*The lights come up and we see four boys sitting around a table. All four
of them are familiar faces. There is Skittery, Bumlets, Boots, and Pie
Eater. The first boy to speak is Skittery*
Skittery: I'm bored!
Boots: Me too!
Pie Eater: I wish we had something to do!
*All four boys sigh. Then a loud voice comes from out of absolutely positively no where.*
Loud Voice: Are you bored?
*Camera goes in front of Bumlets who nods*
Loud Voice: Do you not have anything to do?
*We can see three of the boys who all nod at the camera*
Loud Voice: Well I have something for you to do!
Bumlets: You do?!
Loud Voice: If you want something fun, that's clean and hygienic too, then you'll love my new product!
Pie Eater: But who are you?
*A tall man with gray hair wearing clothes that are out of date steps into the kitchen*
Loud Voice: I am a star from a long time ago that you are all too young to remember. I was a child star for most of my life till those stupid people said you're too old to play an eight year old anymore. And then I would say to them but I'm only 17! Then they would say, yeah well you're too old so leave. Then I would get mad come back that night and torch the studio and laugh while screaming BURN, BABY, BURN!
*The four boys look from the guy to each other and laugh trying to hide the obvious fear of this child prodigy gone pyromaniac.*
Loud Voice: But now I'm getting paid to do commercials because I'm not cute anymore.
Boots: But what do you have to make our boredom go away?
Loud Voice: This. . .
*A "ping" is heard and an complicated object appears on the table*
Loud Voice: This is the Clean-Your-Hand 500!
Skittery: But what does it do?
Bumlets: And how does it work?
Loud Voice: Well you put your hand in here. . . Then you push this button, and it cleans your hand!
*A loud "whirring" sound is heard and the loud voice removes his hand that is now shiny sparkly clean*
Boots: Wow!
Loud Voice: You can play with this thing for hours and never get bored. Because it has pretty colors and it's hygienic. You and your friends can take turns waxing each others hands with this scrub brush after you use the machine. Guaranteed hours of satisfaction or you get a free toothbrush!
Pie Eater: I'm gunna try it right now!
*Pie Eater sticks his hands in the machine and presses the button. His friends gather around to watch*
Pie Eater: Wait, I'm . . . I'm stuck. How do I get my hand out! Owe! It hurts so bad!
*Pie Eater pulls his hand out and finds that it's bleeding. The machine had ripped off some skin. All four boys scream and the guy with gray hair runs out of the room. But his loud voice comes over the speaker again*
Loud Voice: Umm . . . get your Clean-Your-Hand 500 today! Only $19.95! Includes free waxing brush and if you call in the next five minutes we'll throw in a free box of band aids! Call now!
*The light fades with the boys still screaming and Pie Eater trying to bandage his hand. The Clean-Your-Hand 500 has gone wild and is squirting soap and water everywhere. the loud voice comes on one more time*
Loud Voice: Call now to get your Clean-Your-Hand 500! Only $19.95! *speeding up really fast* Not safe for people between the ages of 2 and 200. Do not put your hand in this machine. Some major injuries have occurred. Extreme caution!
*commercial ends*
Skittery: I'm bored!
Boots: Me too!
Pie Eater: I wish we had something to do!
*All four boys sigh. Then a loud voice comes from out of absolutely positively no where.*
Loud Voice: Are you bored?
*Camera goes in front of Bumlets who nods*
Loud Voice: Do you not have anything to do?
*We can see three of the boys who all nod at the camera*
Loud Voice: Well I have something for you to do!
Bumlets: You do?!
Loud Voice: If you want something fun, that's clean and hygienic too, then you'll love my new product!
Pie Eater: But who are you?
*A tall man with gray hair wearing clothes that are out of date steps into the kitchen*
Loud Voice: I am a star from a long time ago that you are all too young to remember. I was a child star for most of my life till those stupid people said you're too old to play an eight year old anymore. And then I would say to them but I'm only 17! Then they would say, yeah well you're too old so leave. Then I would get mad come back that night and torch the studio and laugh while screaming BURN, BABY, BURN!
*The four boys look from the guy to each other and laugh trying to hide the obvious fear of this child prodigy gone pyromaniac.*
Loud Voice: But now I'm getting paid to do commercials because I'm not cute anymore.
Boots: But what do you have to make our boredom go away?
Loud Voice: This. . .
*A "ping" is heard and an complicated object appears on the table*
Loud Voice: This is the Clean-Your-Hand 500!
Skittery: But what does it do?
Bumlets: And how does it work?
Loud Voice: Well you put your hand in here. . . Then you push this button, and it cleans your hand!
*A loud "whirring" sound is heard and the loud voice removes his hand that is now shiny sparkly clean*
Boots: Wow!
Loud Voice: You can play with this thing for hours and never get bored. Because it has pretty colors and it's hygienic. You and your friends can take turns waxing each others hands with this scrub brush after you use the machine. Guaranteed hours of satisfaction or you get a free toothbrush!
Pie Eater: I'm gunna try it right now!
*Pie Eater sticks his hands in the machine and presses the button. His friends gather around to watch*
Pie Eater: Wait, I'm . . . I'm stuck. How do I get my hand out! Owe! It hurts so bad!
*Pie Eater pulls his hand out and finds that it's bleeding. The machine had ripped off some skin. All four boys scream and the guy with gray hair runs out of the room. But his loud voice comes over the speaker again*
Loud Voice: Umm . . . get your Clean-Your-Hand 500 today! Only $19.95! Includes free waxing brush and if you call in the next five minutes we'll throw in a free box of band aids! Call now!
*The light fades with the boys still screaming and Pie Eater trying to bandage his hand. The Clean-Your-Hand 500 has gone wild and is squirting soap and water everywhere. the loud voice comes on one more time*
Loud Voice: Call now to get your Clean-Your-Hand 500! Only $19.95! *speeding up really fast* Not safe for people between the ages of 2 and 200. Do not put your hand in this machine. Some major injuries have occurred. Extreme caution!
*commercial ends*