BELIEVING THE LIE
TV Show: Roswell
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell. In fact I don't own anything of value to anyone. I have no car. I live with my parents and about too many credit card bills. So there!
Author's Note: First-time fanfic writer so please be kind.
Rating: R for language
Summary: M/M. Maria confronts issues in her life when she was forced to face them right after graduation and before Liz's wedding.
Genre: Angst
Chapter 3: Facing the Demons
If I thought that Michael would have left by now, I was wrong. As I entered the house, Michael bursts on me and I've never seen him so angry.
"Where the hell have you been? Did you know what your little stunt did to your Mom Maria? They had to give her tranquilizers to quiet her down. You didn't even call. Liz is at home so guilt-stricken she drove the Jeep around town looking for you with that cast on her ankle. Have you no consideration for the people who care about you? God, you are so f--, selfish!" He was shouting and he was red in the face, I thought he was going to have a coronary. At which point, Kyle steps in and tells him to butt out but I couldn't fight anymore and I just want to get as far away as I can from an angry Michael and a protective Kyle so I step in between the two sizing each other up and say, "Michael, are you done? Can I go now?"
"Is that it?! That's what you are going to tell me. God I'm so sick of this." Somehow he manages to notice that I've been wedged between them. He looks down at me and I try to look away because I don't want him to see that I've been crying. But somehow this gets him angry and I get angry as well.
"No one's asking you to stay Michael. In fact you're free to go and that goes for you too Kyle. Show's over."
"NO! Let's get this out right here and right now." Michael grabs my arm and I'm afraid that he is thinking of yanking it out.
So given what happened in the past couple of weeks, that kind of drama would pretty much leave anyone raw all over. First, my Dad's rejection and then this disappointment over Michael, which is both all my fault anyway. All my resolve to stay calm just evaporated and I found myself looking venomously at him, "Well, Michael, what do you want me to say? You want an apology perhaps? Or would you want me to profess my undying love for you that would probably go unrequited because you have already found Ms. Right? Oh wait a minute, I've been there and done that. In fact, I'm ahead of schedule. I should be saying that on the eve you decide to marry this great girl who has just made you realize that you Michael Guerin are in fact a human. So if you'd excuse me, the least that you could do is to let me go up to bed and sleep." And as I storm off in a huff, all I could think about was how I wished that I didn't have to get up again. I just want to sleep and sleep and never wake up. Lucky that my Mom keeps her belladonna in a locked box under her bed because I had half a mind to find out how much I could cram down my throat just about now. The next day was no different. Not only did I feel like I was run over by a truck but the migraine I've been nursing since I got back from New York has decided that it was time to exert itself in full force.
I was slightly disappointed that it was only 8:30 in the morning as I squinted through the sunlight streaming in my window. I was hoping that I have slept the entire day or even possibly overslept to miss Liz's wedding six days away but as luck would have it I'm awake. My short-term goal was to avoid Michael and it turned out to be easy. I imposed a self- incarceration and only went out for forays into the world of the living for things that I couldn't avoid like medication for the flu which I think I'm coming down with and the rehearsals. Surprisingly, Michael was not there. Liz probably arranged it so that we didn't have to see each other until the day of the wedding. So thinking that it was all safe, I went to the local mall to shop for aromatherapy oils. As I was looking at rows and rows of bottles at the shop, I remembered that I needed to buy belladonna for my migraine, which was getting worse every day particularly after waking up.
"Excuse me Sir. I'd like to buy a bottle of belladonna leaves. I wonder if you could ring it up with my lavender oil."
"I'm sorry but we don't sell much of it because we only just realized watching Discovery that it is a lethal poison and you would need a prescription."
"Oh but it's only fatal if you give it in large doses." I said to reassure the owner but he must have thought that it was extremely strange that I knew so I hastened to add, "I only use it for my migraines because most over-the-counter drugs don't work."
"May be you should cut back on caffeine or black tea." A familiar voice says right behind me and without turning around I know who it is.
"I'd appreciate it if you'd stop meddling with my business, thank you!"
The old owner then looks from Michael standing behind me to me and handed my purchase, "I'm sorry but we can't sell you belladonna. The last time someone bought from me, they were intending to use it for suicide. Some girl about your age who got left by his man. Though, I didn't know about that until I saw it on the local paper, I can be held accountable for selling without prescription. I'm sorry miss but you might want to try somewhere else."
Ugh! Now Michael will think that I'm contemplating suicide. Great! And as I turned around to leave, I was swept away by the most horrendous migraine attack ever. I noticed that this happened a lot when I got back. At the rate this is going, I at least have an excuse to leave town permanently. As I swayed on my feet, Michael grabs me by the elbows and takes my packages from me. He leads me to an outdoor café and sits me down on the chair.
"Have you had that migraine long?"
"About a month or two. I don't really recall."
"May be you should have that checked."
"Yeah well, it's probably nothing. I have to go." As I stand up the world seemed to sway all around me and I had to sit abruptly back down. Michael was yet there again to catch me and I look away. "You don't have to do that all the time."
"Do what?"
"Catch me when I'm about to fall. You're not going to be there all the time anyway. I'm going to have to learn how to cope."
"Damn Maria! You are relentless you know that? You make me sick, making such a big thing about everything. Is this some game that you play huh? You push people away to make them leave you so that when they do you can come back and say, 'Oh look! See I'm only Maria de Lucca who no one can love. Little Maria whose Dad left her to have another family. Little Maria who went to New York to find her Daddy so that he could hurt her again.' Well Maria! You got what you wished for and I hope you're happy."
Ow, that was harsh. Granted that Michael was insensitive and he has hurt me more times than I could count but this was too much. I wished I could hurt him as much as he hurt me with what he said but I don't have that power anymore as I look at him and know that he has moved on. So I stand up and say the first thing that comes to mind.
"May be I tried to push you away so that you wouldn't be able to hurt me when you actually decide on your own to leave which you did pretty much faster than I could bolt past the New Mexico stateline. Now that you have, I'm glad you're gone so that I don't have to make YOU sick anymore."
"Maria, wait I'm sorry. I -"
And I just had to get out of there before I lose whatever lunch I had. As in literally. I was in such a hurry that I didn't know that I ran right smack into Kyle who was there with Liz and Max and probably heard everything because Guerin said those words loud enough for people in Kentucky to hear it.
"Hey Maria, what's up? Or should I say, you with Michael again?"
"Kyle, I'm sorry. I just. Please let me go."
"You went to see your Dad? Why didn't you tell Amy? And here I thought we were your family. Then, you had to go tell that ratboy over there so he could use it against you. Honestly Maria, you have to find out who you could really tell that kind of information to without having to worry that that person would come back and stab you in the back with it!"
I see Kyle looking at Michael like he could deck him clear across Pluto from where we were standing and I just want to disappear for a while so I could process what I should do with my life. Try telling that to a jock blocking your way though so I looked at him and when he figured that I wouldn't give an answer, he strides off to where Michael was standing crestfallen. Then he says loud enough for everyone to hear, "You go near Maria again and I'll kill you, you sorry son of a bitch."
After that disastrous meeting in the mall's outdoor café where half of the Roswell population is - the other half being in the Crashdown normally - I was more careful to limit my going out. People heard the entire thing and started the entire community talking so naturally my Mom knows that I basically went to New York to meet my Dad and got a warmer response from frozen pizza but heck, there's not much of my reputation to save. So people would understand that I dare not go out. I did go to Liz's wedding rehearsal the day after that but the looks of pity from the people around and from Liz was more than I could bear so I had to beg off the other rehearsals. I told her to write me the details of what I'd have to do and I'd access it through my e-mail. What's there to learn? All I have to do was walk down the aisle anyway. Not like anyone would have their eyes on me. I was half contemplating on moving somewhere else even before Liz's wedding but what's five more days and 15 hours of enduring the looks and whispers of Roswell. I wouldn't have to endure it for long though because I've basically decided to leave for good and do something else. Be somewhere else or better yet be someone else. My Mom took to the suggestion kindly and even chipped in some money. I saw this mission to Ethiopia and signed up for it. May be working for someone else whose life is more miserable than mine can take my mind away from my misery right? Of course, I didn't tell my Mom that. All she knows is that I've been itching to do something with my life other than veg out and enlist for college classes. So, I've finally scheduled to leave a couple of days after Liz's wedding but I'll be shipping my stuff to California and I could wait there at my grandparent's house until I fly off to Africa.
Nevertheless, on the 3rd day of my self-imposed incarceration, my Mom was seriously worried about my state of mind. I told her that I'm staying home so much because 2 years away in Ethiopia and I'd even start to miss her cooking. But my Mom was smart enough to see through that. So when she got it into her head that I needed fresh air, there's no way I could go around and not do it. She started badgering me about going out for a full day and since I could take no more of her haranguing and hand-wringing anymore than I could take the whispers that follow me wherever I go, I finally broke down and said yes.
It would have been funny if not for the fact that all I wanted to do was stay curled up in my room and watch Oprah all day. If I lay off on the television one minute, I'd start bawling my eyes out. There was a time when my Mom threatened to have me chained to the bed for being out too much but this new hermit she doesn't know and she coaxes me to go watch a movie with Liz or go have a night life with Kyle and his friends to which I say what night life, short of throwing me out of bed herself. Then she tries to bring out the credit card and tell me about this new place with the really awesome "olfactory" experience but she just doesn't get it that I don't want to leave my room. So to stop her from driving me crazy for real, all I'd have to do is pretend that I'm meeting Liz in the mall - she'd never figure out to check if it's true anyway - and walk around the block for awhile and creep up my room through my window. God knows I've seen Michael do it countless of times, I could do the same thing. Walking around would give me a good half hour or so and may be I could have some peace. Then again, proving that a mother's intuition is really otherworldly, so she actually calls Liz to verify (Surprise! Surprise!) and finds out what I've planned. So thirty minutes after, Liz and Isabel are at my door pounding and an hour later we are at the mall at the scene of the crime no less.
"So Maria, why can't you stop beating yourself up about Michael?!" God! Trust Isabel to say that. I think tact was left out of these Czechoslovakians' genetic make-up. That and compassion. What's it with these species and me anyway?! It's like I always end up bringing their sado-masochistic side because God knows they're not like that with Liz or with Alex.
"Isabel, we promised not to talk about you-know-who? And can you cut Maria some slack?! She was the one hurt here." Liz is such a dear and I'm glad I didn't run off before her wedding. I wouldn't want to ruin things for her.
"Liz, you can say his name. I feel like frigging Harry Potter with you- know-who and he-who-must-not-be-named thrown for emphasis to de-emphasize that I am alone as yet again. Michael is Michael. Isabel you're from his planet so I think you've heard his side and that's that. I don't want to expound on any of it."
"Well, you were wrong to break up with him. The girl he's been seeing may be nice and perfect but she's not you Maria."
"ISABEL?!" Liz's eyes wide as the mumbo mug of cappuccino in front of me.
"Liz would you let up. I meant that in a good way." Isabel tosses her hair over her shoulder and I wonder whether she really is that devoid of evil.
I try to make light of it seeing how it's making both of them tetchy. "What?! That I'm mean and flawed? Well, Isabel thanks, I guess."
"Geez! You know what I mean."
"Girls, can we not talk about it?" I've had enough. Enough about talking things out until my ears bleed from hearing about how Michael doesn't deserve me at all. If I wanted more of that I would've talked to Kyle.
So the conversation became more or less normal after that if you call talks about flowers and wedding stuff normal. But at least I didn't have to talk about the part about my Dad or Michael or whatever else remotely disappointing as that. I was glad for the diversion. Glad to see Liz so happy and laugh at Max's antics to prove that he can cook just like any normal guy which is not to say that he knew that much. It was the first time that I was glad to be back home until someone came to burst my bubble. Who's my favorite comeback alien? If only it were Alf or those guys from Third Rock from The Sun but it's Michael with some tall, waiflike ingénue who looks strangely like Liz. I would've felt better if she was blonde but she couldn't have looked so unlike me and I know this is it. Michael has always preferred blonds but for him to deviate from that means it must be pretty serious not just some lame-assed attempt to get some chick to parade in town like a Maria clone.
"Hey girls! Mind if Carla and I join your table?"
I don't know which was funnier, seeing Liz and Isabel gape at Michael like he grew horns and a tail or see Michael look like he was found standing over a body with a knife in his hand. Apparently, Michael never showed her any pictures of us when we were together because she just scooted over to my side and sat down.
"Uhm Carla! I think we should go. " Turning to Liz and Isabel, he tells them, "I didn't know you had company. I don't mean to intrude or anything."
Company? He says that like I'm some distant aunt from the south come a- ringing to Ms. Scarlett's home. God! I hate him. Then again, I love him. So while the silence was getting to be pretty much uncomfortable I pray that someone better say something quick. Apparently, everyone was too scared to breathe so I guess it was all left to me. "Wait Michael! It's fine. She just sat down and it would be rude to turn her away. I'm Maria. Carla right? I'm sorry not getting to know you but well, I have to go, my Mom is probably looking for me and I have to go pack. The moving van is bringing my stuff to California tomorrow." I was going to do what I do best which was to leave when Liz took that brilliant opportunity to start questioning me about where I was going. Why couldn't we have talked about it when Michael wasn't around?
"You never told us you were leaving?" Liz and Isabel looking at me like I'm about to break into a million pieces which is not entirely false but I wanted them to at least act as if this is no biggie.
"Uhm, I thought I did. Didn't I tell you that I was going to stay at my grandparent's house in California after your wedding? Oh yeah! Guess I didn't. I meant to but then I got interrupted. I mean, I don't really mind. Well I was going. Yeah leaving. Flying a plane. Well, not so much flying a plane than riding behind the pilot. Well, not exactly behind 'coz that would make it first class and you know that'll never happen in this lifetime. I meant flying coach." Anytime, now some merciful being from heaven should stretch his hand forth and make me shut up. The next best thing right now aside from having Michael back again would be if I could stop acting like such a retard in front of Michael's girlfriend. I wanted to move but apparently all motor skills have left my body except surprisingly for my mouth. So I stand there grinning like an idiot, twisting my handbag's strap until it looked like I wanted to cut off oxygen supply to my right half of my body. No wonder I couldn't move.
"But you're going to be back a month after that right? Max and I would be back from Europe."
"Uhm not really sure. I'm flying off to Ethiopia. Two years. I'll probably be burnt crisp but at least I'd be tanning myself naturally and for free while I get to help people. So it isn't such a bad deal. They need medical assistants there and I don't have formal training but it's this non-profit org so they couldn't be that picky about who volunteers. So they agreed to let me join their little posse. Although I had to sign a waiver that I promise not to kill anyone intentionally." I laugh shakily at my attempts at humor which falls flat yet again. I used to be really funny but I must have lost it ever since the pod squad appeared and monopolized our life. After they came, I was just plain nervous which people translated to being funny. How wrong did they turn out to be?
Carla says, "Wow Maria! You're so sweet. I think that's great!"
Michael then looks at me for the first time since he made an appearance that night and said, "Why are you doing this? Is it because of me? Of what I said?"
I can't believe the gall of this guy?! He manages to say that while the love of his life is there looking at me, finally realization dawning on her face. Yup, that's me Maria. Liz's best friend. Michael's ex. Can someone give this girl a synopsis of our on-again, off-again non- relationship relationship while she processes everything because clearly our story is a 404 for her?
"Michael, not everything is about you." Then I leave trying to look as regal as Joan Collins on Dynasty until I tripped on the way out and knocked an entire row of salt and pepper shakers to the floor. "Here's a fifty. Put that on my tab." Smooth Maria. That was real smooth.
TV Show: Roswell
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell. In fact I don't own anything of value to anyone. I have no car. I live with my parents and about too many credit card bills. So there!
Author's Note: First-time fanfic writer so please be kind.
Rating: R for language
Summary: M/M. Maria confronts issues in her life when she was forced to face them right after graduation and before Liz's wedding.
Genre: Angst
Chapter 3: Facing the Demons
If I thought that Michael would have left by now, I was wrong. As I entered the house, Michael bursts on me and I've never seen him so angry.
"Where the hell have you been? Did you know what your little stunt did to your Mom Maria? They had to give her tranquilizers to quiet her down. You didn't even call. Liz is at home so guilt-stricken she drove the Jeep around town looking for you with that cast on her ankle. Have you no consideration for the people who care about you? God, you are so f--, selfish!" He was shouting and he was red in the face, I thought he was going to have a coronary. At which point, Kyle steps in and tells him to butt out but I couldn't fight anymore and I just want to get as far away as I can from an angry Michael and a protective Kyle so I step in between the two sizing each other up and say, "Michael, are you done? Can I go now?"
"Is that it?! That's what you are going to tell me. God I'm so sick of this." Somehow he manages to notice that I've been wedged between them. He looks down at me and I try to look away because I don't want him to see that I've been crying. But somehow this gets him angry and I get angry as well.
"No one's asking you to stay Michael. In fact you're free to go and that goes for you too Kyle. Show's over."
"NO! Let's get this out right here and right now." Michael grabs my arm and I'm afraid that he is thinking of yanking it out.
So given what happened in the past couple of weeks, that kind of drama would pretty much leave anyone raw all over. First, my Dad's rejection and then this disappointment over Michael, which is both all my fault anyway. All my resolve to stay calm just evaporated and I found myself looking venomously at him, "Well, Michael, what do you want me to say? You want an apology perhaps? Or would you want me to profess my undying love for you that would probably go unrequited because you have already found Ms. Right? Oh wait a minute, I've been there and done that. In fact, I'm ahead of schedule. I should be saying that on the eve you decide to marry this great girl who has just made you realize that you Michael Guerin are in fact a human. So if you'd excuse me, the least that you could do is to let me go up to bed and sleep." And as I storm off in a huff, all I could think about was how I wished that I didn't have to get up again. I just want to sleep and sleep and never wake up. Lucky that my Mom keeps her belladonna in a locked box under her bed because I had half a mind to find out how much I could cram down my throat just about now. The next day was no different. Not only did I feel like I was run over by a truck but the migraine I've been nursing since I got back from New York has decided that it was time to exert itself in full force.
I was slightly disappointed that it was only 8:30 in the morning as I squinted through the sunlight streaming in my window. I was hoping that I have slept the entire day or even possibly overslept to miss Liz's wedding six days away but as luck would have it I'm awake. My short-term goal was to avoid Michael and it turned out to be easy. I imposed a self- incarceration and only went out for forays into the world of the living for things that I couldn't avoid like medication for the flu which I think I'm coming down with and the rehearsals. Surprisingly, Michael was not there. Liz probably arranged it so that we didn't have to see each other until the day of the wedding. So thinking that it was all safe, I went to the local mall to shop for aromatherapy oils. As I was looking at rows and rows of bottles at the shop, I remembered that I needed to buy belladonna for my migraine, which was getting worse every day particularly after waking up.
"Excuse me Sir. I'd like to buy a bottle of belladonna leaves. I wonder if you could ring it up with my lavender oil."
"I'm sorry but we don't sell much of it because we only just realized watching Discovery that it is a lethal poison and you would need a prescription."
"Oh but it's only fatal if you give it in large doses." I said to reassure the owner but he must have thought that it was extremely strange that I knew so I hastened to add, "I only use it for my migraines because most over-the-counter drugs don't work."
"May be you should cut back on caffeine or black tea." A familiar voice says right behind me and without turning around I know who it is.
"I'd appreciate it if you'd stop meddling with my business, thank you!"
The old owner then looks from Michael standing behind me to me and handed my purchase, "I'm sorry but we can't sell you belladonna. The last time someone bought from me, they were intending to use it for suicide. Some girl about your age who got left by his man. Though, I didn't know about that until I saw it on the local paper, I can be held accountable for selling without prescription. I'm sorry miss but you might want to try somewhere else."
Ugh! Now Michael will think that I'm contemplating suicide. Great! And as I turned around to leave, I was swept away by the most horrendous migraine attack ever. I noticed that this happened a lot when I got back. At the rate this is going, I at least have an excuse to leave town permanently. As I swayed on my feet, Michael grabs me by the elbows and takes my packages from me. He leads me to an outdoor café and sits me down on the chair.
"Have you had that migraine long?"
"About a month or two. I don't really recall."
"May be you should have that checked."
"Yeah well, it's probably nothing. I have to go." As I stand up the world seemed to sway all around me and I had to sit abruptly back down. Michael was yet there again to catch me and I look away. "You don't have to do that all the time."
"Do what?"
"Catch me when I'm about to fall. You're not going to be there all the time anyway. I'm going to have to learn how to cope."
"Damn Maria! You are relentless you know that? You make me sick, making such a big thing about everything. Is this some game that you play huh? You push people away to make them leave you so that when they do you can come back and say, 'Oh look! See I'm only Maria de Lucca who no one can love. Little Maria whose Dad left her to have another family. Little Maria who went to New York to find her Daddy so that he could hurt her again.' Well Maria! You got what you wished for and I hope you're happy."
Ow, that was harsh. Granted that Michael was insensitive and he has hurt me more times than I could count but this was too much. I wished I could hurt him as much as he hurt me with what he said but I don't have that power anymore as I look at him and know that he has moved on. So I stand up and say the first thing that comes to mind.
"May be I tried to push you away so that you wouldn't be able to hurt me when you actually decide on your own to leave which you did pretty much faster than I could bolt past the New Mexico stateline. Now that you have, I'm glad you're gone so that I don't have to make YOU sick anymore."
"Maria, wait I'm sorry. I -"
And I just had to get out of there before I lose whatever lunch I had. As in literally. I was in such a hurry that I didn't know that I ran right smack into Kyle who was there with Liz and Max and probably heard everything because Guerin said those words loud enough for people in Kentucky to hear it.
"Hey Maria, what's up? Or should I say, you with Michael again?"
"Kyle, I'm sorry. I just. Please let me go."
"You went to see your Dad? Why didn't you tell Amy? And here I thought we were your family. Then, you had to go tell that ratboy over there so he could use it against you. Honestly Maria, you have to find out who you could really tell that kind of information to without having to worry that that person would come back and stab you in the back with it!"
I see Kyle looking at Michael like he could deck him clear across Pluto from where we were standing and I just want to disappear for a while so I could process what I should do with my life. Try telling that to a jock blocking your way though so I looked at him and when he figured that I wouldn't give an answer, he strides off to where Michael was standing crestfallen. Then he says loud enough for everyone to hear, "You go near Maria again and I'll kill you, you sorry son of a bitch."
After that disastrous meeting in the mall's outdoor café where half of the Roswell population is - the other half being in the Crashdown normally - I was more careful to limit my going out. People heard the entire thing and started the entire community talking so naturally my Mom knows that I basically went to New York to meet my Dad and got a warmer response from frozen pizza but heck, there's not much of my reputation to save. So people would understand that I dare not go out. I did go to Liz's wedding rehearsal the day after that but the looks of pity from the people around and from Liz was more than I could bear so I had to beg off the other rehearsals. I told her to write me the details of what I'd have to do and I'd access it through my e-mail. What's there to learn? All I have to do was walk down the aisle anyway. Not like anyone would have their eyes on me. I was half contemplating on moving somewhere else even before Liz's wedding but what's five more days and 15 hours of enduring the looks and whispers of Roswell. I wouldn't have to endure it for long though because I've basically decided to leave for good and do something else. Be somewhere else or better yet be someone else. My Mom took to the suggestion kindly and even chipped in some money. I saw this mission to Ethiopia and signed up for it. May be working for someone else whose life is more miserable than mine can take my mind away from my misery right? Of course, I didn't tell my Mom that. All she knows is that I've been itching to do something with my life other than veg out and enlist for college classes. So, I've finally scheduled to leave a couple of days after Liz's wedding but I'll be shipping my stuff to California and I could wait there at my grandparent's house until I fly off to Africa.
Nevertheless, on the 3rd day of my self-imposed incarceration, my Mom was seriously worried about my state of mind. I told her that I'm staying home so much because 2 years away in Ethiopia and I'd even start to miss her cooking. But my Mom was smart enough to see through that. So when she got it into her head that I needed fresh air, there's no way I could go around and not do it. She started badgering me about going out for a full day and since I could take no more of her haranguing and hand-wringing anymore than I could take the whispers that follow me wherever I go, I finally broke down and said yes.
It would have been funny if not for the fact that all I wanted to do was stay curled up in my room and watch Oprah all day. If I lay off on the television one minute, I'd start bawling my eyes out. There was a time when my Mom threatened to have me chained to the bed for being out too much but this new hermit she doesn't know and she coaxes me to go watch a movie with Liz or go have a night life with Kyle and his friends to which I say what night life, short of throwing me out of bed herself. Then she tries to bring out the credit card and tell me about this new place with the really awesome "olfactory" experience but she just doesn't get it that I don't want to leave my room. So to stop her from driving me crazy for real, all I'd have to do is pretend that I'm meeting Liz in the mall - she'd never figure out to check if it's true anyway - and walk around the block for awhile and creep up my room through my window. God knows I've seen Michael do it countless of times, I could do the same thing. Walking around would give me a good half hour or so and may be I could have some peace. Then again, proving that a mother's intuition is really otherworldly, so she actually calls Liz to verify (Surprise! Surprise!) and finds out what I've planned. So thirty minutes after, Liz and Isabel are at my door pounding and an hour later we are at the mall at the scene of the crime no less.
"So Maria, why can't you stop beating yourself up about Michael?!" God! Trust Isabel to say that. I think tact was left out of these Czechoslovakians' genetic make-up. That and compassion. What's it with these species and me anyway?! It's like I always end up bringing their sado-masochistic side because God knows they're not like that with Liz or with Alex.
"Isabel, we promised not to talk about you-know-who? And can you cut Maria some slack?! She was the one hurt here." Liz is such a dear and I'm glad I didn't run off before her wedding. I wouldn't want to ruin things for her.
"Liz, you can say his name. I feel like frigging Harry Potter with you- know-who and he-who-must-not-be-named thrown for emphasis to de-emphasize that I am alone as yet again. Michael is Michael. Isabel you're from his planet so I think you've heard his side and that's that. I don't want to expound on any of it."
"Well, you were wrong to break up with him. The girl he's been seeing may be nice and perfect but she's not you Maria."
"ISABEL?!" Liz's eyes wide as the mumbo mug of cappuccino in front of me.
"Liz would you let up. I meant that in a good way." Isabel tosses her hair over her shoulder and I wonder whether she really is that devoid of evil.
I try to make light of it seeing how it's making both of them tetchy. "What?! That I'm mean and flawed? Well, Isabel thanks, I guess."
"Geez! You know what I mean."
"Girls, can we not talk about it?" I've had enough. Enough about talking things out until my ears bleed from hearing about how Michael doesn't deserve me at all. If I wanted more of that I would've talked to Kyle.
So the conversation became more or less normal after that if you call talks about flowers and wedding stuff normal. But at least I didn't have to talk about the part about my Dad or Michael or whatever else remotely disappointing as that. I was glad for the diversion. Glad to see Liz so happy and laugh at Max's antics to prove that he can cook just like any normal guy which is not to say that he knew that much. It was the first time that I was glad to be back home until someone came to burst my bubble. Who's my favorite comeback alien? If only it were Alf or those guys from Third Rock from The Sun but it's Michael with some tall, waiflike ingénue who looks strangely like Liz. I would've felt better if she was blonde but she couldn't have looked so unlike me and I know this is it. Michael has always preferred blonds but for him to deviate from that means it must be pretty serious not just some lame-assed attempt to get some chick to parade in town like a Maria clone.
"Hey girls! Mind if Carla and I join your table?"
I don't know which was funnier, seeing Liz and Isabel gape at Michael like he grew horns and a tail or see Michael look like he was found standing over a body with a knife in his hand. Apparently, Michael never showed her any pictures of us when we were together because she just scooted over to my side and sat down.
"Uhm Carla! I think we should go. " Turning to Liz and Isabel, he tells them, "I didn't know you had company. I don't mean to intrude or anything."
Company? He says that like I'm some distant aunt from the south come a- ringing to Ms. Scarlett's home. God! I hate him. Then again, I love him. So while the silence was getting to be pretty much uncomfortable I pray that someone better say something quick. Apparently, everyone was too scared to breathe so I guess it was all left to me. "Wait Michael! It's fine. She just sat down and it would be rude to turn her away. I'm Maria. Carla right? I'm sorry not getting to know you but well, I have to go, my Mom is probably looking for me and I have to go pack. The moving van is bringing my stuff to California tomorrow." I was going to do what I do best which was to leave when Liz took that brilliant opportunity to start questioning me about where I was going. Why couldn't we have talked about it when Michael wasn't around?
"You never told us you were leaving?" Liz and Isabel looking at me like I'm about to break into a million pieces which is not entirely false but I wanted them to at least act as if this is no biggie.
"Uhm, I thought I did. Didn't I tell you that I was going to stay at my grandparent's house in California after your wedding? Oh yeah! Guess I didn't. I meant to but then I got interrupted. I mean, I don't really mind. Well I was going. Yeah leaving. Flying a plane. Well, not so much flying a plane than riding behind the pilot. Well, not exactly behind 'coz that would make it first class and you know that'll never happen in this lifetime. I meant flying coach." Anytime, now some merciful being from heaven should stretch his hand forth and make me shut up. The next best thing right now aside from having Michael back again would be if I could stop acting like such a retard in front of Michael's girlfriend. I wanted to move but apparently all motor skills have left my body except surprisingly for my mouth. So I stand there grinning like an idiot, twisting my handbag's strap until it looked like I wanted to cut off oxygen supply to my right half of my body. No wonder I couldn't move.
"But you're going to be back a month after that right? Max and I would be back from Europe."
"Uhm not really sure. I'm flying off to Ethiopia. Two years. I'll probably be burnt crisp but at least I'd be tanning myself naturally and for free while I get to help people. So it isn't such a bad deal. They need medical assistants there and I don't have formal training but it's this non-profit org so they couldn't be that picky about who volunteers. So they agreed to let me join their little posse. Although I had to sign a waiver that I promise not to kill anyone intentionally." I laugh shakily at my attempts at humor which falls flat yet again. I used to be really funny but I must have lost it ever since the pod squad appeared and monopolized our life. After they came, I was just plain nervous which people translated to being funny. How wrong did they turn out to be?
Carla says, "Wow Maria! You're so sweet. I think that's great!"
Michael then looks at me for the first time since he made an appearance that night and said, "Why are you doing this? Is it because of me? Of what I said?"
I can't believe the gall of this guy?! He manages to say that while the love of his life is there looking at me, finally realization dawning on her face. Yup, that's me Maria. Liz's best friend. Michael's ex. Can someone give this girl a synopsis of our on-again, off-again non- relationship relationship while she processes everything because clearly our story is a 404 for her?
"Michael, not everything is about you." Then I leave trying to look as regal as Joan Collins on Dynasty until I tripped on the way out and knocked an entire row of salt and pepper shakers to the floor. "Here's a fifty. Put that on my tab." Smooth Maria. That was real smooth.