..so there I am COVERED in cherries, the police are banging on the door and
Judy's screaming, "That's WAY too much to pay for a pair of pants!-Lorne,
Lineage
Lorne sat down in his armchair and reflected on the story he had told to Westley's cyborg-father, Roger Wyndham-Price. It had been an interesting choice to share with a stranger for the story had such emotional strength to it. The night he and Judy had had their little tyst in the ice cream store, the vampires and all the vodka.
And Angel. Lorne cursed Angel for ruining it.
Lorne poured himself a glass of brandy. It really was a rather funny story. Judy Garland was her name. Judy Garland is a vampire. She faked her death a while back and has been living in a vampire colony in Prague.
"Interesting city, Prague," mused Lorne as he sipped his brand and stared into his fire. His cell phone range-the tune of "sk8tr boi" filled the air, but Lorne ignored it. Prague was a colony for all forlorn vampires- where they went when they were plotting, ect. Angel had been there on retreat numerous times.
` Lorne reminisced.
A long long time ago.......
-Last Week:
"I always said the petting zoo had too many rules!" Judy complained loudly.
"It's okay, peaches!" Lorne soothed. "Those bears were meant to be free and live among there kind. just not in L.A."
"Actors and porn stars, wild beasts, there's really no difference," shrugged Judy as she watched the seen unfold. Truth be told, unlocking the cages of 6 American grizzly bears towards nighttime in L.A maybe wasn't the wisest idea.
Lorne shook his head and laughed, it was good having Judy home again. She had come to LA the day before. Her time in Prague had. well. changed her.
Made her insane, more or less.
"Come on," she urged, watching the police begin to fill the zoo. "Let's go get some ice cream."
Lorne shrugged. He had never known a vampire to enjoy ice cream-well, there was the time Angel became human and there was the whole peanut butter and chocolate fiasco, as Cordy had put.
He hastened to catch up with her as she skipped out of the zoo. "So, Sweetcheeks, what's up with Liza?" he asked, trying to make conversation.
Judy held up her hands in exasperation. "Don't ask me. I didn't FORCE her to join the circus." Judy sighed heavily, "Look Lorne, this has been great and all but can we please just get this done. I really don't have all night."
That cut, deep. But Lorne would get over it.
He nodded, "Sure. We can do it over ice cream."
"No, I want to do it someplace. more personal!"
"Well, my bar's still open. I've got my peeps managing it."
Judy Garland sighed, "Fine. Caritas it is."
Lorne was a bit hurt. He was hoping for a dinner and drink evening of thrills when Judy Garland had come to him for help. But it turned out all she wanted was for him to read her future. She just wanted to sing for him.
"Judy, what happened to the good old days? What happened to us, Judy Garland?" he asked tearfully.
She sighed. "We just grew apart, Lorne."
"Let's go have some ice cream," declared Lorne. "It's been a long day and only Chunky Monkey ice cream can make me feel better."
"Yes," agreed Judy. "With cherries."
Lorne and Judy turned away from the path to Caritas and began the walk to the ice cream parlor.
"Shit," muttered Judy. "The cops are still on our trail."
"Maybe we shouldn't go get ice cream. Maybe, I don't know. Maybe we should do something about the ferocious mammals wreaking havoc on Los Angeles."
Judy sent him a puzzled look. "No. Ice cream."
It was late and to Lorne and Judy's dismay the ice cream parlor was closed. Judy Garland broke down the door with her super-vampire strength.
"Judy. that's trespassing," Lorne warned.
"So," Judy giggled. The room was dark. She made her way over to the counter. "Who cares!" And then she screamed. "OH MY GOD! ANGEL? YOU LOOK GREAT! NICE PANTS!"
"Sweetcheeks, what are you talking about?" asked Lorne. "Angel doesn't like ice cream! He doesn't even like fun! He's like.the fun police!"
"Nice pants, but who did the hair?" asked Judy. "He looks like."
"Mr. Potato Head?" supplied Lorne. "Yeah, I know."
"I like it," said Angel, stroking his black locks. "They make me look professional. And now, Judy Garland-Prepare to die!"
"Not until I get my ice cream," And Judy adde as an afterthought, "And my kroff dinner. I would like some Kroff dinner, Lorne."
"Lorne!" demanded Angel. "What are you doing with this hell beast?"
"It's Judy Garland!" protested Lorne.
"My point," replied Angel. "She.. Evil."
"What have she done?" asked Lorne.
"She's gone and slept with Lindsey, that's what she's done!" growled Angel. "I thought he had gone to Australia to research The First. But no-he went to Prague and has been having his way with Judy!"
"Angelkins, why'd you care?" asked Lorne, watching in awe as he circled Judy.
"Because. Lindsey McDonald is.. EVIL! He's got. cult-ish tattoos, Lorne. That's never a good thing!"
"At least I slept with someone EVIL!" taunted Judy. "And not some freaky little Higher Being turned secretary!"
"Ouch," remarked Lorne as Angel went to slap Judy. "That was harsh."
"I've had enough of this," said Angel. He turned to Judy Garland. "Judy Garland, you are going to die." And with that he picked up a vat of cherries.
"Angel no!" Lorne screamed. But it was too late. Lorne had only time to throw himself in front of Judy as the keg of the red fruit exploded.
The broken keg splintered and pieces of the wood scattered around the room. Angel, smiling demonically grabbed one.
"Angelkins, don't do it," warned Lorne. He ignored Lorne and lunged for the vampire. "JUDY, RUN!"
"But where, Lorne? The police are waiting for us outside, this crazed kid is in here, where can we go?"
Lorne's eyes got that glazed look. "Macy's, my darling. Macy's."
"Macy's," Angel mused. "Hey! That's where I got my pants!"
"Really?" asked Judy. "They are very nice. How much were they?"
"Oh," Angel blushed and muttered.
"What was that?"
"50 dollars," Angel said.
"50 bucks?!" demanded Judy as the police banged down the door. The cherries were started to feel strange. "That's WAY too much for a pair of pants."
"Really?" asked Angel. "Where could you get them cheaper?" Angel shook his head. "This is stupid. Judy Garland, you are evil and I don't want fashion advice from you!"
He plunged the stake into Judy and she dissolved into dust. Angel smiled. "I have Lorne for that," he quipped.
(Authors' Note: We're sorry this sucks. We're just eager to go watch CONAN THE BARBARIAN (Conan-if you don't help me now.then to hell with you.) This was just something to pass the time. )
Now why don't you press the nice button and tell us how much it sucked?
Come on.that little button to the left.
Lorne sat down in his armchair and reflected on the story he had told to Westley's cyborg-father, Roger Wyndham-Price. It had been an interesting choice to share with a stranger for the story had such emotional strength to it. The night he and Judy had had their little tyst in the ice cream store, the vampires and all the vodka.
And Angel. Lorne cursed Angel for ruining it.
Lorne poured himself a glass of brandy. It really was a rather funny story. Judy Garland was her name. Judy Garland is a vampire. She faked her death a while back and has been living in a vampire colony in Prague.
"Interesting city, Prague," mused Lorne as he sipped his brand and stared into his fire. His cell phone range-the tune of "sk8tr boi" filled the air, but Lorne ignored it. Prague was a colony for all forlorn vampires- where they went when they were plotting, ect. Angel had been there on retreat numerous times.
` Lorne reminisced.
A long long time ago.......
-Last Week:
"I always said the petting zoo had too many rules!" Judy complained loudly.
"It's okay, peaches!" Lorne soothed. "Those bears were meant to be free and live among there kind. just not in L.A."
"Actors and porn stars, wild beasts, there's really no difference," shrugged Judy as she watched the seen unfold. Truth be told, unlocking the cages of 6 American grizzly bears towards nighttime in L.A maybe wasn't the wisest idea.
Lorne shook his head and laughed, it was good having Judy home again. She had come to LA the day before. Her time in Prague had. well. changed her.
Made her insane, more or less.
"Come on," she urged, watching the police begin to fill the zoo. "Let's go get some ice cream."
Lorne shrugged. He had never known a vampire to enjoy ice cream-well, there was the time Angel became human and there was the whole peanut butter and chocolate fiasco, as Cordy had put.
He hastened to catch up with her as she skipped out of the zoo. "So, Sweetcheeks, what's up with Liza?" he asked, trying to make conversation.
Judy held up her hands in exasperation. "Don't ask me. I didn't FORCE her to join the circus." Judy sighed heavily, "Look Lorne, this has been great and all but can we please just get this done. I really don't have all night."
That cut, deep. But Lorne would get over it.
He nodded, "Sure. We can do it over ice cream."
"No, I want to do it someplace. more personal!"
"Well, my bar's still open. I've got my peeps managing it."
Judy Garland sighed, "Fine. Caritas it is."
Lorne was a bit hurt. He was hoping for a dinner and drink evening of thrills when Judy Garland had come to him for help. But it turned out all she wanted was for him to read her future. She just wanted to sing for him.
"Judy, what happened to the good old days? What happened to us, Judy Garland?" he asked tearfully.
She sighed. "We just grew apart, Lorne."
"Let's go have some ice cream," declared Lorne. "It's been a long day and only Chunky Monkey ice cream can make me feel better."
"Yes," agreed Judy. "With cherries."
Lorne and Judy turned away from the path to Caritas and began the walk to the ice cream parlor.
"Shit," muttered Judy. "The cops are still on our trail."
"Maybe we shouldn't go get ice cream. Maybe, I don't know. Maybe we should do something about the ferocious mammals wreaking havoc on Los Angeles."
Judy sent him a puzzled look. "No. Ice cream."
It was late and to Lorne and Judy's dismay the ice cream parlor was closed. Judy Garland broke down the door with her super-vampire strength.
"Judy. that's trespassing," Lorne warned.
"So," Judy giggled. The room was dark. She made her way over to the counter. "Who cares!" And then she screamed. "OH MY GOD! ANGEL? YOU LOOK GREAT! NICE PANTS!"
"Sweetcheeks, what are you talking about?" asked Lorne. "Angel doesn't like ice cream! He doesn't even like fun! He's like.the fun police!"
"Nice pants, but who did the hair?" asked Judy. "He looks like."
"Mr. Potato Head?" supplied Lorne. "Yeah, I know."
"I like it," said Angel, stroking his black locks. "They make me look professional. And now, Judy Garland-Prepare to die!"
"Not until I get my ice cream," And Judy adde as an afterthought, "And my kroff dinner. I would like some Kroff dinner, Lorne."
"Lorne!" demanded Angel. "What are you doing with this hell beast?"
"It's Judy Garland!" protested Lorne.
"My point," replied Angel. "She.. Evil."
"What have she done?" asked Lorne.
"She's gone and slept with Lindsey, that's what she's done!" growled Angel. "I thought he had gone to Australia to research The First. But no-he went to Prague and has been having his way with Judy!"
"Angelkins, why'd you care?" asked Lorne, watching in awe as he circled Judy.
"Because. Lindsey McDonald is.. EVIL! He's got. cult-ish tattoos, Lorne. That's never a good thing!"
"At least I slept with someone EVIL!" taunted Judy. "And not some freaky little Higher Being turned secretary!"
"Ouch," remarked Lorne as Angel went to slap Judy. "That was harsh."
"I've had enough of this," said Angel. He turned to Judy Garland. "Judy Garland, you are going to die." And with that he picked up a vat of cherries.
"Angel no!" Lorne screamed. But it was too late. Lorne had only time to throw himself in front of Judy as the keg of the red fruit exploded.
The broken keg splintered and pieces of the wood scattered around the room. Angel, smiling demonically grabbed one.
"Angelkins, don't do it," warned Lorne. He ignored Lorne and lunged for the vampire. "JUDY, RUN!"
"But where, Lorne? The police are waiting for us outside, this crazed kid is in here, where can we go?"
Lorne's eyes got that glazed look. "Macy's, my darling. Macy's."
"Macy's," Angel mused. "Hey! That's where I got my pants!"
"Really?" asked Judy. "They are very nice. How much were they?"
"Oh," Angel blushed and muttered.
"What was that?"
"50 dollars," Angel said.
"50 bucks?!" demanded Judy as the police banged down the door. The cherries were started to feel strange. "That's WAY too much for a pair of pants."
"Really?" asked Angel. "Where could you get them cheaper?" Angel shook his head. "This is stupid. Judy Garland, you are evil and I don't want fashion advice from you!"
He plunged the stake into Judy and she dissolved into dust. Angel smiled. "I have Lorne for that," he quipped.
(Authors' Note: We're sorry this sucks. We're just eager to go watch CONAN THE BARBARIAN (Conan-if you don't help me now.then to hell with you.) This was just something to pass the time. )
Now why don't you press the nice button and tell us how much it sucked?
Come on.that little button to the left.