TITLE: When we were Kings
AUTHOR: Zauberer S.
EMAIL: zaubererslyth@yahoo.es
RAITING: PG
GENRE: Drama
PAIRING: Snape/Lupin, Snape/Harry, implied Snape/Lily
DISCLAIMER: I´m not making money out of this, J.K. Rowling owns them, but they deserve more fun.
SUMMARY: It´s Remus´ birthday and Lily wants to bring Snape to the party.
AUTHOR´S NOTES: Written for Beachan, who knows now how much I dislike this pairing. Writing a pairing you hate can be much fun but in the end my romantic side showed up and added a bit of Snape/Harry to preserve my sanity. Title comes from a great documentary about boxing.
WHEN WE WERE KINGS
"Lily, have you gone insane?"
The ever so calmed Severus Snape was almost yelling in a library full of fellow students. That´s a start, thought Lily, biting his nails not so consciously as to seem seductive.
"It´s only logical" she explained, in a whisper but in a high pitched voice. "One of my best friends is having a birthday party, so I want all of my best friends there, and that includes you, idiot".
She laid a finger on Severus chest, he held his breath but still didn´t lose his mind.
"You and James had a fight and you want to get him jealous by bringing me into that monster´s party. Am I wrong?"
"Remus is not a monster".
Severus sneered, but couldn´t chance upset Lily, fierce as she was when it came to protecting her friends. The girl pretended to resume her reading but she was spying Severus from behind the book.
"What?"
"You know you are going to say yes".
She didn´t know, frankly, but she hoped he would say `yes´ because deep down Lily knew how hard it was for Severus to deny her anything. For once she was inclined to use that knowledge for a selfish cause.
"So you had a fight with James?"
"So you´re coming?"
His eyes were unreadable but amusment danced on his lips. He grew more serious in a moment.
"I´m not buying him a present".
...
It was only natural, Marauder´s fashion, that James Potter should rent a house to throw his friend´s birthday party. So Severus Snape found himself wandering through a two floor house, surrounded by people who despised almost as much as he despised them. Almost.
Shouts were exchanged between Lily and James (Severus smiled) and between Lily and Sirius (Severus shuddered). At least he had the satisfaction of causing trouble in paradise. If only for that the party was worth it.
He would have liked spending more time with Lily but he was aware he risked being caught mid-fire, and he was definitely going nowhere near Black tonight. The moron seemed to be glued to Lily and, strangely avoiding the birthday boy. Severus kept smiling.
Upstairs he found and empty room and a full glass. Voices were coming from below, chatting and shouting and giggling, but he couldn´t make out a word. That was relaxing. He laid against a wall and lazily he drew a face on the dusty floor. It was late and the moon and the stars were the only lights.
"So you´re hiding here?"
Remus stuck his head out of the door, regarding Severus with shy, little smile. His hair was ruffled and he did looked a bit older than the day before.
"What are you doing here?"
He came up to Severus, who was still on the floor and looking up, like a hunted animal drawing his last breath, seeming and feeling tiny and scared.
"Lily told me you went seeking solitude, so I thought you would be here".
Remus sat besides Severus, a bit too close, a bit too casually. Severus felt the warming of the room caused by his presence, he heard the light breathing of the werewolf, very much like rhythmic sighs.
"Well, I just wanted to thank you for coming".
"Yeah, sure".
But Remus swung to his side, touching him lightly, shoulder to shoulder, lips curving in a grateful smile.
"No, really, it´s very kind of you Sniv-... Snape, after what happened".
Severus looked at him, and in awe, cause the boy seemed guilty and sad, and embarrased. It was true, he could have killed Severus that night, but he always put the blame somewhere else. Somewhere between Potter´s dangerous self-confidence and Black´s cruel sense of humor.
"Umm, Lupin, I hate to be the one to state the obvious but... it wasn´t your fault".
Remus looked as if he was going to cry, or laugh, or do something equally revolting and Severus didn´t want that to happen so he handed the boy a wrapped box.
"What´s this?"
"Don´t be daft, Lupin. This is a birthday, so if you see a wrapped package you could easily conclude it´s a birthday gift".
"But..."
His mouth opened a bit in surprise, real surprise, not pleassant or unpleasant surprise, just surpise. He held it between his hands, they trembled a little but he hid that, and started opening it.
" When Dumbledore put up `Romeo and Juliet´ I knew you wanted to audition, only you are too shy to do that. This is the only thing I could come up with. It´s not new but..."
The book indeed struck him as old and worn out, but it smelled as if eternity had passed each of its pages, and Remus liked that. He liked the feel and the weight of the hands that touched the book before his. The pictures were lovely if a bit naive, and William Shakespeare looked at him gravely from the cover.
"The complete works... I don´t know what to say".
Severus snorted and crossed his arms, not really sure what he was suppossed to say in response to Lupin´s loss at words. But it was Lupin the one to speak again.
"Oh, thank you".
And then he kissed Severus on the lips, briefly, but too long a kiss to be a thank you kiss. The kiss was clumsy but sweet and heartfelt, and Severus regretted it was so short, though he would never admit it to himself.
"Why did you do that?"
His mouth was suddenly dry but his fingers ached to touch Lupin.
"Because I wanted to".
Remus was kissing him again, but Severus didn´t respond in likeness, he just closed his eyes taking in Remus smell, and touch, and taste. And for a moment Lupin stopped being a Marauder, Potter´s and Black´s partner in crime, and all of the sudden he was just a boy who was kissing Severus. And Severus was liking this boy, and liking this kiss and that´s when his lips parted.
The voices from the room below still climbed to them and a faint sound of music lingered in the room. Lupin clinged to him, his fingers caressing Severus chest through layers of cloth, only it was clear he didn´t know what to do next, he just knew what he was doing was wrong.
They stood there for some minutes, kissing, making out, all exploring hands and tantalizing touches but unwilling to go further. The place felt warmer and the night kinder, even if it was just an ilusion, a revenge of teenage hormones and loneliness.
Severus realized how much he had been needing this, how long. How hungry he had been. The need for Remus, for anyone, just the warmth of another body, just a mouth, fingers, hands, the heavy breathing of the other, the pounding of his heart, hair entagled between fingers, rolled up shirts, everything. Anything.
But the caution returned before the thrill was truly gone.
"We should stop, Lupin".
He used the name as a shield. Lupin, or just a boy, never Remus to him. Here there was no Remus.
"I know".
"There are many reasons".
"I said I know".
Remus retreats but Severus grabs his arm, fixing his eyes on him, and though they´re as cold as always they are also void of guilt.
"I know, I know. I´m going out with Sirius and I want it to remain that way. And you... you´re probably secretly in love with Lily".
Severus laughed, and it was frozen and empty.
"Not so secretly, apparently".
They both got on their feet and began fixing his clothes. Their lips were swollen and Remus still panted a bit, people continued talking loud and laughing louder downstairs and all was right with the world.
"Lupin..."
It was barely a wishper but uttered in the tone of a command.
"Albus told me he was going to call auditions for `Midsummer´ next month. Promise me you´ll try".
Remus thought about it, biting his lips, not unlikely Lily did in the library, and Severus knew he was caught.
"You could, too. You´d make a good Oberon".
Caught, indeed.
"Fine. I´ll be the King of the fairies, if you audition for Puck".
"Deal".
They hold hands childlike, but the touch was still electric and left them a bit awkward. They return to the party, the giggling, the screaming, the rest of the Marauders, and the rest of the world.
...
"Enjoying yourself again, mister Potter?"
Harry flew from the Pensive again at once. Snape had appeared from nowhere (he seemed to do that a lot) and now Harry grew smaller with every step his professor took towards him.
"Why must I be exposed to your worst habits over and over?"
He didn´t seemed so angry, just very calm. Alarmingly calm.
"If you hadn´t left that thing hanging around, for everyone to see..."
"So it´s my fault. Is that what you´re saying, mister Potter? If you hadn´t asked for more Oclumency lessons..."
"If you hadn´t said yes!"
That came out like a scream. But Harry wasn´t sure why he was screaming, or what he was screaming at. Snape was too close to him, and for a moment he thought he was going to slap him in the face. And Harry knew that was exactly what he deserved.
"So Potter, did you find it entertaining to discover that I was once young, reckless and in love?"
There was more than mere challenge to that question, it was a threat.
"As oppossed to old, bitter and heartless?" Harry asked in a high pitched, small, cracked voice.
"Oh, but you should try it sometime, Potter. Being drawn to someone you despise".
Snape was so close Harry could hear both of his heartbeats, thuddering, like two dying doves. He didn´t want to look up, to see his eyes, he just wanted to concentrate on the fear, the feeling of the teacher´s hand grabbing his wrist, whispering into his ear with deadly comtempt.
"Doing something you know you shouldn´t be doing..."
Each word lingered a bit in the air and before he knew it Harry could feel each breath on the skin of his neck. His lips trembled and the sound came out like a plea, like a cry of muffled pain or fear.
"It may be good for you, Potter. All the needing, the desire, the lust... and the knowing you can never have it".
Heat travel from skin to skin, not quite touching, but almost. Harry was barely aware of Snape´s hands, which weren´t on his wrist anymore but on his cheek, tracing a dangerous path to his jaw. Then Harry stopped breathing altogether. His mouth was dry and his body ached to be touched.
But Snape withdrew, flying from Harry faster than light. As Harry had done when he entered the room. The boy was not Remus, he wasn´t even Lily and Snape was not going to touch him.
Because Snape was not Severus, that Severus anymore.
"Sir?"
Snape forced himself to look, altough it might break him. The boy was still against the wall, soothing his breath, lips a bit parted but not swollen this time. He touched his wrist, there would be bruises. Snape backed at the thought, putting more space between him and Potter. He didn´t know what to do next, let alone what to say.
"Professor? Did you do it? Did you auditioned for King of the fairies?"
Snape looked at him, but Harry did not see the disgust for him he usually found there, but sadness, so much sadness that Harry could swim in it.
"I´ve never been a king in my life, Potter."
Then he lower the gaze with pain, as if tearing his eyes from Harry was the single most difficult thing in his life. When he spoke again it was with voice made of stone, not water nor fire could penetrate it.
"Out, Potter".
And Potter left, but he wanted to stay.
AUTHOR: Zauberer S.
EMAIL: zaubererslyth@yahoo.es
RAITING: PG
GENRE: Drama
PAIRING: Snape/Lupin, Snape/Harry, implied Snape/Lily
DISCLAIMER: I´m not making money out of this, J.K. Rowling owns them, but they deserve more fun.
SUMMARY: It´s Remus´ birthday and Lily wants to bring Snape to the party.
AUTHOR´S NOTES: Written for Beachan, who knows now how much I dislike this pairing. Writing a pairing you hate can be much fun but in the end my romantic side showed up and added a bit of Snape/Harry to preserve my sanity. Title comes from a great documentary about boxing.
WHEN WE WERE KINGS
"Lily, have you gone insane?"
The ever so calmed Severus Snape was almost yelling in a library full of fellow students. That´s a start, thought Lily, biting his nails not so consciously as to seem seductive.
"It´s only logical" she explained, in a whisper but in a high pitched voice. "One of my best friends is having a birthday party, so I want all of my best friends there, and that includes you, idiot".
She laid a finger on Severus chest, he held his breath but still didn´t lose his mind.
"You and James had a fight and you want to get him jealous by bringing me into that monster´s party. Am I wrong?"
"Remus is not a monster".
Severus sneered, but couldn´t chance upset Lily, fierce as she was when it came to protecting her friends. The girl pretended to resume her reading but she was spying Severus from behind the book.
"What?"
"You know you are going to say yes".
She didn´t know, frankly, but she hoped he would say `yes´ because deep down Lily knew how hard it was for Severus to deny her anything. For once she was inclined to use that knowledge for a selfish cause.
"So you had a fight with James?"
"So you´re coming?"
His eyes were unreadable but amusment danced on his lips. He grew more serious in a moment.
"I´m not buying him a present".
...
It was only natural, Marauder´s fashion, that James Potter should rent a house to throw his friend´s birthday party. So Severus Snape found himself wandering through a two floor house, surrounded by people who despised almost as much as he despised them. Almost.
Shouts were exchanged between Lily and James (Severus smiled) and between Lily and Sirius (Severus shuddered). At least he had the satisfaction of causing trouble in paradise. If only for that the party was worth it.
He would have liked spending more time with Lily but he was aware he risked being caught mid-fire, and he was definitely going nowhere near Black tonight. The moron seemed to be glued to Lily and, strangely avoiding the birthday boy. Severus kept smiling.
Upstairs he found and empty room and a full glass. Voices were coming from below, chatting and shouting and giggling, but he couldn´t make out a word. That was relaxing. He laid against a wall and lazily he drew a face on the dusty floor. It was late and the moon and the stars were the only lights.
"So you´re hiding here?"
Remus stuck his head out of the door, regarding Severus with shy, little smile. His hair was ruffled and he did looked a bit older than the day before.
"What are you doing here?"
He came up to Severus, who was still on the floor and looking up, like a hunted animal drawing his last breath, seeming and feeling tiny and scared.
"Lily told me you went seeking solitude, so I thought you would be here".
Remus sat besides Severus, a bit too close, a bit too casually. Severus felt the warming of the room caused by his presence, he heard the light breathing of the werewolf, very much like rhythmic sighs.
"Well, I just wanted to thank you for coming".
"Yeah, sure".
But Remus swung to his side, touching him lightly, shoulder to shoulder, lips curving in a grateful smile.
"No, really, it´s very kind of you Sniv-... Snape, after what happened".
Severus looked at him, and in awe, cause the boy seemed guilty and sad, and embarrased. It was true, he could have killed Severus that night, but he always put the blame somewhere else. Somewhere between Potter´s dangerous self-confidence and Black´s cruel sense of humor.
"Umm, Lupin, I hate to be the one to state the obvious but... it wasn´t your fault".
Remus looked as if he was going to cry, or laugh, or do something equally revolting and Severus didn´t want that to happen so he handed the boy a wrapped box.
"What´s this?"
"Don´t be daft, Lupin. This is a birthday, so if you see a wrapped package you could easily conclude it´s a birthday gift".
"But..."
His mouth opened a bit in surprise, real surprise, not pleassant or unpleasant surprise, just surpise. He held it between his hands, they trembled a little but he hid that, and started opening it.
" When Dumbledore put up `Romeo and Juliet´ I knew you wanted to audition, only you are too shy to do that. This is the only thing I could come up with. It´s not new but..."
The book indeed struck him as old and worn out, but it smelled as if eternity had passed each of its pages, and Remus liked that. He liked the feel and the weight of the hands that touched the book before his. The pictures were lovely if a bit naive, and William Shakespeare looked at him gravely from the cover.
"The complete works... I don´t know what to say".
Severus snorted and crossed his arms, not really sure what he was suppossed to say in response to Lupin´s loss at words. But it was Lupin the one to speak again.
"Oh, thank you".
And then he kissed Severus on the lips, briefly, but too long a kiss to be a thank you kiss. The kiss was clumsy but sweet and heartfelt, and Severus regretted it was so short, though he would never admit it to himself.
"Why did you do that?"
His mouth was suddenly dry but his fingers ached to touch Lupin.
"Because I wanted to".
Remus was kissing him again, but Severus didn´t respond in likeness, he just closed his eyes taking in Remus smell, and touch, and taste. And for a moment Lupin stopped being a Marauder, Potter´s and Black´s partner in crime, and all of the sudden he was just a boy who was kissing Severus. And Severus was liking this boy, and liking this kiss and that´s when his lips parted.
The voices from the room below still climbed to them and a faint sound of music lingered in the room. Lupin clinged to him, his fingers caressing Severus chest through layers of cloth, only it was clear he didn´t know what to do next, he just knew what he was doing was wrong.
They stood there for some minutes, kissing, making out, all exploring hands and tantalizing touches but unwilling to go further. The place felt warmer and the night kinder, even if it was just an ilusion, a revenge of teenage hormones and loneliness.
Severus realized how much he had been needing this, how long. How hungry he had been. The need for Remus, for anyone, just the warmth of another body, just a mouth, fingers, hands, the heavy breathing of the other, the pounding of his heart, hair entagled between fingers, rolled up shirts, everything. Anything.
But the caution returned before the thrill was truly gone.
"We should stop, Lupin".
He used the name as a shield. Lupin, or just a boy, never Remus to him. Here there was no Remus.
"I know".
"There are many reasons".
"I said I know".
Remus retreats but Severus grabs his arm, fixing his eyes on him, and though they´re as cold as always they are also void of guilt.
"I know, I know. I´m going out with Sirius and I want it to remain that way. And you... you´re probably secretly in love with Lily".
Severus laughed, and it was frozen and empty.
"Not so secretly, apparently".
They both got on their feet and began fixing his clothes. Their lips were swollen and Remus still panted a bit, people continued talking loud and laughing louder downstairs and all was right with the world.
"Lupin..."
It was barely a wishper but uttered in the tone of a command.
"Albus told me he was going to call auditions for `Midsummer´ next month. Promise me you´ll try".
Remus thought about it, biting his lips, not unlikely Lily did in the library, and Severus knew he was caught.
"You could, too. You´d make a good Oberon".
Caught, indeed.
"Fine. I´ll be the King of the fairies, if you audition for Puck".
"Deal".
They hold hands childlike, but the touch was still electric and left them a bit awkward. They return to the party, the giggling, the screaming, the rest of the Marauders, and the rest of the world.
...
"Enjoying yourself again, mister Potter?"
Harry flew from the Pensive again at once. Snape had appeared from nowhere (he seemed to do that a lot) and now Harry grew smaller with every step his professor took towards him.
"Why must I be exposed to your worst habits over and over?"
He didn´t seemed so angry, just very calm. Alarmingly calm.
"If you hadn´t left that thing hanging around, for everyone to see..."
"So it´s my fault. Is that what you´re saying, mister Potter? If you hadn´t asked for more Oclumency lessons..."
"If you hadn´t said yes!"
That came out like a scream. But Harry wasn´t sure why he was screaming, or what he was screaming at. Snape was too close to him, and for a moment he thought he was going to slap him in the face. And Harry knew that was exactly what he deserved.
"So Potter, did you find it entertaining to discover that I was once young, reckless and in love?"
There was more than mere challenge to that question, it was a threat.
"As oppossed to old, bitter and heartless?" Harry asked in a high pitched, small, cracked voice.
"Oh, but you should try it sometime, Potter. Being drawn to someone you despise".
Snape was so close Harry could hear both of his heartbeats, thuddering, like two dying doves. He didn´t want to look up, to see his eyes, he just wanted to concentrate on the fear, the feeling of the teacher´s hand grabbing his wrist, whispering into his ear with deadly comtempt.
"Doing something you know you shouldn´t be doing..."
Each word lingered a bit in the air and before he knew it Harry could feel each breath on the skin of his neck. His lips trembled and the sound came out like a plea, like a cry of muffled pain or fear.
"It may be good for you, Potter. All the needing, the desire, the lust... and the knowing you can never have it".
Heat travel from skin to skin, not quite touching, but almost. Harry was barely aware of Snape´s hands, which weren´t on his wrist anymore but on his cheek, tracing a dangerous path to his jaw. Then Harry stopped breathing altogether. His mouth was dry and his body ached to be touched.
But Snape withdrew, flying from Harry faster than light. As Harry had done when he entered the room. The boy was not Remus, he wasn´t even Lily and Snape was not going to touch him.
Because Snape was not Severus, that Severus anymore.
"Sir?"
Snape forced himself to look, altough it might break him. The boy was still against the wall, soothing his breath, lips a bit parted but not swollen this time. He touched his wrist, there would be bruises. Snape backed at the thought, putting more space between him and Potter. He didn´t know what to do next, let alone what to say.
"Professor? Did you do it? Did you auditioned for King of the fairies?"
Snape looked at him, but Harry did not see the disgust for him he usually found there, but sadness, so much sadness that Harry could swim in it.
"I´ve never been a king in my life, Potter."
Then he lower the gaze with pain, as if tearing his eyes from Harry was the single most difficult thing in his life. When he spoke again it was with voice made of stone, not water nor fire could penetrate it.
"Out, Potter".
And Potter left, but he wanted to stay.