A Most Unfortunate Tale

The Faery Walks Among Us!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the marvelous JKR does, and she's not going to sue me because she loves me, right? And the marvelous, deceased, might I add, Shakespeare owns Romeo and Juliet. Standard Disclaimer stuff here, and for any future chapters should I forget to include this thingy.

I whipped out another chapter soon enough, I hope. I hate to disappoint…Hope this chapter's up to your standards. So, who will play Romeo and who will play Juliet? I'll tell you now that you *don't* find out in this chapter, just to save you from heartbreak. You *do* however, find out who's going to audition…! Woohoo! Review Responses are at the bottom, cuz I like to write long notes. On with the Story!

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"Did you bring any toast with you?" Hermione had spent the entire morning in the library, and her stomach was growling furiously at her.

"Damn, I knew I forgot something." Harry sat himself down at the seat across from her and tried to keep his face apologetic.

"Ugh, I'm so hungry. I know you forgot on purpose, so you can stop the act." She looked lamely toward him, and started to organize her notes and books.

"Does that mean you're going to lunch?" Harry immediately sprang up from his chair and started helping her organize her things.

"I guess; I can't focus anymore, you stupid prat. Stop laughing at me and help me put all these books back." She glared pointedly at him and turned to place her books on the shelves behind her.

They cleaned up quickly, and (after Hermione exchanged pleasantries with Madam Pince) they left the library to eat lunch with the rest of the school.

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"Excuse me, may I have your attention, please? Before we commence with the eating, I have an announcement to make!" Dumbledore stood at the end of the Head Table and raised his hands to silence the students.

"I am pleased to announce that Hogwarts will be staging its first play on April the fifth! It's titled Romeo and Juliet, a muggle creation if I'm not mistaken," at this, several Slytherins began moaning at the prospect of having to endure a muggle play, "but, I'm told that there are several deaths." His eyes twinkled disconcertingly behind his half moon spectacles as the cheers of the Slytherins pervaded throughout the entire hall.

"Signs have been posted in each common room, informing all of you as to when and where the auditions will take place. Any and all are welcome to try out for the First Annual Hogwarts Play!" Dumbledore clapped his hands together and boomed, "Commence with stuffing your faces!" and everyone began to eat.

"Hermione! What's that about, then?" Ron took the seat next to her and looked curiously up at her.

She smiled, "Ron, I think you would make the perfect Tybalt!"

"What the fuck's a tihbulk?" He stared at her ambiguously.

"No no, Tybalt. He's a character from Romeo and Juliet. He matches your personality perfectly, you know." She didn't want to say *how* that was, of course. Tybalt was not the most flattering character to be described as, after all.

"Uh-huh…. I'm not going to be in any plays in the first place, so there's nothing to be scared of. It's not as if anybody would want-" He cut himself off abruptly upon seeing Harry, who was looking for all the world as if he was contemplating auditioning for the play. "Harry.... Don't tell me you're going to try out!"

"Uhm, huh…wuh?" He blinked his eyes a few times and brought himself back to the present, "Try out? That's ridiculous, Ron. As if I would ever consider showing up in tights and prancing around like a complete moron!"

He hit the surface of the Gryffindor table with his palm and looked indignant. Hermione could only laugh, and Ron looked to her.

"Don't tell me *you're* going to audition!"

"There's no shame in it. A girl can prance all she wants, even though there's none of that in this play. Idiots." She stabbed at a cherry tomato with her fork and popped it into her mouth.

Harry, this time, "So, who do you want to play, 'Mione?"

"Dunno, I'm thinking I might audition for Juliet's part. I'll have to do a lot of memorizing, but it shouldn't be too difficult. I already know the part; I was Juliet in a play at my old school. They wouldn't let us kiss though, we had to do a silhouette thing. Stupid, really." She ended with a disparaging look from Ron and a mysterious "hmm" from Harry.

Hermione spotted Ginny walking over to them. She pushed Ron further down the table and scooted over, herself, to give Ginny room to sit at the end.

"Hey, are any of you going to try out for the play?" Ginny made a sort of high pitched giggly noise in her throat and plopped herself down next to Hermione.

"Ron said definitely not, Harry…well, he said no," she whispered the next bit, "but personally, I think he'd like to try out for Romeo." She giggled with Ginny, and composed herself again, "I'd like to try out for the part of Juliet, but it all depends on who's playing Romeo. I wouldn't want to play opposite Draco Malfoy or something."

Harry still looked undecided, even with a Very Indigestive Ron Weasley trying to convince him not to. Hermione and Ginny left the table, leaving the two boys to their own devices.

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'Damn You Albus….Damn You' Severus Snape stared icily down at his plate and periodically shot heart-freezing glares at the Headmaster. 'Damn You Albus….Damn You'

Dumbledore had all but forced Severus to act in the play. Which part wasn't yet clear, but he had demanded over breakfast that Severus take part in the play or be cursed with bat wings and ears for the rest of the year. Severus grudgingly accepted his fate, and aimed to get a one-liner. 'Damn You Albus….Damn You' was repeated in his head throughout the remainder of Lunch.

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"Ginny, are you going to audition?" The two girls made their way to the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Of course! Who'd miss the chance to be a part of *this*?" She lifted her eyebrows devilishly, and laughed when Hermione stared wide-eyed at her, "I'm horrible with memorizing, so nothing big, but I want to try out for a guy's part. It's empowering, don't you think?"

Hermione gawked at her, and after several moment's pause, said, "Well…I guess that's all for the better. I wouldn't want to compete against a friend for Juliet's part."

"Niiice, who do you want for Romeo?"

"Dunno, I don't really care as long as it's not," a pause to let loose a shudder, "Draco Malfoy or the like. I could just picture the entire school laughing while I'm forced to kiss….Goyle." She let out a decadent "ew" and shook her head.

"Hermione, Hermione," she sighed, "I see it's up to me to choose the perfect Romeo for you. How old are these characters supposed to be, anyway?"

"Well, Juliet's a 13 year old girl, and Romeo's 17." Her head was turned to the ceiling as she tried to remember the details of the play.

"That. Is. Disgusting! How could a 13 year old…ew!" Ginny shook her hands in front of her, trying to get rid of the images in her head.

"Well, I suppose you wont want to play Paris then, will you?" She said contemplatively.

"Paris?"

"He plays her fiancé"

"I thought that was Romeo…" confused, she poked Hermione for a response.

"Oh, yeah. Well, you'll see when you get the script. It's basically like a Slytherin falling in love with a Gryffindor, even though the Slytherin's being courted by another Slytherin, you know what I mean?" She tried to articulate her words, but failed miserably as a jumble of explanations struggled to escape from her mouth.

"Uh, yeah, I think so. It's still fucked up." and they finally reached the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Piehole!" Hermione shouted to the sleeping painting.

"Oh, hm, yes, Dear. No need to yell." The portrait swung open to reveal a severely confetti-ed common room.

As Hermione and Ginny stepped into the florescent room, banners began to unravel from the ceiling and draped the walls. They stared, open mouthed, at the flamboyant decorations and turned their heads to each other.

"What the hell?" they said in unison.

Hermione looked at the banner as it began to formulate words, she read them slowly, as if struggling to believe the absurdity of it all, "The First Annual Hogwarts Play Audition for Romeo and Juliet will take place in one week, in the Great Hall after Dinner." She read the subscript, "All curfews will be extended for two hours, and all students are welcome to take part in or witness the auditions for Romeo and Juliet."

"O…kay…" Ginny let out a low whistle and started picking confetti out of Hermione's hair. "Well, at least it was informative…"

Hermione was annoyed to find that her hair had been severely confetti-ed and started pulling at the strands when the banners on the walls suddenly rolled themselves up and the confetti on the floor disappeared. She stared at her hair, waiting for the rainbow colors to fade, and let out a string of curses when they were still there a minute after.

"Great…this is great. Damn it, Ginny, you're lucky that you can actually run your hands through your hair. I'm going up for a shower, get all this crap out of there."

Ginny gently patted her friend's frizzy, colorful head and expressed her sympathies. "Well, I'm going to go spread gossip now" she winked, "We'll see who the candidates are for Romeo and Juliet! Come to dinner, I'll fill you in at the table."

"Uh huh…" and Hermione trudged up the stairs, still tugging at her hair and the damn confetti.

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"Wanna go practice? Best to while the sun's still bright enough for Quidditch." Ron said over a mouthful of sandwich.

"Yeah, sure." Harry ate his last bite of salad, "I have to go do something first, though. I'll catch up with you in twenty minutes or so, just go on ahead of me." he looked particularly distracted when he said this, and missed Ron's pout.

"Get my broom for me, will you?" He said to Ron's retreating back. He was answered with a nod and left at the table.

Harry put down his fork and got up from his seat. He'd have to visit the library quickly if he was going to get to the Quidditch pitch on time. What better way to familiarize himself with the story of Romeo and Juliet than actually reading the book?

He was, unfortunately (or perhaps not…), cut off by none other than Draco Malfoy.

"Look who I've found! Potter, did you enjoy my present yesterday?" Draco waved off Crabbe and Goyle and hurried to walk alongside Harry.

Harry said nothing, just ignored him like he always did. He was easy to get rid of, as long as he was ignored for a long enough time.

"Don't you know, if you played Juliet, I could be Romeo." He grinned wildly at Harry, "And we can make the kissing scene *more* than just a kissing scene, if you catch my drift." He raised his eyebrows and laughed.

"Hmph" and Harry immediately regretted the noise he'd made. It would only result in Draco getting excited at the prospect of Harry actually talking to him, and make him talk more so as to egg Harry on.

"I knew you'd want to. I wouldn't make you wear a dress or anything, you know. It's not as if I want us to look like *complete* flamers out there." He stated contemplatively.

Harry had to laugh at that; just the day before, Draco had put his hands down Harry's pants groping for certain somethings that should never be groped by other males.

"So, you *want* to look like a complete flamer? Well, I'll do it if you ask nicely, Potter." He winked, and fell back to join his comrades back in the Great Hall.

Harry had to stop and blink at what The Evil One had just said. He had every intention of playing Romeo, but not to the extent of having to kiss 'It'. The mere thought of it sickened him, not so much as the thought of dating Ron, but pretty damn close.

He found his bearings as he neared the doors to the library. He'd find the book he was looking for here: Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.

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'Damn You Albus…Damn You' Severus was walking to his laboratory now, waiting for that which would kill him - Auditions.

'Damn You Albus….Damn You' He downed a Pepper-up potion and threw the vial against the far wall of his laboratory.

What did the world have against him?

"Damn You Albus! Damn You!" He yelled at thin air.

He left the lab and tried to maintain some degree of composure as he walked through the dungeons to find McGonagall. He'd find an excuse to yell at her, as long as he got a good rant in before dinner. He'd need to let go of his frustration before his Detention with the dimwits lest he decide to poison one of them in blind rage.

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Woo~ Hope you liked that chapter! This fic is so fun to write!

Shout-outs, you say? Review responses!

Embyr81788- Thanks, I hope my grammar's alright in this one… 'hope' being the key word. Sorry, but you wont find out who's cast until the fourth or fifth chapter. Don't worry, lots of things will happen from now until then!

lisa ambrose aka lord_snapes_lady! - thanks for the nice comments. Hey, I got this chapter in a day after the first, and that's not bad if I do say so myself. Lol, Draco and Ron in a catfight? Sounds delicious, I'll try to get that in somewhere, just for the laughs XD

Xochitl - Lightning bolts are *fun* to fart, lol. Did I get the chapter out fast enough for ya?

elfgirl - thanks! Hey, slow down, it's only the first chapter. Proper Copulation will take place in due time, till then, you can just picture Draco with his hands down Harry's pants.

Artemis MoonClaw - Hm, I'm not sure I know what cat box disease is..should I? Uhh, explanation would be much appreciated! Thanks

SiruisBlacksgirl4eva - Domo Arigatou, I will!

Ra-chan - Thanks! I try to keep my stories original, but it's getting harder as time goes by with all these fics popping up.

Alexia - flirting innuendo filled teenagers like you, eh? Twisted plots are my favorite, the twisted-er the better. Hm, there *has* to be a better word for that…Twistier? Twistillistic? Twistosterone? LOL

Lady_Black - I hope this update was soon enough. I try to write regularly, but like I said, I have a weird schedule. Thanks for the enthusiasm though, I think you're more into this than I am, lol

Repmet mentioned in a review that my fic holds a lot of similarities to Altagracia's 'The Rocky Hogwarts Picture Show'. I've read this fic before, and though there are a few resemblances, I can safely say that my piece as a whole will be very different from Altagracia's. The prologues of lots of fics are similar to each other, so I hope you don't take the slight resemblance as plagiarism or anything, as that was not at all intended. Thanks for the Heads Up!

Gratefully,

Tara