Chapter 20 Give me the frying pan

I saw him standing there in the doorway watching her walk away. Half dressed, he was, and I knew what had happened. What I did not know was if I could forgive him for what I just saw. I could not understand what he saw in her, but then I was not Carter. At that minute, I did not know if I wanted to run into his arms or strangle him.

I stood firmly rooted in that spot for what felt like an eternity as my head and my heart fought over what I should do. Finally, my feet began to move and I knew that my heart had won over my head, or had it. I was now standing in front of him and I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. I willed them with all my might to go away but they were not listening to me.

I looked up at him, into those deep brown eyes. Luka's words still echoed in my head. I needed to listen to him. But ouch, what I saw hurt and it hurt bad. I reached up and put my hand on his chest. I could feel his heart beating beneath it. I remember how safe I felt when I was in his arms. For a brief minute, I could have sworn that I had forgiven him.

I pulled my hand back as if I had been burned. "I can't do this Carter." I said as I turned and walked away. I walked out side it was pouring down rain. It washed the tears away from my eyes. I watched as the drops started to fall harder and fast coming down more and more like the tears streaming down my face.

Then there was a hand on my arm. I felt the force turning back the way that I had just come from.

"Abby wait stop please." I heard him say to me.

"What do you want from me Carter?" I said back to him.

"Listen please." He said, "That's all I want."

"That's why I came to see you. Sitting watching the sunset, I realized just how much you meant to me Carter."

His arms were now holding onto my shoulders so that I was facing him. I could see the hurt in his eyes. They reflected the pain that had been there earlier that I had been too blind to see for what it was. "Abby listen to me. I never meant to hurt you as I have. I was in pain when I left Chicago. Gamma was important to me. She had spent so much of her life taking care of me. Always being there when I needed someone to talk to, watching out for me when no one else would. When she died I needed you and you weren't there for me." He said to me. "I would have given anything to have you there; I couldn't understand why you had to go get Eric. It hurt Abby to have you walk away from me like that. I tried to understand I tried my hardest to forget what had happened but I could not. I spent the rest of that day trying to find you at County and I could not find you. I buried my grandmother and ended up being sucked into the County vortex. Then my vacation with my dad fell thru, I was lost, hurt, and confused Abby. Luka called saying they were short a doctor, and well it sure was not Rio but this place served its purpose for that short time I was here. I know that you cannot understand why I came, and I do not expect you too. When Luka was missing, I could not just leave him stranded here. I had to make sure that no matter what he got home. I did not come back here to hurt you, to walk away from you. Hell, this place opened my eyes to how much I loved you. It was your face that I saw when that gun was held to my head. You got me thru that day Abby. Then I come back home, you want your key back, you give me my things back. I did not know what to think. I was devastated Abby."

I stepped back pulling away from him. I did not know what to think. I did not know what to say to him. How could I have been so blind to what he had been through?

"Carter what can I say." I said to him.

"I love you Abby. It has taken me 18 months to see that. I need you as I have never needed anyone else before. You are my soul mate Abby. I close my eyes and it is you that is here with me. It is you that I see myself spending the rest of my life with. I walked away from you once, I am not going to do it again."

"I don't want you too Carter. We've hurt each other more than we know. It's time to put that behind us wipe the slate clean and start over again." I said to him, "Come back to Chicago with me please?" I reached up and wiped the tears from his face, "please baby come home with me."

"Yes." Carter said to me. I felt his arms tighten around me. I felt Carters lips against mine. I did not feel the rain falling on face anymore. I could feel the sunshine on my face with his lips on mine. The rain stopped as we came together as one behind us with the setting sun a rainbow formed in the clouds of Africa.