Warm
The sun poured through the golden hair of the lady lying in the bed. The lady turned her face, the sun hit it, and her eyes opened. For one of the first times since she had come to Minas Tirith, her face looked as warm as the sun upon it. Éowyn sat up, without the realization that she had a smile upon her face. She knew this day would be like all the others...without Aragorn. She wondered why it did not matter.
"Will you take breakfast alone today, your majesty?" Her handmaid asked as she dressed Éowyn.
"I suppose."
The handmaid hesitated, the look on her face said she wanted to say something.
Éowyn looked at her, "Out with it! I am a maiden of Rohan, so forgive my bluntness, but I for once am feeling happy in the morning, and want nothing to ruin it!"
The woman looked surprised, then said, "I was just thinking that the King is so rarely ever here...many of us have been commenting that it is a wonder you had a child at all!"
Éowyn couldn't help but nod. "You are right, he is rarely here. But, from now on, I will no longer care. If I become the Steel Lily, the Ice Maiden of Gondor, I do not care. I am the Queen, so others will just have to tolerate it!"
"Maybe the King will be home more if you become this way."
Éowyn stood up, turning toward the windows. "Not even his presence will appease me." She said this quietly, wondering at her own heart. She looked down at the many levels of the city. She saw a huge, lavishly decorated window. Curious, she looked closer. There was a crest just above the window. The White Tree. Seven stars...it was the King's Office. An expression of surprise passed Éowyn's face. She never knew she could look into his office from her window. It wouldn't matter to now, not with him gone. Faramir was occupying the office. Suddenly, an idea came into her head. She turned, looking for a handmaid. The room was really too large for her, she did not see a reason why it needed to be so big. She used less than half of the space it gave.
A handmaid came into the room, carrying a floral arrangement for Éowyn's mantelpiece.
"Do you require anything, My Queen?"
"Yes, Faramir."
Éowyn realized she had not said this correctly, as she looked at the expression of shock on her maiden's face.
"You require the Steward?"
She quickly regained her composure. "Yes. I would like him for breakfast."
The handmaid's eyes widened even more.
Éowyn sighed, sitting down. "Forgive me, none of my words are leaving my lips the way they are intended too. I would like to invite the Steward to share breakfast with me this morning. I enjoy his presence, it is quite soothing."
The handmaid nodded, "Yes, everyone in Gondor enjoys being around the Steward. He seems to have a natural gift with making others feel comfortable, at ease. The ladies of Gondor are all very happy about this, as we know he has not yet taken a wife...dear me, I am saying too much. I beg forgiveness, Your Highness, and I will send a messenger to give the Steward his invitation."
Éowyn nodded. "Thank you." The handmaiden left. She had never realized that everyone felt this way around Faramir. She also had never realized that all the ladies of Gondor were looking at him as though he was a fair prospect. Yet, he was. Tall, smart, one of the most handsome, kind, gentle, a Steward no less!
Éowyn quickly walked out of the room. Why would it matter to her if he married someone else? She was happily married. Rather, she had been in the beginning. The honeymoon ended quickly. She should be content with her husband being the king, having a son. She should be content. Yet, she was not.
She walked into the dining hall, and saw that Faramir was already there. The feeling of anxiety left her as though it had never been. He smiled at her, and Éowyn was unable to keep from looking into his eyes and smiling back.
"You came quickly, my lord."
He grinned. "I actually was already on my way to have breakfast and I intercepted the invitation on the way. Care for some fruit?"
Éowyn sat down, her face lit up, a smile widening into a laugh. She accepted the apple, eating it happily.
"What are you going to be doing today, Éowyn?"
"I plan to spend some time with my son. He is mostly cared for both my maidens, and I rarely get a chance to see him."
Faramir smiled warmly. "I'm certain that you will have a delightful day, then."
She found her eyes locking with his. She felt uncomfortable for the briefest moment, and then, she felt at ease.
"I am certain I will."
***
Éowyn hesitated before entering the nursery. She had very rarely spent time with her son, and she was filled with guilt. As much as she loved Barahir, she could not forget the pain and sadness that his birth had caused. For a long time after his birth, Éowyn was not certain that she would ever recover, physically or mentally, from becoming a mother. Customs had insisted that she hand him over to caretakers, and as much as she wished she had been outraged by this intrusion, she was actually relieved. Lately she had visited him often enough with Aragorn, but had always been distant to the now growing boy. Without Aragorn and with a growing confusion in her heart, Éowyn entered the room.
"Mama!" Barahir cried, running to his mother and stretching his arms around her. Kneeling, Éowyn embraced the small child and her maternal love flowed over. Her anxiety vanished at the sight of his sparkling grey eyes and boyish brown curls and the love that he so easily felt for her made her feel at ease.
"How are you, my son?" Éowyn asked, sitting down upon a chair and placing him upon her lap. His features favored Aragorn, and sometimes Éowyn felt as if Barahir was the closest Éowyn would get to Aragorn's pure form, without the obligations and anxieties of his kingship. He would grow up smart, strong, good, and kind, a man worthy of being the heir to the throne of Gondor. He would meet some lovely maiden, someone who could accept the life she was living. Accept the life of being like a statue in the court. She was the Queen, but she only felt like it in name. She did not know it she would ever feel like a queen.
"Has Papa come home yet?" Barahir looked up at his mother when he asked this, and his questioning eyes seemed to penetrate Éowyn's mind. She felt suddenly as if, though only a child, Barahir could sense the troubles between his parents, and perhaps knew that Aragorn's absence had changed his mother.
"No Barahir, he will not be back for a while yet. He is visiting the Hobbits, my dear, and rebuilding the great city of Annúminas. He is needed to the north. Lord Faramir has come to take over his duties in Minas Tirith until he is back."
"Mama, do you like Lord Faramir?"
Éowyn's heart leaped at this question. Surely the boy could not…no, Éowyn thought, it is a simple question. "I do, my son. He is a very noble man and one of your father's closest friends." She paused, staring out the window at the sunshine filled day outside. "Why do you ask?"
"I like him, too, Mama. He told me about the stars last night when Andreth and I met him in the gardens. He's very smart… and nice! He told me I would be as good a King as Papa one day. Do you think so?"
"Yes my son." Éowyn's voice was distant, as her mind wandered. As much as she wanted to ignore this strangeness in her heart, she could not. And her son's words only made her feel more conflicted, more confused than ever before.
Andreth entered as quietly as a shadow and Éowyn only noticed after a few moments that she was watching them. Aragorn had put her in charge of the young prince, and Éowyn thought with bitterness that Andreth was perhaps more of a mother to Barahir than she was.
"Your majesty, Prince Barahir must be going to his tutor now."
Barahir looked up at Éowyn. She could tell he wanted to stay with her, but also wanted to please Andreth. She forced a smile and said easily, "I will see you later, my son. Be good for Andreth." Barahir climbed down from her lap and went to Andreth.
"Barahir, clean yourself before lessons. I will be there in a moment to help you." Barahir left the room and Éowyn felt Andreth's cold stare upon her. Wondering what she wanted, Éowyn rose, not meeting Andreth's eyes.
"Your majesty," Andreth said as Éowyn turned to leave.
"Yes, Andreth?" Éowyn could not imagine what she had to say to her. But she was slightly alarmed with Andreth's forward manner. She was used to being removed from all reproach, all gossip and all exchange with the other women of Gondor, but Andreth's face made her believe this distance was about to be broken.
"I am sorry if I am overstepping boundaries, your majesty, but I feel I must speak." Éowyn nodded her head slightly. "It is Lord Faramir. There has been malicious talk about court concerning the amount of time you spend with him. I feel it is my duty to warn you that there are those who watch you and fabricate scandals. I would not want King Elessar to return to find his Queen's name blushed by rumors."
Éowyn could not believe her ears. She had not considered in the last few days that she was among others all the time. Her world seemed so lonely and solitary that she had never considered how her behavior might look from the outside. She was outraged and deeply ashamed at her conduct. How could she have been so foolish! How strange things must look! She realized suddenly that even then Andreth was waiting for a response.
"Of course it is nonsense. Thank you for alerting me, Andreth."
"Perhaps it would be wise, your majesty, if you were to visit your brother in Rohan until the King returns."
"I shall consider it…that will be all." Andreth left the room as quietly as she had entered it, and Éowyn made her way to the gardens. She needed to clear her mind.
She walked briskly down the stone paths of the garden, hardly taking time to look around.
Suddenly she heard a throat clear, and turned around to see Faramir standing there.
"Faramir! I thought you would be working."
He smiled as he stepped forward. "I would, but I realized I wanted I break. I've told Aragorn he does not pause to enjoy life enough."
She nodded. "Nay, I rarely see him." His presence made her nervous after what she had just heard, but after a few moments in his gaze she had forgotten Andreth's warning. Her heart seemed to take over her senses, overpowering even her troubled mind.
"I know he does not spend enough time with you." He said quietly.
"But, I love him anyway. He is my husband. I wanted to marry him since when I met him, before Mordor fell." Éowyn said this all firmly, but she could see her own feelings, her own lack of confidence plainly on Faramir's face. "He will be a good father, at least." She muttered.
Faramir nodded quickly. "Yes, he wished he knew his own father, so I know he is going to be there for Barahir."
"Both of us lost our fathers at a very young age…" She sat down, sadly.
"I might as well have lost mine."
She looked at him sharply. "You are not like your father, Faramir. There will never be a better man to be a father than you."
He laughed. "I have to marry to have a child, Éowyn. Perhaps I should leave you in charge of my personal matters from now on!"
She laughed as well. How comfortable she felt talking with him like this! She almost felt like she was back in Rohan, where they did not care for hiding words or masking feelings. Faramir was naturally very open, very good at saying something he knew would be appropriate. He could look into the heart...which was the only reason Éowyn was afraid to be around him.
For a moment, Éowyn almost felt that all the years had not passed, and that she now looked upon Faramir as Éowyn of Rohan, not as the Queen of Gondor. For a moment all the pain of the past years, her son and even her husband disappeared and she was alone with Faramir, alone for a moment in time. But the moment ended, and Éowyn, frightened at the direction her heart was taking her, gasped violently.
"What is it, my lady?" Faramir asked, ready to run for help.
"Oh it is nothing. I just… well I just now remembered that I left my embroidery in the library yesterday." Her excuse was pathetic. She knew Faramir saw right through it. But she needed to get away. "I must go get it before it is misplaced." She rushed away, feeling his eyes following her. She glanced back from the safety of the entranceway and recognized the same confusion and fear that she felt upon his features.
Faramir lingered in the garden for over an hour. He wondered how long he could go on like this. He was not yet entirely sure how he felt, nor how she felt. He saw that he made her smile when no one else, not even Aragorn. Aragorn. She was his wife. She had his son. Any feelings he might be starting to have, could not show. But, he had to know.
He quickly walked toward the library. He stopped, looking inside. Éowyn was sitting quietly on a chair reading. She was perfect. Aragorn's wife, the mother of Aragorn's child, but yet Faramir's heart saw her only as a woman, and more than that as the woman he loved. She suddenly put her book down and stood up, walking over to the open doors to the balcony. The wind blew through her hair. Almost in sync with the air, her head turned, here eyes looking right into his. Her face was flushed, eyes flashing.
"May I come in?" He asked quietly.
She nodded, unable to speak. She swallowed visibly. She wanted him to say something, but didn't want him to at the same time.
"Aragorn..." He hesitated, "should be home soon."
She nodded. "Yes, he should. I will be very glad to see him."
"As will I."
She felt like she would explode. "Faramir, please speak plainly with me. You are the only one who speaks so I feel at home. I greatly need comfort right now."
He breathed in deeply. "Please do not say that. Let Aragorn be the one who makes you feel comfortable."
A tear sprang to her eye. "I would like him to be."
He nodded. "Then I will leave him to be as such. He is your husband, you are his wife. Let him make you happy."
He turned, and walked out of the room.
"He can not be!" She called after him. He turned slowly, looking at her. She stood there, looking so fragile, so scared.
"Who, then? Please, tell me."
"I can not."
"Then, I do not want to know." He kept walking.
Éowyn ran after him. "Faramir, you have to understand. I cannot ruin my life. This life, one which I have dreamed of having my entire childhood."
He turned his head to look at her. Her heart ached at the look on his face. "This life in which you are not happy. This life in which you cry every night. This life in which you might as well have died in Pelennor Fields."
She looked at him unhappily. He saw right through her.
"I can not be around you anymore, Éowyn. It is too hard for me."
"You are the only good thing in my life, Faramir!"
A tear ran down his cheek. "I can not be the only good thing in your life when I am in love with you."
His words froze her. She wanted him to say them, hoped he would say them. He should not have said them. Choking back her tears, she told him, "I am in love with you, Faramir."
He closed his eyes slowly. When he looked at her again, his eyes were full of tears. "Which is exactly why we can never see each other again. Good-bye, Éowyn. Good bye, my fair Queen of Gondor." He walked off.
She watched him walk away. "Good bye, Faramir. Good bye, my fair Prince of Ithilien."