BELIEVING THE LIE
TV Show: Roswell
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell. In fact I don't own anything of value to anyone. I have no car. I live with my parents and about too many credit card bills. So there!
Author's Note: First-time fanfic writer so please be kind.
Rating: R for language
Summary: M/M. Maria confronts issues in her life when she was forced to face them right after graduation and before Liz's wedding.
Genre: Angst
Chapter 5: Landing on my Feet
It was strange but it was a good kind of strange. I made the most of my time saying good bye to the places and people in Roswell not that I ever thought I wouldn't want to come back but I knew it would be a long time before I ever did. Liz was a peach and so was Max because they delayed their flight so we get to go on the same day. I spent as much time with Liz as Max would allow considering that they were newly-weds and it hit me for the first time that this was it. I've always known that good things will never last. Like Max, Isabel or Michael could get hurt or they could find a way home but the point is that I knew we will not be lucky enough to stick together for long. But never in a million years did I think I would be doing the leaving. So in a way it was a bittersweet victory if you could call it.
Michael went around with a long face sans Carla and I think we bumped into each other more often than I think is necessary. If I didn't know any better, I would think that he is following me but the circumstances point otherwise. Of course, Kyle is still mad at Michael and avoids being around when he is and vice versa. So I've made it a point to have Kyle with me at all times which is mean of me but I don't think I could handle another post- mortem discussion with the guy about our doomed relationship. I swear you get Guerin to stop being a brick wall and he will obsessively talk about certain things to death not that it has happened much between us. Although, I do get the feeling that when he has the chance he'll probably bring it up again.
I'm actually excited about going to Ethiopia. I've been corresponding with this young doctor in Chicago who is going to come along on the mission. She is about a few years older than me but still quite young. Lucy Knight. That's her name. She had a pretty interesting life so far. I learned that she had some sick patient rough her up and another doctor. She got stabbed and they both nearly died. I could tell that apart from liking the other doctor that was involved in that unfortunate incident she sort of blamed herself for the entire thing. I guess we were both looking for the same thing which is why I felt at ease with her even before we met. We both just wanted to get away. We both had unfortunate events happening in our lives coinciding with some major personal issues. We both don't know our fathers that well and we are both into healthcare - though her line of expertise is more on the scientific while mine is more alternative, for lack of a better term. But the biggest similarity I think is that we both are going to start anew and that for me makes the trip scary but easier to bear because there is someone who is on the same journey as I am.
A couple of days before my flight I decided to head off to the aromatherapy store that I normally frequent to stock up on my supplies and unfortunately good ol' Kyle decides to be a guy and ditch me for the Tess clone that he has been going out with since Liz's wedding. So I have to go to the store alone that may possibly mean that I will bump into Michael before the day ends. But it's either that or I go without peppermint oil for my migraine and the choice is pretty much apparent. I borrow the Jetta and drive myself to the mall. May be if I go at an odd hour, I wouldn't have to see Michael, Carla or any of the others. So I chose an hour when Michael is more likely to be found at work. Good thing I didn't bet on it because if I gambled my entire pocket money on that fact, I would be selling my Mother just to get a plane ticket out of Roswell.
I knew it as soon as I heard the bell from the aromatherapist's store that Michael was behind me. Something about the air just crackles when he is around that I don't need to turn around to get a visual to confirm it.
"Maria, can we please talk?"
I close my eyes and take a deep breath before turning around, "Michael, I'm really in a hurry. I have to prepare some stuff and ."
"Please." And the way he said it was enough to send tingles up my arms. "Please, Maria. I promise to have you home before 11. I just need to talk to you for whatever time you can spare. I know I've messed up and I just... need you. I need you to listen"
I should say no. But when he's looking like that like I killed his frigging best friend, I can't tell him otherwise. So against my better judgment, I tell him, "Okay Michael. Why don't we go have coffee?"
He takes my purchases from me, which he never did willingly even when we were together and that alerts me to the fact that what he may say could potentially wreak havoc once again to my life or at the very least my immediate plans but I have to do this. So I try to brace myself for whatever it is he is up to because I kind of get the feeling that whatever I decide on will affect not just my relationship with Michael but everything else that will follow.
So I find myself facing him across this tiny table and suddenly wish that the distance between us was much bigger. I even wished that I was on a plane to Ethiopia. Sure I'd be missing everyone but at least I'd be as far away from him as possible. He sits there without saying a word and what's worse without looking at me that I tell myself that if he doesn't do anything in the next few minutes, I would just get up and leave.
"Look Michael, if you really don't have anything important to say then I think I should get back and finish up with my packing." I start to stand up and the waiter decides its time to make an entrance.
"Sir, what would you have?"
"Maria, wait!" as he reaches out and grabs my hand. "I'll be having a double espresso and some Tabasco sauce, please."
"And the miss will have?"
"Maria please. Just spend some time with me."
I sigh and decide to sit down and tell the waiter to bring me some water as I take out an Advil from my purse.
"You still having those headaches? Why don't you have that checked?"
"I already did but the doctors didn't find anything."
"May be Max can take a look at it for you. Or maybe I could -" he reaches out to my head
"NO! Don't." As I try to avoid his touch. "Don't touch me."
"I'm sorry! If my very presence repulses you so much then any other form of contact would probably repulse you as well."
"Michael, let's not fight. It's not that. It's . I didn't want to tell you this but when you touch me, you sort of leave an imprint in my mind and I hear you in my head. I . don't need that when I'm there."
"How come you never told me?"
"I didn't want to bother you for some piddling thing at first and I didn't mind. I liked having you in my head even when we broke up because I at least had something to remember you by that wouldn't need 9 months of weight gain and heinous labor problems thereafter."
"Are you telling me that .you're pregnant?" and I note that his eyes widen. He moistens his lips and I know that he only does that when he is upset but trying not to show it.
"God no! What makes you think that? I just ."
"Because if you are, then wouldn't you think that going to a civil war-torn country would be bad for our child? You don't have to run away, I am willing to hold my end up of the responsibility."
"Jesus Michael! What?! Didn't you hear what I said? First off, if I were expecting a baby what makes you so sure that it is your child? But more importantly, I am NOT pregnant okay?!"
"Well then what's with the headaches? The weight loss. The avoiding everyone like the plague?"
"Okay. Here's the deal. I've always had these headaches since I was a kid. I used to be sick a lot but then I outgrew it. My Mom tried a lot of herbal stuff and it cured me okay. Although lately I don't know why it's back. Secondly, I just don't feel like eating anything. I'm thinking about my Dad and thinking about my life. Somehow food doesn't hold the same interest for me as it did in the past but I'll get over it. Third, I am not avoiding everyone."
"Yeah, just me." He looks glum and if I could see auras right now maybe Michael's would be thick waves of amber. "Look, I'm going to say some things and I don't really expect you to feel any differently or decide any differently. I just need to say them so I'd appreciate it if you would hear me out."
I lean back and cross my arms against my chest because I sort of know what's coming and yet I don't. It's strange because the air is just alive with energy it's almost cracking around him and I can sense everything he is feeling. Pain. Despair. It's almost overwhelming that I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying. To his credit, I think he is making an ardent plea but I can't seem to focus on the words that he's saying. It's like as the words leave his mouth it becomes decoded into sound that I can't decipher. I shake my head and squeeze my eyes shut and the next thing I know, he is looking at me with concern written all over his face. "Maria are you okay?"
I can't breathe. He reaches out and my hands are gripping the sides of the tables so hard. He tries to pry it and take my hands into his but I can't move them. "Michael." I can't even say the words right out. "Michael. Can't breathe."
And that's the last I know because everything went black.
TV Show: Roswell
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell. In fact I don't own anything of value to anyone. I have no car. I live with my parents and about too many credit card bills. So there!
Author's Note: First-time fanfic writer so please be kind.
Rating: R for language
Summary: M/M. Maria confronts issues in her life when she was forced to face them right after graduation and before Liz's wedding.
Genre: Angst
Chapter 5: Landing on my Feet
It was strange but it was a good kind of strange. I made the most of my time saying good bye to the places and people in Roswell not that I ever thought I wouldn't want to come back but I knew it would be a long time before I ever did. Liz was a peach and so was Max because they delayed their flight so we get to go on the same day. I spent as much time with Liz as Max would allow considering that they were newly-weds and it hit me for the first time that this was it. I've always known that good things will never last. Like Max, Isabel or Michael could get hurt or they could find a way home but the point is that I knew we will not be lucky enough to stick together for long. But never in a million years did I think I would be doing the leaving. So in a way it was a bittersweet victory if you could call it.
Michael went around with a long face sans Carla and I think we bumped into each other more often than I think is necessary. If I didn't know any better, I would think that he is following me but the circumstances point otherwise. Of course, Kyle is still mad at Michael and avoids being around when he is and vice versa. So I've made it a point to have Kyle with me at all times which is mean of me but I don't think I could handle another post- mortem discussion with the guy about our doomed relationship. I swear you get Guerin to stop being a brick wall and he will obsessively talk about certain things to death not that it has happened much between us. Although, I do get the feeling that when he has the chance he'll probably bring it up again.
I'm actually excited about going to Ethiopia. I've been corresponding with this young doctor in Chicago who is going to come along on the mission. She is about a few years older than me but still quite young. Lucy Knight. That's her name. She had a pretty interesting life so far. I learned that she had some sick patient rough her up and another doctor. She got stabbed and they both nearly died. I could tell that apart from liking the other doctor that was involved in that unfortunate incident she sort of blamed herself for the entire thing. I guess we were both looking for the same thing which is why I felt at ease with her even before we met. We both just wanted to get away. We both had unfortunate events happening in our lives coinciding with some major personal issues. We both don't know our fathers that well and we are both into healthcare - though her line of expertise is more on the scientific while mine is more alternative, for lack of a better term. But the biggest similarity I think is that we both are going to start anew and that for me makes the trip scary but easier to bear because there is someone who is on the same journey as I am.
A couple of days before my flight I decided to head off to the aromatherapy store that I normally frequent to stock up on my supplies and unfortunately good ol' Kyle decides to be a guy and ditch me for the Tess clone that he has been going out with since Liz's wedding. So I have to go to the store alone that may possibly mean that I will bump into Michael before the day ends. But it's either that or I go without peppermint oil for my migraine and the choice is pretty much apparent. I borrow the Jetta and drive myself to the mall. May be if I go at an odd hour, I wouldn't have to see Michael, Carla or any of the others. So I chose an hour when Michael is more likely to be found at work. Good thing I didn't bet on it because if I gambled my entire pocket money on that fact, I would be selling my Mother just to get a plane ticket out of Roswell.
I knew it as soon as I heard the bell from the aromatherapist's store that Michael was behind me. Something about the air just crackles when he is around that I don't need to turn around to get a visual to confirm it.
"Maria, can we please talk?"
I close my eyes and take a deep breath before turning around, "Michael, I'm really in a hurry. I have to prepare some stuff and ."
"Please." And the way he said it was enough to send tingles up my arms. "Please, Maria. I promise to have you home before 11. I just need to talk to you for whatever time you can spare. I know I've messed up and I just... need you. I need you to listen"
I should say no. But when he's looking like that like I killed his frigging best friend, I can't tell him otherwise. So against my better judgment, I tell him, "Okay Michael. Why don't we go have coffee?"
He takes my purchases from me, which he never did willingly even when we were together and that alerts me to the fact that what he may say could potentially wreak havoc once again to my life or at the very least my immediate plans but I have to do this. So I try to brace myself for whatever it is he is up to because I kind of get the feeling that whatever I decide on will affect not just my relationship with Michael but everything else that will follow.
So I find myself facing him across this tiny table and suddenly wish that the distance between us was much bigger. I even wished that I was on a plane to Ethiopia. Sure I'd be missing everyone but at least I'd be as far away from him as possible. He sits there without saying a word and what's worse without looking at me that I tell myself that if he doesn't do anything in the next few minutes, I would just get up and leave.
"Look Michael, if you really don't have anything important to say then I think I should get back and finish up with my packing." I start to stand up and the waiter decides its time to make an entrance.
"Sir, what would you have?"
"Maria, wait!" as he reaches out and grabs my hand. "I'll be having a double espresso and some Tabasco sauce, please."
"And the miss will have?"
"Maria please. Just spend some time with me."
I sigh and decide to sit down and tell the waiter to bring me some water as I take out an Advil from my purse.
"You still having those headaches? Why don't you have that checked?"
"I already did but the doctors didn't find anything."
"May be Max can take a look at it for you. Or maybe I could -" he reaches out to my head
"NO! Don't." As I try to avoid his touch. "Don't touch me."
"I'm sorry! If my very presence repulses you so much then any other form of contact would probably repulse you as well."
"Michael, let's not fight. It's not that. It's . I didn't want to tell you this but when you touch me, you sort of leave an imprint in my mind and I hear you in my head. I . don't need that when I'm there."
"How come you never told me?"
"I didn't want to bother you for some piddling thing at first and I didn't mind. I liked having you in my head even when we broke up because I at least had something to remember you by that wouldn't need 9 months of weight gain and heinous labor problems thereafter."
"Are you telling me that .you're pregnant?" and I note that his eyes widen. He moistens his lips and I know that he only does that when he is upset but trying not to show it.
"God no! What makes you think that? I just ."
"Because if you are, then wouldn't you think that going to a civil war-torn country would be bad for our child? You don't have to run away, I am willing to hold my end up of the responsibility."
"Jesus Michael! What?! Didn't you hear what I said? First off, if I were expecting a baby what makes you so sure that it is your child? But more importantly, I am NOT pregnant okay?!"
"Well then what's with the headaches? The weight loss. The avoiding everyone like the plague?"
"Okay. Here's the deal. I've always had these headaches since I was a kid. I used to be sick a lot but then I outgrew it. My Mom tried a lot of herbal stuff and it cured me okay. Although lately I don't know why it's back. Secondly, I just don't feel like eating anything. I'm thinking about my Dad and thinking about my life. Somehow food doesn't hold the same interest for me as it did in the past but I'll get over it. Third, I am not avoiding everyone."
"Yeah, just me." He looks glum and if I could see auras right now maybe Michael's would be thick waves of amber. "Look, I'm going to say some things and I don't really expect you to feel any differently or decide any differently. I just need to say them so I'd appreciate it if you would hear me out."
I lean back and cross my arms against my chest because I sort of know what's coming and yet I don't. It's strange because the air is just alive with energy it's almost cracking around him and I can sense everything he is feeling. Pain. Despair. It's almost overwhelming that I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying. To his credit, I think he is making an ardent plea but I can't seem to focus on the words that he's saying. It's like as the words leave his mouth it becomes decoded into sound that I can't decipher. I shake my head and squeeze my eyes shut and the next thing I know, he is looking at me with concern written all over his face. "Maria are you okay?"
I can't breathe. He reaches out and my hands are gripping the sides of the tables so hard. He tries to pry it and take my hands into his but I can't move them. "Michael." I can't even say the words right out. "Michael. Can't breathe."
And that's the last I know because everything went black.