her a quiet panic. She didn't want him to time-travel. So many things could go wrong, and their father made it sound like it could be a one-way thing if it did.
"Nonsense. You're not ready for anything close to that importance."
"But I've been practicing my spacial shifts like you said!" Five protested, and he shifted beside the old man.
"Time-travel is akin to descending into a freezing lake and coming out as an acorn," he said.
"Well I don't get it," Five said.
"Which is why you aren't ready to time-travel. Now forget this foolishness and eat."
Five looked at her, and she shook her head, eyes pleading him not to leave her. She needed him. Without him, she'd never feel safe again.
But he dashed out the door, and she never saw him again. Years of hope followed, believing he could do anything, so he'd be back soon. She worried he might come back in the night and not find them, so she left the lights on and made a peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich for him when he got there.
It wasn't until Ben died that her hope died too, and there were no more sandwiches. She forgot who complained that they couldn't find the peanut butter, but she'd thrown it in the trash, devastated.
She was getting cold, but it didn't feel bad. "Oh crap," she heard someone say.
But she was enjoying playing, letting some of her frustration and loneliness out. It was something she'd never fully expressed before, not even in her book. It was private, something between her and Five, and then just her. Not anymore. She was sharing it so they all understood.
Because they didn't understand what she'd lost. She heard Luther once say he was glad Five was gone, and Diego said he didn't miss him. She wanted to hit them so badly that the rage cut through the fog of her higher dosage, and she gave them a death glare.
To them he was an annoying jerk who thought (knew) he was smarter than everybody else. He showed them up in training and argued with Dad the way they wish they had the guts to do. They were jealous.
To her, he was her closest companion. Someone who encouraged her to play, someone who was there for her and kept her from being alone. Someone who made her feel safe and special, when almost all of the rest of them made sure she felt insecure and ordinary.
And he left her. He. Left. Her. All the anger she'd buried deeper than even her meds could touch was emerging, and it felt good to finally let it free.
How dare he leave without looking back? Like she was nothing, just like they all said. She swept all her books and sheet music off the desk, enjoying the crash of the lamp as it broke. For a week, she'd been oscillating between hope, despair, and rage. It was more than she'd felt in years, and she didn't like it.
So when her father told her it was time for a higher dosage, she didn't even try to argue. Better to feel nothing than to feel all this roiling ugliness inside.
Her bow was dancing now, so fast and light, playing out what she'd never shared with anyone. She faintly heard her name but turned a deaf ear. The music was so wonderful.
He left her again. She didn't have the emotion to feel the rage and despair she felt the first time, but there was still a dull ache. He had come to see her, talked to her instead of the others. Once again, she was special. But then she woke up and he was gone. No making a scene and running out the door. No note. Just gone. Maybe she'd imagined the whole thing. It wasn't like she was special enough to be worth staying for the first time.
Her name was getting louder, but she hadn't finished her piece.
"I don't want to leave, Vanya."
As if. It was the one thing she could count on Five for.
"You didn't say you won't leave," she said, trying unsuccessfully to keep the accusation from her voice even as her chest tightened. Five sat back with a sigh, and she felt cold.
Five would always leave. She couldn't keep him. If she was more interesting, more special, maybe, but she had never been good enough to keep him. Even her possibly causing the apocalypse wasn't enough to guarantee he'd stay.
"Vanya!"
She was jolted from her music moments later as arms wrapped around her waist. And there was that heartbeat. He was here; he hadn't left. Lowering her violin, she was shocked to find it was white now. How had that happened? And when she looked down at Five, she saw her suit was white as well. That was weird.
"I'm doing everything I can to stay, Vanya," he said. "But I never want to make you a promise I can't keep. I might have to leave once in a while; I don't know. But I will always come back to you, and I'll let you know when I leave. There is nothing and no one else that can make me come back as surely as you do."
Falling to her knees (which was awkward since he was still hugging her), she let her violin and bow slip from her fingers to rest on the stage. And now he could hug her properly, and she could bury her face in his neck as she cried, letting that familiar scent comfort her. He'd always come back. He promised. And she was still a foolish little girl that believed him.
(-)
So, I hope you liked the new aspects I gave her powers. Next chapter will be Five's POV of the fight. And I won't do a ton of "same scene different POV" things, but it's important to see how it affected them both.
BTW, in her apartment at the start, he wasn't afraid of her. The panic was about something else. XD
I'm posting this pretty shortly after Stave Off the Storm, but I don't want to promise this kind of pace indefinitely.
Well, that's the start of it. Let me know if you think it's a good one, if it so pleases you. Hope you enjoyed this and will keep reading.