Chapter 11
Helena made her way up the elevator to the clock tower, pacing back and forth, like a caged animal, wanting to be freed. The moment the doors opened she ran out and headed right for Delphi and to her surprise, smack into Barbara.
"Helena!" she exclaimed as Helena ran right into her chair as she was rounding the corner. The impact sent Helena tumbling over the chair and landing hard, against the doorway.
Helena stood up slowly, dazed and wounded. She looked at the cut on her arm; just a small wound. "What's gotten into you?" Barbara snapped, angry Helena's carelessness.
She dusted off her clothes and said, "Nothing… I thought…" she didn't want to finish her sentence.
"You thought what?" Barbara pressed.
"I tried to reach you on comms and when you didn't answer, I thought…" Helena lost confidence in her speech.
Barbara was angry. "Well next time think maybe I'm in the shower before you come in here and nearly kill me!" she screamed while holding her injured arm that Helena had bumped.
Helena's eyes flared. Her catlike stare now burning into Barbara, studying her. She couldn't take it any longer. Helena finally let go of all the emotions that had been building over the past few weeks. "Why don't you just say what's on your mind, Barbara!" she snapped, daring her partner.
Barbara accepted the challenge. "Your recklessness got Wade killed!" she blurted out, shocked that she finally said the words. "You…" she broke off, shaking her head.
"I what? Say it, Barbara! You don't think I haven't noticed how much you hate me?" she screamed, tears now forming. "I can see it in your eyes every time you look at me, Barbara." Helena used her sleeve to wipe the tears. "I've tried to be what you wanted me to be but I CAN'T! I'm not you!"
"You don't have to be me!" Barbara retorted. "But Christ, Helena, you NEVER think before you act and because of you…"
"Right! Because of me, Wade is dead. Don't you think I know that? Don't you think it kills me to wake up every day knowing this?" Helena folded her arms in defiance. "I screwed up. And I can't bring him back. And it kills me knowing how much I hurt you." She reached out to take Barbara's hand but found herself being slapped away.
"Don't!" Barbara warned, her aggression raging within her.
Helena crouched down in front of the chair, and looked up at Barbara. "I'm so sorry, Barbara," she said as tears streamed down her face. "I thought I was doing the right thing," her voice softened. "I finally opened up to someone who was there to help me, and look what happened. My weakness got Wade killed," she paused. " I'm so sorry." Helena continued to stare at Barbara, who refused to meet her eyes. Helena desperately wanted forgiveness but there was no way she was going to ask for it. She deserved the torment, she deserved all Barbara was putting her through, because she was also doing it to herself. Helena punished herself for trusting someone. It was an act that was very difficult for her to do, to reach out to someone, and this only validated her reasons why she shouldn't.
Barbara backed up her chair and widened the distance between herself and Helena. "I can't even look at you right now," she said, honestly. It broke Helena's heart, and it broke her own, saying this.
Helena stood up tall. "I can't be you, Barbara," she insisted. "I MAKE mistakes."
This enraged Barbara. "I make mistakes too, Helena! The difference is, my recklessness doesn't get anyone killed!" she sneered. And then she gasped. Her mouth dropped and she realized what she had just said; remembering the encounter with Lady Shiva. How she destroyed the building and the life of Shiva's younger sister.
Helena was on the verge of a breakdown and she didn't want any witnesses. She ran for the elevator was shocked to see Dinah standing there, watching her. Helena stopped short and they locked eyes for a moment. Dinah had heard it all. Innocent Dinah, now knew just how horrible Helena really was, or so Helena thought. She pushed passed the kid and let the elevator take her away, where no one could see her.
Dinah walked over to Barbara who was lost in thought. "Barbara?" she asked carefully.
"Oh my God!" she said, almost inaudible. She looked over at Dinah and tried her best to smile. "I need my transponder," was all that she said.