Beginning

Sometimes I keep questioning why all the calamities and atrocities are plaguing me. Life started to show me its cruel face from the first day I opened my eyes to the world. I don't know anything about who my real parents were or if they're still alive. I opened my eyes to this world as a victim of fate, unaware of what was going to happen to me in an old orphanage. By the way, I still haven't introduced myself to you, have I? My name is Halil Bozkurt.

The name Halil means "Friend". My surname, Bozkurt, comes from the gray-maned mountain wolf, which lives in the Asian Steppes and is considered sacred to the Turks, a symbol of happiness. I don't know why they gave me this name, but I am struggling to live this life as a man worthy of my name and surname.

Anyway, I was talking about the cruel face of life and the orphanage. The orphanage was the place where life first showed me its cruel face. In my orphanage years, I witnessed the dirty morals of cruel people that never change in this life. Because of this testimony, I always acted boldly in order not to be oppressed myself and always protected the oppressed against the oppressors. Despite protecting the oppressed in this way, unfortunately, due to an unjust punishment given to me, I had to flee from that old orphanage at the age of 12 in the middle of the night because it bothered me.

From the outside, I seem like a very wild person, but actually, I am not. I'm a pretty smart and docile man. Those who forced me to take on this character are none other than those cruel people in this world.

After escaping from that orphanage, I started my struggle for life by continuing my school and working as an apprentice in various jobs. This is my own choice against this cruel world. While you are struggling against life, if you are alone in this life, you have to be aware of your responsibility, and I quickly adopted this because of what I went through. Even if I say these to you now, I was not aware of the surprises that would happen to me in the path that my destiny opened for me at that time.

After graduating from secondary school, an opportunity was presented to me. Opportunity to study in high school as a scholarship student in Germany. I prepared for the exam and won with a good grade. I passed the exam, but the troubles started to show themselves again. To study abroad, I had to meet 3 conditions. These conditions are:

- Foreign Language (English + German)

- Passport

- Parental Consent

It's okay to handle foreign languages and passports, but the real problem is that I didn't have a mother or father responsible for me. This situation has been a bleeding wound for me since I was born. Whenever I see a child waiting for his mother or father in the schoolyard, I still stare at them with envy. Still, thankfully, the principal of my school helped me with the matter. Thanks to a petition written by my school principal to the Ministry of Interior, my state took care of me because I was an orphan.

When I thought that my life would be in full order after starting high school abroad, I did not think that I would soon have the most brutal life experience of my life. Love is perhaps the most complex emotion in this world, which no one has yet understood exactly what it means, in my opinion. Life neither goes on without it nor finds value without it. Especially there is the concept of first love, which in this world, the trace left in the heart will never be erased. And unfortunately, the scar it leaves on the heart is often an unending pain.

Don't get me wrong. The girl I love didn't leave me. I mean, I'm not that ugly on the outside. Still, she was beautiful-hearted enough to not worry too much about it. Her name was Risa. She was the epitome of beauty, about 1.60 m tall, with long red-orange hair, green eyes, and cute freckles on her cheeks. Some of you are asking yourself. How does beauty in this profile show interest in a boy like you? Frankly, I kept asking myself that after that unsuccessful meeting with her. Let me tell you what happened the day before I first met her.

Most of my life has been spent fighting bullies. I don't even have to use radar for any of those bullies to find me. Because wherever they see an orphan, they turn him around like a hyena to make it difficult. As a matter of fact, one of these typical kids has been messing with and humiliating me ever since I came to this high school. I have struggled since day one to control my patience. But that day, my patience ran out. I grabbed that boy's collar and slammed my head hard into his nose. After this action, the child became unconscious. Now I was so angry that I walked quickly down the corridor without looking back or ahead. As a 16-year-old, I am no longer in the mood to allow anyone to make fun of me. Just as I was turning left at the end of the corridor with these thoughts in my head, I suddenly bumped into someone. I was already shouting at the person who hit me when I was blinded by anger, and she acted before me.

"Whoa. Look ahead, stump dude. Are you blind or what?"

That was the moment when I lost myself in the eyes of the girl who would be the love of my life and the feeling called love chained me. After this unfortunate event, we reconciled and after a while, we became inseparable like two halves of an apple. For the first time in my life, next to a girl, I felt my heart at peace and full of hope for life. If everyone in the world was against me, if only Risa was with me, I wouldn't care about the injustices the world did to me.

What in the world is better than a peaceful and hopeful heart? It was all I wanted from life for years. But it seems that this one thing I wanted out of this cruel life was the one thing he would never want me to ask of him. Because in his eyes, my happiness and peace are the reason for his displeasure. Why am I saying this now? Because the woman I fell in love with shielded me in front of the knife just to protect me, and now she's covered in blood. You know, there was that boy whose nose I bumped into. While Risa and I were coming from the cinema, that bastard, along with 5-10 gangster-type friends, blocked our way supposedly to teach me a lesson. Supposedly he had to take revenge on me for banging my head on his nose. Each of them tried to swoop on me like hyenas but in vain. I knocked them all down one by one.

Since I'm used to living like a wolf in this life, I'm not pathetic enough to lose my skin to 3-5 jackals or hyenas.

After quickly neutralizing those who were attacking me with sticks in their hands, only two of them were left standing. I didn't see that obsessive bastard sneak a knife while I was dealing with the other. Risa, on the other hand, must have noticed this move of the child, because Risa suddenly stepped in front of me and that bastard's knife was stuck in Risa's stomach. In my amazement at the moment this event took place, my whole world stopped. The moment you see the person who is most precious to you in your life is injured in front of your eyes, you either lose your mind or your will to live. This is exactly what I'm feeling in my heart right now. In my amazement at that moment, I looked into the eyes of that bastard and his friends who stabbed Risa. After that boy and his friends looked me in the eyes, whatever they saw me as, they ran away screaming as if they saw a monster. I don't care about any of those bastards right now. What should I do? For the first time in my life, I feel so helpless.

This is not the time for surprise, Halil. I tear off my shirt and press it where the bleeding is. I have to take him to the hospital. I lifted Risa's body with my arms and started running. I run like crazy as if there is no tomorrow as if I forget to even breathe. I run so fast that even the cars passing by make me feel like turtles against my speed. I don't know how this thing happens, but I don't really care right now. Because I can't stop, I shouldn't stop. When I reach the door of the hospital covered in blood, I scream as hard as I can.

"Someone please HELP her!"

The paramedics placed Risa on the stretcher and began to take her straight to the operating room. As soon as I saw the operating room door close, my body was so tired that my world began to turn and my eyes began to darken. I can't even move my arm. While my consciousness was shutting down due to the exhaustion of my body, I heard or seemed to hear a voice from the depths of my soul.

{Every great power has a price. Your body can't take any more of this power right now. You have to get stronger to survive. If you don't get stronger, all your loved ones will continue to suffer from it.}

I don't know who the voice belongs to, but it is clear that it belongs to an older man. Not knowing how much time had passed, I started to open my eyes after a while. I'm in the hospital bed and I have an IV pack strapped to my arm. How long have I been unconscious? No, that doesn't matter. I need to see Risa and know how she is. While I was trying to get out of bed, the nurse noticed me and intervened immediately.

"Wait, young man, what are you doing? If you push yourself this hard already, you'll stumble again."

"Forget me now! I want to see Risa."

"If you're worried about your girlfriend, calm down. She is resting in her room right now."

"So how is the current situation?"

"Do not worry! The doctor will come to you for a while. For now, stay put and rest, okay?"

I nodded, and then the nurse left the room to inform the doctor. After 10-15 minutes passed, the nurse and a middle-aged man wearing a doctor's apron entered the room and started talking to me.

"You look better now. Frankly, you scared us a little when they said you suddenly passed out in the hallway. Getting you to the hospital bed wasn't easy. You are much heavier than you look."

"I'm fine, doctor, don't worry. How is Risa? Please tell me you're fine!"

The doctor sighed and then began to speak.

"I'll be frank with you, young man. We stopped your girlfriend's bleeding. I don't know how you got her to the hospital without losing any more blood in your arms by running this fast, but good on you son. At the moment she is in good shape."

"Is it momentary? You said you stopped the bleeding. So what's the other problem?"

The doctor asked me in a meaningful way.

"Did you know that your girlfriend is sick?"

I ask in astonishment and anger.

"What, what are you saying, doctor? What disease are you talking about?"

Realizing that I was not aware of anything, the doctor nodded and said:

"Your girlfriend has cancer, young man. I guess you had no idea."

When the doctor said the word cancer, I felt like I had been punched in the throat. The words didn't want to come out of my mouth. By forcing myself, I could only say two things in a low voice as if my soul had been withdrawn.

"What, cancer?"

The doctor continued and said:

"After seeing the blood and analysis results we did after the surgery, I was almost shocked. We probably wouldn't have known if this hadn't happened."

I ask myself trying to control myself.

"So... how much time does she have left?"

The doctor sighed and said:

"We will do our best but..."

"Be honest... be honest, doctor."

"She has about 3 to 4 months left. There is no shortage, nothing more. Sorry, young man."

After what the doctor said, I lost consciousness. The last thing I heard was the sound of my head hitting the pillow. In fact, my consciousness had already begun to slowly turn off the first time I heard the word cancer. It was as if all my body systems had shut down all their perceptions.

After a few hours, I opened my eyes again. I got up from my bed and slowly made my way to the sick room where Risa was resting. When I got to the room and saw that the eyes of my love sun were crying, it was almost like a dagger was stuck in my heart. Still, I came up to her as if I didn't know anything and said:

"Why are you crying? Who upset you? Tell me! Tell me who he is so that I can swap his mouth and nose with my fist."

Risa smiles at me and makes a hush sign on my lips with her index finger. Then she continues as follows.

"Calm down, Halil. I know what you can do for me. But you ... do you know why I'm crying, Halil?"

I tilt my head down and shake my head as if I don't know at all. And I'm also asking.

"I don't know, why are you crying?"

Risa takes my hand and says:

"I know you know I have cancer, Halil. But my sadness is not because of cancer."

And again she just said with tears in her eyes.

"I wish I had the opportunity to live this life with you more and I would not let you down in life like this."

I couldn't control my heart and myself anymore and I just hugged her tight and started crying too. The woman I gave my heart to is dying in front of my eyes and I can't do anything. O treacherous and cruel world! Answer me! Isn't the cruelty you have done to me not enough? Do you see even a little happiness in my destiny too much, huh?

If you see a crying girl somewhere, your heart will definitely ache. However, if you see a man with teary eyes at a corner, know that that man's world has been destroyed and he is helpless. That's why we men bury our tears even when we are sad until despair finds us, and we cry when we reach the end of the road. So don't think that we men are emotionless beings. Because we men cry too, but we cry manly.

After the day I got that bad news, I wanted to live our last 3-4 months with her to the fullest. I didn't want her beautiful smile to disappear for a moment until she breathed her last in this life. Just to keep that smile on her face, I learned to play the guitar and sang songs to her and drew funny pictures of her, and made her laugh, even though I had no interest in the guitar. Because I wanted her to deliver her soul to Azrael with the memories that she always smiled in our short remaining time. But how helpful could I be, huh? No matter how hard I tried, it was already time for the woman I fell in love with to go from this world to the eternal realm with the Azrael. And before everything about this life came to an end, the last words she said to me were these.

"In their last breath, people always talked about their regrets in this life. But I guess I'm leaving this world without someone like them. Because my Lord has shown me many times how to be very happy with a little thing in life with a generous man like you. So a thousand thanks to the Lord for comparing me to you in life. So don't let this life turn you into someone different from the perfect man I know. Don't forget me, but don't close your heart to any girl. I am sure God will bring you the happiness you deserve in this life. Because you are ... the man ... in life ... most deserving of being loved."

After these last words, the eyelids of my rose face closed forever to this world. No ... not her eyelids, but my light of hope in the world has gone. That's why I'm asking myself angrily.

"Why do all the calamities find me? Why huh, WHY?"

After her eyelids closed, I left the room and screamed Risa's name in the hallway so loudly that my voice echoed throughout the corridors of the hospital. I can't even remember how hard the doctors and nurses tried to calm me down. For it was not my tearful eyes that cried, but my heart, which was burning like hellfire.

My psyche was shattered traumatically because of the nervous breakdown I had after Risa's funeral. That's why I left the school with a petition I submitted to the school administration and came back to Istanbul, the city I came from Germany. After I arrived in Istanbul, I devoted myself to sports for two years because of the anger I felt at myself. Sit-ups, push-ups, pull-ups, weightlifting, boxing... whatever sports I can do. 10, 100, 1000 ... I stopped counting how many times I did it.

I thought it would put my mind at ease, but it just didn't work. The huge city of Istanbul was starting to feel tight to me. It was almost as if I couldn't breathe and taste this city. I wanted to get away from this city. I wanted to go far, far away, to the other side of the world. While I was wrestling with these thoughts, I suddenly saw a school advertisement on the Internet that looked exactly like this.

"Are you confident in your abilities and yourself? Exam scores are not enough to describe me, do you believe you are more than that? Then you are invited to Japan, to Kuoh Academy. Apply now and have an incredible educational experience. We also have scholarship opportunities."

Japan, huh. The country on the other side of the world. It was as if my Lord had heard about me and had sent me this announcement. When the opportunity came to me, I applied to the school without waiting and was accepted very soon.

"I'm a man with nothing left to lose anyway. At least I will have finished my unfinished high school education. From now on, whatever comes from my Lord is my acceptance."

I, the person who said these things, was unaware of how this choice would actually change my future and my destiny. Let me introduce myself again! I'm Halil Bozkurt. This is the story of my heroism and love that will become a source of hope for all races in the future, while I have just lost my glimmer of hope.