Chapter 7
In which we say hello to some old friends.
Boromir (who has recovered his memory) is taking advantage of his position as the one who is prophesied to save the world.
Boromir: Every other day must be spent praising the Dragon Reborn.
Dobraine: As you say, so it shall be done.
Boromir: No wearing socks at two o'clock on Wednesday.
Dobraine: . . . As you say, so it shall be done.
Boromir: All hippos must be accompanied by an extra-terrestrial rodent.
Dobraine: . . . Uh, whatever you say, my lord Dragon.
Boromir: The name Aragorn is banned.
Dobraine: But what about those already named Aragorn?
Boromir: Change them to Boromir.
Dobraine: Anything else, my lord?
Boromir: Yes. No ordering Dominoes pizza in the middle of the night.
Dobraine: Uh. . .
Boromir: And remind the people that our nachos don't bite.
Dobraine: Aha. As you command, my lord.
Boromir: You are dismissed. Oh, and send for Alanna on your way out.
Dobraine: Yes, my lord.
Boromir twiddles his thumbs for awhile. Suddenly, the door bursts open, allowing a ticked-off red head with purple eyes and a black cat to come storming in.
Alanna: Are you the ruler of these lands?
Boromir: Yes. . . are you Alanna?
Alanna: That's Lady Alanna to you. Now where am I?
Boromir: Wha. . . but aren't you my Aes Sedai?
Lady Alanna: NO. I will say this very slowly so you can understand. Where. . . am. . . I?
Boromir: Why, this is RandLand! Soon to be changed to BoromirLand!
Lady Alanna: Why?
Boromir: It's a complicated matter. You wouldn't understand.
Lady Alanna: Try me.
Boromir: *doesn't understand*
Suddenly, the door flies open again.
Boromir: . . .Alanna? But. . . you're already here!
Lady Alanna: I am indeed.
Alanna Sedai: Who are you?
Lady Alanna: Alanna.
Boromir: But. . . But. . .
Faithful (the black cat): Ah, I sense a catfight coming on. I love catfights.
***
While we were gone, Mat had been very busy skipping classes, dodging punishments, flirting with the female prefects in Hufflepuff, and teaching the first-years how to gamble with dice.
Mat: No, Bradly, you don't want to put in a whole galleon this time. Bid low until you gain back some of the stuff you lost last time.
Jill: And remember, never bid more than one knut when Harry's playing.
Mat: Okay everyone, roll your dice!
*dice rolling*
Bradley: . . . I won! I won!
Mat: Good job, Brad. Now you can bid as high as you want next time.
Ron: Hey Harry. What're you playing?
Jill: It's called gam-
Mat: Uh, just a little children's game.
Hermoine: That's so sweet of you, Harry.
Mat: Yep.
Ron: You ready for that quidditch match against Slytherin this afternoon?
Mat: THAT'S TODAY?!!!
Hermoine: Don't tell me you've been skipping practice again, Harry.
Mat: . . . *gulp* . . .
***
In the White Tower of RandLand:
Sedai: Mother, I found this boy in one of the store rooms. I believe he may be a channeler.
Elaida: *Gasp!* He must be stilled!
Alviarin: Mother, remember your personal penance?
Elaida: Yes. . .
Alviarin: Double it. No what is your name, boy?
Boy: Harry Potter, ma'am.
Elaida: Can you channel?
Harry: I don't believe so.
Sedai: At least he's polite.
Alviarin: Arrange for him to be gentled.
Harry: Oh really, I think I'm already gentle enough. But if you don't mind, could you tell me how to get back to Hogwarts? I have a quidditch game in 1 hour.
Elaida: Hogwarts? Is that the name you Asha'man call the Black Tower?
Harry: Well, most of it's black, but I wouldn't call it a tower. It has more of a castle look to it.
Alviarin: He is an Asha'man! This is even worse than the Black Ajah!!
Mesaana: . . . *looks at her sideways*
Alviarin: I mean. . . uh. . .
Sedai: I'll go schedule the gentling.
Elaida: Thank you.
Harry: Are you guys coming to my quidditch match?
***
Back to Boromir.
Boromir has been sitting back watching the catfight between both Alannas and the cat.
Boromir: This is better than professional wrestling.
Lews Therin: I'm sure it is. Ooo, that Lady Alanna has nice legs!
Boromir: Yeah. Maybe she could bond me instead of the skinny-legged freak she's fighting.
Lews Therin: Ah, that would be nice.
Faithful: Hey Alanna, the stuck-up guy over there likes your legs.
Alanna Sedai: Really?! I've never had anyone give me such a compliment!
Faithful: No, not you. Lady Alanna.
George: Hey, what's going on?
Faithful: That guy over there is hitting on your wife.
George: WHAT?!
Boromir: No! It wan't me! It was the voice inside my-
Another fight ensues, only this time with men and no cats. Well, one of them was a real man. The other never really got past the maturity level of a 6 year old.
Boromir: Mama! Papa! SAAAAAVE MEEE!!!
Lews Therin: I DON'T WANNA DIE AGAIN!!!
George: This is too easy.
Boromir suddenly finds himself lying on the floor in a straight jacket.
Boromir: Wha- you can't do this! I'm the Dragon Reborn!!
Faithful: You had it coming all along.
Lady Alanna: I'm done with her, George. Let's go.
Lews Therin: NOOO!! Come back and put on some pantyhose, oh legs of polished ivory!!!
Boromir: Oh shut up.
***
Back to Mat.
Announcer: And here, they are, Gryffindor team, with our favorite seeker: Harry Potter!
*Audience claps and cheers*
Mat screams in utter terror as his broom rushes down to the ground, only pulling up .15 seconds before impact.
Announcer: That Harry, he's such a show-off. Anyways, there's no need to intimidate the other team: they're already scared silly! Why, Slytherin hasn't won a game since. . . *counts fingers* *runs out* Well, since Harry joined the team!
*Audience claps and cheers like there's no tomorrow*
Announcer: And now let's welcome slytherin team!
A couple of people that reminded Mat of the trollocs he had fought back in his own world come riding out on their broomsticks.
Audience: *clap* *clap*
Hermoine had told Mat earlier that those clapping were the Slytherins. Not many of them came to these matches anymore because their team hadn't won a game in so long.
Announcer: Players take your positions. . . and let the games begin!
Buzzer: *BEEP!*
Mat: Oh light. . .
Mat closes his eyes as his broomstick flies madly around the court. Bludgers swing around him in a tiny circle.
Mat: If there's any day I'm glad to be Ta'veren, it's today.
The broomstick starts twirling around, taking Mat with it. The seeker on the other team, who's face brought back pleasant memories of the first trolloc he had beheaded, tried to follow his lead, thinking he was after the snitch.
Other Guy: Give me fresh meat!
Mat: Wha- you really are a trolloc!!! You blended right in with the Slytherin team!!!!
Mr. Trolloc: Hey, I remember you! You kill my father! Prepare to DIE!!!
Mat: AAAAHHH!!!!
Mat abandons the broom for a more familiar form of anti-gravity: thin air.
Mat: AAAAHHH!!!!!
Announcer: What does Potter have up his sleeve this time?!
Mat frantically grabs at anything that is there until finally he gets a hold on a tiny round object with rapidly beating wings.
Mat: Now what could this-
*thump*
Announcer: Is this what I think it is? Yes! Potter's done it again! He caught the golden snitch! GRYFFINDOR WINS!!
Everyone: YAY!!!
Mr. Trolloc: I'll get you next time, Cauthon!
Mat: I'm alive. . . I'm alive. . . I'm alive. . .
***
Back to Harry.
13 Aes Sedai stand in a circle around a skinny dark-haired boy with a lightning shaped scar on his forehead.
Alviarin: . . . Now, by the grace of the Light, may this man. . . uh, boy. . . be gentled!
Lights flare up around the women. Harry stands there and looks around awkwardly.
Harry: Um, I really do have a quidditch match to attend if you're quite finished.
Sedai #4: It's. . . not. . . working. . .
Sedai #11: Maybe he's the Dragon Reborn!
All of a sudden, the fifth book is published, and Harry turns evil.
Harry: I WILL EAT YOUR HEART!!
Sedais: Run away!! Run away!!
*Chapter End*
In which we say hello to some old friends.
Boromir (who has recovered his memory) is taking advantage of his position as the one who is prophesied to save the world.
Boromir: Every other day must be spent praising the Dragon Reborn.
Dobraine: As you say, so it shall be done.
Boromir: No wearing socks at two o'clock on Wednesday.
Dobraine: . . . As you say, so it shall be done.
Boromir: All hippos must be accompanied by an extra-terrestrial rodent.
Dobraine: . . . Uh, whatever you say, my lord Dragon.
Boromir: The name Aragorn is banned.
Dobraine: But what about those already named Aragorn?
Boromir: Change them to Boromir.
Dobraine: Anything else, my lord?
Boromir: Yes. No ordering Dominoes pizza in the middle of the night.
Dobraine: Uh. . .
Boromir: And remind the people that our nachos don't bite.
Dobraine: Aha. As you command, my lord.
Boromir: You are dismissed. Oh, and send for Alanna on your way out.
Dobraine: Yes, my lord.
Boromir twiddles his thumbs for awhile. Suddenly, the door bursts open, allowing a ticked-off red head with purple eyes and a black cat to come storming in.
Alanna: Are you the ruler of these lands?
Boromir: Yes. . . are you Alanna?
Alanna: That's Lady Alanna to you. Now where am I?
Boromir: Wha. . . but aren't you my Aes Sedai?
Lady Alanna: NO. I will say this very slowly so you can understand. Where. . . am. . . I?
Boromir: Why, this is RandLand! Soon to be changed to BoromirLand!
Lady Alanna: Why?
Boromir: It's a complicated matter. You wouldn't understand.
Lady Alanna: Try me.
Boromir: *doesn't understand*
Suddenly, the door flies open again.
Boromir: . . .Alanna? But. . . you're already here!
Lady Alanna: I am indeed.
Alanna Sedai: Who are you?
Lady Alanna: Alanna.
Boromir: But. . . But. . .
Faithful (the black cat): Ah, I sense a catfight coming on. I love catfights.
***
While we were gone, Mat had been very busy skipping classes, dodging punishments, flirting with the female prefects in Hufflepuff, and teaching the first-years how to gamble with dice.
Mat: No, Bradly, you don't want to put in a whole galleon this time. Bid low until you gain back some of the stuff you lost last time.
Jill: And remember, never bid more than one knut when Harry's playing.
Mat: Okay everyone, roll your dice!
*dice rolling*
Bradley: . . . I won! I won!
Mat: Good job, Brad. Now you can bid as high as you want next time.
Ron: Hey Harry. What're you playing?
Jill: It's called gam-
Mat: Uh, just a little children's game.
Hermoine: That's so sweet of you, Harry.
Mat: Yep.
Ron: You ready for that quidditch match against Slytherin this afternoon?
Mat: THAT'S TODAY?!!!
Hermoine: Don't tell me you've been skipping practice again, Harry.
Mat: . . . *gulp* . . .
***
In the White Tower of RandLand:
Sedai: Mother, I found this boy in one of the store rooms. I believe he may be a channeler.
Elaida: *Gasp!* He must be stilled!
Alviarin: Mother, remember your personal penance?
Elaida: Yes. . .
Alviarin: Double it. No what is your name, boy?
Boy: Harry Potter, ma'am.
Elaida: Can you channel?
Harry: I don't believe so.
Sedai: At least he's polite.
Alviarin: Arrange for him to be gentled.
Harry: Oh really, I think I'm already gentle enough. But if you don't mind, could you tell me how to get back to Hogwarts? I have a quidditch game in 1 hour.
Elaida: Hogwarts? Is that the name you Asha'man call the Black Tower?
Harry: Well, most of it's black, but I wouldn't call it a tower. It has more of a castle look to it.
Alviarin: He is an Asha'man! This is even worse than the Black Ajah!!
Mesaana: . . . *looks at her sideways*
Alviarin: I mean. . . uh. . .
Sedai: I'll go schedule the gentling.
Elaida: Thank you.
Harry: Are you guys coming to my quidditch match?
***
Back to Boromir.
Boromir has been sitting back watching the catfight between both Alannas and the cat.
Boromir: This is better than professional wrestling.
Lews Therin: I'm sure it is. Ooo, that Lady Alanna has nice legs!
Boromir: Yeah. Maybe she could bond me instead of the skinny-legged freak she's fighting.
Lews Therin: Ah, that would be nice.
Faithful: Hey Alanna, the stuck-up guy over there likes your legs.
Alanna Sedai: Really?! I've never had anyone give me such a compliment!
Faithful: No, not you. Lady Alanna.
George: Hey, what's going on?
Faithful: That guy over there is hitting on your wife.
George: WHAT?!
Boromir: No! It wan't me! It was the voice inside my-
Another fight ensues, only this time with men and no cats. Well, one of them was a real man. The other never really got past the maturity level of a 6 year old.
Boromir: Mama! Papa! SAAAAAVE MEEE!!!
Lews Therin: I DON'T WANNA DIE AGAIN!!!
George: This is too easy.
Boromir suddenly finds himself lying on the floor in a straight jacket.
Boromir: Wha- you can't do this! I'm the Dragon Reborn!!
Faithful: You had it coming all along.
Lady Alanna: I'm done with her, George. Let's go.
Lews Therin: NOOO!! Come back and put on some pantyhose, oh legs of polished ivory!!!
Boromir: Oh shut up.
***
Back to Mat.
Announcer: And here, they are, Gryffindor team, with our favorite seeker: Harry Potter!
*Audience claps and cheers*
Mat screams in utter terror as his broom rushes down to the ground, only pulling up .15 seconds before impact.
Announcer: That Harry, he's such a show-off. Anyways, there's no need to intimidate the other team: they're already scared silly! Why, Slytherin hasn't won a game since. . . *counts fingers* *runs out* Well, since Harry joined the team!
*Audience claps and cheers like there's no tomorrow*
Announcer: And now let's welcome slytherin team!
A couple of people that reminded Mat of the trollocs he had fought back in his own world come riding out on their broomsticks.
Audience: *clap* *clap*
Hermoine had told Mat earlier that those clapping were the Slytherins. Not many of them came to these matches anymore because their team hadn't won a game in so long.
Announcer: Players take your positions. . . and let the games begin!
Buzzer: *BEEP!*
Mat: Oh light. . .
Mat closes his eyes as his broomstick flies madly around the court. Bludgers swing around him in a tiny circle.
Mat: If there's any day I'm glad to be Ta'veren, it's today.
The broomstick starts twirling around, taking Mat with it. The seeker on the other team, who's face brought back pleasant memories of the first trolloc he had beheaded, tried to follow his lead, thinking he was after the snitch.
Other Guy: Give me fresh meat!
Mat: Wha- you really are a trolloc!!! You blended right in with the Slytherin team!!!!
Mr. Trolloc: Hey, I remember you! You kill my father! Prepare to DIE!!!
Mat: AAAAHHH!!!!
Mat abandons the broom for a more familiar form of anti-gravity: thin air.
Mat: AAAAHHH!!!!!
Announcer: What does Potter have up his sleeve this time?!
Mat frantically grabs at anything that is there until finally he gets a hold on a tiny round object with rapidly beating wings.
Mat: Now what could this-
*thump*
Announcer: Is this what I think it is? Yes! Potter's done it again! He caught the golden snitch! GRYFFINDOR WINS!!
Everyone: YAY!!!
Mr. Trolloc: I'll get you next time, Cauthon!
Mat: I'm alive. . . I'm alive. . . I'm alive. . .
***
Back to Harry.
13 Aes Sedai stand in a circle around a skinny dark-haired boy with a lightning shaped scar on his forehead.
Alviarin: . . . Now, by the grace of the Light, may this man. . . uh, boy. . . be gentled!
Lights flare up around the women. Harry stands there and looks around awkwardly.
Harry: Um, I really do have a quidditch match to attend if you're quite finished.
Sedai #4: It's. . . not. . . working. . .
Sedai #11: Maybe he's the Dragon Reborn!
All of a sudden, the fifth book is published, and Harry turns evil.
Harry: I WILL EAT YOUR HEART!!
Sedais: Run away!! Run away!!
*Chapter End*