Authors Note: I've corrected a mistake that was pointed out to me, and I've extended the chapter a little. So scroll down and see what's new.

Chapter 5

(back in Ran's POV)

Ken has changed lately. He's not acting like himself. He's "borrowed" some of my literature. I don't think he expected me to notice, but he took some of my favorite pieces. Demian and my Shakespeare. And he took my Oxford's English Dictionary. Why?

I sighed softly. I think I feel something for the kid, but I can't keep it up. As soon as I get my literature back, I won't think about him anymore.

He's been on my mind for the past few weeks and he's all I can think about. The darkness doesn't even bother me when I think of him.

He's knocked my routine completely out of whack. When I get up now, it's a mess trying to get everything done. My routine is gone. I just do what I need, when I need to.

I should confront him though. He's changed, and I don't like it. I don't feel like I know this new Ken. His room… is clean! That's not the Ken I know.

I'll confront him after work. Yes, after work is good.

I went to my closet and pulled on one of my more.. tighter shirts and a pair of jeans. Both black, both echoing the darkness in my heart.

At the end of the shift, completely out of routine, like everything has been that week, I pulled the brunette to the side. I don't think he knows what to think, he's staring at me, like he does so well. It's almost like he's enjoying the view. 'Fujimiya, this is where you talk to him. Before he gets ideas.'

I looked at Ken and noticed he was blushing. God, what's going to happen when all this is done? First, confront Ken so you can get back on that damn routine. Back into the darkness that's all for you. Cynical.

"I don't like this new you, Ken. Why the hell have you changed like this?"

His eyes turned the size of saucers, just staring at me. And then the damn kid knocked me off my orbit causing me to smash into the ever lighted sun. He kissed me.

It was brief, simple, nothing elaborate. Just a brush of the lips, but it knocked me completely out of orbit. Worse than anything the milk, the snow, the hospital could have done, combined.

"Sor—," I didn't let the kid finish, I was out of the store and upstairs before I heard him say another word.

'What the fuck happened, Fujimiya! You can't do this. He can't do this. This isn't right. This is all wrong! Wrong! He brought the light in... and now I don't know what to do. He opened the way, with a kiss. Damn it. Just a kiss, and I'm dying already...'

I closed and locked my door taking a deep breath. Maybe that was too much light. Ken is a white I don't think I can handle right now. A white that would make me break and start over. A white that probably wouldn't last. A white that would dispose of me when I needed it most.

No, I can't let Ken, Hidaka, manipulate me like this. It's not happening. I think I can finally get back on routine. Maybe it was just a wake up call. Yes, a wake up call. A wake up call to show me what life would be without the darkness. Maybe I'm the fool that thinks I can escape the darkness. Maybe I'm manipulating myself.

The darkness is ready for me to come back and slip into it's routine, and I think I'm ready to go back. I need something steady in my life. The darkness is there more often than naught.

Maybe I need to be committed. I get another offering of a break away from this life and I slam it away. Not only that, but I'm cold hearted Fujimiya. Not someone who needs a love sick puppy following him. I don't believe in love anymore. Love isn't supported by the darkness.

I'm starting to believe there's no savior from the darkness. No one that can stand up and rescue people so deeply within it.

Hidaka is only here to confuse me more and give me false hope. He tried to break me and I can't afford that.

But I think some small part of me wanted to embrace Hidaka and cry.

After that confrontation in the shop, life seemed to get back to normal. I fell back into my routine without any problems. Hidaka left my thoughts, the white slipping away from it. Slowly, very slowly, as the weeks passed by, the snow started melting, and I developed a distaste to milk. My planet was moving on it's orbit, farther from the sun. Farther than where it used to be. To a safe distance. A distance where breaking wasn't an option.

I still visited Aya, but because of all the white, my routine changed. I don't visit everyday now. Hidaka was a wake up call, and I took it seriously. I was surrounding myself with too much of the white, the hope. I only visit once a week. On Wednesday. At twelve like always.

I still haven't retrieved my literature from Hidaka. I don't know if I have the guts to look him in the eyes anymore. He is always sulking in the shop. Never greeting people with quite the same gait, smile, cheerfulness.

Although I've changed things, and have moved away from my breaking point, some mornings I wake up with tears in my eyes. I never remember why, and I don't think I'm supposed to know. The darkness protects me from that.

But that same part of me that wants to embrace Hidaka, wants me to go talk to him, apologize, and talk.

I ignore that part of me, for now. I'm not ready for it. Aya first. Then we'll see.

The new morning started out just as it always did. With the same routines, I got myself up and ready to work for the day. It's a Wednesday, which means I must visit my sister at lunch time.

Maybe today I'll bring flowers. Dark red ones… or maybe that's not quite appropriate. That color red resembles one to many lives that have been in my hands. So, on second thought, I won't get any flowers.

As I was walking down the stairs to get some breakfast, it hit me. The pain, the tears, I just couldn't take it anymore. I was breaking. A tear slowly fell down my cheek, and that was it. I couldn't hold them back anymore.