Hermione's New Job
By: Hurmynee
Description: In her sixth year, Hermione is extremely short on Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts. Her new job of choice? Well, you'll just have to read then, won't you? *coughhighendwhorecough*
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. If I did, I would be writing book six, not *this*.
A/N Explanatory: I wrote a MST with a few friends. My friends and I are highly perverted, and the writer was bad. Thus, we came up with the sub concept of Hermione as a hooker/whore sorta gal. I would give a few quotes of how my friends defined this, but it's quite dirty. We went as far as taking the term "Give me a hand" a perverted underlying meaning.
So, I decided, because my friend made a doll of Whore Hermione, that it was my duty to write the fanfic. So, here it is, eppie one. Have fun and laugh until you piss your pants.
Oh, and BTW, I will be finding ideal moments to quote the MST. This is to humor my friends.
Real quick, thank you Loui, Manda, and Mandy.
Episode One: Hogwarts Express and Ron
Hermione hopped out of bed, very excited. Today was the day that she got to go shop at Diagon Alley. She had just gotten her letter days before telling her what she needed from the magical shopping center. She quickly got dressed after having an Herbal Essence shower, and woke her parents before running downstairs to make breakfast and coffee. After her parents woke up and had their coffee, they got in the car and drove to London.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
Hermione ran through Diagon Aleey to Gringotts to get her money. However, when she got to her safe, she was very disappointed.
All that was left was 20 galleons, 10 sickles, and 5 knuts, which would barely get her through her shopping list. She suddenly remembered that she had secretly battled with an addiction to butterbeer last year, and thus understood why she was so low on money. She sadly scooped up all her money, and went to go shopping.
She had spent all but one knut by the end, and had to spend that last knut to get ice cream with Ron and Harry, because she refused to look like she was asking for donations from Harry.
She left trying to look happy, but failed, and as she got in the car, she began to try to think of what job she could get that paid well.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
As she sat in her mum's car two weeks later, she felt a pang of guilt. The only job she could think of that she could do and get paid well for was a hooker. She decided to stick with the idea, and was wearing a black lingerie set under her clothes. She also had a pair of stiletto heels in her bag and was going to change shoes once she got on the train.
Her mother left as soon as Hermione got out of the car, having an emergency root canal to do, and Hermione walked slowly to the area where the barrier was set up. She walked slowly and casually through the barrier, and then began to speed up to get in the train. She looked around and noticed the huge mass of people. 'Ooh, yey, more money for me!' She thought in a semi- happy tone, though it was mildly more bitter than pleased.
She changed her shoes, and waited for a customer. She was preying that her friends weren't looking for her, cause she put a spell on the door that would cause it to close and be locked throughout the whole trip, not opening until the second the train stopped.
Suddenly, someone walked through the door, turned around, and went to close it, but it shut all on it's own, which obviously startled the person.
'Dear Merlin, please say it's a he!'
The person turned around, and looked at Hermione for a second. She frowned slightly. One of her worst fears had come true.
No, you perverted creep, it isn't Millicent.
"What happened to the door?" Ron asked. Hermione squirmed slightly.
"Uhhh...well...you see...I'm really low on wizard money, and I...I..."
She tried to sutly shove her shirt to show the black bra. Ron, the dumbass, didn't put two and two together.
"What? You thought you teach people how to be lazy bums and lock the door without getting out of their seats?"
"No...uhh...eh...this is really embarrasing..."
She tried to lower a section of her skirt to show her thong, but he didn't notice.
"I'm your friend, you can tell me what's going on here!" He tried to sound caring, but a litle bit of an impatient tone shown through.
"I'm...I'm...I'm whorawring." She mumbled. He showed a confused look on his face.
"I'm a whokuker." Another mumble, followed by another confused look.
Hermione went extremely red before saying, "I'm screwing people for alot of money, OKAY?"
Ron stared for a moment, and then covered up a laugh with an extremely long cough.
"What?"
"Oh nothing, nothing, just...picturing you in lingerie, it's kinda hard. I mean, you in a bra? Or a thong?"
Hermione shot him a slightly angered look, before trying to casually take off her shirt to reveal the bra. Ron stopped laughing. The hault of laughing was followed by snogging and flying clothes.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
Hermione was getting her robes on, and Ron was searching for galleons and his boxers. I know, not a lovely mental image, but it's part of the story, okay?
'Wow, all it takes is 30 seconds for me to get fifteen galleons? Wow, maybe this job isn't so bad!' She thought, and began to help Ron look for the gold. After they were dressed and Hermione paid, Ron went to leave, but then realised that it was locked. He looked over to Hermione for an explanation.
"Well, see, I expected this situation to last a tad bit longer, so the door won't be unlocked until the train stops."
Ron looked both upset and embarrased, so he sat back down. He looked at the ground for a little bit as akward silence filled the air.
"Hey, how come Harry wasn't with you? You guys are usually always together!"
"Oh, yea, Harry said he had something else to do and went down the other way of the hallway."
Hermione nodded in an understanding matter.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
There was Harry, right there, by the prefects compartment, snogging Ginny.
No, Voldemort.
No, Percy.
No, Snape.
No, Umbridge.
No, actually, he was full-on snogging with Tonks, who was trying to decide on a look. Harry finally snapped out of snogging after she changed to Umbridge.
"Please, stick with a look."
Tonks finally decided on a red haired green eyed asian girl.
"Okay, now, back to snogging and screwing"
Tonks and Harry began snogging and, after about five minutes of crazy snogging, began getting to the crazy monkey sex.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
The train finally got to the school, and the door swung open. Hermione sat up, quickly snogged Ron, and ran out.
'Wonder who's next?' thought Hermione, looking around at all the teenage boys she passed.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
A/N : So, who's next on the payroll? Keep on reading to find out!
By: Hurmynee
Description: In her sixth year, Hermione is extremely short on Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts. Her new job of choice? Well, you'll just have to read then, won't you? *coughhighendwhorecough*
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. If I did, I would be writing book six, not *this*.
A/N Explanatory: I wrote a MST with a few friends. My friends and I are highly perverted, and the writer was bad. Thus, we came up with the sub concept of Hermione as a hooker/whore sorta gal. I would give a few quotes of how my friends defined this, but it's quite dirty. We went as far as taking the term "Give me a hand" a perverted underlying meaning.
So, I decided, because my friend made a doll of Whore Hermione, that it was my duty to write the fanfic. So, here it is, eppie one. Have fun and laugh until you piss your pants.
Oh, and BTW, I will be finding ideal moments to quote the MST. This is to humor my friends.
Real quick, thank you Loui, Manda, and Mandy.
Episode One: Hogwarts Express and Ron
Hermione hopped out of bed, very excited. Today was the day that she got to go shop at Diagon Alley. She had just gotten her letter days before telling her what she needed from the magical shopping center. She quickly got dressed after having an Herbal Essence shower, and woke her parents before running downstairs to make breakfast and coffee. After her parents woke up and had their coffee, they got in the car and drove to London.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
Hermione ran through Diagon Aleey to Gringotts to get her money. However, when she got to her safe, she was very disappointed.
All that was left was 20 galleons, 10 sickles, and 5 knuts, which would barely get her through her shopping list. She suddenly remembered that she had secretly battled with an addiction to butterbeer last year, and thus understood why she was so low on money. She sadly scooped up all her money, and went to go shopping.
She had spent all but one knut by the end, and had to spend that last knut to get ice cream with Ron and Harry, because she refused to look like she was asking for donations from Harry.
She left trying to look happy, but failed, and as she got in the car, she began to try to think of what job she could get that paid well.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
As she sat in her mum's car two weeks later, she felt a pang of guilt. The only job she could think of that she could do and get paid well for was a hooker. She decided to stick with the idea, and was wearing a black lingerie set under her clothes. She also had a pair of stiletto heels in her bag and was going to change shoes once she got on the train.
Her mother left as soon as Hermione got out of the car, having an emergency root canal to do, and Hermione walked slowly to the area where the barrier was set up. She walked slowly and casually through the barrier, and then began to speed up to get in the train. She looked around and noticed the huge mass of people. 'Ooh, yey, more money for me!' She thought in a semi- happy tone, though it was mildly more bitter than pleased.
She changed her shoes, and waited for a customer. She was preying that her friends weren't looking for her, cause she put a spell on the door that would cause it to close and be locked throughout the whole trip, not opening until the second the train stopped.
Suddenly, someone walked through the door, turned around, and went to close it, but it shut all on it's own, which obviously startled the person.
'Dear Merlin, please say it's a he!'
The person turned around, and looked at Hermione for a second. She frowned slightly. One of her worst fears had come true.
No, you perverted creep, it isn't Millicent.
"What happened to the door?" Ron asked. Hermione squirmed slightly.
"Uhhh...well...you see...I'm really low on wizard money, and I...I..."
She tried to sutly shove her shirt to show the black bra. Ron, the dumbass, didn't put two and two together.
"What? You thought you teach people how to be lazy bums and lock the door without getting out of their seats?"
"No...uhh...eh...this is really embarrasing..."
She tried to lower a section of her skirt to show her thong, but he didn't notice.
"I'm your friend, you can tell me what's going on here!" He tried to sound caring, but a litle bit of an impatient tone shown through.
"I'm...I'm...I'm whorawring." She mumbled. He showed a confused look on his face.
"I'm a whokuker." Another mumble, followed by another confused look.
Hermione went extremely red before saying, "I'm screwing people for alot of money, OKAY?"
Ron stared for a moment, and then covered up a laugh with an extremely long cough.
"What?"
"Oh nothing, nothing, just...picturing you in lingerie, it's kinda hard. I mean, you in a bra? Or a thong?"
Hermione shot him a slightly angered look, before trying to casually take off her shirt to reveal the bra. Ron stopped laughing. The hault of laughing was followed by snogging and flying clothes.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
Hermione was getting her robes on, and Ron was searching for galleons and his boxers. I know, not a lovely mental image, but it's part of the story, okay?
'Wow, all it takes is 30 seconds for me to get fifteen galleons? Wow, maybe this job isn't so bad!' She thought, and began to help Ron look for the gold. After they were dressed and Hermione paid, Ron went to leave, but then realised that it was locked. He looked over to Hermione for an explanation.
"Well, see, I expected this situation to last a tad bit longer, so the door won't be unlocked until the train stops."
Ron looked both upset and embarrased, so he sat back down. He looked at the ground for a little bit as akward silence filled the air.
"Hey, how come Harry wasn't with you? You guys are usually always together!"
"Oh, yea, Harry said he had something else to do and went down the other way of the hallway."
Hermione nodded in an understanding matter.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
There was Harry, right there, by the prefects compartment, snogging Ginny.
No, Voldemort.
No, Percy.
No, Snape.
No, Umbridge.
No, actually, he was full-on snogging with Tonks, who was trying to decide on a look. Harry finally snapped out of snogging after she changed to Umbridge.
"Please, stick with a look."
Tonks finally decided on a red haired green eyed asian girl.
"Okay, now, back to snogging and screwing"
Tonks and Harry began snogging and, after about five minutes of crazy snogging, began getting to the crazy monkey sex.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
The train finally got to the school, and the door swung open. Hermione sat up, quickly snogged Ron, and ran out.
'Wonder who's next?' thought Hermione, looking around at all the teenage boys she passed.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
A/N : So, who's next on the payroll? Keep on reading to find out!