Okaerinasai [Welcome Home]
By Shella

(Sequel to 'Irasshaimase [Welcome]') – Kaworu and Shinji have salvaged a future from Third Impact, but the world is still not safe for the last Angel and the humans he cares for. The continued existence of Evangelions and the Seeds of Life offer the power of ascension – and the threat of annihilation – while truth may be both danger and defense. [A/U canon divergence / Lighter & Softer (series-verse), SxK, minor / background pairings]
Warnings: Lore soup, some Kaworu-whump, outrageous quantities of hugging.

1. Breathe
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.
~

There was a moment of perfect stillness, perfect balance; a moment when I saw the world glowing with life and energy, the universe poised in sharp and shining definition. The air was alive, crowded with possibility and potential – as though every living thing had just woken up and was drawing breath, stunned and delighted at the fact of existence. For an instant I stood motionless at the apex of the present and the future, and saw further and clearer then ever before: saw for miles across countries and oceans, saw people's hearts and minds expand as they looked forward in hope or challenge, saw the world as it was remade and renewed.

A whisper: # Kaworu, look! The sky, it's all glittered! #

"Shinji – yes, I see. Isn't it beautiful?"

# It's amazing! #

I knew from his voice that he was smiling – I did not look at his image on the monitor, as my attention was held by the majestic sight above us: the deep blue expanse of the sky was pinpointed by tiny, innumerable rose-red lights, glowing warmly despite the afternoon sunlight. I felt as I had sometimes felt on a clear night, as if the stars were living beings, and although I was beneath their regard their vibrant presence comforted and delighted me nevertheless.

# I wonder what's doing it? # Shinji murmured, but idly, enraptured rather than disturbed by the dazzling sight.

"Whatever they are, I am glad to share them with you," I said, and looked at him in time to see the answering happiness in his eyes.

Then my surroundings lurched violently, and with a groan of strained machinery Unit 02's entry plug unceremoniously ejected itself, and me the pilot, into the lake.

# Huh? What just–? #

# Who did that? #

# What's going on? #

# Major, why are you sitting on the floor? #

At Lt Hyuga's question, Lts Aoba and Ibuki fell quiet, and even over the sound-only communications link I perceived the atmosphere of uncertainty that was settling over the bridge. There was a pause, and then somebody groaned.

# Oh, my head feels weird... #

# What was happening just now? #

# I think I blacked out for a moment... #

# Does anyone else feel like they lost time? #

# Everyone, pull yourselves together, # ordered Misato, having apparently gotten to her feet and composed herself. # Someone go and find the Commander. What's the status of the Angel and the Evas? #

# Sixteenth Angel – no signal, # said Lt Aoba. # It's gone! It's been destroyed! #

# Unit 02 is critically damaged, # reported Lt Ibuki. # The core has been compromised! #

# What! How? –Is it stable? # asked Dr Akagi.

# Yes – for now. #

# Good. Drain all power and disconnect the umbilical cable immediately! #

The relief in her voice was obvious. Even without the pilot present to support its AT field, an Evangelion whose core collapsed could cause significant damage when its contained energy was released.

# Repair teams four and seven, get up there and secure Unit 02. Immobilising it is your first priority – we'll retrieve it later. #

# What about the pilots? # said Misato. # Shinji, Kaworu – speak up! #

# I'm okay! # Shinji called.

# I'm all right, # I spoke up, though honestly I did not know how true my statement was. Why was she concerned for me, her enemy?

# Good! # Misato's own relief was even clearer than that of Dr Akagi. # Status of Unit 01? #

# Minor damage to left arm, # Lt Hyuga reported. # It looks like … bio-fusion? #

# How? Unit 01 wasn't caught by the Angel, was it? He'd barely sortied— #

# No, I don't think so. It's – I don't remember, it's all a blur... #

# Same here... #

As I listened, to my growing surprise it became apparent that everyone on the bridge had forgotten I existed – or rather, had forgotten that only a few moments ago, I had been identified as the seventeenth Angel. They spoke only of my late sibling, Armisael the sixteenth Angel, and when I was mentioned it was simply as the pilot of Unit 02, the Fifth Child.

An effect of the failed Third Impact, perhaps? A trauma response – self-preservative amnesia against a psychologically overwhelming event?

My musings were interrupted, however, when the entry plug rocked and shifted again; no sooner had it settled than the roof section slid aside, and I was free.

Evangelion Unit 01 peered down at me. # You okay, Kaworu? # came Shinji's voice over the link. My entry plug bobbed gently in the waves created by Unit 01's movements, but I judged I would not be swamped.

"Yes, thank you." I smiled up at the Evangelion, knowing Shinji would see me on his monitor.

# Shinji, # said Misato, # let Kaworu in the entry plug and return, okay? We'll figure out what just happened when you guys are all clear. #

Shinji gasped, at a thought that seemed to occurred to both of us at once. # Ayanami! #

"How is Rei?"

# She seems to be all right, # Ibuki reassured us. # She's at the hospital wing getting a full checkup now, but so far all signs are good. #

# Thank goodness, # Shinji said quietly.

"That is good news," I agreed.

For a few moments after I had joined Shinji, we sat together in silence and concentrated on directing the Evangelion to the linear rail that would carry us back to NERV headquarters. The red stars had begun to fade; as we left the surface they were nearly invisible, and somehow I knew they would not return.

Beside me, Shinji stirred, and put his hand over mine. I curled my fingers around his, marvelling again at how the once painfully withdrawn boy had become so much more comfortable with interpersonal contact. Now, he reached for me with casual, unthinking confidence, and only a hint of blushing. I watched as, with the other hand, he confirmed that the communications links to the main bridge were switched off.

"Kaworu," he said, "what's going on? That was ... you know..." He mouthed 'Third Impact', glancing around nervously as though double-checking that we were not being spied upon. "...Wasn't it? Why isn't anyone saying anything about it? It's like they didn't even notice."

I nodded. "Or maybe they have forgotten it."

"Forgotten?"

"Such an event is not meant to fall within the scope of human experience – it is too intense, too emotionally draining for comfortable remembrance. Their minds could have erased or rejected the memory for their own protection."

"But we remember," he pointed out.

I shrugged. "Perhaps because we were the subjects – you in particular. Maybe we too will forget in time. I do not know, I am only hypothesising."

"Right..." he muttered, then gave a sheepish smile. "Well, if you're confused too, then I don't feel so bad about not knowing anything."

His smile faded, then, as he looked at me.

"Shinji?"

"Why'd you do it?"

"Do what?"

"You're an Angel–" and my blood curdled; "—you're the enemy – you knew we'd end up fighting. You said humans and Angels can't both survive. Why'd you become my friend? Why did you make me lo—care for you?"

My lungs shook as I drew air into them. "I – I don't know why. The people who sent me to Tokyo-3 ordered me to surveil Rei and the other pilots, but I never particularly cared for orders – my appointment as their operative was one of birth, not merit. And I had never thought myself subject to the social inclinations that humans experience. But interacting with you – with Asuka and Rei, with Toji and Kensuke – it seemed only natural, the most intuitive thing."

His brow was still furrowed, and I quailed at my own insufficiency, but ploughed onward.

"And the more time I spent with you, the more I came to know, perhaps understand you … without even realising, the more I cared for you. I had never felt true bonds with other beings, never been drawn to anyone else, never held such empathy and regard … but before I recognised what was happening, I had learned all this, and more. Thanks to you, Shinji."

He swallowed heavily. "Kaworu," he hiccupped, and dashed tears from his eyes. "Me?"

"I think it could only ever have been you."

Words seeming to fail him, he leaned closer and touched our foreheads together, and I was struck silent, savouring the warm glow between us.

I could not recall how long it had been like this, that Shinji Ikari had had the power to move me so intensely with the smallest of gestures or phrases; all I knew was that I had never felt so happy, so alive, before I had known him. And to know that he loved me in return, to the extremity of forgiving my abhorrent true identity ... it was the fulfilment of a wish I had never realised I held.

There was a beep. # Aw, what a touching little scene. I think I'm going to puke, # said a familiar but long-missed voice, and Shinji and I reacted as one.

"Asuka!"

# Oh, don't mind me, # she said, and her teasing tone was not entirely friendly. # I wouldn't want to disturb your honeymoon at all. # Her scowling face appeared on the entry plug monitor.

Shinji spluttered indignantly. "What – honeymo—What are you talking about, Asuka? No, forget that. We've been worried sick about you! Are you all right now?"

I could not care what she said; what mattered more to me was that she was speaking at all. "Asuka, I am so glad you're well," I told her. "Where are you? I want to see you right away."

# I don't believe you, Nagisa. Not enough that you steal my Unit 02, now you're homing in on Shinji as well? You ... you replacement. # She folded her arms huffily and looked away.

"I could never replace you," I said. "I lost the battle, and your Evangelion was damaged. Clearly I was an inadequate substitute."

Out of the corner of her eye, she gave me a condescending look. # So you're admitting you're useless, then? There might be hope for you yet. # I brightened.

"Asuka, we're nearly at the cage," said Shinji. "I'm going to come and meet you, okay?"

# Don't get pushy, Third Child. I might be busy. #

"Please, Asuka," he said. "I've missed you."

After a tense moment, she relented. # Oh, fine. I'm at the lounge in the hospital wing. Bring me a drink. #

I grinned. "Grape-flavour iced tea, yes?"

# What, you've been stalking me or something? Ugh! # She slapped the screen in front of her, switching off the visual link, and was gone.

We had no time to absorb the stunning interaction that had just taken place; even as Asuka's image vanished, there was a jolt and a metallic clang as Unit 01 docked in the cage. Shinji and I scrambled to disembark as quickly as we could, though even this was not fast enough for our wishes; no sooner had our feet hit the floor than we were running from the cage down the long corridor, up a flight of stairs because we could not wait for the elevator, along another interminable hallway, and at last through the swinging double doors of the hospital wing.

Asuka stood at one of the vending machines, hands on hips. She wore her school uniform, and as she turned to face us I noticed that the synchronisation clips that she had used as hair ornaments were gone; her hair hung loose around her face. She looked unimpressed.

"Where's my drink?"

I crossed to the vending machine and pressed the button for lemon iced tea; in obedience to my accompanying electrokinetic prompt, a cold bottle promptly fell into the tray. I presented it to Asuka with a flourish.

She snatched it from my hand. "How'd you do that without money?"

"There was change from a previous order," I lied, and before she could argue I swept her up in a hug. "Asuka, it's wonderful to see you!"

"Get off me, you creep!" She pushed me away, and punched my arm for good measure. "You're in so much trouble, Nagisa!"

As she glared at me and I smiled back at her, Shinji stepped up. "Asuka..."

With another 'hmph' noise, she turned dismissively from me and regarded him, eyebrow raised expectantly. "Well, Third Child?"

"I don't care if you punch me for this—"

"Don't you dare—"

But the tempest of Soryu lost its fury in a heartbeat, as Shinji (gently but with the power of a tsunami) embraced her; she rested her head against his, and for probably the first time since they had known one another, they shared a moment of pure warmth.

When they drew apart, the tap of her knuckles to his cheek was infinitely soft, but her smile was softer.

"Disgusting."

"I'm not sorry."

"You're lucky I'm in a good mood right now, otherwise you'd be a crater."

I piped up, "We're just happy that you're happy, Asuka, and not only for self-preservation reasons."

She snorted. "'Happy', huh? Bit simplistic, not that I'd expect anything more nuanced from you."

"Would you mind enlightening us, in that case, to your own impressions?"

"Pfft, if that's even possible…"

But her expression turned reflective. "I don't really know how to explain it. Just now, while I was … sleeping – it was like a dream, but so real! I was speaking to someone, and they were interrogating me, challenging me to justify myself – they asked me if I wanted to live or die, if I wanted to be my own person or to fade into everybody else..."

She waved her hands, trying to articulate. "And I realised that I don't have to use Eva as a reason to live, I exist in my own right – I can stand on my own two feet and make my own meaning, my own destiny. And then I woke up, and it was all true. I ... am me. And that's good enough." She grinned. "It's brilliant, actually."

"I agree," I said.

"Damn straight! But don't think I've forgotten that you're in so much trouble, Nagisa—" (each word punctuated by a tap of her drink to my forehad) "—just because I had some weird dream-thing. I'm still me – it's just..." She waved a hand again, attempting to describe the indescribable.

"You opened your heart and chose life," said a new voice.

I spun to face her. "Rei!"

She stood at the doorway leading from the ward, dressed in a hospital gown but seemingly recovered; her hand was free of the marks from the Angel's assault.

Feeling a smile burst onto my face, I crossed the room to her and embraced her warmly. She briefly lent her head on my shoulder; when she raised it, I took the hint to release her. Rei's personal barriers had softened somewhat, but were not completely eroded.

"Ayanami," said Shinji, glowing as he took her hand, "I'm really glad to see you."

Her smile could have illuminated the city on its own.

"What was that you said, Wondergirl?" Again, Asuka had folded her arms in a confrontational posture, but her expression showed grudging curiosity for what her former rival had to tell her.

Rei regarded Asuka steadily, as usual unresponsive to the other girl's animosity. "In the vision you experienced, you were given a choice – to seek the warmth and comfort of the soul-merger, and the end of individual existence, or to retain your unique consciousness and risk fear, pain and loneliness. You decided to take your chances as a separate being, to live your life as your own person forging your own path. You chose to live."

"Am I that easy to read?" Asuka muttered. "Even the wind-up doll can see right through me."

"I was offered the same choice." Rei lifted her chin. "And I decided that I am no-one's doll – I am not a puppet to be controlled. My life and destiny are my own."

Asuka looked at Rei as though seeing her for the first time. "Is that right?" she said quietly. "When did Wondergirl get a backbone? More to the point, how come you had the same dream I did?"

"It wasn't a dream, Asuka," Shinji said. "It was Third Impact."

She stared at him. "What? Third Impact? You mean, what we were all fighting to prevent from happening?" She looked at me accusingly. "Was it because you lost? You let Third Impact happen?"

I nodded.

She kicked my arm, in the same place as her punch earlier. "Dummkopf! God, you really are useless." I cringed; the second blow was stronger than the first, and in an already sore spot.

"But it turned out all right," Shinji pointed out. "I mean, we're all here, aren't we? We all made the right choice, right?"

"Not everyone did," said Rei. "Did you not see the red stars?"

"What do you mean?" Shinji said. "What were those things?"

I gasped, as I realised I knew what they were, and why I had felt so convinced of their sentience. "They were the departing souls of those who chose not to live. How sad…"

Asuka had covered her mouth with her hand. "I saw them from my window. I thought they were really pretty – but they were people dying. Mein Gott…"

At that moment, the communicator on the wrist of Shinji's plugsuit beeped. # Shinji and Rei, # came Misato's voice, # could you come to the bridge for a moment, please? I need to talk to you. #

As though he knew already what she would say, Shinji went very still, and when he spoke, his voice was flat and emotionless. "My father ... is dead, isn't he."

# ... I'm sorry. # Misato's voice was quiet. Rei turned away, hiding her face.

Over the communicator link, we heard Dr Akagi numbly state, # He's gone. He ... left me … he left me … # Her breath caught in a sob.

Shinji closed his eyes, fists clenched. "He's gone…"

"Shinji?" I said gently, and reached out to him.

"It was his decision," he said abruptly. "His loss."

# Shinji? Are you all right? # asked Misato.

"Yes. No. I don't know." He buried his hands in his hair, clenching the strands between his fingers, and let out a shaking breath. "It hurts. He was my father, and he died, and it hurts. But I feel ... like I've been freed somehow. Though the truth is I was free even before he died. I'd stopped hating him – he didn't have that much control over my life anymore. So ... so I'm sorry he made that choice, it's too bad for him. But I'm okay. He can't hurt me now."

He drew a deep breath; as he let it out, it seemed as though a lifetime's worth of simmering tension left him at the same time.

# Why don't you go home, Shinji, # Misato suggested gently. # I'll be along later. There's leftover takeaway in the fridge – get some sleep. It's been a long day. #

Shinji nodded. "Yeah, you're right. I – Ayanami?" He turned to her, reaching out in concern. "Are you okay?"

Rei did not face him; her head was bowed and her shoulders slumped. Her voice was very, very quiet as she said, "He was important to me. Now he is dead. "

"I'm so sorry," Shinji said. "I know you cared about him..."

"Yes." With her back to us I could not see her expression, but she sounded more tired than upset. "I ... expect I will come to accept it, in time. For now..."

Shinji lowered his eyes. "Yeah ... in time..."

He caught my gaze, and instead of grief or bitterness I saw that his expression was one of resolution. "I never expected that it'd be easy, that everything would be happy and perfect – I knew when I chose to live that there'd still be pain, and struggling and loneliness and all those things. But I chose it anyway – we all did. So we'll keep going, right?" He drew a shaky breath. "So much has happened today ... but there's always tomorrow. And the day after, and the day after – and they're all ours. It's the future, and we're alive – that's enough, isn't it?"

I ventured a small smile. "Carpe diem, then?"

"Seize the day," Rei whispered, as she stared out the window. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply for a moment.

Asuka clapped her hands. "Well then, let's go seize it! Come on, no time to waste. That means you too, Wondergirl." She strode off, gesturing for us all to follow.

Turning as though having reached an absolution, Rei went after her. At the door, she paused and said to Shinji and I, "I'm happy to see you both," then swiftly walked on, apparently unconcerned that she was still in a hospital gown.

I took Shinji's hand and we stepped forward together. "We are alive," I agreed, "and that's wonderful."