Disclaimer : aaa. not mine. as usual.


Kaidoh stared. He'd always thought Momo was treading the line to outright stupidity - and didn't bother keeping his opinions to himself at all - but this was pushing it.

"She's a little shy," The cheerful sophomore told Oishi Syuuchiroh in a conspirational whisper. "Aren't you, Twiggy-chan?" And then, appearing to coax his newest pet out of its box-home.. thingy, Momoshiro Takeshi started cooing.

"Oh God."

"Shut up Mamushi!"

"What the hell-"

"AHAH! Oishi-sempai, meet Twiggy-chan."

"Aaaa.. I see. Erm. How... Uh.. Twiggy."

"Isn't she cute?"

"It's a stick."

"Twiggy's a stick insect!"

"It's a stick." Kaidoh repeated, eyeing the brown piece of wood in Momo's protective grasp, its lone leaf fluttering forlornly.

"Stupid Mamushi, it's a Stick I.N.S.E.C.T, you dim-witted baka-"

"Ah, YES!" Oishi leapt in, eager to shut the two second years up. "Some animals use camouflage as a form of self defence, so they wouldn't be seen easily amongst their natural habitats, like this stick... uh, insect."

Momo seemed to be satisfied that even the fuku-buchou was siding him, and returned to cooing at his new pet. Kaidoh marvelled at how... the lack of sanity seemed to have taken over everyone. But Oishi was his sempai anyway, and he would concede, and let the monkey play with his stick, despite how disturbing that sounded.

"Hey Echizen, come take a look at Twiggy!"

He twitched.

"Isn't she adorable?"

And all sense flew out the proverbial window. The buggy whip shot specialist savagely snatched Twiggy out of Momo's hands and proceeded whacking it against the bench they were seated on.

"It's. A. STICK." Clunk.

"AAARRGGGHHHHHHHH!!!"

"It's a stick -" Clunk.

"Stick-" Clunk.

"STICK!" Snap.

"ARRRGGGHHH!!! YOU IDIOT! COLD-HEARTED CREATURE!!!!"

"Daijoubu, daijoubu..." Oishi interjected again, hoping to diffuse the situation. "See? Twiggy's -"

"WITH YOUR STUPID PHALLIC SYMBOL TENNIS, YOU THINK YOU'RE SO -"

"Maa... Momo, calm down -"

"YOU KILLED TWIGGY!!!!!!" The distraught Momo pointed an accusing finger at Twiggy's murderer.

"I DID NOT! IT'S A BLOODY STICK!"

"BOTH OF YOU, SHUT UP!"

Kaidoh froze, startled into silence when their normally mild vice captain started to yell. Momo blinked in shock and stared at Oishi, momentarily forgetting to mourn over his pet's death.

"Argh. Kaidoh, ignore him. Please. Why don't you practice with Inui over there first?" He almost-pleaded, beckoning to the court furthest away from where they were sitting.

"Fssssshhh.."

But the boy left anyway.

"Now Momo, look on the bright side of things," He turned, addressing the other traumatized regular, once he thought Kaidoh was out of earshot. "Now you have two little ones!"

Kaidoh twitched.

"Oooh, GENIUS!"

Ignorehimignorehimignorehimignorehim..

"Hey Eiji-sempai, look at Twiggy Number One and Two!"

Ignorehimignorehimignorehimignorehim..


-Owari-

A/N : omg. don't kill me.