I didn't really expect Krieg to be as popular as it is, but I have received no less than 13 e-mails about it, requesting more of the same.
So. I should be fair and let Snape and Black take turns at humiliating/beating the crap out of each other, but I'm not fair, and I like Snape better.
Beware of bad language and improper use of grammar.
Black will triumph sometime, but I'll feel so guilty afterwards I'll let Snape kill him or something.
It was the first match of the Quidditch season.
Slytherin versus Gryffindor.
Tensions were running high the night before the match. In the Gryffindor common room, Sirius Black was assuredly telling everyone who would listen how he would knock his rival beater, Severus Snape, off his broom and render him unable to ever play Quidditch again. The other Gryffindor beater, Remus Lupin, was mentally pleading Sirius to shut up, he'd only get into trouble again and lose more points for Gryffindor. And Gryffindor needed all the points they could get after Black had informed Snape about where Lupin went every full moon.
Lupin felt an unbearable twinge of guilt every time he caught a glance of the three parallel scars on Snape's back. Which was quite often, considering how it was seemingly Sirius' mission in life to get him naked every time they dueled. Retiring early to conserve their energy and aggression for the game, the Gryffindor team was sure of victory.
The next morning, the Slytherin changing rooms were very quiet. They hadn't won against Gryffindor for two years. Picking up his broom, Severus Snape glanced out the window at the Gryffindor team, traipsing out of their changing rooms, minus one player. As they passed the Slytherins, the red-clad players shouted insults, and Snape barely heard James Potter saying,
"Why does Sirius feel the need to shower before and after a game?" Seizing his chance, Snape grabbed Lucius Malfoy and ran over to the Gryffindor changing rooms.
"What are we doing?" Lucius hissed, as they snuck into the steam-filled showers.
"Shhh!" Snape whispered in reply, suddenly leaping into a shower cubicle, dragging Malfoy behind him. Sirius emerged from the shower, black hair plastered to his head. He picked up a towel and wrapped it turban-like around his head. Desperately muffling their laughter as Sirius danced around drying his hair, occasionally singing bits of "The Macarena", he looked around suddenly and cursed, going back into the showers to retrieve something.
"Quick!" whispered Snape, grabbing handfuls of Black's clothing and sprinting out the door.
Watching through the window, Snape and Malfoy howled with laughter as Sirius looked around frantically for his clothes. Transfiguring his Quidditch robes into a rock, they left it outside the changing rooms and went down to the pitch, still laughing. Standing in the middle of the pitch, they informed the rest of the Slytherin team, who deemed it the best prank ever.
Suddenly, the stadium exploded into laughter. Sirius was walking across the pitch, his flushed skin contrasting wonderfully with his white towel, which he was holding around him for dear life. He informed Madame Hooch, who stopped laughing for a minute to listen to him properly. James Potter and the rest of the team was falling about with laughter, much to the exacerbated embarrassment of Black, who was now scarlet. The entire stadium was pointing and laughing at him, and he noticed Snape and Malfoy imitating his dancing to the rest of the Slytherin team, and his face contorted with rage.
Snatching James' wand, Sirius shrieked a curse with the borrowed wand pointed in the general direction of the Slytherins, and there was a tremendous crack accompanied with an explosion, sending Sirius flying backwards, but leaving towel behind. The occupants of the stadium gasped collectively, and then descended into jeering laughter. Standing up, with the colour draining slowly out of his entire body, Sirius looked around with a horrified expression on his face, apparently unable to move. Both teams were paralyzed with laughter. Sirius ran forward awkwardly, and snatched the towel off the ground. Wrapping it around himself quickly, he turned on his heel and ran as fast as he could out of the stadium, trying to stop the towel from blowing up.
Lupin glanced apologetically at the rest of the Gryffindors, and ran after Sirius.
After talks with Madame Hooch, the Gryffindors forfeited, and the green side of the crowd erupted into cheering.
Walking back to the changing rooms, Snape glanced at the Gryffindors, who were trying to talk to the towel-clad Sirius without laughing. Un-transfiguring the rock back into robes from a safe distance, Snape was greeted by James Potter, standing around the side of the changing rooms.
"I don't like you." He said bluntly. "But that was fuckin hilarious."
Cackle.