*Well we are back to the show. Hopefully Kennyon is finishing up so that
we can move on.*
Kennyon: 89! Finally I'm finished!
*Kennyon you have to do something about those green garden gnomes.*
Kennyon: Yeah I know. But I have no idea how to get rid of them. Neither Katie nor Delphie will tell me how. And most recently they are running around in authentic Argentinean garb. They say that our show should be more culturally diverse. Yeah right!
GGG: You've been SPOCT!!
Kennyon: And I just got rid of 89 of those things. Oh well. I'll try to be more aware when those things are around.
*So now what are we going to do?*
Kennyon: Actually I have something special for you.
*Sureshot, Dreamer, Agua, and Legs enter the stage*
Sureshot: You do?
Legs: What do you have?
Kennyon: Well while I was walking around backstage the other day, I discovered this.
*Kennyon holds up a video camera*
Kennyon: I'm guessing that its Lily's. She has this paranoia that someone is stealing the curtains. So she tapes it. But I was thankful to find this one because I know that a few people have been offended by something. I myself was curious by what Spaz and Dutchy meant by "Bed inspection". But in here is a tape of what happened that day. So we can see what Spaz and Dutchy were really doing.
*Dreamer grabs a TV and pulls it on stage. Kennyon puts the video in and pushes play*
TAPE BEGINS
Spaz: Well we have to go know. I'm late for an appointment with a bed specialist.
Dutchy: And I'm late for a meeting with a client.
*Dutchy and Spaz wink at each other and leave. Kennyon wipes her eyes and turns back to Spot. Dutchy and Spaz are walking backstage towards the room Spaz is staying in.*
Spaz: Yeah, its back here.
*Dutchy and Spaz enter the room and Dutchy approaches the bed and rips all the covers and sheets off of it. He feels the firmness of the mattress and Spaz begins to speak.*
Spaz: So as I have been sleeping I always wake up with this searing pain in my back.
Dutchy: That's because your mattress is too firm in this one spot.
Spaz: What can I do about it?
Dutchy: Well I would flip the mattress over. I can do that for you right now if you want.
Spaz: That would be great. It hurts really bad.
Dutchy: Sure.
*Dutchy flips the mattress over and then remakes the bed.*
Spaz: You didn't have to remake it.
Dutchy: It was no problem. Here lay on it. Tell me if it feels better.
Spaz: Ok.
*Spaz lies on the bed.*
Spaz: Yeah it feels a lot better.
*She gets off the bed and hugs Dutchy.*
Spaz: You are the coolest bed specialist I know!
Dutchy: Yeah I know. Hey you wanna go finish watching the show.
Spaz. Uh huh! We can see if we can see the moustched stranger again. Maybe we can help Kennyon solve the mystery.
Dutchy: I hope so! I'm getting kind of anxious. I really want to know who it is.
Spaz: So do I!
*The two leave the backstage room. Dutchy is sure to turn out the light and shut the door. They head back to watch the show. Even though Mush and Jack called for a coffee break.*
TAPE ENDS
Kennyon: Hey I didn't know Dutchy was a bed specialist!
Dreamer: Neither did I. I want him to look at my bed!
Sureshot: Me too!
Agua: So do I! It isn't fair if he doesn't.
Kennyon: DUTCHY!
*Dutchy comes running out.*
Dutchy: Dang it! Kennyon you killed another one of Swifty's birds. Oh wait, a green garden gnome tried to pin one of those buttons on it. Never mind.
Kennyon: Those things are out of hand. Hey Dutchy?
Dutchy: Yeah?
Kennyon: I want you to inspect every bed in this studio. If you do one, you have to do them all.
Dutchy: What?!
Kennyon: That's the way it goes.
Dutchy: But how do you know that I am a bed specialist?
Kennyon: For one thing you said it right on stage! Oh, and we found one of Lily's hidden cameras that had filmed you checking Spaz's bed.
Dutchy: Gosh darn it! LILY!
*Lily comes skipping out. By now she is covered in "I love Timmy" buttons*
Lily: Yeah?
Dutchy: You planted a hidden camera backstage? How many more of those do you have?
Lily: *Looking from person to person suspiciously.* Oh . . . um . . . just the one. I'm going to . . . um . . . check something in the lunch room. Gotta go!
*Lily grabs the camera and runs off. *
Kennyon: Go get to work Dutchy. I want a full report on every bed in this place!
Dutchy: Even Timmy's?
Kennyon: You're going to get a button for that.
GGG: You've been SPOCT!
Dutchy: Darn it.
Kennyon: Yes even Timmy's. Go now!
Dutchy: Ok, fine. I'm going!
*Dutchy leaves the stage to go do check on the beds. Oh don't forget mine Dutchy!*
Dutchy: I won't!
*As Dutchy leaves something is dragged onto the stage by Kid Blink and Spot. Spot's still red from BLINKIE BOY'S SPOT REMOVER. I bought four bottles of the stuff.*
Kennyon: Hey what do you guys think you're doing?
Spot: We have a special musical number to perform.
Blink: See, we were thinking about what me and Spot DON'T do and something happened.
Spot; I stood up and I go "I just had an apostrophe!"
Blink: Then I said, "I think you mean epiphany."
Spot: Then I said, "yeah that too."
Blink: Then I go, "What did you have an apostrophe about?"
Spot: Then I said, "We should write a song!
Blink: I said "Okay"
Spot: and we did! Now we want to perform it.
Kennyon: You want to perform it?
Blink: Yup-a-doodles!
Kennyon: Okay, but. . .
Moustached stranger. Mwah ha ha!
Kennyon: He's back!
Moustached Stranger: *Jumping on the stage* Of course my striking Kennyon!
Kennyon: Oh tell me who you are!
Moustached Stranger: No you have to figure that out on your own. I am here because I want to perform with Blink and Spot.
Blink and Spot: What!
Blink: But you don't know the song!
Moustached Stranger: On the contrary. I overheard you making it and I want to be in it. *Drawing plastic sword* and I think you'll let me.
Spot: O . . . okay.
Kennyon: Fine! Sing you're stupid song. I'll be backstage; making sure Dutchy's inspecting all the beds.
*Kennyon leaves and the three begin to set up stuff. When they are done they all fall down into the lazy boys on the stage. Music comes from out of nowhere. And so it begins.*
All: We are the newsies we don't sell anything
we just stay at home, and lie around
and if you ask us, to sell anything
we'll just tell you, we don't sell anything
Moustached Stranger: Well I've never sold in Greenland
and I've never sold in Denver
and I've never sold in St. Louie or St. Paul And I've never sold in Moscow
and I've never sold in Tampa
and I've never sold in Boston in the fall
All: We are the newsies we don't sell anything
we just stay at home, and lie around
and if you ask us, to sell anything
we'll just tell you, we don't sell anything
Spot:
and I've never sold at a garage sale
and I've never sold appliances And I've never sold some candy bars, cause I've never sold at all
and I've never sold a gang plank
and I've never sold a parrot.
And I've never sold in Boston in the fall
All: We are the newsies we don't sell anything
we just stay at home, and lie around
and if you ask us, to sell anything
we'll just tell you, we don't sell anything
Blink:
I've never plucked a rooster
and I am not too good at ping-pong
and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall
and I've never kissed a chipmunk,
and I've never gotten head lice
and I have never sold in Boston in the fall
Moustached Stranger: Huh? What are you talking about? What do mashed potatoes and roosters have to do with newsies selling stuff?
Spot: Hey, dat's right! We're supposed to be singing about newsie stuff!
Blink: Oh.
Mousthached stranger: And who's ever kissed a chipmunk. That's just nonsense. *Turning to Spot* Am I right? What do you think?
Spot: I tink you look like Captain Crunch!
Moustached Stranger: What! I do not.
Spot: Do too.
Moustached Stranger: Do not!
Spot: You're making me hungry!
Moustached Stranger: That's it you're getting soaked!
Spot: Oh yeah! Says who?
Moustached Stranger: Says Me! The captain.
Spot: Aye Aye, Captain crunch! Ha ha ha ha!
Blink: and I've never licked a spark-plug
and I've never sniffed a stink bug
and I've never painted Daisies on a big red rubber ball
and I've never bathed in yogurt
and I don't look good in leggings
Moustached Stranger: You just don't get it!
All: And I've never sold in Boston in the fall
*The song ends and we see every newsie run forward dressed in multi colors. It goes Swifty, Snitch, Pie Eater, Bumlets, Dutchy, Skittery, Boots, (in cute purple), Crutchy, Race. Spot, Blink and The moustached Stranger join them.*
Newsies: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..*and so on*
Lily: This is a test of the emergency Callipygian system.
*Callipygian: Having a well-shaped buttocks.*
Lily: This is only a test. Was this not a test, a voice would have told you so. This is only a test.
*The beeping continues for a few minutes. Finally the newsies stop beeping and collapse on the ground.*
Snitch: That was hard!
Swifty: No kidding! I'm not made for this.
Race: Why couldn't Lily have the girls do it?
Dutchy: I dunno, at least I got to stop checking beds.
*Spaz enters from back stage. She is wearing an orange leotard with purple tights, blue leg warmers, wristbands and white tennis shoes. She has a yellow head band that says Spazzersize on it.*
Spaz: You wimps! That drill took a whole five minutes. What if it truly had been a callipygian emergency? Then someone out there would be in danger of a poorly-shaped buttocks! Every one get up! You guys are getting lazy! Up up up!
*The moustached stranger tries to escape but Spaz grabs his collar.*
Spaz: I may not know who you are, but you are probably really lazy too. You have to stay here.
The moustached Stranger: You can't make me!
Spaz: Yes I can! Now Newsies line up. You, stranger, get in line.
*Kennyon enters from backstage She's dressed like Spaz, only her outfit is a purple leotard, blue tights, and orange bands.*
Kennyon: Oh good! You're starting. I need to say something first.
Spaz: Go ahead. Hey Bumlets, I'm watching you!
Kennyon: You guys have been eating too many Twinkies. I am finding wrappers everywhere backstage. Half eaten Twinkies are lying around and it's getting sticky back there. Fortunately the Green Garden Gnomes are eating the leftovers and well they are getting kind of chubby if you ask me. Oh no.
GGG: You've been SPOCT!
Kennyon: Not again. Oh well. You ready Spaz?
Spaz: I'm always ready. Ok, Kennyon get the music!
*Kennyon runs over to a stereo and pushes a play button and the theme from Titanic plays.*
Kennyon: Oh sorry. Wrong CD. One sec.
*Kennyon changes the CD and '80's dance music begins to play.*
Spaz: Ok, here we go. And a 1. . . 2 . . . . 3 . . . . 4 . . . . 1. . . .
*Spaz counts as she and Kennyon jump back and forth. The newsies try and copy. A few are confused as Spaz and Kennyon begin to speed up. They keep moving there arms about. They clap and bunch.*
Kennyon: I love Spazzersize.
Spaz: Me too! It's a combination of Tai-bo, aerobics, yoga, and gymnastics all rolled together really fast.
Race: Dang this is hard. Ok, stay focused. Left foot, right foot, jump, jump, jump, twirl, run in place, jump, jump, jump!
Legs: Go baby go!
*Legs is sitting on the front row. She has a big foam hand and is waving it back and forth. It says, "Race for the Win". Oh that's cute!*
Legs: I made it my self. NO!
GGG: You've been SPOCT!
Legs: Ah, doughnuts.
GGG: Hey guys you hear that music!
Kennyon: They can say other stuff?
GGG: Of course we can! Guys hear the music?
*The green garden gnomes come out. All of them. There are like thirty of them. All of them are shaking and moving. It's actually very cute.*
Katie: Of course their cute. In their authentic Argentinean garb.
Delphie: Look at them shake their little fists! Oh, they are so cute.
GGG 1: Hey guys lets show them how we rock!
GGG 2: I love Rock n' Roll. Put another dime in the jute box baby!
GGG 1: No, I mean lets do the Macarena!
All GGG: Yeah!
*The green garden gnomes run in front of the Spazzersizers and start to dance. Right hand out, left hand out. Turn over. Right on shoulder, left on shoulder. Right on head, left on head. Right on waist, left on waist. Right on booty, left on booty and SHAKE! Then turn.*
Lily: Psst! Kennyon!
Kennyon: *running to Lily at the curtain.* Yeah?
Lily: While they were dancing I got their buttons!
Kennyon: You what!
Lily: I got the Timmy buttons.
*Timmy has now joined the Gnomes. He's the leader. He's really getting into the booty shake part.*
Les: Dancing! Yay!
*Les runs to the dancers. But he isn't doing the Macarena he's doing his own little moves. Wow, thirty green garden gnomes, Timmy Fitzgerald, and Les Jacobs. Today for enjoyment folks we have. . . . Les and the SPOCT 31!*
Les: See this boy! Watch this scene dig in the dancing ME!!
*That isn't the prettiest thing I've seen but it's like a car accident. You can't look away no matter how bad it is.*
Kennyon: Lily! They might come after you!
Lily: Yeah but I got the buttons.
Kennyon: Well hurry get rid of them. Burn them or something.
Lily: Can do!
*Lily leaves the stage and the Moustached Stranger is trying to sneak away but he doesn't see Mush or Jack sneaking, ever so quietly, behind him.*
Mush: *shoes squeak* oops!
*I said quietly!*
Mush: Sorry!
*Oh just get him already.*
Jack: You got it.
*Jack and Mush jump on top of the moustached stranger.*
Jack: We got him!
*Kennyon runs over. Spaz stops the music.*
Les and Timmy: NOOOOOO!
Kennyon: You guys can go use the stereo in my room. Just stay out of our way.
Les: You got it!
Timmy: Come on Gnomes. Let's go Boogy!
GGG: YAY!
*Les, Timmy and the green garden gnomes leave the stage and Mush and Jack are still trying to hold the moustached stranger down. He is wiggling like a fish.*
Kennyon: So this was your plan? Catch him when he wasn't paying attention?
Jack: Yes! Well we got him didn't we?
Mush: Hey Spaz!
Spaz: Yes?
Mush: Go get some duct tape. We can tape him up then de-moustache the moustached stranger!
Spaz: Can do!
*Spaz runs out and returns with a roll of blue duct tape.*
Spaz: Ok hold him still!
*Mush and Jack hold down the moustached stranger as Spaz begins to wrap him up, beginning with his feet. She wraps quickly and soon the moustached stranger is immobile.*
Spaz: All done!
Mush: Good! Now all we have to do is take off the moustache, and we will know who it is!
*Mush prepares to remove the moustache, but unfortunately the moustached stranger knows that Mush, Blink, Spaz and Kennyon have a short attention span.*
Moustached Stranger: You ever wonder what Kid Blink is hiding under that patch?
*Mush stops.*
Mush: No, but now that you said that, I want to know!
Kennyon: Me too.
Spaz: I wonder if he is hiding a hideous scar or something.
Jack: Only one way to find out.
All: KID BLINK!
Blink: What! Would you guys stop yelling? Every time you do those stupid birds of Swifty's start to screech again.
Kennyon: Heya Blink?
Blink: Hey you got the moustached stranger!
Kennyon: Yeah yeah yeah, We know. But what we don't know is. . .
Spaz: is what you have under that patch of yours.
Blink: Whoa! Stay away from the patch!
Kennyon: Come one! Just one little peek?
Blink: No!
Jack: Duct tape him Mush!
*Mush and Spaz grab Blink and pin him down. They begin to duct tape him up. Finally they finish.*
Blink: This isn't funny!
Kennyon: Now we can finally see.
*Kennyon removes the patch to reveal. . . .another patch!*
Jack: That's weird!
Mush; Here let me try.
*Mush removes the patch to reveal . . . another patch.*
Jack: Third times the charm.
*Jack removes the patch to reveal . . . another patch.*
Spaz: Hey what's the gag!
*Spaz removes the patch to reveal another patch.*
Kennyon: I'll try again.
*Kennyon removes the patch to reveal another patch. This goes on and on. Soon they have a pile of patches a foot high. And Blink still has a patch on.*
Blink: You guys are dumb!
Kennyon: What are you talking about? We're not dumb! Are we guys?
Spaz: No, of course we ain't. Tell us the secret of the patch Blink.
Blink: Fine, you can only see my eye, if you have the power!
Kennyon: The power?
Spaz: What's that?
Blink: It's inner power that you summon when you. . . .
Moustached Stranger: That's poppy cock. You guys have to cut it off. You can' just pull it.
Kennyon: Ok.
*Kennyon pulls out her scissors and cuts the string. The patch falls off to reveal . ....another patch, yet again.*
Moustached Stranger: It should have worked!
Blink: Look you guys are wasting your time. Can you cut my hand out?
Spaz: Will you remove the patch?
Blink: Sure.
*The group cuts out Blink's hand and he lifts the patch. The group gasps at what they see.*
Blink: Are you happy now? *replacing the patch.*
Kennyon: Yes thank you.
Blink: Can I go?
Jack: Sure.
*They let Blink go.*
Mush: See ya later Blink!
Blink: Bye guys.
*Blink leaves the stage and the foursome turns back to the moustached stranger.*
Kennyon: No, stalling. Let's pull off that moustache and see who the most amazing kisser really is!
Spaz: He is not Dutchy!
Kennyon: Well I don't know how Dutchy kisses, so I don't know if he's better than that guy, but that guy is good! I don't think it's Dutchy though.
Dutchy: Yeah cause I'm right here.
*Dutchy walks across the stage past the duct taped stranger. The group waves at him and looks back down.*
Jack: Here goes.
*Jack rips off the moustache to reveal . ....*
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Hi everybody! Well this chapters over. Oh come one, don't tell me you wanted to know who it was! Well if you really want to know, I need at least 30 reviews. No buts. If you want to know who the moustached stranger is please, darn it, review! I'm up to 25 right now. Actually if I get up to 35 before I post the next chapter, I will write two really long ones. So come on, review for me. The green garden gnomes will eat you if you don't! Mwah ha ha. Oh and still tell me who you think the moustached stranger is. I haven't written the next chapter yet so I still don't know. Thanks everyone. I'm waiting for my reviews.
~Kennyon, (waiting for her reviews)
Kennyon: 89! Finally I'm finished!
*Kennyon you have to do something about those green garden gnomes.*
Kennyon: Yeah I know. But I have no idea how to get rid of them. Neither Katie nor Delphie will tell me how. And most recently they are running around in authentic Argentinean garb. They say that our show should be more culturally diverse. Yeah right!
GGG: You've been SPOCT!!
Kennyon: And I just got rid of 89 of those things. Oh well. I'll try to be more aware when those things are around.
*So now what are we going to do?*
Kennyon: Actually I have something special for you.
*Sureshot, Dreamer, Agua, and Legs enter the stage*
Sureshot: You do?
Legs: What do you have?
Kennyon: Well while I was walking around backstage the other day, I discovered this.
*Kennyon holds up a video camera*
Kennyon: I'm guessing that its Lily's. She has this paranoia that someone is stealing the curtains. So she tapes it. But I was thankful to find this one because I know that a few people have been offended by something. I myself was curious by what Spaz and Dutchy meant by "Bed inspection". But in here is a tape of what happened that day. So we can see what Spaz and Dutchy were really doing.
*Dreamer grabs a TV and pulls it on stage. Kennyon puts the video in and pushes play*
TAPE BEGINS
Spaz: Well we have to go know. I'm late for an appointment with a bed specialist.
Dutchy: And I'm late for a meeting with a client.
*Dutchy and Spaz wink at each other and leave. Kennyon wipes her eyes and turns back to Spot. Dutchy and Spaz are walking backstage towards the room Spaz is staying in.*
Spaz: Yeah, its back here.
*Dutchy and Spaz enter the room and Dutchy approaches the bed and rips all the covers and sheets off of it. He feels the firmness of the mattress and Spaz begins to speak.*
Spaz: So as I have been sleeping I always wake up with this searing pain in my back.
Dutchy: That's because your mattress is too firm in this one spot.
Spaz: What can I do about it?
Dutchy: Well I would flip the mattress over. I can do that for you right now if you want.
Spaz: That would be great. It hurts really bad.
Dutchy: Sure.
*Dutchy flips the mattress over and then remakes the bed.*
Spaz: You didn't have to remake it.
Dutchy: It was no problem. Here lay on it. Tell me if it feels better.
Spaz: Ok.
*Spaz lies on the bed.*
Spaz: Yeah it feels a lot better.
*She gets off the bed and hugs Dutchy.*
Spaz: You are the coolest bed specialist I know!
Dutchy: Yeah I know. Hey you wanna go finish watching the show.
Spaz. Uh huh! We can see if we can see the moustched stranger again. Maybe we can help Kennyon solve the mystery.
Dutchy: I hope so! I'm getting kind of anxious. I really want to know who it is.
Spaz: So do I!
*The two leave the backstage room. Dutchy is sure to turn out the light and shut the door. They head back to watch the show. Even though Mush and Jack called for a coffee break.*
TAPE ENDS
Kennyon: Hey I didn't know Dutchy was a bed specialist!
Dreamer: Neither did I. I want him to look at my bed!
Sureshot: Me too!
Agua: So do I! It isn't fair if he doesn't.
Kennyon: DUTCHY!
*Dutchy comes running out.*
Dutchy: Dang it! Kennyon you killed another one of Swifty's birds. Oh wait, a green garden gnome tried to pin one of those buttons on it. Never mind.
Kennyon: Those things are out of hand. Hey Dutchy?
Dutchy: Yeah?
Kennyon: I want you to inspect every bed in this studio. If you do one, you have to do them all.
Dutchy: What?!
Kennyon: That's the way it goes.
Dutchy: But how do you know that I am a bed specialist?
Kennyon: For one thing you said it right on stage! Oh, and we found one of Lily's hidden cameras that had filmed you checking Spaz's bed.
Dutchy: Gosh darn it! LILY!
*Lily comes skipping out. By now she is covered in "I love Timmy" buttons*
Lily: Yeah?
Dutchy: You planted a hidden camera backstage? How many more of those do you have?
Lily: *Looking from person to person suspiciously.* Oh . . . um . . . just the one. I'm going to . . . um . . . check something in the lunch room. Gotta go!
*Lily grabs the camera and runs off. *
Kennyon: Go get to work Dutchy. I want a full report on every bed in this place!
Dutchy: Even Timmy's?
Kennyon: You're going to get a button for that.
GGG: You've been SPOCT!
Dutchy: Darn it.
Kennyon: Yes even Timmy's. Go now!
Dutchy: Ok, fine. I'm going!
*Dutchy leaves the stage to go do check on the beds. Oh don't forget mine Dutchy!*
Dutchy: I won't!
*As Dutchy leaves something is dragged onto the stage by Kid Blink and Spot. Spot's still red from BLINKIE BOY'S SPOT REMOVER. I bought four bottles of the stuff.*
Kennyon: Hey what do you guys think you're doing?
Spot: We have a special musical number to perform.
Blink: See, we were thinking about what me and Spot DON'T do and something happened.
Spot; I stood up and I go "I just had an apostrophe!"
Blink: Then I said, "I think you mean epiphany."
Spot: Then I said, "yeah that too."
Blink: Then I go, "What did you have an apostrophe about?"
Spot: Then I said, "We should write a song!
Blink: I said "Okay"
Spot: and we did! Now we want to perform it.
Kennyon: You want to perform it?
Blink: Yup-a-doodles!
Kennyon: Okay, but. . .
Moustached stranger. Mwah ha ha!
Kennyon: He's back!
Moustached Stranger: *Jumping on the stage* Of course my striking Kennyon!
Kennyon: Oh tell me who you are!
Moustached Stranger: No you have to figure that out on your own. I am here because I want to perform with Blink and Spot.
Blink and Spot: What!
Blink: But you don't know the song!
Moustached Stranger: On the contrary. I overheard you making it and I want to be in it. *Drawing plastic sword* and I think you'll let me.
Spot: O . . . okay.
Kennyon: Fine! Sing you're stupid song. I'll be backstage; making sure Dutchy's inspecting all the beds.
*Kennyon leaves and the three begin to set up stuff. When they are done they all fall down into the lazy boys on the stage. Music comes from out of nowhere. And so it begins.*
All: We are the newsies we don't sell anything
we just stay at home, and lie around
and if you ask us, to sell anything
we'll just tell you, we don't sell anything
Moustached Stranger: Well I've never sold in Greenland
and I've never sold in Denver
and I've never sold in St. Louie or St. Paul And I've never sold in Moscow
and I've never sold in Tampa
and I've never sold in Boston in the fall
All: We are the newsies we don't sell anything
we just stay at home, and lie around
and if you ask us, to sell anything
we'll just tell you, we don't sell anything
Spot:
and I've never sold at a garage sale
and I've never sold appliances And I've never sold some candy bars, cause I've never sold at all
and I've never sold a gang plank
and I've never sold a parrot.
And I've never sold in Boston in the fall
All: We are the newsies we don't sell anything
we just stay at home, and lie around
and if you ask us, to sell anything
we'll just tell you, we don't sell anything
Blink:
I've never plucked a rooster
and I am not too good at ping-pong
and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall
and I've never kissed a chipmunk,
and I've never gotten head lice
and I have never sold in Boston in the fall
Moustached Stranger: Huh? What are you talking about? What do mashed potatoes and roosters have to do with newsies selling stuff?
Spot: Hey, dat's right! We're supposed to be singing about newsie stuff!
Blink: Oh.
Mousthached stranger: And who's ever kissed a chipmunk. That's just nonsense. *Turning to Spot* Am I right? What do you think?
Spot: I tink you look like Captain Crunch!
Moustached Stranger: What! I do not.
Spot: Do too.
Moustached Stranger: Do not!
Spot: You're making me hungry!
Moustached Stranger: That's it you're getting soaked!
Spot: Oh yeah! Says who?
Moustached Stranger: Says Me! The captain.
Spot: Aye Aye, Captain crunch! Ha ha ha ha!
Blink: and I've never licked a spark-plug
and I've never sniffed a stink bug
and I've never painted Daisies on a big red rubber ball
and I've never bathed in yogurt
and I don't look good in leggings
Moustached Stranger: You just don't get it!
All: And I've never sold in Boston in the fall
*The song ends and we see every newsie run forward dressed in multi colors. It goes Swifty, Snitch, Pie Eater, Bumlets, Dutchy, Skittery, Boots, (in cute purple), Crutchy, Race. Spot, Blink and The moustached Stranger join them.*
Newsies: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..*and so on*
Lily: This is a test of the emergency Callipygian system.
*Callipygian: Having a well-shaped buttocks.*
Lily: This is only a test. Was this not a test, a voice would have told you so. This is only a test.
*The beeping continues for a few minutes. Finally the newsies stop beeping and collapse on the ground.*
Snitch: That was hard!
Swifty: No kidding! I'm not made for this.
Race: Why couldn't Lily have the girls do it?
Dutchy: I dunno, at least I got to stop checking beds.
*Spaz enters from back stage. She is wearing an orange leotard with purple tights, blue leg warmers, wristbands and white tennis shoes. She has a yellow head band that says Spazzersize on it.*
Spaz: You wimps! That drill took a whole five minutes. What if it truly had been a callipygian emergency? Then someone out there would be in danger of a poorly-shaped buttocks! Every one get up! You guys are getting lazy! Up up up!
*The moustached stranger tries to escape but Spaz grabs his collar.*
Spaz: I may not know who you are, but you are probably really lazy too. You have to stay here.
The moustached Stranger: You can't make me!
Spaz: Yes I can! Now Newsies line up. You, stranger, get in line.
*Kennyon enters from backstage She's dressed like Spaz, only her outfit is a purple leotard, blue tights, and orange bands.*
Kennyon: Oh good! You're starting. I need to say something first.
Spaz: Go ahead. Hey Bumlets, I'm watching you!
Kennyon: You guys have been eating too many Twinkies. I am finding wrappers everywhere backstage. Half eaten Twinkies are lying around and it's getting sticky back there. Fortunately the Green Garden Gnomes are eating the leftovers and well they are getting kind of chubby if you ask me. Oh no.
GGG: You've been SPOCT!
Kennyon: Not again. Oh well. You ready Spaz?
Spaz: I'm always ready. Ok, Kennyon get the music!
*Kennyon runs over to a stereo and pushes a play button and the theme from Titanic plays.*
Kennyon: Oh sorry. Wrong CD. One sec.
*Kennyon changes the CD and '80's dance music begins to play.*
Spaz: Ok, here we go. And a 1. . . 2 . . . . 3 . . . . 4 . . . . 1. . . .
*Spaz counts as she and Kennyon jump back and forth. The newsies try and copy. A few are confused as Spaz and Kennyon begin to speed up. They keep moving there arms about. They clap and bunch.*
Kennyon: I love Spazzersize.
Spaz: Me too! It's a combination of Tai-bo, aerobics, yoga, and gymnastics all rolled together really fast.
Race: Dang this is hard. Ok, stay focused. Left foot, right foot, jump, jump, jump, twirl, run in place, jump, jump, jump!
Legs: Go baby go!
*Legs is sitting on the front row. She has a big foam hand and is waving it back and forth. It says, "Race for the Win". Oh that's cute!*
Legs: I made it my self. NO!
GGG: You've been SPOCT!
Legs: Ah, doughnuts.
GGG: Hey guys you hear that music!
Kennyon: They can say other stuff?
GGG: Of course we can! Guys hear the music?
*The green garden gnomes come out. All of them. There are like thirty of them. All of them are shaking and moving. It's actually very cute.*
Katie: Of course their cute. In their authentic Argentinean garb.
Delphie: Look at them shake their little fists! Oh, they are so cute.
GGG 1: Hey guys lets show them how we rock!
GGG 2: I love Rock n' Roll. Put another dime in the jute box baby!
GGG 1: No, I mean lets do the Macarena!
All GGG: Yeah!
*The green garden gnomes run in front of the Spazzersizers and start to dance. Right hand out, left hand out. Turn over. Right on shoulder, left on shoulder. Right on head, left on head. Right on waist, left on waist. Right on booty, left on booty and SHAKE! Then turn.*
Lily: Psst! Kennyon!
Kennyon: *running to Lily at the curtain.* Yeah?
Lily: While they were dancing I got their buttons!
Kennyon: You what!
Lily: I got the Timmy buttons.
*Timmy has now joined the Gnomes. He's the leader. He's really getting into the booty shake part.*
Les: Dancing! Yay!
*Les runs to the dancers. But he isn't doing the Macarena he's doing his own little moves. Wow, thirty green garden gnomes, Timmy Fitzgerald, and Les Jacobs. Today for enjoyment folks we have. . . . Les and the SPOCT 31!*
Les: See this boy! Watch this scene dig in the dancing ME!!
*That isn't the prettiest thing I've seen but it's like a car accident. You can't look away no matter how bad it is.*
Kennyon: Lily! They might come after you!
Lily: Yeah but I got the buttons.
Kennyon: Well hurry get rid of them. Burn them or something.
Lily: Can do!
*Lily leaves the stage and the Moustached Stranger is trying to sneak away but he doesn't see Mush or Jack sneaking, ever so quietly, behind him.*
Mush: *shoes squeak* oops!
*I said quietly!*
Mush: Sorry!
*Oh just get him already.*
Jack: You got it.
*Jack and Mush jump on top of the moustached stranger.*
Jack: We got him!
*Kennyon runs over. Spaz stops the music.*
Les and Timmy: NOOOOOO!
Kennyon: You guys can go use the stereo in my room. Just stay out of our way.
Les: You got it!
Timmy: Come on Gnomes. Let's go Boogy!
GGG: YAY!
*Les, Timmy and the green garden gnomes leave the stage and Mush and Jack are still trying to hold the moustached stranger down. He is wiggling like a fish.*
Kennyon: So this was your plan? Catch him when he wasn't paying attention?
Jack: Yes! Well we got him didn't we?
Mush: Hey Spaz!
Spaz: Yes?
Mush: Go get some duct tape. We can tape him up then de-moustache the moustached stranger!
Spaz: Can do!
*Spaz runs out and returns with a roll of blue duct tape.*
Spaz: Ok hold him still!
*Mush and Jack hold down the moustached stranger as Spaz begins to wrap him up, beginning with his feet. She wraps quickly and soon the moustached stranger is immobile.*
Spaz: All done!
Mush: Good! Now all we have to do is take off the moustache, and we will know who it is!
*Mush prepares to remove the moustache, but unfortunately the moustached stranger knows that Mush, Blink, Spaz and Kennyon have a short attention span.*
Moustached Stranger: You ever wonder what Kid Blink is hiding under that patch?
*Mush stops.*
Mush: No, but now that you said that, I want to know!
Kennyon: Me too.
Spaz: I wonder if he is hiding a hideous scar or something.
Jack: Only one way to find out.
All: KID BLINK!
Blink: What! Would you guys stop yelling? Every time you do those stupid birds of Swifty's start to screech again.
Kennyon: Heya Blink?
Blink: Hey you got the moustached stranger!
Kennyon: Yeah yeah yeah, We know. But what we don't know is. . .
Spaz: is what you have under that patch of yours.
Blink: Whoa! Stay away from the patch!
Kennyon: Come one! Just one little peek?
Blink: No!
Jack: Duct tape him Mush!
*Mush and Spaz grab Blink and pin him down. They begin to duct tape him up. Finally they finish.*
Blink: This isn't funny!
Kennyon: Now we can finally see.
*Kennyon removes the patch to reveal. . . .another patch!*
Jack: That's weird!
Mush; Here let me try.
*Mush removes the patch to reveal . . . another patch.*
Jack: Third times the charm.
*Jack removes the patch to reveal . . . another patch.*
Spaz: Hey what's the gag!
*Spaz removes the patch to reveal another patch.*
Kennyon: I'll try again.
*Kennyon removes the patch to reveal another patch. This goes on and on. Soon they have a pile of patches a foot high. And Blink still has a patch on.*
Blink: You guys are dumb!
Kennyon: What are you talking about? We're not dumb! Are we guys?
Spaz: No, of course we ain't. Tell us the secret of the patch Blink.
Blink: Fine, you can only see my eye, if you have the power!
Kennyon: The power?
Spaz: What's that?
Blink: It's inner power that you summon when you. . . .
Moustached Stranger: That's poppy cock. You guys have to cut it off. You can' just pull it.
Kennyon: Ok.
*Kennyon pulls out her scissors and cuts the string. The patch falls off to reveal . ....another patch, yet again.*
Moustached Stranger: It should have worked!
Blink: Look you guys are wasting your time. Can you cut my hand out?
Spaz: Will you remove the patch?
Blink: Sure.
*The group cuts out Blink's hand and he lifts the patch. The group gasps at what they see.*
Blink: Are you happy now? *replacing the patch.*
Kennyon: Yes thank you.
Blink: Can I go?
Jack: Sure.
*They let Blink go.*
Mush: See ya later Blink!
Blink: Bye guys.
*Blink leaves the stage and the foursome turns back to the moustached stranger.*
Kennyon: No, stalling. Let's pull off that moustache and see who the most amazing kisser really is!
Spaz: He is not Dutchy!
Kennyon: Well I don't know how Dutchy kisses, so I don't know if he's better than that guy, but that guy is good! I don't think it's Dutchy though.
Dutchy: Yeah cause I'm right here.
*Dutchy walks across the stage past the duct taped stranger. The group waves at him and looks back down.*
Jack: Here goes.
*Jack rips off the moustache to reveal . ....*
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Hi everybody! Well this chapters over. Oh come one, don't tell me you wanted to know who it was! Well if you really want to know, I need at least 30 reviews. No buts. If you want to know who the moustached stranger is please, darn it, review! I'm up to 25 right now. Actually if I get up to 35 before I post the next chapter, I will write two really long ones. So come on, review for me. The green garden gnomes will eat you if you don't! Mwah ha ha. Oh and still tell me who you think the moustached stranger is. I haven't written the next chapter yet so I still don't know. Thanks everyone. I'm waiting for my reviews.
~Kennyon, (waiting for her reviews)