Title: In General
Author: Mana
Spoilers: S10, I guess.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I do not own ER or Eliza Gilkyson's song, though I admire both
Summary: An introspective song fic based on Abby
Author's note: I got the idea for this story listening to Eliza Gilkyson's CD Hard Times in Babylon. This is my first attempt at a song fic, and I was kind of upset because I missed the second half of the song because I was too busy composing the story. I love all of Eliza Gilkyson's songs, she's a fabulous songwriter all of you should check out. Not sure what this particular song has to do with this story though…I thought it was about acceptance or something, but writing out the lyrics I realized I was probably wrong. Anyways, I hope you like!
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In general, she's well. Not the sallow-skinned drunk version of herself she would have imagined becoming in such a situation before this one came to be.
Without him, she used to very privately tell herself, she would die. But then when he left she was in such disbelief, the notion she should be grieving only occurred to her after she'd spent weeks away from him. By that time, the direction of her days had shifted, and the hole he'd left that she should have mourned did not exist in her new life. Once, eons ago, she realized that if he left she would retreat so far inside herself, her soul would be unrecognizable to the outside world. Now, she prospered.
Occasionally she was reminded of him. Wind blowing across her face at a certain angle; laughter at a joke he would have enjoyed; strains of lyrics from a song that she could not release from her consciousness.
These times she would pull her lips into a sad smile, perhaps afford him a few tears. She'd wish for a moment that he was home and that all had returned to its former state. And then she'd stop herself—remind herself—that she was okay without him.
I'll light a candle in your name
long past midnight memories bright in the freeze frame
and I'm asking myself why
I see you at the Marriott
funny little grin driving those drums like a chariot
well did it hurt too much to try
Woody you were my hero
a shoulder to cry on when I bottomed out at zero
and in the hour of the wolf
just before the dawn
hard times in Babylon
O.K. so you had to go take a walk on the wild side
down thru the valley of the shadow
but it just don't seem like you
Woody you could have called out
there's not a man or a woman gathered here tonight in the big house
who wouldn't run the pull you through
an incident so grievous
20 years ago who'd have thought this was the way that you would leave us
but in the hour of the wolf
just before the dawn
hard times in Babylon
we gotta hang together when the air's this thin
hang out the masks for the oxygen
live for something
we're coming upon a time in our lives
when the little dream lives but the big dream dies
not for nothing not for nothing
I know that love don't end
but nothing I can do is going to bring you back or let me see you again
and in the hour of the wolf
just before the dawn
hard times in Babylon