A/N: Sorry this took so long. To make it up to you, it's twice as long as my chapters usually are. Thanks Tatiana and Radha and reviewers for actually taking the time to push that little go button and typing a few words if there (and suggestions (sorry didn't use any. : D)). I consider this the second transition chapter (1st.ch.9). Ryro lovers refer to last chapter's a/n if you get worried. WARNING: nope, no masochism, just Ben. And that is self-explanatory.
XI. Erratic
There was no one in my view, left or right, so I took the chance, before it evanesced, to quickly enter the library. I perused the place carefully. It was short of a crowd, there being only a few people scattered around. Thankfully none of those people happened to be Ben.
Or Tess, Bobby, Kitty, Jubilee, Logan, Scott, Jean or John. Yes, I was basically evading everyone I had come to be acquainted with in this school except maybe Storm or the Professor, but no one was essentially "top A" on the list of people I sought to see. That would be, if I had possessed a list of the sort.
I spotted the empty couch across the room. Empty and vacant unlike every other inch of the mansion. I took a seat at one of the ends of the couch. I used one foot to push the black clunker shoe off my other foot. It fell with a thud on its side to the ground. I repeated the action, removing the other shoe from my foot with my other foot, and watched as it toppled over the other shoe to the floor. I thought it would have been rude if I had not taken my shoes off before I brought my feet up onto the couch.
I sighed and sat back against the couch. My thoughts were apathetically focused on what everybody's responses would be toward Ben's arrival. Witnessing Logan's reaction had been nothing unexpected. If only I could be so lucky as to be able to shorten Tess's reaction to a similar length.
I had dropped Ben off in the dining room, and then fled as fast as I could, leaving him there to take care of his own introductions. Tess would solely recognize him. When his identity was revealed Jubilee and Kitty would make or ask an inadvertently bawdy comment or question, Bobby would be shocked that Ben had taken up on his notice, and the others would ask for an explanation. I deliberately eluded my thoughts from John's reaction. I had no idea how he would react to the guy's he hated living here, and I did not want to think about it.
The fact, that Ben was here, had finally sunken into my consciousness. This was no visit; he would be residing here permanently, for just as long as I would be, in this same building, floor and hall as me. Leaving the mall would no longer be an escape from him. Could things get any more complicated with him around?
But were things automatically worse with his living here? It was almost like a clean new slate with Ben. He held no biased judgment against me, not that he worshiped me, but damn, I was sure he would do anything to try to get between my legs, and it was actually vaguely amusing. I wondered how much I could milk from his desire. I dissected and bisected what I had just suggested to myself…. That would be using him.
Someone jumped over the back of the couch, landing next to me. My thoughts scattered now, I looked up, started, to see Ben grinning down at me. Oh, great.
"Hey, babe," he greeted me. It would not be like using him would not be mutual, like he would not enjoy it. In fact, I knew he would. The fact that it would be a relationship going nowhere would not be significant. Not to him. As long as he was getting what he wanted out of it.
"Why aren't you at dinner?" I asked, moreover, how the hell had he known to find me here? Dinner was nowhere near over, and here he was ready to harass me.
"'Cause I'd rather be with you," He licked his bottom lip. My countenance was indifferent. And he had planning how long on using that one, and how many of those cheesy lines did he have in stock? His smile broadened.
"They wouldn't stop asking questions once they found out I was 'Ben'," he stated, adding hand quotations, "How much did you tell about me?"
I hope he was not flattering himself. He was not the highlight of my life. "I didn't tell them anything. Tess did."
"Tess didn't seem to happy that I was here," he added. And he assumed I was? Tess, most likely, was not happy that he was here, seeing how he had not been incorporated into her overall plans for me.
I dropped my feet to the floor, and stared at my shoes, deciding to let that awkward silence spread its roots. Using Ben, or it would be maybe more of a friends-with-benefits thing. Damn, that sounded so tacky and even more pathetic. We were not even friends.
I kicked my shoe- the one that was on its side- flipping it onto its sole. Lots of people did it though, did they not? It's all been done before. Nothing to really worry about, I doubt he would complain. I kicked my shoe angrily, making it topple back onto its side. Everyone? Everyone I despised? Since when had I started to use bandwagon as an excuse? I slapped myself mentally for trying to reason with myself with propaganda. Since when did I slap?
"Why don' you eat with everyone else," Ben asked, breaking the silence. He did not even bother to look above my neck. I crossed my arms over my chest and shrugged, glaring at my shoe. I pulled it back using my toes. When had my shoe taken the place of my razor in dealing with my anger? Well, there was less blood.
Ben took one of my hands, suddenly and pulled it towards him. Raising my head to follow our hands, I noticed that he had his other hand lifting his shirt up.
"What are you doing?" I asked frantically. Toward where was he bringing my hand? His pants? And why was this necessary?
"Feel my abs," he stated. Feel his abs…. I gaped at him uncomprehendingly. Could this be his alternative to small talk? I searched myself, but could not manage to find any desire to… feel his abs. Goodness, what had made him think I would? I tugged my arm back, refusing to 'stroke' his abs.
"Dude, I have better abs than that Logan guy," he stated. Logan. Why was Logan the motive behind this, and how did he know what kind of abs Logan had? Had he already started competing in that pathetic contest otherwise known as male pre-eminence? This was unbelievably pathetic. He wanted me to grope him, so he could convince me his abs were better than Logan's? And it was important how? My eyebrows were furrowed. Would he stop calling me dude?
"I've never touched Logan's abs," I replied. He hesitated for a second before shrugging. Damn it, I had just negated the competitiveness, yet he was still trying to bring my hand to his stomach.
"Come on. You'll like what you feel," he proclaimed. Oh, how wrong that had sounded. Not to mention, it probably looked even worse to anyone who was watching.
"No!" I stated. Were we arguing over me touching his stomach? This was unbelievable. These 'ideas' of his, where they the only thing that ran through his mind? I looked around, wondering if anyone was viewing this little scene.
"Just feel it," he responded, pulling at my arm. Was this fun to him or something? He continued to ignore my demands to let my wrist go. I could feel my anger rising. Goodness, I wondered how good it would feel to use my mutation on him right now? He obviously was not processing my answer. It clearly was not getting across to him.
"I DON'T WANT TO TOUCH IT!" I yelled. Too loud, or not. Heads rose, bodies turned to scope out the cause of the outbreak. And their answer was a startled Ben holding my hand near his 'abs'. I knew how this looked. Of course, I do not think 'oh, she's just touching his abs' had crossed anyone's mind. He dropped my hand, and pulled his shirt back down.
"What?" he asked them defensively. They all went back to their previous activities. I could have avowed I had heard someone tell us to get a room. He looked somewhat angry, frustrated. I shrugged nonchalantly. What had he expected me to do, bend over and start giving him head? He narrowed his eyes.
"So you want to touch my abs or not?" he asked, staring me down. I thought we had already covered that. Was he really that dense of just stubborn? I looked into his eyes; he really thought that I wanted to touch his abs. Maybe he thought I was playing hard to get, or maybe he just thought he was too hot for me to resist? I shook my head.
"Your loss," he mumbled. I rolled my eyes. My loss? Not a very significant one. And he knew he would rip his shirt off and anything else, if I asked him to. It was that conceit of his that negated his looks.
"When are you going to eat?" he asked, examining my profile now like nothing had happened. His tendency to talk to a part of my body that could no respond also served as a factor that negated his looks.
"I eat with Scott after dinner," I answered. He raised an eyebrow curiously. Scott had not yet had to have the inconvenience of meeting Ben. Lucky him.
"You said you didn't have a boyfriend," he stated. Was that jealousy I heard? No, it could not be because that would mean his interest in me went beyond my physical appearance. And what about me? Did I have any interest in Ben? If I had had any beyond his looks, it would have surfaced by now, and so far none had, and most likely none would.
"I don't, Scott's a X-Men, and he teaches," I responded. Ben nodded slowly, still perusing me. Did he have to make so blatantly obvious what he wanted? I guess his view had landed on my hands.
"Why are you still wearing your gloves?" he asked. I shrugged, and looked down at my shoes. Some habits were tenacious. He moved closer to me, moving himself across the couch. Too close for comfort. He was practically hovering over me. I started to state something when he leaned closer, brushing his face against my hair. I could feel his breath flow against my neck. I felt the sudden urge to arch my neck and close my eyes as thoughts of his lips playing on my neck raced through my head. It would be a first, and I had a craving to know how it felt. Damn, it was only warm, I thought as I regained control of my thoughts. And Ben, it was only Ben. I placed a hand on his chest and reluctantly pushed him back.
"Marie, come on. You don't have to act anymore," he whispered, leaning against my hand. I looked up meeting his gaze. His face was about half an inch from mine. Why was every male at this school so beautiful? He leaned forwarded teasingly, and his eyes dropped from mine to my lips. Should I be letting him do this? Would he think I was interested? 'Cause I was not even sure. It would be sort of hard to be with him and his ever-changing attitudes. Knowing him, if I allowed him to manipulate me like this he would believe he owned me.
"Rogue," I stated calmly, staring him challengingly in the eye. Had he forgotten or had it been a part of his plan?
"What? Oh yeah... Right," he leaned closer, this time coming in for a kiss. A kiss, which entirely meant he thought I wanted him.
"Ben, it's called personal space," I stated, finally not able to stand the lack of it. He sat back against the back of the couch, and sighed, maybe frustrated or tired of my resistance to his seductive advances. Had he given up that easily? Wow, maybe I should sound the trumpets. He took one of my hands again. Okay, maybe not just yet. Were we going to go through the 'abs' thing again? He pulled my glove off, then took the other hand and repeated the action. I do not know why I sat there like an idiot and let him. This would lead him to assume I shared some mutual feelings with him… and I knew it, and was just letting it happen. Would this be taking a familiar turn? Goodness, I had not meant to with John, but now I was fully conscious of what kind of messages I was sending by not protesting to his advances. I was deliberately leading him on…. He would not care if he knew, I reminded myself. It was mutual. He only wanted me to want him, or let him use my body. He would not care….
He took one of my hands and brought it up to his mouth to kiss it. I knew I would be able to control my mutation, I had been gaining more control by the day, and if I could not, Ben would not be a tragic loss to anyone.
"You still have too much on. You're overdressed," he said, his strategy now taking a perverse turn from his seductiveness.
"And I'm gonna stay that way," I answered, annoyed. His previous tactic had actually been working, but his new one would get him back where he had started. Goodness, did he really think he could talk me out of my clothes? I hastily pulled my hand back. He could keep the damn gloves.
"Where we going?" Ben asked, following me again. My attempt to ditch him in the library had gone amiss wretchedly. I had not obtained the chance at all with my having to put my shoes back on. He had only to stand up from the couch, watch me put the shoes on and wait for me to lead the way, which subsequently he had. But what had I expected, him to stay in the library and check out a few books?
"Dinner," I answered. He turned and watched me as we walked down the hall. His silence led me to believe he was waiting for me to return the gaze. I turned and glanced at him expecting him to say something. His mouth parted slightly, but nothing audible came out. I turned back and looked ahead of me into the empty hallway. Maybe he was thinking. I was going to dinner to eat with Scott after I left Ben in the game room. Why did that sound like I was a mother dropping her child off at day care, and why was he still staring at me? I clandestinely hoped he would walk into a wall or something.
"What?" I asked finally vexed at his staring. I turned and glared at him, silently demanding an answer. Someone needed to tell him that it was rude to stare… and grab, ogle, and all the other annoying things he had managed to do in the short time of his stay. He narrowed his eyes curiously, only intensifying his stare.
"With Scott?" he asked. I rolled my eyes and turned back ahead, nodding as a response. Was I to be faced with inquiries about my relationship with Scott? My friendship with Scott? Or one of the most popular questions: What do you guys talk about? Nosiness: The true sign of to what degree these students were depraved of entertainment. It was like they did not notice that they ate dinner with the teachers, also.
"Am I invited?" Ben asked with a grin. I shook my head in response. No, he was not going to get the opportunity to bother me during dinner. He would go to the game room and get bothered. I wanted to keep dinners with Scott they way they were. And rid him of some of his suspicion about last night. The grin on Ben's face was replaced with a look of surprise and inquisition at my response.
"You're going to the game room," I stated. I would spare Scott the nuisance of having to meet Ben for a little while longer. Ben would have to hang out with Tess, Jubilee, Kitty and the others for a while. Answer some more questions and learn simultaneously who to avoid if he wanted to be left alone and some of the other essentials, such as not saying too much to Kitty because she would think you were one of her best friends, and essentially not to start a conversation with Jubilee or Kitty, if you wanted to end it somewhere near the hour you started it. Unfortunately, I had learned those the hard ways when I had first come to this school.
"Trying to get rid of me?" he asked, stepping closer to me so that we were touching. A shiver of nervousness of excitement traveled through my body. I could not tell which; there was no clear distinction. Resisting the urge to push him away, I turned to meet his gaze. I was not shocked to recognize an expression of want on his face, and wondered if I was becoming conceited. No, he probably gave that look to every female he decided he wanted to fuck. Not bothering to answer him, I broke the gaze as we stepped into the kitchen.
"Where's this room full of games?" Ben asked indifferently. I showed him through the lounge to the game room entrance, where he stopped and gazed around the room. These were a majority of the students he would now be living with. Impressed or not, I did not care. I wanted to get back to the kitchen. He turned and looked at me, ready to say something.
"Enjoy," I said before he could and pushed him out into the room. It was not that I hated him or could not stand him, but I seriously needed him to not be around while I thought about what I felt for him, or what I did not feel for him, and about John, too. Was Ben worth the emotional turmoil I had been willing to go through just to decide if I wanted to even try to be with him? It had been completely different with John. I was asking myself a completely different question here. I think the thought of dating John scared me. But dating Ben did not? Maybe it was the fact that I knew exactly what kind of relationship Ben and I would be in? And that it would probably never last. It would be experimental to some extent. I could screw up in anyway possible and not have anything to lose. Plus, I did not even have John to lose anymore.
"Rogue," I looked up out of my pensive daze to see Scott standing next to the table. He did not look like he was going to be sitting down anytime soon, and I wondered why. Something must have been up. Was it another X-Men mission? I dropped my hands onto the table waiting for him to speak.
"I'm not going to be able to eat with you tonight. I have some work to do, but I want you to eat something. No replays from last night," he proclaimed. I nodded wonder what kind of work he had to do. He bid me goodbye and then left. No replays from last night, huh? I wondered if he had just accepted my excuse and would drop with the questions. Or maybe he had not brought them up because he had not had the time.
I ate my dinner listlessly, debating over what I should do after. Make an appearance in the game room and maybe see what Ben was up to or dodge everyone and go to bed? I choose the former and left the kitchen toward the lounge. There was no one was in the lounge tonight. Maybe Scott's work included Logan and Jean. I laughed at the thought- maybe they were prepping him for his class. I stepped into the game room doorway and watched the students. Watched everyone walk around, participate and socialize. But I was in no way philanthropic. I started to turn around and go back into the lounge, having had suddenly changed my mind and wanting to go straight to my room.
"Decided to join me?" I jumped, startled and looked to see Ben grinning in front of me. Damn, he had scared the crap out of me. I stared speechlessly at him still recovering. He peered down at me with an alluring look on his face. I nodded going somewhat into a daze, and let him take my hand and pulled me into the game room.
"This place isn't that bad," he commented. I nodded again grasping his hand, and wondering where he was taking me as he pulled me through the crowd. The room did not seem as crowded as it had yesterday. Maybe it had been all my imagination. I started to ask Ben where he was headed when he turned to apologize to someone he had accidentally brushed into.
"-if you can," Bobby finished as he turned around to see who had brushed against him. When he saw us, he glared at Ben and gave me a look of disgust. I rolled my eyes not at all phased by his attitude. John was across from him at the foosball table. He looked up returning my gaze, and looked like he was about to nod in recognition when he noticed Ben. It did not help the situation any that Ben was still holding my hand. John looked disbelieving at first like maybe he had not seen correctly, then looked away indubitably somewhat angry. I slipped my hand from Ben's and placed my hands against his lower back, nudging him forward and telling him to keep moving. Enough damage was already done.
"Slut," Bobby mumbled, as we walked away. It, of course, was too loud to be considered a mumble. I was pretty sure all four of us and maybe some others had heard it. And even as much as Bobby's opinion of me did not matter to me, that had still stung. I wanted to turn around slug him, but I decided to be the bigger person and ignore him. But Ben had decided differently.
"Bobby," John called, noting his out-of-lineness- because he sure as hell was. Bobby shrugged nonchalantly, knowing most likely I would not respond to his insult, and gaining pleasure from that.
"What the fuck did you just say?" Ben asked. He shrugged off my attempt to keep us moving and stepping around me towards Bobby. I wanted so desperately for Bobby to wimp out and say 'nothing', so we could avoid this whole cliché scene and the attention that would come with it. But instead he looked straight at me.
"She's a slut, and you probably are, too," he repeated. That was so contradictory from what I knew about Bobby. He had not the right with his reputation to call someone a slut.
"Maybe you should shut the fuck up," Ben stated ominously, giving Bobby a hard death glare. You would think I was his girlfriend. I stepped back to the side to avoid what I knew would come. Why did guys, moreover Bobby, have to be like this?
"Maybe you should get out of my face," Bobby retorted. He pushed Ben back away from him, officially starting the fight. Goodness, I could just hear the students chanting fight, fight. No one's attention had been caught though. That was until Ben pushed Bobby back into the foosball table.
"Could you stop making a scene?" John asked irately, as he stepped towards them. Ben turned and pushed him away, turning his glare on him. I have to admit did not like what he had just done, at all. This was getting out of hand. The students were gathering now. Not many, but quite a few stopped what they were doing and turned around to watch.
"Ben?" I called surprised, that he had pushed John. Bobby came back and swung at Ben, hitting him in the jaw. I cringed at that, and blood started to trickle down Ben's lip, but he wasted no time before swinging back and hitting Bobby in the eye. Ben obviously had done this before because it took him almost no time take advantage of Bobby's state of dizziness and strike Bobby again, this time hitting the other eye. The attention was all on them now, as Bobby stumbled back. And the noise level was also rising. This had to stop or there would be unwanted attention from the teachers soon.
I decided to interfere when John pulled Bobby back. I could see the disappointment on the students' faces as I stepped in front of Ben, and pushed him back away from the original scene.
"He's-," Ben started. I knew what he was going to say. Goodness, everybody in the school knew that Bobby was-
"An asshole," I interrupted. Ben exhaled nodding and brought the back of his hand up and across his bleeding lip. He lowered his gaze away from Bobby to meet mine and licked his bottom lip, clearing from his cut the blood that had started seeping again. There was obviously something wrong with me because I had become erratically aroused from looking at him. I bit my bottom lip, but did not drop my gaze from his. Goodness, I hoped he could not catch on to anything I was thinking right now. I knew he would be grinning at what he learned if he could.
"Ice?" I asked, receiving a nod in response. I let my thoughts fade as I led the way through the already disappearing crowd through the game room. Ben glared at Bobby as we walked pass him, not that Bobby was watching. He needed more ice than anyone with a busted lip ever would.
"How's my lip look?" Ben asked, removing the ice pack from his mouth, scooting forward in his chair. I leaned forward in my chair to examine it. How much complexity was there to a busted lip? He would not need the ice for much longer. The bleeding had long ago stopped.
"Busted," I replied ingenuously leaning back into my chair. He grinned sitting back again in chair and watching me. I sighed, bored, and ready to go to bed. I had never had anybody fight to HIS defend me like that, okay except the X-Men and the Brotherhood, but not like before, and I was somewhat oddly flattered. Ben was still grinning at I do not know what.
"I definitely won that fight," he said. I should have guessed that the reason involved testosterone. I responded with an uninterested 'uh-huh' and slid down some in my seat. I would let him drone on for a couple of minutes, come up with an excuse and then leave.
"…You're not mad, are you?" he asked hesitantly. I looked up, inquisitive if he even cared, and was stunned to see that clearly from his expression he did. This was awkward, I thought. I straightened up in my chair and shook my head.
"I'm not mad," I added redundantly, and received a tentative nod. I managed to mumble out an audible thanks of appreciation for his standing up for me, and moreover slugging Bobby twice.
"No problem," he grinned, bringing down the ice pack from his mouth. You could hardly call that a bonding moment, but that was what it felt like, and I could not help but grin back. But Ben could screw up any moment. He raised his eyebrows a couple of times evocatively, and motioned to his right. I raised an eyebrow curiously, as he lowered the ice pack once again.
"Upstairs… or the table?" he asked provocatively. I stared at him blankly trying figure out if he was joking or not. He lifted his eyebrows suggestively again. I was sure he was joking, but there was no doubt that he take either. I narrowed my eyes warningly, tacitly telling him to stop. He chuckled and lowered the ice from his lip and placed it on the table. I think he left it on for too long because his lip looked a little blue. He brought his hand up to his mouth brushing his thumb over his lip.
"I can't feel it," he stated. I could feel the smile taking over my mouth at that. He dropped hid hand, and licked his lick, and then looked up at me and raised an eyebrow seductively at me again, still grinning also. His repeatedly doing that was getting bothersome.
"Maybe you could kiss me until I regain feeling it again," he suggested, patting his hand with a lap and evocatively raising his eyebrows again. Damn, he was bold, and obviously daring. I turned his suggestion down nicely before I stood up, replying that I could but would not. I was ready to leave, and it was getting late. Tomorrow was Saturday, and I had the usually early Saturday morning meeting with the Professor. He stood up with me, asking me if I was going to bed. I nodded and started for the exit. When I did not hear him following me, I stopped and looked over my shoulder curiously. Had he decided to stop following me? I turned around completely to see him standing there awkwardly. I stretched a hand out to him and watched a grin replace the futility on his face as he took it and treaded beside me.
"You didn't have to push John," I stated out of the blue as we walked up the stairs replaying the fight over in my head. Thankfully it had been a short one, and no one had gotten in trouble. Ben raised an eyebrow questioningly.
"No, I didn't, but I did," he stated, watching me now. He looked as if he was searching for something in my expression? I hope there had not been too much emotion in that statement about John. He was not going to start prying me about John, was he? I nodded deciding I wanted to now drop the subject before it could go any further.
"So what do you feel you owe me?" he asked, grinning and exasperatingly raising his eyebrows reminiscently again. I rolled my eyes. Owed? I did not owe him anything, and I truly hoped he knew that. It had been his decision to fight Bobby.
"I know. How about you spent the whole day tomorrow with me? Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, and if you're busy… you could just spent the night," he proposed. How did he truly think I would react to that? He did not think that a busted lip would get me in bed with him, did he?
"Shut up," I responded, somewhat lightheartedly, but nonetheless annoyed. Could he take a break any longer than five minutes from being perverse? Maybe the adrenaline or the androgen from the fight had only now just kicked in, and he was only just now experiencing the rush, which was causing him to act so… perverse. He had a personality beneath this all though, right? Maybe I would just have to find it.
"I was thinking more along the lines of 'Yeah, that's a great idea. Thank you, Ben for coming up with such a great idea.'," he responded. I did not bother to reply for something else had caught my eye as we walked down the hall. Tess was waiting outside our room leaning against the door and talking to Sam. I moaned inwardly. Why had I not gotten here earlier so that I could at least pretend to be sleeping when she came? I had been ready to turn around and retreat back downstairs, but she turned and saw us first. I could see the shock on her face at seeing Ben and me together. I turned and looked up at Ben who had also spotted them. Sam kissed Tess before he gave us a glance and walked away.
"Rogue, I need to talk to you," she demanded as we walked up to her. I tentatively stepped closer to her. She took my arm, not acknowledging Ben at all, and pulled me further down the hall. Did she not want to wait until we got into the room? She stopped 'him' as if she was talking of the vilest thing living on this earth. I glanced at Ben who was waiting for me and watching us, and nodded. What did she have against Ben, other than his not being John. Three days ago, she had been advising me to call him. Not that I was surprised that she was acting capricious.
"Why? What about John? Don't tell me you just… forgot about him?" she asked. "Rogue, Ben is not- he's not… right for you. You saw how he acted in the game room. I wish I had flicked him off instead of John."
"Yes, and I also saw how Bobby acted. I haven't forgotten about John, but… it's not going to happen. Tess, you wouldn't understand," and I was not going to explain. She looked frustrated and kept turning and glaring at Ben.
"Whatever. Go ahead and hang out with him, and forget about John. You haven't even talked to him! I don't know how you choose your guys, but your system is seriously screwed. Ben is just like Bobby, and he's only using you!" she stated, looking seriously pissed off. Well, he was not technically using me if I was using him. She did not give me a chance to respond before she walked away. Ben had started walking towards us, and she bumped into his shoulder as she walked to our room. Goodness, she could act so childish when she did not get her way. That was exactly why I had not explained to her about my choosing Ben over John; her maturity level would not allow her to understand. And forgetting about John was the last thing I could do. He freaking lived here. I turned to face Ben who raised an eyebrow curiously as he walked over.
"What's her problem?" he asked. It was obvious what her problem was. She was spoiled and could not stay out of my business. I shrugged wanting to forget the whole conversation. Hopefully she would sleep of some of her prickishness and that bitchiness, too. I looked passed Ben just in time to see the door being slammed shut.
"…Is she going to let you in?" he asked. I really did not care because I did not want to go in anytime soon. I told him this irately, and he stared down at me curiously and asked: "Then where are you going?"
I bit my bottom lip thoughtfully and nervously at the same time as I stared at my door. This had never actually happened before. Where had I to go? I looked up at Ben. "Your room?"
His eyebrows shot up at that. Something he had never expected to hear from me, but I did not want to aimlessly wander around the mansion at night. He opened his mouth to say something. Maybe I should not have said that, I thought when I he did not say anything at all. I started to throw down the suggestion when he took my hand and started pulling me down the hall.
"Never ever hesitate to ask that. Never," he proclaimed grinning down at me. We were at his door in no time, and it did not take him long to get the door open and let us in. I hope he was not assuming the wrong thing by my suggesting his room. It was looking as if he had. I watched as he closed the door behind him, and then step closer to me. I was not going to make the same mistake twice, and let him believe something false. He needed to know that I was not in here to have sex with him.
"Ben, I'm not in-" I started. He took my face in his hands and brought his mouth to mine in a hungry kiss. My eyes flew wide open in shock. I had not even had the chance to finish my sentence before he had jumped me. He parted my lips with his tongue gaining access to my entire mouth, which he practically searched with his tongue. I blinked still startled and stunned at how fast it had happened and stumbled back a stepped. He took it the wrong way and wasted no time in trying to remove the space between his bed and us.
"Ben!" I called, trying to pull away. It came out as muffled nonsense in his mouth. I tried again and he stopped to listen to what I had to say. I could not manage to get anything to come out, and he leaned forward again to continue the kiss.
"No, Ben. I don't want to do… this," I told him, taking his hands in mine and removing them from my face. He looked confused. I was trembling nervously, scared. Afraid of his sudden advance and of his lack of tentativeness when pushing me towards his bed. How could he rush this like that? He did not even know me; nonetheless know if I even wanted him in that way. I stepped back from him, putting some space between us.
"Something wrong? Don't worry, I have condoms," he asked. Of course, he did. My not wanting to have sex with him did not comprehend with him. He placed his hands on the side of my arms for comfort. Lust tempted me step closer, but fear held me back. I shrugged his grip off. I did not want to sleep with him.
"I didn't mean I wanted to sleep with you when I said 'your room'," I stated. He stared at me blankly. He understood that right? He had to. I waited for him to kick me out his room expecting him to be mad, but he did not make any move towards the action. Well, maybe he was not mad.
"Ben…?" I called out his name. What was he thinking? My shaking had now faded, and I was feeling a little more comfortable. He ran his tongue over his cut.
"What else is there to do?" he asked. I could have laughed being that I was amused at his perplexity, but I had no idea of how to answer his question. Figured that I would not know what to say to that. I did not very much 'do' things with other people. I shrugged, staring at his busted lip. It was on the verge of bleeding again from his previous roughness.
"Oh yeah, here's your gloves," he stated, taking them from his pocket and handing them to me. It hit me hard suddenly that I had been barehanded the entire time and had not known or noticed it. I could barely hide my shock. Did he know what this meant? I was still comprehending it. And then the sudden realization of what had happened in our previous scene open the doors even wider. I had been touching Ben-or rather he had been touch me- without even thinking about repressing my mutation.
"What did I do now?" Ben asked. My mouth had been hanging open. I closed it quickly, looked up and shook my head. Maybe it had something to do with my subconscious. I tried to think of other reasons this could be happening. This was unbelievably awesome and unexpected. Ben looked unbelievably impatient. I pushed the gloves into my back pocket.
"Nothing. What do you want to do?" he grinned and evocatively repeatedly raised his eyebrows. Of course, he wanted to continue what he had started. I sighed and sat on his bed. It would be hell getting through his perverseness.
"No," I answered. "Look, I'll just stay here from another fifteen minutes until Tess falls asleep and then I'm leaving."
"I can do fifteen minutes!" Ben proclaimed. I laughed at that. Goodness, he was getting desperate now, which only reassured me in my refusing his offer. Maybe he would sleep this behavior off.
"I'm sure you could," I repeated. He looked like he had taken umbrage from that. Well, he had said it. Maybe I could sleep here tonight, I thought. Or not. I think I could and would rather deal with Tess. He shifted uncomfortably in his spot in front of me, and then sat down very close next to me and turned and told me-
"This is what you do to me," I was confused at first. I did not remember doing anything to him, but then I let my eyes travel tentatively down this body to his crotch. My eyes flew wide open at what I saw. His erection, in full bloom, was pressed against his pants. I regained control of myself before my mouth dropped too far.
"You can make it go away. All you gotta do is gimme your hand, or if you want we can-" I was off the bed and to the door in a second, and he did not follow me or protest seeing as he was too busy pulling his pants down. I opened the door hastily and slammed it close behind me. I had all but panicked. I stood still with my back to it for a long while trying to gather my wits and listening to him moaning from self-pleasure. Why was he doing what he was doing? Had any of this been normal? This could not be how relationships were supposed to start. There had been too much drama in this one day. I needed my bed and my razor and my solitude. I started promptly for my room when the door to room number thirty-eight open, and I flew right into John. We both stumbled back.
"Sorr-" he stopped in mid-word at the sight of me. I apologized quickly, and started forward one step but then dropped back. I was unsure of what to do, the franticness still having hold of my body. I heard Ben moan again, being that we were only one door away from his, and froze. I was in complete paralysis.
"Something wrong with-," John started to ask just as Ben called out my name, obviously having reached his level of satisfaction. John looked at me eyebrows raised in shock, and then turned away mumbling something inaudible. I could not stay any longer and all but sprinted to my room.
I sighed as I closed the door behind me and leaned back against it catching my breath and my composure. I reeked of trepidation, confusion, embarrassment and rage. I was definitely going to kill Ben tomorrow.
XI. Erratic