Title: Beyond Uttered Words
Author: Keithan
Disclaimers: Lord of the Rings and its characters belongs to their respective
owners.
Rating: PG
Series: 1/1
Warnings: None other than implied love between same gender.(mild slash;
a/l)
Summary: Legolas plans to leave Minas Tirith with Gimli when things have
settled after the war without planning to say more than a short goodbye to the
King. But Aragorn seeks him out and the encounter results with more than a tear
shed.
Notes: Set somewhere in RotK of the books, though happens a bit differently, or could be end of the movie.
In the books, Legolas and Gimli had a promise that they would travel to Fangorn
forest only if the Elf would accompany the other to the Glittering Caves, a
fair trade. Also Legolas' stay in Ithilien is not mentioned here.
'Single quotation marks' are words spoken in Elvish, "Double"
are in Common.
BEYOND UTTERED WORDS__________
by Keithan
The moon bathed the city in its glow as it shone high in the sky in all its full glory. The white towers of the Tower of Guard gleamed wondrously under the touch of the soft fingers of light and the silence of the night was calm and peaceful, finally dropping the fear it once carried like a heavy mantle over Minas Tirith.
And indeed that was what it was.
Calm and peaceful.
Gondor had never experience such calmness and peace in so many a long year. Never had its people slept without even a single strand of fear lingering in their hearts or a dark sense of foreboding in the back of their minds. To be able to do so now was such a welcome change.
Such thoughts danced on Legolas' mind as he gazed at the sleeping city through one of the towers' windows. Breathing in the fresh air and feeling the cool night breeze on his skin, he stood unmoving as his eyes took in everything that he could see and imprinting it in his memory.
For who knew when he would again be able to behold Minas Tirith in his long life?
A soft sigh escaped his lips, his form barely and unnoticeably slumping in the slightest as his thoughts of Gondor was paved to thoughts of which he wanted to forget at least for this night.
This night was special, special in a bittersweet kind of way. It was his last night in Minas Tirith.
When dawn breaks, and the morn comes, he would take his road together with Gimli, the Dwarf, and travel away from Gondor, to where was no longer important.
The war had already ended. The City was back to its normal routine, except for the fact that they now had Aragorn as the Crowned King Elessar and the Lady Arwen as their queen.
Legolas closed his eyes briefly, short glimpses of memories of the past months flashed through his mind. His place no longer stood in Minas Tirith, never did in the first place.
The Fellowship was past. The quest had been finished. What good was there for him to linger in a place where there was no need for him to stay?
He smiled inwardly, for he knew he had every reason to stay, yet he could not ignore the fact that he had every reason to leave as well.
He needed time - time away from all that happened, time for him to reconstruct his life again and find his place in a world where evil, as it once was, no longer dwells.
More than a year ago he served as a warrior and prince to Mirkwood. After leaving his home, he found himself on a new journey, a quest for all peoples of Middle-earth. And now, months later, he found himself at lost, his heart light for their victory, felt happiness for his friends, yet burdened it was with grief and pain for himself.
He had to leave.
A faint sound reached his ears. Light footsteps headed his way. Heavy to be an Elf or a hobbit but too light to be a Dwarf or Man, or better yet, just any Man.
He closed his eyes. He should have known that a confrontation would be inevitable. He was hoping to avoid it.
The footsteps stopped all together and Legolas knew then that he was no longer alone.
A sigh reached his ears, then, softly, "You are to depart tomorrow morn," There was resignation interlaced underneath the soft tone, as if accepting the fact that there was nothing he could do about it. Somehow, the Elf had a feeling it was supposed to come out as a question.
A soft sigh once more, this time, it was from Legolas. He didn't turn, yet he bowed his head slightly, removing his gaze from the city outside. "From whom did you learn of this, Elessar?" He asked softly, almost sadly, not knowing how to answer the other's statement. Somehow, the use of Aragorn's royal name even without the title brought a certain kind of formality to their conversation and it told him that they were not going to have their usual friendly talks or banter.
King Elessar took a hesitant step towards the Elf. The hesitancy was now out of place with the long, regal, yet still simple raiment he then wore. The Elf's tone was not lost on him and it gripped at his already pained heart. "Were you not to inform me of this, my friend?" The last words tasted somewhat bitter on his lips for the wrongness it felt even though it bothered him not before. And although he tried to conceal what it was that he was currently feeling his voice came out as a pained whisper, his hurt evidently showing.
Legolas closed his eyes tightly upon feeling the pain radiate from Aragorn, now Elessar King, adding to his own pain and grief that he was already suffering from. They needed this not. There was enough concealed suffering for each of them when words remained unuttered, how much more if they were not? It was one reason why he avoided this kind of confrontation, to avoid the dagger on their hearts, or his heart at least, to penetrate deeper into his being. As for Aragorn's feelings of suffering, he dared not dwell upon it on his mind lest he kindle the fire of hope that was long dead in his heart.
"It was not my intention. I was to inform you ere the first crack of light touches the sky," He said. Their conversation was not formal nor was it personal, yet it was intimate in a sense that could not be described.
Intimate as a lover's exchange?
With great effort, he turned partly to face the now King of Gondor. And he was met with the openness of the Man's gaze. He was saddened by the pain he saw there and he was very much aware that his own eyes would probably carry the same emotions, a reflection of the other's.
They were both suffering.
Suffering from what was not and never could have been.
Both were feeling the same pain, same grief, and even the same love.
Love that is unlike any that had been known before.
For these two shared a love so pure beyond words. It was a love so deep that even Gimli, having had the rarest of chances to behold it, could feel their suffering and weep to even witness its sweetness twisted in the throes of grief and pain.
"The first crack of light?" Aragorn said, frowning. "Mere hours or even minutes before you leave?"
Legolas felt guilt wash through him and he turned his eyes away. Aragorn felt betrayed, and rightly should be. He was to leave without even saying a decent goodbye. He owed his friend that much and he regretted his earlier decision to let the man know of their departure the day itself. "Forgive me. I thought it best," He said, then paused. His whispered words seemed to softly echo through the empty corridor. 'For the both of us,' he added in his own tongue, more softly this time, the Man would not have heard it were he somebody else.
Aragorn's vision blurred as tears gathered in his eyes. He felt great emotion spread in his chest that he thought it would burst of its intensity.
Never before had any of them uttered anything that would speak of or hint at something that was between them that escaped the borders of friendship. One would think there was nothing existent beyond that borders except for the bond of brotherhood. Yet there was something there, something not even them dared to speak about. Not their care, not their unspoken devotion, not the love that passed the lines of even brotherhood. Not any of those. For Legolas to do so then brought tears to Aragorn's eyes.
Nay indeed, for even though their love was pure, it was forbidden. Not by just any laws, but by the laws they had set upon themselves and it was those laws that really counted. Aragorn was betrothed to Arwen even before he learned that his feelings to Legolas far surpassed idle fancy and ran deeper than what he had thought as a mere passing thing. And not having seen the Mirkwood Prince for ages did not help to either confirm or deny his emotions. The Elf, on the other hand, had pledged himself to never hinder them, for he loved them both greatly.
Yes, words were not spoken. Yet when their lips remained true to them, their eyes betrayed the love they tried to conceal.
Legolas remained unaware of Aragorn's sudden show of emotion and the man was glad for that. They did not need any more complications to their very intricately woven relationship.
'You leave now, Legolas?' He asked also in Elvish, not commenting on his friend's last statement. His voice was steady but he could not hide the sadness in it nor the despair, for the Elf was not only his love, he was his very dearest friend, his brother even. 'Now when I had just come to my heritage, which you so often speak with pride about?' He knew it was selfish for him to ask the Elf to stay, so ask he did not. He merely wanted to know if this departure would be forever.
"Perfect time as any, my friend," Legolas raised his eyes to meet Aragorn's, a ghost of a smile in his lips to turn the conversation into something much lighter than the path it was heading into, even going back to using the Common Tongue.
Aragorn looked down, unable to meet Legolas' gaze this time. In the back of his mind, he knew eventually that this would happen, that Legolas would soon take his leave. But after so much that they had gone through, the suffering and pain, their joys, grief, losses and victories, and their friendship and companionship, it all seemed sudden, too sudden.
"It just seems too sudden," He said, voicing his thoughts. "Too much has happened and you would just leave so soon." He said mostly to himself, not giving a thought to his words.
Legolas frowned, hurt. His grief and pain overwhelmed him and it colored his tone and words. "Understand Elessar that I have tarried here longer than I would have wanted, than what my heart would allow and be able to take." He said, his words coming out a bit cold. Then as if realizing his mistake, he quickly added, unconsciously going back to Elvish, 'Forgive me. That was out of place.'
Aragorn shook his head. 'No, you're right.' He said. 'Forgive my selfishness. My heart is grieved beyond saying. I thought not on my words.'
Legolas dismissed the apology and said nothing of it, turning back to the city he was admiring. Giving Aragorn a short glance, he spoke. 'All that my eyes behold now is yours to rule, Aragorn.' He said softly, gazing even far beyond the gates of Minas Tirith.
'But what is my rule if I stand alone, Legolas? Without my pillar of strength by my side?' Aragorn asked softly.
Legolas' lips curled in a sad, wistful smile. 'Nay,' He said. 'Not alone. You have the Lady Arwen beside you.' For a moment, his vision blurred.
Aragorn bit his lower lip, feeling the pain in his chest. For some reason, he could find no words, no answer, appropriate to that. And silence was upon them for a time.
'Arwen...' He started, hesitating. Then finally, 'She is not you.'
Almost immediately, Legolas whispered to himself, 'And who am I?' Yet it was a question he would dare not utter aloud to his friend. He feared for the answer. He feared to be just set aside for his heart might not be able to take it.
Looking back at Aragorn, he could see the turmoil raging within the Man. It was reflected clearly in his eyes. His own eyes softened as well as his voice. 'Trouble not yourself of the choices that was made for you even before you were born.'
The Man looked up at those words and meeting Legolas' gaze openly, he said, 'Know that my heart would have chosen otherwise, would have chosen a path different from that of my destiny's.'
'Speak not of words of folly!' Legolas immediately reprimanded, tears threatening to escape his eyes. 'I see in your eyes the love you have for the Evenstar...'
'As she also does!' Aragorn interrupted. 'My love for her could never be questioned.'
Legolas immediately gripped the sill of the stone window as a sharp dagger of pain had seemingly stabbed him in his heart. Yet he showed nothing and hid his pain well for Aragorn did not notice.
'But I speak the truth.' Aragorn continued. 'As you would know if you look deeper as well. You know this, your heart knows this.'
The Elf closed his eyes, defeated. In a whisper, he answered. 'Yet it does not ease the grief I feel.'
Aragorn turned his head to the side, his blurry eyes not seeing the floor. 'I can give you no comfort for I trust not my weak heart. Forgive me for not being able to ease the grief I myself caused. Yet know this, my heart would choose otherwise if given the chance.'
Legolas turned his eyes to the world outside the window once more. The world that existed outside the world they had now in that corridor. He answered in a voice so soft that Aragorn had to strain to hear it. 'Yet chance it was not to have.' The Elvish words came out in mere rush of air from his lips.
In his heart, Aragorn agreed solemnly but said naught, fearing that more suffering would result than the healing and closure they both needed.
Instead, he asked after a while. 'Why do you leave?'
Legolas raised his eyes to Aragorn. It was filled with so much emotion that Aragorn felt tears anew in his eyes. 'I cannot linger here. The pain is still fresh in my heart, the grief still too great.'
Pain for the love that never could be.
Grief for the love lost that he never really had.
He hesitated for a moment, but then he continued, keeping his eyes on the Man. 'I leave for you.' Aragorn was about to say something when Legolas motioned for him to stop. 'You also need time, Aragorn. You need time to settle down and set things right.' To himself, to the Lady and to Gondor was left unsaid.
Aragorn, sighed, then nodded, seemingly embracing the last threads of acceptance.
'I love Arwen, Estel.' Legolas said after the silence had stretched long enough. 'The light of the Eldar still is strong in her, yet it will soon fade. I grieve for such loss. As we all do for she is our Evenstar,' Looking up at Aragorn, he continued, 'Take care of her and make her happy.'
And so the road leads to parting.
Aragorn could feel the bitterness of goodbye. Legolas was saying his farewell. Nodding, he answered, 'I would make her happy as much as I am able. Yet I fear the sincerity she sees as I look upon her brings her some measure of grief.'
Legolas looked away sadly. 'She knows.'
Aye, for one would be blind to not feel it.
'She knows a part of me can never be given to her. And for that I weep eternally for the foolishness of my human heart.' Aragorn's voice was tinged with anger for himself. 'I would rather choose death than to bring her pain... to bring you pain. But alas that choice is lifted from my hands.'
'Worry not now for mistakes done and ill decisions made. I trust the Lady to give you healing from yourself for I myself could give none but time apart.'
'This is healing enough for me, mellon nin.' Aragorn said. 'I could ask no more of you,' He added sadly.
He could ask him to stay...
...but he would not.
'Then I'm glad to have given you healing. May you find peace and happiness in your long life, Estel.' Legolas said.
'May you do too, my Prince,' Then, as if hesitating, he asked, 'What of you?'
'I will travel with Gimli to lands unknown,' Legolas said, then raising his eyes to meet Aragorn's. 'I would ask you one thing though,' When the Man gave his nod, he continued, 'Do not see to our leaving tomorrow morn. I know it is not proper for you to not do so, but I ask only this of you. Bid your goodbye to Gimli before we make for our horses.'
Aragorn's face fell, clearly saddened by this. 'You ask me give up the last chance I may yet have to see you and bid you last farewell ere you depart. Who knows when I will be able to have the pleasure of your company again?' He shook his head slightly. 'Although I do not agree, I will do as you ask. Yet I cannot say that I will not look upon you from afar.' he said, then looked towards the window. 'I will behold your leaving from this very window you now stand before and see you still distances away as you ride whither you will go.'
'Hannon le, mellon nin,' Legolas said. 'For granting me this.'
'I love you, my friend... my brother,' Aragorn said piercing Legolas with his gaze, full of sincerity.
And the gravity of those words of friendship tugged at his immortal heart.
Caught off guard, Legolas just stared for a moment. Tears started to form in his eyes as the feeling of their deep bond of friendship touched him. 'As I love you.' He answered reverently.
Each held the other's gaze. Each searched the other's eyes.
"Must you do this?" Stormy grey eyes seemed to say in a last attempt to try to make him stay for a while longer. "Must you leave?"
Silver blue eyes softened. "You know I must, my lord." It seemed to answer.
Resignation could be seen taking over the other's eyes. "I know, I understand."
Then, in a whisper, without taking his eyes away, Aragorn said, 'Be safe.'
And with that, such love was shown in both their eyes as it had never been shown before.
In that dark hallway, brightness could be seen emanating from them. The blinding light of their true love remained to be seen by the heart's eyes. If any were to behold them then, they would find themselves weeping to see such love in such pain or even to just have had the glimpse of it would be enough to call forth tears to their eyes.
What more to them who, themselves, felt such?
Both felt the tears of regret, of pain, of friendship and of love and tears of all that they had gone through together and of all their emotions welling up in their eyes, threatening to break the dam and flow out. Yet none had the heart to point it out and ruin the solemnity of the moment.
Such love so pure and innocent should not have been made to suffer.
As the night deepened, the hour of Legolas' departure drew closer. And Man and Elf both knew in their hearts that the night was not going to last forever and dawn was but a few hours away.
Legolas blinked back the tears, breaking the spell that was set upon them. Almost reluctantly, he broke their stare to glance outside the window, seeing the moon was now well on its way to its zenith. Then, looking back, in a short show of utter formality and respect, he laid his fist on his chest and bowed low in a salute of royalty. "I must take my leave now, my lord. Dawn draws nigh and things must yet be prepared."
Somehow, the formality seemed needed and Aragorn did not wave it. He lowered his head in a slight bow saying, "Go now, Prince. I will keep you no longer."
Legolas nodded once then forced his eyes to stray away from the Man as he walked by.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken...*
'Im mela le,'
I Love you.
A whispered confession, wholly different from what had already been said before, made Legolas stop just beside the Man, his shoulder almost touching Aragorn's.
And the depth of those words was enough to break his wall and bring him to weeping.
A light from the shadows shall spring...*
'Melanin.'
My love.
Aragorn's words seemed to resonate within the hallway, words that had long been held back and left unsaid. It carried with it a shadow of the profundity of his feelings. A shadow it was for never could words be enough to fully capture its depth and meaning.
Legolas stared ahead, his eyes unseeing. And from them, his tears finally escaped and made its way down his fair cheeks. He closed his eyes, head slightly bowing. Somehow, his answer was still the same. 'As I love you.'
Yet within it, the difference lies and the King felt it.
At this, tears were born in Aragorn's eyes, in one then two trails. 'Promise me you'll come back,' He whispered, voice soft and choked with emotion.
Legolas didn't speak immediately, wasn't able to. His mind was desperately trying to command his lips to part and answer. Finally, they did.
And from it came the words that brought more tears to fall from King Elessar's eyes as his heart was gripped with both great love and pain.
'I'll always come back.'
No footsteps were heard, no sound was made save for the soft rustling of robes, yet Aragorn felt the loss of presence by his side.
...and the loss of his heart.
With that, Prince Legolas Thranduilion of the Woodland Realm took his leave of Elessar Telcontar, King of Gondor, and walked away from the world in that deserted corridor in the towers of Minas Tirith.
The morn came to the city and Lord Gimli, son of Glóin, and Lord Legolas, son of Thranduil, two of the Nine Walkers of the Fellowship of the Ring, left Minas Tirith for a journey of their own with only time to tell of their return.
And the King Elessar, high on one of the white towers, saw to their leaving from afar as he stood mightily behind one of its windows. And to any who might have seen saw in him the glory and valor of the great kings of old, unknowing of the great love that he had just let go yet kept dear in his heart as well.
01.02.04
*From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring..*
-from a verse in the books about Aragorn.
Elvish: I do not claim to be knowledgeable in this language, so sorry for any inaccuracy.
*Hannon le - Thank you.
*Mellon nin - My friend.
*Im mela le - I love you.
*Melanin - My love.
Writing more soon, hopefully. Well then til next time.