Disclaimer: I do not own any WWE superstars nor do I own the WWE (damn!)
Adam walked back down the hall to Jeff's room. His head was spinning. He and Matt had always been so close, but now he couldn't stand the sight of him. It hurt, and it hurt a lot, to feel that way about Matt. As he fell into a chair near Jeff's bed, he let his thoughts wonder.
~one week previous~ Adam was losing his patience. He banged on Matt's door loudly and raised his voice. "Matt, come on!!! For God sake, let me in!!!"
Getting no response, yet again, he rolled his eyes heavenward and kicked the door in disgust. He was sick of this. A week ago Matt had asked for, insisted on, his own room. He's been turned down of course; the 2 of them had always shared a room. Why stop now? He'd argued his case for an entire day, claiming his nerves just couldn't take the commotion that he was having trouble sleeping and didn't want to keep Adam awake all night with him. He'd pointed out that he was frequently sick and that it would disturb him.
Finally he'd gone into hysterics (in Adam's mind, carefully orchestrated hysterics calculated to get him his own way) and he had relented. He had gotten a room connected to Adam and Jeff's. The first move he's made had been to lock the connecting door from his side. He'd more or less refused to let them in ever since.
Hurt that Matt would want to lock them out, Adam and Jeff withdrew into themselves leaving Matt to his seclusion. They talked about him a lot but they drew no real conclusions. Adam knew something was up and he had suspicions about what it was but he really didn't want to involve Jeff so he kept his worries to himself. He considered talking to Vince but the thought, the hope, that he might be wrong kept him silent. He didn't want to cause Matt any trouble that he didn't need.
He sighed deeply now knowing he wasn't going to let him in. They'd fought the night before and Matt was still mad at him. He knew it. He gave the door one last kick and walked dejectedly back into his and Jeff's room. Jeff wasn't there either. Adam flopped down onto the bed utterly miserable. He thought back to the fight he'd had with Matt wondering how he could have handled it differently. It had all started innocently enough.
Adam had noticed the connecting door between the two rooms was open slightly. Surprised that it wasn't locked and sealed shut for all time, he pushed it open gently. His eyes lit on Matt, sprawled out on the bed sound asleep. Shaking his head at the amount of time he spent sleeping and the weird times he chose to do it, he let himself in and crept closer to the bed. He was just reaching out to shake him awake when Matt's eyes flew open and he bolted upright grabbing Adam's wrist.
"What are you doing in here?!" he growled, open hostility evident in his voice. "What do you want?!" The grip on Adam's wrist was painful and he tried to pull away unsuccessfully. He glanced at Matt and for the first time in his life felt fear when he looked into those eyes. Matt barely appeared to recognize him and Adam had never seen such anger. He shrugged helplessly still attempting to pull away. "I don't know." he stumbled over the words. "Your door was open, I wanted to check on you." He shook his head stumbling over his words. "I figured it was okay to come in cause you unlocked the door."
Matt sneered at him. "I can't even sleep without locking myself in?! What is it with you people!" He flung Adam's hand away from him and stood up advancing on Adam who found himself backing up in spite of himself. Matt reached out and poked his index finger none too gently into Adam's chest.
"This is my room! This is my bed! This is my space! You stay out of it unless you're invited." He was backing Adam toward the door intending to shove him out and lock it behind him when something in Adam finally snapped. He'd had enough. Weeks of Mat being erratic and uncontrollable refusing to have anything to do with any of them and shutting him and Jeff out. Added to that all the weird physical stuff sleeping during the day even dozing off during interviews zombie like more often than not and yet there were times when he was bouncing off the walls. Adam new something was wrong and worried as he was he'd just had enough. He stopped backing up and grabbed his wrists hard and pulled him close to him. "Look," his voice was not loud but there was no denying his fury "I have no idea what your problem is but you are not gonna be like this to me. I haven't done a damn thing. What is it you're so worried about me finding, huh?" Matt gazed up at Adam and to Adam's amazement his eyes began to fill up.
"I'm sorry, Adam, okay? I really am. I just don't feel good right now."
Adam nodded curtly. "I'm supposed to believe that?" Matt shrugged and then nodded his head. Adam gestured to the bed. "G o sit down, I have to talk to you."
Matt was scared. He was in no way comfortable about the way he was looking at him. He knew he shouldn't have jumped on him the way he had but he hadn't been able to help it. Come to think of it there were alot of things lately that he hadn't been able to help. He sat down, reluctantly, struggling to keep the anger and defensiveness he could feel rising him from surfacing.
Adam looked at Matt wishing he could believe the tears he saw in his eyes but deep down he knew better. Matt was trying to manipulate him and he knew it. He sat down next to him determined to keep himself calm. He didn't want Matt to think he was being attacked. He took him by the shoulder and gently turned him a little to face him. Pushing away anger he kept his voice quiet. "I want you to tell me what's going on, Matt. Something's really wrong."
Matt shook his head and shook off Adam's hand. "Nothing's wrong. I don't understand why you all think something's wrong."
Adam laughed but there was little humor in it. "You don't? Matt, stop and think about it." Matt wouldn't look him in the eye. "I have been. I really don't know what the problem is."
"Well for one." and at this Adam's eyes darkened and the gentle tone he'd been keeping became a little sharper. "You're stealing my medication. Don't even try to deny it. I never take the stuff and its disappearing right on schedule. Four a day every day. So I know you're taking way too much of that stuff and lying about it for starter." "Really?"
Adam saw Matt's body tensing and knew this wasn't going to go well. Still, Matt wasn't the only one who could dig in his heels. He continued on figuring he really didn't have much to lose. "You're also hanging around down with Jay a lot and when you come back from there your all spacey and stupid and you're eyes are all red and nine times outta ten you just pass right out. I'm not dumb, Matt, I know you're over there getting high just cause I don't do it doesn't mean I don't know it when I see it. By the way, turning on the bathroom fan doesn't help; we can still smell it. That is why you asked for you're own room too, isn't it? Not cause of your nerves, cause you wanted to smoke your dope in peace."
Adam desperately wanted to stop this flow of words and accusations that was pouring out of him but for the life of him he just couldn't. He'd been holding it in too long. This was one of his best friends, and Adam couldn't watch him going down this road any longer. "You never let us in anymore. You've completely shut us out. We can't talk to you. You just brush us off. You barely even say hello anymore. You've never locked me and Jeff out of a room in your life! We hear you in here coughing your head off and getting sick and we cant even get in to help you or see if you're okay!! You pretend we don't exist!"
He was almost shouting now and stopped, taking a deep breath to try to bring himself back down. He didn't want Matt to.well, he didn't know what he didn't want Matt to do, but he felt like he was walking on glass with him. One wrong move and he'd break. Matt was staring at him, eyes wide. For a few moments, more than anything in the world, he wanted to tell him what was going on. He felt horrible out of control of the whole situation and couldn't really find a way to fix it. Adam already knew some of it anyway.but no. If he told Adam, he would tell Vince and then God alone knew what would happen. He sighed, wondering how he'd gotten himself into this.
Adam had managed to calm himself down somewhat but he was having trouble. Part of him just wanted to take Matt and shake him, just scream in his face, "what is wrong with you?! Don't you see what you're doing to yourself?! And us?! Don't you even care?!" He held himself back knowing that it wouldn't do any good and that Matt, in fact, probably didn't care. Probably couldn't care.
He sighed bitterly and took him by the shoulders again not as gently this time forced him to make eye contact and held him there. "Matt, you have to tell me what's going on and it has to stop cause we can't keep going this way. You're coming apart, Matt, and you're taking everyone with you." For a second, he thought he'd gotten through. Matt was staring directly into his eyes and Adam could see the fear and confusion and how badly he wanted to tell someone. But the moment passed and the pleading look was replaced by one of anger. It came so swiftly and so forcefully that Adam never had a chance to back off. Matt's hand came up and hit him in the head hard enough to knock him onto the floor. He looked up at him, head spinning, and managed to scramble out of the way barely in time to avoid getting stomped in the stomach. Seeing Matt was out for blood and out of control, he quickly jumped to his feet and backed away. They stood there eyeing each other. Adam knew just looking at him that if he let him get a hold of him he was going to get hurt. Matt looked insane, his eyes were flashing and he was breathing hard and Adam could see him trembling all over. In the silence that had suddenly sprung up, he could hear little growling sounds coming from Matt. He watched him warily afraid to move or speak. He looked fully capable of murder. Whatever he was doing that was making him act like this, it was way beyond a little grass, Adam realized. Knowing that Matt was more than likely completely irrational, Adam started backing slowly toward the door. He didn't want this to happen. He had nearly made it when Matt suddenly screamed at him, inarticulate and outraged and launched himself at Adam.
Matt's charge and the force of his body hitting Adam drove Adam into the wall. He grabbed Matt by the shirt and the hair and spun him around slamming him into the same wall. It took nearly no effort to hold him there. He was painfully thin and seemed to weigh nothing at all. Adam was horrified but furious. He kept him pinned there, his leg against Matt's, his hand pushing his chest, the other hand gripping the hair on the back of his head. He was so mad he was shaking. "Don't you ever, ever do that to me again, do you understand me?!" He was screaming into Matt's face. "I don't care what you think your problem is. You never, ever try that again cause I will fuck you up!!!" He was punctuating his screams by shoving Matt harder into the wall.
Matt didn't react, just looked at him numbly. All the anger had drained out of him in an instant and he just didn't care. Adam seeing his dull detached look was suddenly overcome by revulsion. He let him go quickly, skin crawling at the thought even of touching him, and stepped back. "You know what, Matt? I don't care. Do what you want. Kill yourself. I don't care. I don't know you." He gave the smaller boy a shove and somewhere inside realized he'd knocked him down but he didn't care. He had to get out of there before he got sick. He slammed out of the door, leaving Matt dazed and defeated, sitting against the wall.
~present day~ Amy and Adam sat watching Matt sleep. Unable to get comfortable after nearly two days sitting in these chairs, Amy finally opted for propping her feet up on his bed. She knew she'd be asked to take them down if one of these battleaxe nurses happened along but she didn't much care. She'd about hit her limit and was ready to just crawl in with him and go to sleep. She watched him thoughtfully, wondering what his dreams were. She hadn't spoken to him since the night they'd come in. Every time she came in here he was asleep. They'd told them that he was fine, but they doubted it. People who are fine, in their opinion, didn't deliberately overdose. Amy's thoughts turned sarcastic. "Must have been all the brightness and joy he couldn't take." she sighed. She knew why he'd tried it. He'd hurt Jeff and he couldn't live with that. She hoped that once his system had cleared, he'd be able to see that it wasn't really him that had hurt Jeff. That he'd been out of control. Still, she wanted him to take responsibility for it. No matter the circumstances, it just wasn't okay and it wouldn't be. Jeff was afraid of him now and she didn't know how to fix that. She'd been told not to try. That it wasn't his problem but these were her best friends and as far as she was concerned, undoing this thing was nobody's problem but hers.
She was comforted somewhat by the fact that both of the guys had reportedly asked about the other and had expressed concern, but neither of them had asked to see the other and there was a debate now as to whether it would be allowed if one of them should. She also had Adam to deal with who'd been alternating between despair over Matt's condition and murderous anger over what he'd done.
Sighing, she pulled her thoughts back to now. Matt was asleep and evidently comfortable. She'd better go back to the ones who were awake and more apt to need her there. She kicked him a little by accident taking her feet down and waited to see if he would wake up but he turned over and continued to sleep. She brushed some hair out of his eyes and kissed his cheek. Whatever he had done, she was sticking with him. She watched him a moment more and then left to go deal with the others. She was nearly out the door when she remembered the note she had for him. She pulled it out of her pocket eyed it dubiously and laid it on his pillow and left the room.
~present day Matt~ He didn't realize he'd fallen asleep until he suddenly found himself awake again. When his eyes opened they lit on a note lying on his pillow. He picked it up struggling to focus his eyes. "Matt, just to let you know, I told them that it wasn't in any way your fault. It was all mine and I thought you should know that too. I'm so sorry if I'd known how this was going to turn out, none of it would have ever happened. Take care, Jay."
Matt lay back against the pillow thinking. He wished he could stop thinking. How was it Jay's fault? Jay hadn't made him do any of it. He thought back, remembering the day it had all started to go out of control. He'd gone over and lit up as usual..
~five weeks previous~ Forty minutes later Matt was feeling mighty fine. His head buzzed pleasantly and the world had taken on a dreamy quality. He sat on the couch half watching half sleeping as Sex and the City played out it's saga on the TV screen. He found he was unable to follow the timeline of the show. Things seemed to be happening in isolated jumps but he didn't really mind. He was too sleepy to care. Jay was in the kitchenette preparing himself a snack. A sudden rapping on the door caused Jay to slightly jump. He glanced nervously at the mess on the table in front of the couch and then shifted his gaze to Matt who seemed to be dozing off.
"Hey, wake up. Company," he called over. Matt looked up confused. "What? Huh? Oh, you want me to leave?" Jay shook his head and headed for the door. "No, you're fine." "Oh, okay," Matt let his head fall back against the couch again. "Just put that stuff up would ya?" Jay pointed to the small red coca-cola tray that sat on the table. "Just stick it under the couch." Matt grunted, leaned forward grabbing the small tray that held a baggy, lighter, and rolling papers, and shoved it under the couch. He then resumed his original position.
Jay reached the door, which by now was being pounded on, and opened it. "Hey guys, what's up?" "Hey, Jay! A tall guy about mid twenties stepped into the room. He glanced around. "Nice pad they hooked you up with, huh?" "Yeah it's pretty cool. Corey this is Matt," he pointed towards the man on the sofa. "Matt!" Matt looked over. "Matt, this is my friend Corey." Matt nodded and resumed watching Sarah Jessica Parker.
"He's cool. Hey! Stacy!" A beautiful girl in her twenties bounced into the room, her long blonde hair bouncing along with her. "Jay!" She grabbed him in a hug and tapped his back with the six pack she held in her hands. "You mind?" "Nah, not at all. Fridge is over there." He jerked his thumb over his shoulder indicating the small refrigerator in the kitchenette. Stacy quickly deposited the beer into the sparsely filled fridge and walked back into the main room. She took her first notice of Matt, sitting half in and half out of consciousness, on the sofa and went over to him. She stood in front of the TV blocking his view. "Hi there!" she said in an especially cheerful tone.
Matt glanced up at her through half opened eyes. "Hi," was all he said. She stared at him a moment, her golden colored eyes drinking him in. Matt just sat debating whether it was worth trying to get his mouth to form the words "you are standing in front of the TV," decided it wasn't worth it and just stared blankly at her. Stacy got the hint and went back into the kitchen where Jay had resumed making his salami sandwich.
"So what's he doing in here with you?" Stacy asked. "Well, he's run himself pretty ragged and he's stressing out, kind of. He comes and sees me to relax, if you catch my drift." Stacy looked back at Matt who was struggling to keep his eyes open. "Looks tired." She smiled. "I'm gonna go talk to him." "Cool," Jay looked over at Matt again who had lost the battle with his eyelids and now appeared to be asleep. "You might have to wake him up though," he laughed. "God, Jay, what'd you do to him?" She shook her head and headed over to the couch.
Stacy sat next to him on the sofa. His head was leaning on the back and his eyes were closed and to her he appeared to be dozing. She turned sideways tucking one leg under her body and leaned in whispering into his ear, "Hey." Matt jumped a little, blinked twice rapidly, and then slowly focused his bloodshot brown eyes on her. "He." he lightly cleared his throat, "Hey," he said again. She smiled at him. "Tired huh?"
He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "A little bit, I guess." He sat forward resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands between his legs. He hoped she wasn't going to expect him to carry on anything like a conversation. He was finding it hard enough just to keep his eyes open. He stretched a little, wincing at the unexpected stiffness in his neck. He reached up to rub away the ache but another pair of hands was suddenly there instead. He glanced at her, uneasy, but she smiled reassuringly and continued to kneed his neck, trying to relieve the built up tension that was evident. His head dropped forward and he grunted as she massaged his sore muscles harder.
"How's that feel?" She asked. "Good, thanks" he relaxed into it, enjoying the attention. His bliss was disturbed by a good-natured voice and a tap on the shoulder. He opened his eyes and saw a beer bottle just inches from his face. Jay's friend Corey with an amiable smile shook it lightly at him. "Want this, man?"
Before Matt could begin to respond, Jay pressed a coke into his hand and lightly admonished Corey. "No, man, he can't have that. He's taking medications and stuff. Won't mix." He winked at Matt who seemed baffled by the whole exchange. At this point, the beer, the coke, Jay and Corey were secondary to the fact that he was getting a killer backrub by a beautiful girl. He was a little disappointed when she drew her hands away and sat back. He smiled at here a little hoping she'd continue but the look in her golden eyes was quizzical. He sat back, eyebrows raised, waiting. She looked him over and crossed her arms. "Well, you look pretty healthy to me. What are you on medication for?" He shook his head completely distracted by her eyes, her hair, her proximity.
"What?" Somewhere in his mind he realized he was sounding like an idiot, but he really didn't care. She smiled at him and he felt a silly grin breaking over his face. Again the little voice of his mind nudged him 'you look like a dork' but he ignored it. As long as she kept smiling at him like that, his world felt fine. She laughed, reached out, and tucked some flyway hair back behind his ear. "Jay said you were taking medication. Are you sick?" He shook his head. "No, I'm fine." He couldn't stop staring at her eyes.
She sighed and tried again. "Well, what is it you're taking?" He looked away for a moment trying to remember the name of the medication in his pocket. For the life of him it just wouldn't come. A minute or so later the strain of trying to think began to give him a headache and he laughed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the bottle handing it to her with a sheepish grin. "I really don't even know. Ignore me."
His mellow mood began to fade and alarm set in when he saw her opening the bottle. He reached out and grabbed her wrist. "Hey, stop! What're you doing? Those are mine." The strain in his voice and the force of the hand gripping her wrist brought her up short. She looked up at him instantly, alarmed at the tone of his voice, and her eyes widened at the anger in his face. She hurriedly relinquished the bottle into his hand and reached out to touch his shoulder stroking gently hoping to calm himself. Her voice became soft and soothing as she spoke. "Matt, honey, I'm not taking them. I know they're yours."
She moved the hand from his shoulder to his hair, still keeping the same stroking motion, watching his tension gradually slip away. When he seemed to be calm again, she quietly got up and whispered to him, "I'll be right back. You take it easy." He nodded absently having been so entranced by her hand in his hair that he'd never noticed her slipping the tabs out of the bottle.
Matt had started to doze again by the time Stacy returned. Jay had attempted to engage him in conversation but Matt feeling shaky and drained after his panic over Stacy opening his medicine bottle, had downed two of the tabs with his coke and was calmed to the point of unconsciousness. Jay was watching him, concern etched into his face, when Stacy plopped herself back down on the couch. "What's up with him?" her voice held little worry. Jay shook his head. "I don't know. I came over and lit him up and he just kinda zoned out on me. I really don't want to have to explain why he's passed out here." Stacy nodded. "I'll fix him up fine, Jay, no fear."
His eyes narrowed. "Oh no you don't. You aren't speeding him up. He'll sleep it off." She laughed, "Jay, I'm not gonna hurt him and he'll liven up a lot quicker. Now you go play with Corey and let me worry about Matt." She playfully pushed him off the couch, "Go, go. Don't worry."
He eyed her dubiously but his need to wake Matt up overrode his concerns and he reluctantly got up pointing a finger in her face, "You be careful. I don't want anything to happen to him." She giggled. "Go on Jay, he's fine." She turned her attention to the sleeping boy on the couch and gave him a hard shake.
Matt didn't know what was happening. There were voices washing over him everywhere but nobody seemed to be saying anything. He wished they'd all go away and let him sleep, God, he was so tired. He'd almost succeeded in tuning them out when someone grabbed his arm none too gently and gave a rough yank. He struggled to open his eyes but only managed to get them halfway. He couldn't really focus but he thought maybe it was Stacy. Matt desperately wanted to wake up for her and made a monumental effort and sat himself up.
Stacy grabbed as he started to fall off the couch and laughed. "Pretty out of it, my friend, but I think I have something that will fix you up fine." He ogled at her blurry eyed and off balance and mumbled, "No, 's'okay. I'm fine." She shook her head, "Not so very, I don't think, how do you feel?" He opened his eyes comically wide and nodded his head. "Fine, I'm fine, I feel good." He tried to look sincere and she had to laugh. He dropped his head into his hands and she slid closer and began rubbing his back again. "I've got something else that will make you feel good." Matt lifted his head and turned to look at her, a quizzical expression painted on his face. "Really? What's that?" His gaze drifted to her low cut T-shirt, his eyes roving her cleavage. Unbeknownst to himself, a smile played on his lips.
She laughed at him and lifted his chin with her fingers. "Not that, Romeo, I have something better." She playfully pushed him back against the couch cushions and held him there with one hand against his chest while with her other hand she fished around in her pocket finally pulling out a small foil wrapped packet. She smiled at him and moved her hand from his chest replacing it with her shoulder as she leaned back against him effectively pinning him. He laughed and poked her arm. "I'm not going anywhere. Believe it. You don't have to hold me here." She smiled back at him. "Maybe I just want to." Her smile and her words sent a rush through him unlike anything he'd ever felt. He felt himself starting to be out of breath. Stacy glance at him and her eyes glinted. She could see his excitement. She turned slightly leaned in close and trapped his eyes with hers. His world was filled with lovely gold and the rest of the room receded. She gently stroked the side of his face and his hair and then held up two small pink pills.
Adam walked back down the hall to Jeff's room. His head was spinning. He and Matt had always been so close, but now he couldn't stand the sight of him. It hurt, and it hurt a lot, to feel that way about Matt. As he fell into a chair near Jeff's bed, he let his thoughts wonder.
~one week previous~ Adam was losing his patience. He banged on Matt's door loudly and raised his voice. "Matt, come on!!! For God sake, let me in!!!"
Getting no response, yet again, he rolled his eyes heavenward and kicked the door in disgust. He was sick of this. A week ago Matt had asked for, insisted on, his own room. He's been turned down of course; the 2 of them had always shared a room. Why stop now? He'd argued his case for an entire day, claiming his nerves just couldn't take the commotion that he was having trouble sleeping and didn't want to keep Adam awake all night with him. He'd pointed out that he was frequently sick and that it would disturb him.
Finally he'd gone into hysterics (in Adam's mind, carefully orchestrated hysterics calculated to get him his own way) and he had relented. He had gotten a room connected to Adam and Jeff's. The first move he's made had been to lock the connecting door from his side. He'd more or less refused to let them in ever since.
Hurt that Matt would want to lock them out, Adam and Jeff withdrew into themselves leaving Matt to his seclusion. They talked about him a lot but they drew no real conclusions. Adam knew something was up and he had suspicions about what it was but he really didn't want to involve Jeff so he kept his worries to himself. He considered talking to Vince but the thought, the hope, that he might be wrong kept him silent. He didn't want to cause Matt any trouble that he didn't need.
He sighed deeply now knowing he wasn't going to let him in. They'd fought the night before and Matt was still mad at him. He knew it. He gave the door one last kick and walked dejectedly back into his and Jeff's room. Jeff wasn't there either. Adam flopped down onto the bed utterly miserable. He thought back to the fight he'd had with Matt wondering how he could have handled it differently. It had all started innocently enough.
Adam had noticed the connecting door between the two rooms was open slightly. Surprised that it wasn't locked and sealed shut for all time, he pushed it open gently. His eyes lit on Matt, sprawled out on the bed sound asleep. Shaking his head at the amount of time he spent sleeping and the weird times he chose to do it, he let himself in and crept closer to the bed. He was just reaching out to shake him awake when Matt's eyes flew open and he bolted upright grabbing Adam's wrist.
"What are you doing in here?!" he growled, open hostility evident in his voice. "What do you want?!" The grip on Adam's wrist was painful and he tried to pull away unsuccessfully. He glanced at Matt and for the first time in his life felt fear when he looked into those eyes. Matt barely appeared to recognize him and Adam had never seen such anger. He shrugged helplessly still attempting to pull away. "I don't know." he stumbled over the words. "Your door was open, I wanted to check on you." He shook his head stumbling over his words. "I figured it was okay to come in cause you unlocked the door."
Matt sneered at him. "I can't even sleep without locking myself in?! What is it with you people!" He flung Adam's hand away from him and stood up advancing on Adam who found himself backing up in spite of himself. Matt reached out and poked his index finger none too gently into Adam's chest.
"This is my room! This is my bed! This is my space! You stay out of it unless you're invited." He was backing Adam toward the door intending to shove him out and lock it behind him when something in Adam finally snapped. He'd had enough. Weeks of Mat being erratic and uncontrollable refusing to have anything to do with any of them and shutting him and Jeff out. Added to that all the weird physical stuff sleeping during the day even dozing off during interviews zombie like more often than not and yet there were times when he was bouncing off the walls. Adam new something was wrong and worried as he was he'd just had enough. He stopped backing up and grabbed his wrists hard and pulled him close to him. "Look," his voice was not loud but there was no denying his fury "I have no idea what your problem is but you are not gonna be like this to me. I haven't done a damn thing. What is it you're so worried about me finding, huh?" Matt gazed up at Adam and to Adam's amazement his eyes began to fill up.
"I'm sorry, Adam, okay? I really am. I just don't feel good right now."
Adam nodded curtly. "I'm supposed to believe that?" Matt shrugged and then nodded his head. Adam gestured to the bed. "G o sit down, I have to talk to you."
Matt was scared. He was in no way comfortable about the way he was looking at him. He knew he shouldn't have jumped on him the way he had but he hadn't been able to help it. Come to think of it there were alot of things lately that he hadn't been able to help. He sat down, reluctantly, struggling to keep the anger and defensiveness he could feel rising him from surfacing.
Adam looked at Matt wishing he could believe the tears he saw in his eyes but deep down he knew better. Matt was trying to manipulate him and he knew it. He sat down next to him determined to keep himself calm. He didn't want Matt to think he was being attacked. He took him by the shoulder and gently turned him a little to face him. Pushing away anger he kept his voice quiet. "I want you to tell me what's going on, Matt. Something's really wrong."
Matt shook his head and shook off Adam's hand. "Nothing's wrong. I don't understand why you all think something's wrong."
Adam laughed but there was little humor in it. "You don't? Matt, stop and think about it." Matt wouldn't look him in the eye. "I have been. I really don't know what the problem is."
"Well for one." and at this Adam's eyes darkened and the gentle tone he'd been keeping became a little sharper. "You're stealing my medication. Don't even try to deny it. I never take the stuff and its disappearing right on schedule. Four a day every day. So I know you're taking way too much of that stuff and lying about it for starter." "Really?"
Adam saw Matt's body tensing and knew this wasn't going to go well. Still, Matt wasn't the only one who could dig in his heels. He continued on figuring he really didn't have much to lose. "You're also hanging around down with Jay a lot and when you come back from there your all spacey and stupid and you're eyes are all red and nine times outta ten you just pass right out. I'm not dumb, Matt, I know you're over there getting high just cause I don't do it doesn't mean I don't know it when I see it. By the way, turning on the bathroom fan doesn't help; we can still smell it. That is why you asked for you're own room too, isn't it? Not cause of your nerves, cause you wanted to smoke your dope in peace."
Adam desperately wanted to stop this flow of words and accusations that was pouring out of him but for the life of him he just couldn't. He'd been holding it in too long. This was one of his best friends, and Adam couldn't watch him going down this road any longer. "You never let us in anymore. You've completely shut us out. We can't talk to you. You just brush us off. You barely even say hello anymore. You've never locked me and Jeff out of a room in your life! We hear you in here coughing your head off and getting sick and we cant even get in to help you or see if you're okay!! You pretend we don't exist!"
He was almost shouting now and stopped, taking a deep breath to try to bring himself back down. He didn't want Matt to.well, he didn't know what he didn't want Matt to do, but he felt like he was walking on glass with him. One wrong move and he'd break. Matt was staring at him, eyes wide. For a few moments, more than anything in the world, he wanted to tell him what was going on. He felt horrible out of control of the whole situation and couldn't really find a way to fix it. Adam already knew some of it anyway.but no. If he told Adam, he would tell Vince and then God alone knew what would happen. He sighed, wondering how he'd gotten himself into this.
Adam had managed to calm himself down somewhat but he was having trouble. Part of him just wanted to take Matt and shake him, just scream in his face, "what is wrong with you?! Don't you see what you're doing to yourself?! And us?! Don't you even care?!" He held himself back knowing that it wouldn't do any good and that Matt, in fact, probably didn't care. Probably couldn't care.
He sighed bitterly and took him by the shoulders again not as gently this time forced him to make eye contact and held him there. "Matt, you have to tell me what's going on and it has to stop cause we can't keep going this way. You're coming apart, Matt, and you're taking everyone with you." For a second, he thought he'd gotten through. Matt was staring directly into his eyes and Adam could see the fear and confusion and how badly he wanted to tell someone. But the moment passed and the pleading look was replaced by one of anger. It came so swiftly and so forcefully that Adam never had a chance to back off. Matt's hand came up and hit him in the head hard enough to knock him onto the floor. He looked up at him, head spinning, and managed to scramble out of the way barely in time to avoid getting stomped in the stomach. Seeing Matt was out for blood and out of control, he quickly jumped to his feet and backed away. They stood there eyeing each other. Adam knew just looking at him that if he let him get a hold of him he was going to get hurt. Matt looked insane, his eyes were flashing and he was breathing hard and Adam could see him trembling all over. In the silence that had suddenly sprung up, he could hear little growling sounds coming from Matt. He watched him warily afraid to move or speak. He looked fully capable of murder. Whatever he was doing that was making him act like this, it was way beyond a little grass, Adam realized. Knowing that Matt was more than likely completely irrational, Adam started backing slowly toward the door. He didn't want this to happen. He had nearly made it when Matt suddenly screamed at him, inarticulate and outraged and launched himself at Adam.
Matt's charge and the force of his body hitting Adam drove Adam into the wall. He grabbed Matt by the shirt and the hair and spun him around slamming him into the same wall. It took nearly no effort to hold him there. He was painfully thin and seemed to weigh nothing at all. Adam was horrified but furious. He kept him pinned there, his leg against Matt's, his hand pushing his chest, the other hand gripping the hair on the back of his head. He was so mad he was shaking. "Don't you ever, ever do that to me again, do you understand me?!" He was screaming into Matt's face. "I don't care what you think your problem is. You never, ever try that again cause I will fuck you up!!!" He was punctuating his screams by shoving Matt harder into the wall.
Matt didn't react, just looked at him numbly. All the anger had drained out of him in an instant and he just didn't care. Adam seeing his dull detached look was suddenly overcome by revulsion. He let him go quickly, skin crawling at the thought even of touching him, and stepped back. "You know what, Matt? I don't care. Do what you want. Kill yourself. I don't care. I don't know you." He gave the smaller boy a shove and somewhere inside realized he'd knocked him down but he didn't care. He had to get out of there before he got sick. He slammed out of the door, leaving Matt dazed and defeated, sitting against the wall.
~present day~ Amy and Adam sat watching Matt sleep. Unable to get comfortable after nearly two days sitting in these chairs, Amy finally opted for propping her feet up on his bed. She knew she'd be asked to take them down if one of these battleaxe nurses happened along but she didn't much care. She'd about hit her limit and was ready to just crawl in with him and go to sleep. She watched him thoughtfully, wondering what his dreams were. She hadn't spoken to him since the night they'd come in. Every time she came in here he was asleep. They'd told them that he was fine, but they doubted it. People who are fine, in their opinion, didn't deliberately overdose. Amy's thoughts turned sarcastic. "Must have been all the brightness and joy he couldn't take." she sighed. She knew why he'd tried it. He'd hurt Jeff and he couldn't live with that. She hoped that once his system had cleared, he'd be able to see that it wasn't really him that had hurt Jeff. That he'd been out of control. Still, she wanted him to take responsibility for it. No matter the circumstances, it just wasn't okay and it wouldn't be. Jeff was afraid of him now and she didn't know how to fix that. She'd been told not to try. That it wasn't his problem but these were her best friends and as far as she was concerned, undoing this thing was nobody's problem but hers.
She was comforted somewhat by the fact that both of the guys had reportedly asked about the other and had expressed concern, but neither of them had asked to see the other and there was a debate now as to whether it would be allowed if one of them should. She also had Adam to deal with who'd been alternating between despair over Matt's condition and murderous anger over what he'd done.
Sighing, she pulled her thoughts back to now. Matt was asleep and evidently comfortable. She'd better go back to the ones who were awake and more apt to need her there. She kicked him a little by accident taking her feet down and waited to see if he would wake up but he turned over and continued to sleep. She brushed some hair out of his eyes and kissed his cheek. Whatever he had done, she was sticking with him. She watched him a moment more and then left to go deal with the others. She was nearly out the door when she remembered the note she had for him. She pulled it out of her pocket eyed it dubiously and laid it on his pillow and left the room.
~present day Matt~ He didn't realize he'd fallen asleep until he suddenly found himself awake again. When his eyes opened they lit on a note lying on his pillow. He picked it up struggling to focus his eyes. "Matt, just to let you know, I told them that it wasn't in any way your fault. It was all mine and I thought you should know that too. I'm so sorry if I'd known how this was going to turn out, none of it would have ever happened. Take care, Jay."
Matt lay back against the pillow thinking. He wished he could stop thinking. How was it Jay's fault? Jay hadn't made him do any of it. He thought back, remembering the day it had all started to go out of control. He'd gone over and lit up as usual..
~five weeks previous~ Forty minutes later Matt was feeling mighty fine. His head buzzed pleasantly and the world had taken on a dreamy quality. He sat on the couch half watching half sleeping as Sex and the City played out it's saga on the TV screen. He found he was unable to follow the timeline of the show. Things seemed to be happening in isolated jumps but he didn't really mind. He was too sleepy to care. Jay was in the kitchenette preparing himself a snack. A sudden rapping on the door caused Jay to slightly jump. He glanced nervously at the mess on the table in front of the couch and then shifted his gaze to Matt who seemed to be dozing off.
"Hey, wake up. Company," he called over. Matt looked up confused. "What? Huh? Oh, you want me to leave?" Jay shook his head and headed for the door. "No, you're fine." "Oh, okay," Matt let his head fall back against the couch again. "Just put that stuff up would ya?" Jay pointed to the small red coca-cola tray that sat on the table. "Just stick it under the couch." Matt grunted, leaned forward grabbing the small tray that held a baggy, lighter, and rolling papers, and shoved it under the couch. He then resumed his original position.
Jay reached the door, which by now was being pounded on, and opened it. "Hey guys, what's up?" "Hey, Jay! A tall guy about mid twenties stepped into the room. He glanced around. "Nice pad they hooked you up with, huh?" "Yeah it's pretty cool. Corey this is Matt," he pointed towards the man on the sofa. "Matt!" Matt looked over. "Matt, this is my friend Corey." Matt nodded and resumed watching Sarah Jessica Parker.
"He's cool. Hey! Stacy!" A beautiful girl in her twenties bounced into the room, her long blonde hair bouncing along with her. "Jay!" She grabbed him in a hug and tapped his back with the six pack she held in her hands. "You mind?" "Nah, not at all. Fridge is over there." He jerked his thumb over his shoulder indicating the small refrigerator in the kitchenette. Stacy quickly deposited the beer into the sparsely filled fridge and walked back into the main room. She took her first notice of Matt, sitting half in and half out of consciousness, on the sofa and went over to him. She stood in front of the TV blocking his view. "Hi there!" she said in an especially cheerful tone.
Matt glanced up at her through half opened eyes. "Hi," was all he said. She stared at him a moment, her golden colored eyes drinking him in. Matt just sat debating whether it was worth trying to get his mouth to form the words "you are standing in front of the TV," decided it wasn't worth it and just stared blankly at her. Stacy got the hint and went back into the kitchen where Jay had resumed making his salami sandwich.
"So what's he doing in here with you?" Stacy asked. "Well, he's run himself pretty ragged and he's stressing out, kind of. He comes and sees me to relax, if you catch my drift." Stacy looked back at Matt who was struggling to keep his eyes open. "Looks tired." She smiled. "I'm gonna go talk to him." "Cool," Jay looked over at Matt again who had lost the battle with his eyelids and now appeared to be asleep. "You might have to wake him up though," he laughed. "God, Jay, what'd you do to him?" She shook her head and headed over to the couch.
Stacy sat next to him on the sofa. His head was leaning on the back and his eyes were closed and to her he appeared to be dozing. She turned sideways tucking one leg under her body and leaned in whispering into his ear, "Hey." Matt jumped a little, blinked twice rapidly, and then slowly focused his bloodshot brown eyes on her. "He." he lightly cleared his throat, "Hey," he said again. She smiled at him. "Tired huh?"
He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "A little bit, I guess." He sat forward resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands between his legs. He hoped she wasn't going to expect him to carry on anything like a conversation. He was finding it hard enough just to keep his eyes open. He stretched a little, wincing at the unexpected stiffness in his neck. He reached up to rub away the ache but another pair of hands was suddenly there instead. He glanced at her, uneasy, but she smiled reassuringly and continued to kneed his neck, trying to relieve the built up tension that was evident. His head dropped forward and he grunted as she massaged his sore muscles harder.
"How's that feel?" She asked. "Good, thanks" he relaxed into it, enjoying the attention. His bliss was disturbed by a good-natured voice and a tap on the shoulder. He opened his eyes and saw a beer bottle just inches from his face. Jay's friend Corey with an amiable smile shook it lightly at him. "Want this, man?"
Before Matt could begin to respond, Jay pressed a coke into his hand and lightly admonished Corey. "No, man, he can't have that. He's taking medications and stuff. Won't mix." He winked at Matt who seemed baffled by the whole exchange. At this point, the beer, the coke, Jay and Corey were secondary to the fact that he was getting a killer backrub by a beautiful girl. He was a little disappointed when she drew her hands away and sat back. He smiled at here a little hoping she'd continue but the look in her golden eyes was quizzical. He sat back, eyebrows raised, waiting. She looked him over and crossed her arms. "Well, you look pretty healthy to me. What are you on medication for?" He shook his head completely distracted by her eyes, her hair, her proximity.
"What?" Somewhere in his mind he realized he was sounding like an idiot, but he really didn't care. She smiled at him and he felt a silly grin breaking over his face. Again the little voice of his mind nudged him 'you look like a dork' but he ignored it. As long as she kept smiling at him like that, his world felt fine. She laughed, reached out, and tucked some flyway hair back behind his ear. "Jay said you were taking medication. Are you sick?" He shook his head. "No, I'm fine." He couldn't stop staring at her eyes.
She sighed and tried again. "Well, what is it you're taking?" He looked away for a moment trying to remember the name of the medication in his pocket. For the life of him it just wouldn't come. A minute or so later the strain of trying to think began to give him a headache and he laughed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the bottle handing it to her with a sheepish grin. "I really don't even know. Ignore me."
His mellow mood began to fade and alarm set in when he saw her opening the bottle. He reached out and grabbed her wrist. "Hey, stop! What're you doing? Those are mine." The strain in his voice and the force of the hand gripping her wrist brought her up short. She looked up at him instantly, alarmed at the tone of his voice, and her eyes widened at the anger in his face. She hurriedly relinquished the bottle into his hand and reached out to touch his shoulder stroking gently hoping to calm himself. Her voice became soft and soothing as she spoke. "Matt, honey, I'm not taking them. I know they're yours."
She moved the hand from his shoulder to his hair, still keeping the same stroking motion, watching his tension gradually slip away. When he seemed to be calm again, she quietly got up and whispered to him, "I'll be right back. You take it easy." He nodded absently having been so entranced by her hand in his hair that he'd never noticed her slipping the tabs out of the bottle.
Matt had started to doze again by the time Stacy returned. Jay had attempted to engage him in conversation but Matt feeling shaky and drained after his panic over Stacy opening his medicine bottle, had downed two of the tabs with his coke and was calmed to the point of unconsciousness. Jay was watching him, concern etched into his face, when Stacy plopped herself back down on the couch. "What's up with him?" her voice held little worry. Jay shook his head. "I don't know. I came over and lit him up and he just kinda zoned out on me. I really don't want to have to explain why he's passed out here." Stacy nodded. "I'll fix him up fine, Jay, no fear."
His eyes narrowed. "Oh no you don't. You aren't speeding him up. He'll sleep it off." She laughed, "Jay, I'm not gonna hurt him and he'll liven up a lot quicker. Now you go play with Corey and let me worry about Matt." She playfully pushed him off the couch, "Go, go. Don't worry."
He eyed her dubiously but his need to wake Matt up overrode his concerns and he reluctantly got up pointing a finger in her face, "You be careful. I don't want anything to happen to him." She giggled. "Go on Jay, he's fine." She turned her attention to the sleeping boy on the couch and gave him a hard shake.
Matt didn't know what was happening. There were voices washing over him everywhere but nobody seemed to be saying anything. He wished they'd all go away and let him sleep, God, he was so tired. He'd almost succeeded in tuning them out when someone grabbed his arm none too gently and gave a rough yank. He struggled to open his eyes but only managed to get them halfway. He couldn't really focus but he thought maybe it was Stacy. Matt desperately wanted to wake up for her and made a monumental effort and sat himself up.
Stacy grabbed as he started to fall off the couch and laughed. "Pretty out of it, my friend, but I think I have something that will fix you up fine." He ogled at her blurry eyed and off balance and mumbled, "No, 's'okay. I'm fine." She shook her head, "Not so very, I don't think, how do you feel?" He opened his eyes comically wide and nodded his head. "Fine, I'm fine, I feel good." He tried to look sincere and she had to laugh. He dropped his head into his hands and she slid closer and began rubbing his back again. "I've got something else that will make you feel good." Matt lifted his head and turned to look at her, a quizzical expression painted on his face. "Really? What's that?" His gaze drifted to her low cut T-shirt, his eyes roving her cleavage. Unbeknownst to himself, a smile played on his lips.
She laughed at him and lifted his chin with her fingers. "Not that, Romeo, I have something better." She playfully pushed him back against the couch cushions and held him there with one hand against his chest while with her other hand she fished around in her pocket finally pulling out a small foil wrapped packet. She smiled at him and moved her hand from his chest replacing it with her shoulder as she leaned back against him effectively pinning him. He laughed and poked her arm. "I'm not going anywhere. Believe it. You don't have to hold me here." She smiled back at him. "Maybe I just want to." Her smile and her words sent a rush through him unlike anything he'd ever felt. He felt himself starting to be out of breath. Stacy glance at him and her eyes glinted. She could see his excitement. She turned slightly leaned in close and trapped his eyes with hers. His world was filled with lovely gold and the rest of the room receded. She gently stroked the side of his face and his hair and then held up two small pink pills.