A/N: It worries me that I come up with this stuff, it really does. I would suggest all readers proceed on with a large pinch of salt and try not to picture *anything*. I take no responsibility for any psychological damage caused by this fic.

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"ARRRGH!"

*Sound of rapidly running footsteps*

"That was Weasley, wasn't it?"

"Yes, dear."

"Bugger."

__________

"OK Ron, calm down, breath deeply, enunciate clearly."

"Sn...Sn..."

__________

"Can't you have him killed, or expelled, or obliviated or something? *Anything*"

"I'm sorry Severus, but I cannot deprive one young man of his memory, his school career or his life just because he happened to witness our...indiscretion."

"Oh. Damn."

"However, there may be one other solution..."

__________

"Come on Ron, you can tell me. I'm your best friend."

"*No* Harry. He'll kill me. And it won't be ordinary painless decapitation, oh no. It'll be slow, agonising *painful* torture, probably involving poisons."

"But..."

"No."

__________

*Sound of ostentatious throat clearing from the staff table. The 'feeding time at the zoo' noises quiet as Dumbledore stands.*

"My apologies for interrupting everyone's meal, but this should just take a moment of your time. Now, Professor Snape and I have an announcement to make."

*Thumping sound as Ron hits the floor in a dead faint.*

"Severus and I thought that, as students at this illustrious institution, you should be among the first to know: we're engaged."

"ARRRGH!"

*Sound of thousands of rapidly running footsteps*

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A/N: 'Pavor Nocturnus' translates as Night Terrors (which I will certainly have after writing this)