Thanks again for all the reviews. That last chapter was extremely difficult to write, but your support made me feel a bit better about it. Thank you all!
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A Week Later
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Nick and Sara stood hand in hand underneath a large tent in the middle of the cemetery. They were surrounded by their close friends, but both of them felt like they were completely alone; lost in the woods.
The past week had been hard for both of them, more so Nick than Sara, but each of them had their high points and their low points. Every morning Sara woke up to find Nick's side of the bed empty, and cold. She would find him sitting in the nursery they had decorated together. Sometimes he'd be sitting in the rocking chair, staring out the window with a stuffed animal clutched against his chest. Other times she'd find him curled up in a little ball on the small twin-sized bed that once belonged Catherine.
Sara would go to him, lean down and kiss his forehead, telling him that she loves him, and then head back out into the kitchen to put on some coffee for the both of them. It was then that she would let her own tears roll down her cheeks. Every time she saw Nick in that state, her heart would break a little more. There was nothing she could do for him except to just be there. For him, that was enough. But for Sara, it wasn't. She had to find a way to help him. But she just couldn't.
Nick often woke to the smell of the coffee brewing. He'd walk out to the kitchen where Sara stood, slumped over the counter. He'd wrap his arms around her waist and kiss the back of her neck softly before whispering. "I love you."
Nick had been given the whole week off, but Sara hadn't. She only worked a few nights, though, and never pulled a double. Grissom wouldn't allow her to. She was emotionally drained, and the whole team knew she hadn't slept since Monica's murder.
Warrick would often time find Sara staring off into space, whether it be at her desk, in the break room, or even at a crime scene. He'd give her a small hug and then gently remind her that she needs to either concentrate on the case or take a leave of absence. He wasn't being mean, just looking out for his friend.
She'd offer up a small smile, then immediately go back to doing some form of work without out another word about it.
Warrick worried about her constantly.
When Sara was at work Nick would work out funeral details. He somehow managed to get it all done. He only planned a funeral for Brianna, not for Monica. Her family took care of that, and didn't even know she was pregnant. Nick didn't think they needed to know. And he wasn't going to be the one to tell them. He hadn't even heard of any funeral arrangements for Monica.
Grissom and Warrick finished up on Monica's case as best they could. They took five days to try and figure out what happened, but could find nothing after going over all the evidence time and time again. There was nothing.
So here they stood; watching blankly as the tiny wooden casket was being lowered into the soggy ground. Catherine, Warrick, Grissom, Greg, and Brass stood a few feet behind Nick and Sara. Catherine had tears in her eyes and desperately tried to hide them and stay strong for her friends, but she was failing miserably. Warrick and Grissom held each of her hands tightly, assuring her that they were all feeling the same pain.
After the priest said a few words, Nick was handed the shovel. He slowly released Sara's hand, and dug into the pile of dirt, lightly covering the tiny casket. A single tear slid down his cheek as he laid the shovel down on the ground. He immediately reached for Sara's hand again, and held it tightly.
After the ceremony, Greg, Grissom, and Brass each gave Nick and Sara a small hug, telling them how sorry they were, and if there was anything they needed, anyone of the night shift would be there to help.
Warrick pulled Sara into his arms like so many other times before. She held onto him for a few moments before pulling away and looking up into his sparkling green eyes. He leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.
"I don't know what to do" she whispered.
"Just be there for him. That's all you can do."
Sara offered up a small smile before turning and heading back to where Nick and Catherine were standing by Nick's Tahoe. The two women embraced each other and said their good-byes.
Nick and Sara watched Warrick and Catherine drive off together. They stood next to the Tahoe for a few minutes, looking out over the cemetery, watching as the last of the dirt covered the casket.
"You wanna go home?" Sara asked quietly.
"What's the point?" he asked abruptly.
Sara was taken aback. "What?"
Nick shook his head. "I'm going for a walk. You can take the Tahoe and do whatever you want. I'll be home later." He started walking away from her and towards the exit of the cemetery.
"Nick!" Sara shouted beginning to jog after him. Her heels were making it a bit difficult. "Nick!" she shouted again.
This time he stopped, but didn't turn around. "Sara please? I just need to be alone for a little bit."
"Why? Nick, what's going on?" Sara asked, placing a hand on his shoulder, hoping he'd turn around to face her.
Nick spun around, letting Sara's arm hand from his shoulder. "I said I want to be alone! What don't you understand about that?"
There was a burning fire in his eyes that Sara had never seen before in her few years of knowing him. She took two steps back quickly and almost tripped over her own feet. Her jaw dropped to the ground and she could feel the tears burning her eyes. "I-I'm sorry" She took another step away from him. "Nick. I'm sorry."
And with that, she turned and headed back towards the Tahoe. She walked slowly enough that Nick would be able to catch up to her even if he were taking baby steps, but he never followed.
And she never looked back.
Sara got in the car, and started the engine with only slight hesitation. The cemetery was a good fifteen miles or so away from Nick's house and she didn't like the idea of leaving him all the way out here by himself. But then she realized that he's a big boy and knows how to find his own way home. If he wanted time alone, time alone is what he was going to get.
She drove out the exit of the cemetery and past Nick who was leaning against the front gate, staring off into space. She gave him one last glance before turning the corner and heading back towards home.
Stuck here, in the middle of nowhere
With a head ache, and a heavy heart
Well nothing was going quite right here
And I'm tired, I can't play no part
Sara drove as fast as she could. At first she had planned on going home, but that was Nick's house. Without him there, it really wouldn't feel right. Then she thought about going into work to catch up on some paper work, but once Warrick or Greg saw her there, they'd immediately send her home. There was one more option she could think of: go back to her apartment. There was always a little more packing she could do.
She wiped the remaining tears away from her face and decided there was only one place she needed to be right now. There was only one person who could help her, and so that's where she headed.
Oh come on, come on
Oh what a state I'm in
Oh come on, come on
Why won't it just sink in?
Nick walked back into the cemetery and slowly found his way back to the spot where his tiny daughter was buried. The ground was still wet from rain the previous night so he didn't bother sitting down. He stared down at the tiny patch of dirt. There wasn't a head stone yet because he just hadn't been able to bring himself to buy one.
"I didn't mean to yell at her" he said quietly. "I just needed to be alone."
Nick let out a sarcastic laugh. "What am I saying? The last thing I need right now is to be alone. She knows it. I know it. I just hate looking into her eyes and only finding pity. Is that why she's with me? Out of pity?"
He sighed and kicked at the ground. "Dammit! Why do I always mess everything up? I love her so much. I really do. I'm just so lost, Brianna. I never thought I'd miss you this much. Never in a million years did I think I'd ever feel pain like this. But now Sara-"
He began pacing back and forth in front of the grave and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Do you think she'll come back to me? Do you think she'll still marry me?"
Help is just around the corner, for us
"Yes"
Nick froze when he heard her voice. He slowly turned around, hoping he wasn't hearing things.
He knew she'd been crying. He could tell right away. The wind was making her hair whip all around her face. Her long black skirt was dancing wildly. She had told him once that it was the reason she hated wearing skirts. Their always going places you don't want them to go. When she had told him this, they both started laughing hard.
Having a sense of humor was not the only thing they had in common.
"Sara" he breathed.
"I will always come back to you. And you just try and stop me from marrying you."
Oh my head won't stop aching
And I'm sat here, licking my wounds
I'm shattered
But it really doesn't matter
'Cause my rescue is going to be here soon
"Sara, I am so sorry" Nick said closing the distance between them.
"No, I shouldn't have talked back to you. Whatever you need; whether it is space or just a glass of water when you wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare, I will give it to you. Nick. I am here for you. We're in this together. I don't care if Brianna was biologically mine or not, she was a part of you, and you are all of me."
Nick could feel a few tears roll down his cheeks. For the first time in a long time they weren't tears of sadness. They were tears of love. They were tears of joy. And they were tears of hope.
From that moment on, he knew he was going to make it through this. He knew that having Sara by his side was going to get him through anything.
Oh come on, come on
What a state, I'm in
Oh come on, come on
Why won't it just sink in?
Nick wrapped his arms around Sara and pulled her body against his. "I love you so much." He tangled his fingers in her hair and kissed the top of her head.
Sara pulled back, and kissed him briefly on the lips. "Are you ready to go home?"
"As long as you're with me" he answered, giving her a small smile.
"Always."
Help is just around the corner, for us
Help is just around the corner, for us
Help is just around the corner, for us
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TBC
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Okay I think the sadness is about over, so you can put away your box of Kleenex. That is, of course, unless you're just a big sap like me and you even cry at the happy stuff. :-P
Hit that little button and let me know what you think, please!