Ê ÊSam leaned against the door, hearing every word that Noah and the others were saying before they finally moved away. ÊHe shook his head as he headed back to Catherine's side once more, reaching down and coving her hand with his. Ê"Noah's a good kid, Catherine," Ê he said softly, gently stroking her fingers as he talked. ÊWhy couldn't Cosmo just accept that Noah was really.... ÊBoy shouldn't have to do all of this to prove himself. ÊHe closed his eyes for a moment as he thought, the stress of the day nearly overtaking him. Ê Hadn't even been twelve hours yet. ÊHow could everything have happened in such a short time?
Ê ÊSam leaned over the bed, gently pressing a kiss against Catherine's forehead. Ê"Noah's a good kid," Êhe repeated. Ê"I always thought...." ÊHe hesitated for a moment. ÊThis was something that he had never discussed with Catherine, something that he had always tried to push away. Ê "If Patrick had lived...." ÊHe felt tears start to prick at his eyes again at the thought of their son, had to fight to keep talking about him. Ê" ÊIf he had lived, I hope he would have been like Noah."
Ê ÊMaybe the first words made it easier to talk, maybe he just realized that this was something he had to do but he slowly continued. Ê"We never talked much about Patrick after and I'm sorry that I did that. ÊBoth of us throwing ourselves into work, trying to hide." Ê What he had done with Noah, he realized. Ê"I made mistakes back then, Cath, and if I could undo them...." Ê So much that he would change. ÊThere was nothing he could have done that would have prevented the crushing loss of their son but he could have tried harder, kept from losing Catherine, losing all hope of a family.
Ê ÊHe felt a tear rolling down his cheek as he looked into her pale, still face. Ê"I loved that little boy so much and when he was gone.... ÊShould have been there for you, should have at least made sure that we got to see him. ÊWhen I got that call that he was gone, that you nearly died...." Ê He reached out, gently stroking the bit of her cheek he could touch. Ê"I didn't want to believe it, prayed the entire way there for some sort of a miracle." ÊHe closed his eyes again, reliving that moment. ÊThe call from Catherine's father telling him that the baby was gone and there was no need for him to be with Catherine anymore, the rush to that hospital praying the entire time that their son really wasn't gone. Ê Should have been him if anyone had to go. ÊPatrick had his entire life ahead of him, didn't get the chance to live. Ê He'd been such a strong baby, would have grown into a good man, Sam was sure, silently remembering the times he and Catherine would lay cuddled in each other's arms feeling that little boy kicking inside of her. ÊEven after all this time, for that baby to be gone so suddenly....
Ê Ê"I miss him, Catherine. ÊI still think about him and what we could have had every day," ÊSam whispered as he leaned over and gently kissed her again. Ê"My fault, all my fault that things fell apart. ÊWhen I saw you like that and found out how close I came to losing you.... Ê I was wrong, honey. ÊI was so wrong."
Ê Ê"You have to get better, Baby. ÊI want us to make a fresh start of things, do things right this time, the way they should have been all those years ago." ÊHis fingers gently stroked her ring finger for a moment. Ê"You know, I still have your ring. Ê Guess maybe I was hoping that someday.... ÊWe can still be a family, Catherine. ÊI swear we can be. ÊJust get better."
Ê Ê His hand, which he'd tucked carefully under her pale fingers, suddenly registered pressure. He froze, staring down at the small fingers encircling his large ones. "Cath?" he whispered in a strangled voice. This time he saw her fingers tighten, just slightly. "Oh God, Cath." Her head suddenly tilted slightly toward him. "Baby, I..." Sam straightened up, determined. "I swear, baby, I'll get that ring and put it on your finger as soon as we get home. You just have to hurry and get better, okay?" Fingers tightened on his again, not strong, barely noticeable, but to Sam's senses, heightened by emotion, it was an unbreakable grip. He squared his shoulders and raised his head, lips curving in a smile, eyelashes wet with unshed tears, as he promised her, "You're mine, and I'm not letting you go again."