Disclaimer: Once again I do not own any WWE superstars nor do I own the
WWE.
Jeff was oblivious to the tears streaming down his flushed cheeks as he screamed and lashed out at Matt. Then as quickly as the outburst came, it faded. His hand weakly went for Matt one more time then it fell to his side. He was nearly hysterical now, choking on sobs, a wailing noise coming from somewhere deep in his throat. Matt instinctively wrapped his arms around Jeff's convulsing body and with as much strength as he could muster, he held Jeff to him. They sat rocking in each other's arms for a moment. The only noises were Jeff's sobs and the gentle whirring of machines. Matt closed his eyes and gently stroked Jeff's matted hair. Suddenly, with out any warning, Jeff pushed Matt away and tried to stand. Using the leg of a plastic chair for support, he slowly climbed to his feet swaying as a rush of nausea and dizziness hit him. "Don't," he said, his voice thick with tears. "Don't you even touch me." Jeff staggered over and sat on his bed facing the window staring out into the dark rainy night. His vision was blurred by the hot tears still falling uncontrollably from his eyes. "How can I forgive you for this?" he whispered so quietly that Matt had to strain to hear his small voice. "How can I? You're supposed to be there for me. You're supposed to." his chin trembled and he stopped as a fresh set of tears slid down his cheeks. Jeff closed his eyes and hung his head. "All I wanted to do was help you. All I wanted was my Matt back." He took a deep breath that shook when he let it out. Lifting his head, he looked at his brother who still sat on the floor. Matt couldn't move. He felt paralyze. Words pounded in his head but none would form and roll off his tongue. He wanted to tell Jeff that everything was going to be all right. That he would change. That things would go back to the way they once were before all this started. But somehow he couldn't bring himself to say them. So they sat. Both mute.
After a few minutes of this, Adam crossed over to Jeff and slipped an arm around him. Jeff buried his face in his shoulder still crying and Adam did his best to comfort him stroking his hair and murmuring softly. Matt watched this, shattered. They were separate now. He wasn't part of them anymore. He climbed to his feet pulling up on the furniture, too drained and weak to make it on his own. He took one unsteady step toward the two on the bed but got no further. Adam saw him coming and flung out one hand, palm outward. "Don't. Just don't. Don't come anywhere near us. Just get out. Or don't you think you've done enough?" He was glaring at Matt, eyes full of contempt. Matt just shook his head helplessly. "Adam, I." Adam waved him off. "I don't care. Just get out." He turned his attention back to Jeff as if Matt no longer existed. Matt just stood there unable to move or to think until Amy finally took his arm and led him from the room.
"Matt, look up here." Amy tipped his chin up a little to reach a small cut on his face. She spent the better part of an hour patching him up. Jeff had managed to do a fair amount of damage. She'd shooed the nurses out. She'd wanted him while he was still open before the walls came up again. "Matt, that was pretty bad, wasn't it?" She stated the obvious hoping that he'd start talking if he didn't have to think about it. He nodded and his eyes filled up again. "Yes." his voice was a whisper, "They hate me now don't they?" His eyes searched hers and she knew he wanted her to deny it. She couldn't. She continued her ministrations gently and kept her replies neutral. "I don't know that it's hate, Matt, do you think they should hate you?" He sighed bitterly, "Yes, I do. They have every reason." his voice broke and he stopped, struggling desperately to keep control. She took his hand and started on the gash he'd put in it pulling out the IV line. He winced a little and she stopped for a moment not wanting to hurt him any more than he already was. He watched what she was doing. "You know, I don't care if it hurts. Just do it. It doesn't matter." "Well, it matters to me." "Why?"
She stopped surprised and it was a minute before she could answer him. The question had cut to her soul that he could even ask why she cared. "Matt." she fought tears, "Matt, you're my best friend. I love you. Nothing you could ever do." she lost the fight and tears began to fall. "I don't know how or why you did this and I don't understand how it happened...but I don't hate you. I hate myself for letting it happen, for not realizing, for letting you.." His hand clutching hers hard cut off her words. She looked at him and his eyes were flashing. "Don't you ever say that! Don't you ever say you hate yourself! You didn't do this! I did this! And I knew what I was doing! So don't you ever..." Unable to finish, he pulled away from her and slid down in the bed turning his back to her. She could see him shaking and knew he was crying. She let him be for a few minutes and then gently pulled him back over. "Matt, Jay told me the first time, you had no idea." He nodded. "I didn't. I just felt awful and he said it would help."
"And did it?' He nodded. "Yeah, it helped a lot." She sat next to him on the bed gently running her fingers back and forth against his hand. "Matt, what was going on that you needed all that stuff? What was so bad?"
His gaze was searching as if wondering if he could trust her. She kept contact making sure she never broke touch. He needed it. She needed it. He finally sighed and said what she had been hoping he'd say. "Amy, it doesn't matter what it was. It was a stupid thing to do and look how much it helped, right? I'm so sorry.you just don't know what I feel like right now." Amy shook her head. "No I don't. But I'd like to know how you feel." He sat up then and pulled her close to him resting his head on her shoulder. She held him gently waiting, knowing that right now it was just closeness he needed, that talking would come later. He sat with her like that finally feeling warm. Finally feeling safe. She still loved him. At least he still had her. He held her tightly not about to let her go and finally fell asleep there in her arms.
***Thanks again for the reviews. Sorry for the short chapter. I'll try to post more soon.***
Jeff was oblivious to the tears streaming down his flushed cheeks as he screamed and lashed out at Matt. Then as quickly as the outburst came, it faded. His hand weakly went for Matt one more time then it fell to his side. He was nearly hysterical now, choking on sobs, a wailing noise coming from somewhere deep in his throat. Matt instinctively wrapped his arms around Jeff's convulsing body and with as much strength as he could muster, he held Jeff to him. They sat rocking in each other's arms for a moment. The only noises were Jeff's sobs and the gentle whirring of machines. Matt closed his eyes and gently stroked Jeff's matted hair. Suddenly, with out any warning, Jeff pushed Matt away and tried to stand. Using the leg of a plastic chair for support, he slowly climbed to his feet swaying as a rush of nausea and dizziness hit him. "Don't," he said, his voice thick with tears. "Don't you even touch me." Jeff staggered over and sat on his bed facing the window staring out into the dark rainy night. His vision was blurred by the hot tears still falling uncontrollably from his eyes. "How can I forgive you for this?" he whispered so quietly that Matt had to strain to hear his small voice. "How can I? You're supposed to be there for me. You're supposed to." his chin trembled and he stopped as a fresh set of tears slid down his cheeks. Jeff closed his eyes and hung his head. "All I wanted to do was help you. All I wanted was my Matt back." He took a deep breath that shook when he let it out. Lifting his head, he looked at his brother who still sat on the floor. Matt couldn't move. He felt paralyze. Words pounded in his head but none would form and roll off his tongue. He wanted to tell Jeff that everything was going to be all right. That he would change. That things would go back to the way they once were before all this started. But somehow he couldn't bring himself to say them. So they sat. Both mute.
After a few minutes of this, Adam crossed over to Jeff and slipped an arm around him. Jeff buried his face in his shoulder still crying and Adam did his best to comfort him stroking his hair and murmuring softly. Matt watched this, shattered. They were separate now. He wasn't part of them anymore. He climbed to his feet pulling up on the furniture, too drained and weak to make it on his own. He took one unsteady step toward the two on the bed but got no further. Adam saw him coming and flung out one hand, palm outward. "Don't. Just don't. Don't come anywhere near us. Just get out. Or don't you think you've done enough?" He was glaring at Matt, eyes full of contempt. Matt just shook his head helplessly. "Adam, I." Adam waved him off. "I don't care. Just get out." He turned his attention back to Jeff as if Matt no longer existed. Matt just stood there unable to move or to think until Amy finally took his arm and led him from the room.
"Matt, look up here." Amy tipped his chin up a little to reach a small cut on his face. She spent the better part of an hour patching him up. Jeff had managed to do a fair amount of damage. She'd shooed the nurses out. She'd wanted him while he was still open before the walls came up again. "Matt, that was pretty bad, wasn't it?" She stated the obvious hoping that he'd start talking if he didn't have to think about it. He nodded and his eyes filled up again. "Yes." his voice was a whisper, "They hate me now don't they?" His eyes searched hers and she knew he wanted her to deny it. She couldn't. She continued her ministrations gently and kept her replies neutral. "I don't know that it's hate, Matt, do you think they should hate you?" He sighed bitterly, "Yes, I do. They have every reason." his voice broke and he stopped, struggling desperately to keep control. She took his hand and started on the gash he'd put in it pulling out the IV line. He winced a little and she stopped for a moment not wanting to hurt him any more than he already was. He watched what she was doing. "You know, I don't care if it hurts. Just do it. It doesn't matter." "Well, it matters to me." "Why?"
She stopped surprised and it was a minute before she could answer him. The question had cut to her soul that he could even ask why she cared. "Matt." she fought tears, "Matt, you're my best friend. I love you. Nothing you could ever do." she lost the fight and tears began to fall. "I don't know how or why you did this and I don't understand how it happened...but I don't hate you. I hate myself for letting it happen, for not realizing, for letting you.." His hand clutching hers hard cut off her words. She looked at him and his eyes were flashing. "Don't you ever say that! Don't you ever say you hate yourself! You didn't do this! I did this! And I knew what I was doing! So don't you ever..." Unable to finish, he pulled away from her and slid down in the bed turning his back to her. She could see him shaking and knew he was crying. She let him be for a few minutes and then gently pulled him back over. "Matt, Jay told me the first time, you had no idea." He nodded. "I didn't. I just felt awful and he said it would help."
"And did it?' He nodded. "Yeah, it helped a lot." She sat next to him on the bed gently running her fingers back and forth against his hand. "Matt, what was going on that you needed all that stuff? What was so bad?"
His gaze was searching as if wondering if he could trust her. She kept contact making sure she never broke touch. He needed it. She needed it. He finally sighed and said what she had been hoping he'd say. "Amy, it doesn't matter what it was. It was a stupid thing to do and look how much it helped, right? I'm so sorry.you just don't know what I feel like right now." Amy shook her head. "No I don't. But I'd like to know how you feel." He sat up then and pulled her close to him resting his head on her shoulder. She held him gently waiting, knowing that right now it was just closeness he needed, that talking would come later. He sat with her like that finally feeling warm. Finally feeling safe. She still loved him. At least he still had her. He held her tightly not about to let her go and finally fell asleep there in her arms.
***Thanks again for the reviews. Sorry for the short chapter. I'll try to post more soon.***