Sam slowly walked up the small hill, not really even noticing where he was going, not able to believe that so much had changed so quickly, that.... that Catherine was gone. He felt tears welling up once more in his eyes and didn't even try to control them as he watched Bobby, Cosmo, Frank, Noah and a couple of the other marshals placing the white coffin on the stand in front of the open grave. How could she have been taken just like that? He should have been there, should have been able to have saved her. Should have never let her go.
He bowed his head as the minister started to speak, Noah silently moving to his side as the other marshals huddled in a protective cluster around them. Good kids, every one of them, handling all of the arrangements to bring her home, making sure that he would have as much time with her as he needed, 'Vannah finding something nice for Catherine to be buried in. Oh, God, how could it be? Everything had been perfect, just like Catherine would have wanted it. How could she be....
The had removed Noah's tombstone, must have called right after they got to the hospital and found out that he was back. Sam could sense people in the crowd shooting curious glances at the boy, wondering how on earth he could actually be there. However it had happened, Sam was thankful to have Noah at his side. He doubted he could get through it, otherwise. A good turnout, Catherine would have liked that. He had never been sure that she had really understood how much everyone cared for her, not after how her family had treated her when they got together. Damn, her own family... Only one that had bothered to show up was a niece whose name he didn't even know.
He ran his fingers over the blue baby blanket in his hands, soft material slightly comforting him. She had worked so hard on that thing, handiwork hadn't really been her thing but she had wanted something handmade for their son, something to show their little boy how much his mama loved him. He had already let them know that he wanted that on her tombstone, Mother of Patrick Samuel Gerard. She had never known if she had really been a mama after losing the baby.
Amazing Grace. Tears were coming more strongly now as the hymn started. Cath had been that to him more than a few times, saving him from total despair when their son was lost knowing how much she needed him, then again when Noah was taken. How could he have treated her the way he had after they had thought they had lost that boy? They could have, should have been together, had those years together. Instead, he had pushed her away, hurt her terribly. Now he would never have a chance to correct that, to make things right between them. He closed his eyes, forcing back a sob building in his throat. Let it be a nightmare, God, please let it be a nightmare.
He jumped slightly at the sound of the gunfire, instinct kicking in before he recognized the sound as the traditional salute. Service was over. How could it be over so soon? How could it be time to consign Catherine to the cold ground, never to hold her again, to love her? He moved forward robotically, leaning over the coffin, looking down into Catherine's pale face. 'Please just give her back. Noah came back. Just give Catherine back and let me make this right. Don't let it end like this.'
He gently reached out, taking hold of her hand, hating how it felt, cold, stiff, not like Catherine anymore. He eased the blanket into her grasp, tucking the edges of it around her as if it would warm her, as if it would do something to remove that terrible, terrible cold. 'You just wrap our little boy in that, sweetheart,' he whispered as he leaned down and softly kissed her lips. Cold, so cold. Let it be a nightmare. It has to be a nightmare. She can't be.... 'Tell him daddy loves him and I'll be with both of you soon.' Tears were falling harder now, running silently down his face and onto Catherine's marble white skin and he kissed her once more, his hand moving and gently caressing her face, trying to memorize what it felt like to touch her, every last feature.
How could he do it, let them put her down in that deep black hole? He wanted to wrap her in his arms, wrap her in his arms and just take her home. There had to be something, anything.... Love worked miracles. Why couldn't they have one more miracle? 'I love you, Catherine,' he murmured as he kissed her once more, the world suddenly spinning wildly around him as he felt blissful darkness overtaking him.
He felt the thud as he hit the ground. Maybe this is it, he thought. Maybe I can be with them right now. Heart attack? He accepted, welcomed, the possibility, his heart aching for his lost family. But the vibrations from his fall didn't stop, somehow. They continued.
"Sam? Sam!" Noah called, and Sam groaned inwardly. He didn't want to go back, wanted to go on, to be with Catherine. But the boy wouldn't be denied. Sam opened his eyes...
To find Noah standing over him in the chapel, shaking him awake, as he lay slumped against the altar.