A/N: this is the second chapter in a day! You lucky readers, you! I will
update Admired from Afar, I promise, but I really, really want to finish
this one first, because writing two at the same time is complicated,
especially because the plot climax in this one. Anyway, here we go!
Ashley handed Spinelli a cup of tea and asked, "Feeling better?" Spinelli nodded, even though she still felt pretty awful. She was losing her best friend, her partner in crime, the guy she loved more than anything. Without him, it was like peanut butter without jelly, Garfield without Jon, Monk without Sharona. In short, without him, she was incomplete. Yet she had told him to go. Was she crazy, pushing him away like that?
"NO!" Liz looked at her as if she had just asked if Madonna had come out with a hit movie. (A/N: sorry, I heard this quote recently and wanted to use it, I actually like some of her movies, but that's another story) "You just want him to be happy and told him what you thought he wanted to hear, even if it meant sacrificing what you wanted, risking not being with him."
"Besides, it's a sign of true love. Love someone and let them go, if they come back it was meant to be.' Gretchen added as she finished feeding Alicia and began burping her. "I think it was very brave of you to do that. I know how much you love TJ, and you telling him to follow his dreams was possibly one of the selfless things you could have done."
Spinelli was confused, not knowing what to think. She knew her friends were right, but it didn't make it hurt any less. Losing the one you loved, especially if they didn't know how you felt hurt more than the worst type of torture there was.
"Gretchen's right, Spinelli. I mean, I know how much you love TJ, it was obvious back in elementary school, and even high school, the way you stood up for him all the time. But you are doing the right thing. Besides, its not forever, you can visit, and even go to law school there, you got into UCLA, right?" Ashley looked at her friend, still finding it odd that she was giving the girl she gave so much crap in the past love advice. But her being engaged to Mikey got them to see past their differences and become pretty close friends.
"Yeah, and I can go there, that is, if Teej is willing to forgive me. He seems so mad at me now, I don't know why he would be, I mean, if I told him to stay, he would think I was being selfish, but I tell him what I think he wants to hear and he acts like I told him to commit a mass murder. Damn, what the hell does he want? Why are men so complicated?"
"If you find the answer let me know." Liz laughed, "I love Gus, but sometimes he does things and I'm all confused."
"Universal male trait, " Gretchen giggled. "Take it from a married woman, they are never going to change."
"So now what?" Spinelli asked, still wanting to solve her dilemma. "What do I do when he gets home? Just act like nothing happened? I mean, this would be easier if we hadn't.." Spinelli drifted off, her mind going back to the two nights she and TJ had their semi-drunken, yet passionate make out sessions.
"If you hadn't what?" Liz asked, confused.
"Wait, you two didn't, did you?" Gretchen asked, shocked that her best friend hadn't told her about her first time.
"No, Gretch, close to it, but no." Spinelli paused, taking a deep breath. "We were sort of drunk on New Years Eve and ended up making out. We would have ended up going farther, but he stopped it, because he didn't want to hurt me, even though at the time, I felt rejected. Then the same thing happened at a party a couple weeks later, somehow we ended up in this guy's bedroom and making out. It just felt so right, you guys, and now he's leaving, and I have no idea what to do, or what is going to happen between us." Spinelli put her head in her hands, as if to push the thought of TJ leaving out of her mind.
"Wow, well, what did he say? I mean, you did talk about this, right?" Ashley asked.
"No, we sort of act like it never happened, even though we both know it did. Maybe I mean nothing to him, maybe I'm the girl he gets action from when he's drunk, a best friend with a few benefits on the side." Spinelli yelled, almost hysterical. She was always rejected by guys, and now it seemed more and more evident her best friend was going to reject her as well.
"Spin, don't talk like that! I am sure Teej loves you. He's probably scared, like you are. Try talking to him, see how things go. Maybe things will go better than you think." Liz put a comforting arm around Spinelli. "And you have all of us for support, we love you and are going to get you through this."
"Thanks, you guys, I feel so much better now." Spinelli stood up, stretching, suddenly feeling very tired. All the events of the day were swimming through her mind, and she wanted some private time to think it over. Gretchen must have sensed that, because she stood up, cradling the sleeping Alicia in her arms.
"Well, Spin, we shall let you go sleep and get some thinking done. Call us if you need anything. We are always here." She hugged her friend tightly Spinelli said goodbye and quietly kissed her goddaugher, who she saw to be not only a niece to love and spoil, but one of the many symbols of her relationship with TJ. They shared a godchild, and to her, it was yet another bonding experience for them. She came to that revelation at the christening the week before, when she noticed how much closer the baby had brought them, almost as if it were a child of their own.
"Spinelli?" Spinelli looked up, noticing the women staring at her strangely.
"Sorry, I was thinking about my little goddaughter and how much joy she brought me and TJ, in an odd way she sort of made our friendship stronger, it makes no sense, but it did."
"Good, you two can take her when she decides to keep us up at night." Gretchen laughed, saying her goodbyes. Spinelli hugged her friends, once again thanking them for helping her through her sadness. As she walked into the apartment, she wondered what TJ was thinking and if their friendship would ever be the same.
A/N: next is TJ's reaction, and then a big revelation you don't want to miss. There is 5 more chapters left in this, so buckle up for the ride! R/R, but if you can't say something nice, don't say it at all! Happy reading!
Ashley handed Spinelli a cup of tea and asked, "Feeling better?" Spinelli nodded, even though she still felt pretty awful. She was losing her best friend, her partner in crime, the guy she loved more than anything. Without him, it was like peanut butter without jelly, Garfield without Jon, Monk without Sharona. In short, without him, she was incomplete. Yet she had told him to go. Was she crazy, pushing him away like that?
"NO!" Liz looked at her as if she had just asked if Madonna had come out with a hit movie. (A/N: sorry, I heard this quote recently and wanted to use it, I actually like some of her movies, but that's another story) "You just want him to be happy and told him what you thought he wanted to hear, even if it meant sacrificing what you wanted, risking not being with him."
"Besides, it's a sign of true love. Love someone and let them go, if they come back it was meant to be.' Gretchen added as she finished feeding Alicia and began burping her. "I think it was very brave of you to do that. I know how much you love TJ, and you telling him to follow his dreams was possibly one of the selfless things you could have done."
Spinelli was confused, not knowing what to think. She knew her friends were right, but it didn't make it hurt any less. Losing the one you loved, especially if they didn't know how you felt hurt more than the worst type of torture there was.
"Gretchen's right, Spinelli. I mean, I know how much you love TJ, it was obvious back in elementary school, and even high school, the way you stood up for him all the time. But you are doing the right thing. Besides, its not forever, you can visit, and even go to law school there, you got into UCLA, right?" Ashley looked at her friend, still finding it odd that she was giving the girl she gave so much crap in the past love advice. But her being engaged to Mikey got them to see past their differences and become pretty close friends.
"Yeah, and I can go there, that is, if Teej is willing to forgive me. He seems so mad at me now, I don't know why he would be, I mean, if I told him to stay, he would think I was being selfish, but I tell him what I think he wants to hear and he acts like I told him to commit a mass murder. Damn, what the hell does he want? Why are men so complicated?"
"If you find the answer let me know." Liz laughed, "I love Gus, but sometimes he does things and I'm all confused."
"Universal male trait, " Gretchen giggled. "Take it from a married woman, they are never going to change."
"So now what?" Spinelli asked, still wanting to solve her dilemma. "What do I do when he gets home? Just act like nothing happened? I mean, this would be easier if we hadn't.." Spinelli drifted off, her mind going back to the two nights she and TJ had their semi-drunken, yet passionate make out sessions.
"If you hadn't what?" Liz asked, confused.
"Wait, you two didn't, did you?" Gretchen asked, shocked that her best friend hadn't told her about her first time.
"No, Gretch, close to it, but no." Spinelli paused, taking a deep breath. "We were sort of drunk on New Years Eve and ended up making out. We would have ended up going farther, but he stopped it, because he didn't want to hurt me, even though at the time, I felt rejected. Then the same thing happened at a party a couple weeks later, somehow we ended up in this guy's bedroom and making out. It just felt so right, you guys, and now he's leaving, and I have no idea what to do, or what is going to happen between us." Spinelli put her head in her hands, as if to push the thought of TJ leaving out of her mind.
"Wow, well, what did he say? I mean, you did talk about this, right?" Ashley asked.
"No, we sort of act like it never happened, even though we both know it did. Maybe I mean nothing to him, maybe I'm the girl he gets action from when he's drunk, a best friend with a few benefits on the side." Spinelli yelled, almost hysterical. She was always rejected by guys, and now it seemed more and more evident her best friend was going to reject her as well.
"Spin, don't talk like that! I am sure Teej loves you. He's probably scared, like you are. Try talking to him, see how things go. Maybe things will go better than you think." Liz put a comforting arm around Spinelli. "And you have all of us for support, we love you and are going to get you through this."
"Thanks, you guys, I feel so much better now." Spinelli stood up, stretching, suddenly feeling very tired. All the events of the day were swimming through her mind, and she wanted some private time to think it over. Gretchen must have sensed that, because she stood up, cradling the sleeping Alicia in her arms.
"Well, Spin, we shall let you go sleep and get some thinking done. Call us if you need anything. We are always here." She hugged her friend tightly Spinelli said goodbye and quietly kissed her goddaugher, who she saw to be not only a niece to love and spoil, but one of the many symbols of her relationship with TJ. They shared a godchild, and to her, it was yet another bonding experience for them. She came to that revelation at the christening the week before, when she noticed how much closer the baby had brought them, almost as if it were a child of their own.
"Spinelli?" Spinelli looked up, noticing the women staring at her strangely.
"Sorry, I was thinking about my little goddaughter and how much joy she brought me and TJ, in an odd way she sort of made our friendship stronger, it makes no sense, but it did."
"Good, you two can take her when she decides to keep us up at night." Gretchen laughed, saying her goodbyes. Spinelli hugged her friends, once again thanking them for helping her through her sadness. As she walked into the apartment, she wondered what TJ was thinking and if their friendship would ever be the same.
A/N: next is TJ's reaction, and then a big revelation you don't want to miss. There is 5 more chapters left in this, so buckle up for the ride! R/R, but if you can't say something nice, don't say it at all! Happy reading!